Yes, it's true. I just spent a most delightful evening channeling Michael. One of my goals during the session was to clear up some of the misconceptions that I felt had been misrepresented by Jane Robert's filtering and personal bias in regards to her now famous Seth material. I think many of you will find the results both startling, and yet quite conclusive.
Apparently two Sethian concepts have been grossly misinterpreted due to Jane's distortion of the channeling, so I have provided the necessary translation below.
1. "You Create Your Own Reality." WHAT SETH REALLY MEANT = You Create Your Own Mortality - Yes, it's true. According to Michael, in a past life, Seth was a mortician. Being the fiendishly clever entrepreneur that he was, he created a philosophy that told of an after life so that he could encourage more people to "kick the bucket" earlier, thus increasing his business, and most importantly, his profit margin.
2. "There Are No Victims." WHAT SETH REALLY MEANT =There Are No Rectums! - According to Michael, this probably stems from Seth's previous incarnations when he was incarcerated in a prison. Notice the similarity between the terms "incarnation" and "incarcerated." Yes, Seth was once a fair, young lad, and during those instances when the prison inmates were denied their TV privileges, he was VERY popular indeed. I suppose one now understands that Seth's immortal phrase was not a proclamation, but a fervent desire. "God, take away my rectum! Please! Let there be NO rectums!"
For the last part of my session with Michael, I did a question and answer segment.
DAVE - Michael, could you tell me the secret to true love?
MICHAEL - Yes, I can. Learn from the lessons of your leaders. Avoid lovers who
get clearicil on the pillowcase.
DAVE - Michael, what are the signs that our life is finished on the physical
plane?
MICHAEL - There are three such signs. 1) Strange voices urge you to build a
coffin.
2) Men in white suits with oxygen masks arrive at your door and ask if you
have next of kin. 3) The inside of your mouth tastes like the contents of
your cat's litter box.
DAVE - Michael, I know that violence is not condoned, but is there ever
justification for suicide?
MICHAEL - Only if you awake from a deep sleep and there are hickies on your neck
and a crumpled note on your chest from Richard Simmons that says, "Thanks!
It was truly something special."
DAVE - Michael, what is the meaning of life?
MICHAEL - The meaning of life is the systematic elimination of middle-aged women
in spangled bikinis. But a close second would be to put a roll of Lifesavers
in your pocket and be glad to see EVERYONE.
DAVE - Michael, are a person's needs so great that it is justified to dismiss
the
emotions and feelings of another?
MICHAEL - Hey, fuck you, Dave!
DAVE - Michael, can you tell me what you are studying now?
MICHAEL - Yes, wise grasshopper. I am observing the philosophical ramifications
of cream cheese on toasted bagels.
DAVE - Michael, without looking, can you tell me what might be hidden in my beard
at the moment?
MICHAEL - Hmmmm....a couple of drool biscuits, a broken water weenie, the recipe
for New Coke, Elvis, all the Crisco you can eat, lots of toe cheese, and a
mysterious green pod. Oh...wait a minute. Is that Monica Lewinsky in there?
DAVE - Michael, one final question. What do you intend to explore in the
future?
MICHAEL - I would like to document the new discoveries found on a Denny's menu.
DAVE - Thank you, Michael. I must say that I feel blessed to have channeled such
revealing, and NEW insights.
MICHAEL - My pleasure, Dave. Perhaps next time I'll show you how much fun we
have on the causal plane by relating how we enjoy listening to Slim Whitman tapes while
yodeling naked.
DAVE - Uh....er.....right. ;-p
