If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he
homeless or naked?
Should Vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Do you find it a bit unnerving doctors call what they do
practice?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself,
is it considered a hostage situation?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the
Special Olympics?
When will a building actually become a built?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't
drink and drive?
If you wear a sheet for halloween are you a ghost or a mattress ?
if you choke a smurf what color does it turn?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
What is the speed of dark?
When you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?
If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of
earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
What's another word for synonym?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself,
is it considered a hostage situation?
When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket
signs?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers
aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
How can there be self-help groups?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't
drink and drive?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is
prohibited here?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a
shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called
cargo?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Where are Preparations A through G?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to
throw the top one away?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder
why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
What happened to the first 6 "ups"?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
My school colors were "clear."
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up
letter.
I'm taking Lamaze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having
trouble breathing.
My girlfriend is weird. She asked me, "If you could know how
and when you were going to die, would you want to know?" I
said, "No." She said, "Okay, then forget it."
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was
going to be gone. I said, "The whole time."
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the
shore like an idiot.
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked,
"Tell me about some of the people who were here last
year."
What a nice night for an evening.
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's
dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I
said, "The middle of August? Cool!"
Can Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?
I just got skylights put in my place. The
people who live above me are furious.
I live on a one-way dead-end street.
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room
temperature.
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said,
"No thanks - I'm not going that far."
I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime
who lives next door complained.
Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a
woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.