1. Expand in consciousness -- be ready to accept anything new, unless you're sitting on the toilet having a bowel movement and your rectum is bleeding.
2. Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did to you has not occured. At least that's what you'll make him think until you extract his wisdom teeth with a crow bar and a blow torch.
3.) Once again, expand in consciousness -- be ready to accept anything new, at any time, even if it's an oozing glob of toe cheese that's whirling towards your face at a gazillion times the speed of light.
4. There's no way of knowing what life will expect from you, but you can be sure of one thing: it's gonna hurt real bad.
5. Life is either a daring adventure, or a series of sexual failures with lovers who get Clearacil on the pillowcase. (Dedicated to Bill Clinton)
6. Learn to burn the "scandal" at both ends, and if this means making your own bed, learn to lie out of it. (Also dedicated to Bill Clinton)
7. Change is never a loss -- it is only a subtle message from the Universe that you're so friggin' stupid that they had to find someone else to do the job right.
8. A loving person lives in a loving world. If you're a hostile person, kick the living crud out of such hopeless pansies.
9. Yesterday is but today's memory, and tomorrow is yet another opportunity to prove to the Universe that you're nothing but a stupid jerk.
(Bonus Insight) Get a tattoo that says "Luv DAVE" placed on your ass.
