This Month & Beyond

Natalie, who was killed back in August in a tragic skydiving accident, learns that she must return to Earth on a "mission."  While Jen is unpacking a new shipment of XXX videos for her store, the shelves above her collapse.  She shouts, "Oh ma gawd!", but is buried in a pile of porn videos.  God, hearing her cry for help, informs Natalie that this is her chance --- she must take over Jen's body now.  Jen takes Natalie's place in heaven, while Natalie takes over Jen's body.  Upon rescuing "Jen" from the pile of porn, Rex & Renee mention that she suddenly seems to have talent.  Michael Malone states, "We call this storyline: 'Good Writing Can Wait.'"

To commemorate what a "wonderful" person Al Holden was, a series of events are planned in Llanview. Wanting to finish off what Al had started, River decides to finish burning down Jen's house.  All the college students from Llanview University also rent wheelchairs, and roll around town pretending they're disabled.  When Marcie learns of his past behavior, she honors Al as well by repeatedly punching and swearing at an ATM machine.

When River gets arrested for arson, many Llanview residents, all of whom are hearing impaired, become confused as to why the "Spirit of the Night" stops airing.  Jack Manning, who was also best friends with Al, takes over the airwaves, calling himself the "Phantom of the Night."  Unfortunately, his music selections all come from Barney's Greatest Hits.

Commissioner Honky somehow figures out that Daniel was, in fact, murdered.  She learns through witness accounts that Jen was the one who shot him.  However, when Honky goes to arrest "Jen", Jen informs her that she is no longer Jen, but Natalie.  When Honky doesn't believe her, Natalie mentions moments they shared while growing up together.  Because of this, Honky decides that "Jen" must really be Natalie.

Honky rushes home to tell Viki that Natalie is alive.  When she recounts the stories Natalie told her, Viki smacks Honky across the head, reminding her that, although she just took over the role this year, she should know that she and Natalie never grew up together.  Honky goes back to find Natalie, forgetting that Natalie now looks like Jen.  Not being able to find her, Honky decides it's time to go back and have hot JAVA love with Antonio.  Antonio, having heard the prior events from Natalie, decides he's going to play a trick on Honky.  In the middle of love making, he says, "I'm not Antonio; I'm Cristian."  Honky replies, "I don't give a rat's ass who you are.  I'm white; you're Hispanic.  That's all that matters to these idiots who love us together, so get your HOT Hispanic ass in bed now."  Malone adds, "We call this storyline: 'A Giant Clusterf*ck.'"

A serial killer arrives in Llanview, killing anyone with more than one wrinkle on their face.  He becomes referred to as the "Jack-in-the-Box" killer, for his love of youth, and because he leaves a jack-in-the-box at each of the crime scenes.  Commissioner Honky arrives at the first crime scene, that of one Lindsay Rappaport, but becomes too engrossed in how the jack-in-the-box works to bother investigating the case.  She wanders around town singing, "Pop Goes the Weasel!" until Viki pops her in the face, knocking her out cold.

Don't miss the special Thanksgiving episode of One Life to Live, in which every 30+ year-old cast member who still has a job thanks God for it.  Josh Griffith explains, "This is the day I've been promising --- the day we make Viki happy."  While Viki, her kids, and Sy Sperling are having dinner together at home, however, the Jack-in-the-box killer lurks in the house, killing Lois, Viki's longtime maid.

Wait.  How does this make Viki happy?  According to Griffith, "Viki never really liked the bitch anyway."