GYC:forferalchildren
10/21/08: shaved, dripping honey, licking the wind.

you abandon people

Many dubious and troublesome things are still in store for me. What I used to love, I love no longer. But I lie: I love it still, but less passionately. Again have I lied: I love it, but more timidly, more sadly. Now at last I have told the truth; for thus it is: I love, but what I should love not to love, what I should wish to hate. Nevertheless I love it, but against my will, under compulsion and in sorrow and mourning. To my own misfortune I experience in myself now the meaning of that most famous line: "Hate I shall, if I can; if I can't, I shall love though not willing." The third year has not yet elapsed since that perverted and malicious will, which had totally seized me and reigned in the court of my heart without an opponent, began to encounter a rebel offering resistance. A stubborn and still undecided battle has long been raging on the field of my thoughts for the supremacy of one of the two men within me
That is why. For those of you who were kind and generous to my formerly beautiful past – incidentally, the end of that particular Heaven – my deepest and most sincere regrets. I can of course point to almost the most perfect life I could have ever imagined – the corollary of that, naturally, is that being cast out of Paradise is so utterly devastating as to leave an endlessly twilite present, just as the sunshine of the future recedes slowly and tantalizingly away, creeping over the distant horizon with every sip of the poison known as depression.
So wx5 continue?
Because I can write with as exceptional a lightning-clad beauty as a golden rod adorned log. Because after the fall from Heaven, all a man can do is exercise his indomitable will over the place in which he lands, going out with awareness and dignity and grace and poise(jk). To invent himself, to become something unimproved and devolved and – most importantly – unassailable. man forges ahead, rejecting the thirst for answers, argument and recidivism that hold him back, keeps him mired in a vale of woe without end. yet revenge-by-failure is a fairy-tale at best - Yes, there was betrayal. Yes, there was the murder of love by the slow poison of passive-aggression. But a man remains a world unto himself – and as such has a duty to the world at-large not to die
heartache eventually turns to leg-ache.
Survival Supply Check List Don't get caught with your pants down! TRY TO ALWAYS HAVE UP TO DATE AND IN ONE PLACE READY TO MOBILIZE! Heavy canvas ruck sack with frame. Sturdy quality knife sharpening wet stone Multitool radio and headphones / tea candles headlamp machete shoes space blanket skives socks flint – safety matches lighter High quality needles dental floss and thread. Leather/ denim/ material maps and atlases for navigating escape or battle Fishhook w/ line – food previsions and rations Water tarp Nylon rope water sterilizing tabs / band aids/ band aid wraps and tape/ surgical blades/ crazy glue for deep wounds/ benidine/ isopro alcohol / antibiotic cream/ Journals/ books/ sketch books/ pencils/ pen’s/ paint, spray paint, brushes /any kind of cameras/ musical instruments are important
im on the roof .
i was glad of the progress i had made but i had wept over my imperfection and was grieved by the fickleness of all that men do.