The
Secret to a Happy Marriage
Last
week two women in the office were discussing "how one knows he's
the 'right one.'" As I listened, it became painfully clear that
they believed in the modern myth that "finding the right one"
insures a happy marriage, a "happy ending," and an easy happiness
to bootthat nothing else is required.
I
was compelled to say something.
"The
secret to a happy marriage is not simply finding the 'right person.'
The secret to a happy marriage is laying down your life, even unto death,
for the 'right person!'"
The
two women looked at me a long moment, as if the ring of truth registered.
But then they realized I spoke of sacrifice and trials rather than romance
and magic. And just that quickly, they dismissed it. Or at least, this
was my impression. It amazes me what people are willing to believe to
avoid sacrifice. It amazes me how much heartache they bring on themselves
in a vain attempt to avoid sacrifice.
As
usual, we want the Resurrection without the Passion, even though Christ
tells us that we must take up our cross to follow Him. Is it any wonder
our society is in such a mess? The family, the very bedrock of civilization,
is based on a foolish myth rather than the Christian marriage God intended
it to be based on.
Another
time, while taking a college class, a woman ridiculed the notion that
a celibate priest could in any way prepare a couple for marriage. She
utterly flabbergasted me though when she went on to suggest that it
would be more profitable to have a prostitute prepare them for marriage!
"You
may want a whore teaching your children about love, but I sure as hell
would rather have a priest teach them about love!"
Yes,
not one of my more diplomatic moments. However, to me her comment was
outrageous and my response cut to the heart of her error. Marriage is
about love, selfless love; it is far, FAR more about sacrificial love
than about sex! It is in this light that Christ is the bridegroom who
lays down His life for His bride, the Church. It is in this light that
a good priest is preeminently qualified to teach about marriage and
the true nature of marriage as God intended it, about love and sacrifice
for ones beloved!
Scott
Hahn in various books and tapes (including the "Our Father's Plan"
video series) argues that the first husband's unwillingness to lay down
his life for his wife brought about the fall of humanity! He quite convincingly
argues that the snake was more accurately a "dragon" and that
Adam feared him. While the dragon tempted Eve, Adam stood right there
and did nothing. His cue to be a true man, to stand up to the dragon
to protect his wife and to address the disrespect shown the Heavenly
Father, came and went! He refused to risk his life, to lay down his
life, for his wife and Heavenly Father. This was his fall; eating the
fruit was almost an anti-sacrament sealing the fact (my interpretation).
Hahn,
like the Church fathers, bases such arguments concerning the Old Testament
on the revelation found in the New Testament. Adam reveals what went
wrong, Jesus reveals what went right. Jesus, the Second Adam, laid down
His life for His bride, the Church, and for love of the Heavenly Father.
It is quite obvious that Adam and most of the sons of Adam get it wrong
because they do not lay down their lives for their wives or their Heavenly
Father!
This
unwillingness to sacrifice, to love as God loves, is the root of all
the problems in our society. The more abundant life of Christ within
the Church and society as a whole will be realized only when the sons
of Adam and the daughters of Eve follow Jesus' example and willingly
lay down their lives for their spouses, for their families, and for
their God.
-VW
Malzahn
Another
Example of the "Right One" Myth
Two
single women once asked me when I knew for sure Vince was "the
right one." Before they asked me this question, they were discussing
how they would know if they'd met the "right one." Of course,
they envisioned endless romance and gifts; the quintessential fairy
tale. I'll admit that I bought into that silly notion myself at one
time when I was younger. It is, after all, what great movies are all
about. I soon came to realize that real life is different and that real
love isn't about unyielding romance. I told the women that I realized
my husband was the "right one" after we experienced infertility
and a miscarriage. Those were two extremely challenging and emotional
trials in our marriage, and without a strong foundation and our belief
in God we might not have made it. Fortunately, we grew stronger and
closer as a result of what we went through, and that was when I knew
that I'd found the person that God had chosen for me to be with forever.
The women acknowledged that what I'd told them was positive, but I couldn't
mistake the look of disappointment on their faces. It definitely wasn't
the fairy tale ending they'd expected.
-Frances
Malzahn
Friends
of the Paladins:
Catholics
United for the Faith
Time
to put it back in the bottle and throw it!
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