I have had the opportunity to know Sean quite well over the years. My wife and I live across the street from he and his family, all of whom are lovely, lovely people. We baby sat for the family when the kids were younger, and all three of the Quigley boys were well-mannered intelligent kids who had clearly been raised the right way. Sean was also a member of the local YMCA summer swim team, of which I was the coach. I was able to coach him (and watch him develop as an athlete) from the time he was eight. Additionally, as I said, he lived in our neighborhood and was always around and about. In the summers he'd bring his friends over to swim in our pool. He was also a student in the religious education (i.e. CCD) class I teach at the local church. This past year I was HONORED to have been able to been his social studies teacher. So, I knew Sean quite well. There are so many things I could remember about him, like the nickname he came up with for himself, Seen. Or the time the two of us were musing about random things at practice (as we were apt to do) and he decided that we were both "misunderstood geniuses." However, for the purpose of this website, I'll stick to how his terrible story relates to Wicked.
Sean loved all things related to The Wizard of Oz. The movie had always fascinated him. When I decided to stage the show last year as our spring show, he was overjoyed. He played the part of the Ozian Guard, and had so much fun doing so. He had received tickets to Wicked as a Christmas present from his parents, to see the show in February. I know he was excited, as he mentioned it almost every day.
Tragically, Sean will never get to see Wicked or any other musical. On January 11, when his parents came in to his room to wake him up for church, Sean was found hanging in his own closet, having taken his own life the night before. My wife and I found out what happened as we ourselves were getting to leave for church, and noticed the scene across the street. We of course went right over, but it was too late. The days that followed were some of the toughest, saddest days I've spent on this Earth. His poor parents, such wonderful people, having to deal with this void in their lives. His brothers, who have lost the youngest, and all his friends at school. Whether Sean believed it or not, he touched the lives of many, many people.
I am telling Sean's story today in hopes that will inspire all of you who read it. Please remember, suicide is not the answer to any problem. It's a permanent solution to what is surely a temporary problem. There is nothing more permanent than death. If you can imagine the effect suicide can have on an entire town, you'll imagine our town. Everyone is devastated by this terrible void in our lives now. We see grim reminders of his absence every day. Everytime I walk into my classroom, I stare at his empty desk. Everytime I go to enter a grade in my gradebook, I'll see his name. This summer, every day at practice I'll think of him. And it's even worse for his family. Everytime they sit down to eat, they'll see his empty chair. The point of all this is, suicide harms so many people, both physically and emotionally, that it's just not worth it. If you're feeling suicidal, please call someone, anyone. Talk. You'll be amazed how much better you feel.
My second point is this. I'd like to warn everyone how quickly feelings of hopelessness can come on. Sean was by no means a withdrawn, depressed teenager. He was exactly the opposite. He had a large support group of family and friends, and looking at him you'd never know anything was wrong. Please be mindful of the sudden onset of these feelings, and do something about them. Get help.
Thirdly, I'm sure many of you remember your middle school days without much fondness. I know I do, which is why I decided to teach in a middle school. Sean had plenty of friends, but he was also picked on a lot too. Kids pushed him around, taunted him, even called him gay. He brushed off the taunts, but believe me, even if it doesn't seem to affect people, it does on the inside. I know he felt angered by getting made fun of, he just pretended it didn't bother him. Please everyone, think carefully about the words you use.
The week after Sean's death was one of the was emotionally taxing of my life. Hundreds of people waited two hours in the deep freeze to get a chance to express condolences at his wake. The fire marshalls had to come to his funeral because the church was packed over capacity, and the occupancy would have been unsafe in the event of a fire. So, people stood on the lawn, again in the deep freeze, and watched his Catholic burial mass on TV monitors. The area surrounding his grave is covered in flowers, so much so that you can't even see his tombstone. Stephen Schwartz's "For Good" was able to provide us with some comfort, however. We played the song at the wake, and again at the funeral, after the eulogy. It's words expressed so perfectly how so many of us felt in that terribly sad time.
I'd like to conclude this lengthy message by thanking everyone for their prayers and kind words. I'd also like to ask anyone reading this who may be contemplating suicide to stop and think about how it will affect everyone else in your life. Finally, I make a plea for use of careful words. The next time you want to say something that may hurt another person, think about Sean.
RIP SEAN MICHAEL QUIGLEY 10/1/89-1/10-04. Gone, but certainly not forgotten.
We miss you, Sean.
~Adam Greer