Waiting until marriage to have sex is the best way to enjoy life as God intended. There are good reasons behind God’s instruction which improves relationship building and also safeguards our physical, mental and spiritual health. Avoiding sex before marriage is possible by seeking out the strength of Christ.

This article has been written by several Christian Protestant Evangelicals - John Kidson (Dip. Theology/Ministry, Australian College of Theology; B. Counselling, UNE), Simon Rose and Rebecca Martin.

God has given us many things richly to enjoy and some guidelines as well. He has defined some areas as ‘no go zones’ as far as our behaviour is concerned. Essentially all God’s rules are for our benefit. Nowhere is this more clearly seen than in the way he has given one of his greatest gifts: human sexuality.

This is a ‘relational’ gift: ideally one woman and one man relate for life in all ways and not least at the sexual level. New humans are formed by a couple’s relating and their relationship sustains and enriches the whole of their lives. The Bible is quite clear about aspects that need to be part of such a relationship and just as clear about what should not be included. Commitment, faithfulness and the general potential for children rank as high positives. Aggression, lust and promiscuousness are all strong negatives.

Abstinence from sex until marriage is key for building an intimate and long lasting relationship. It draws two people closer together emotionally and is a special time when each person can spend time getting to know one another. The desire to avoid sex before marriage encourages self control which ultimately demonstrates trust to a partner. In turn this trust allows vulnerability towards each other producing a fruitful and intimate relationship.

A relationship with a regular pattern of worldly lust draws attention away from a true and deep relationship because lust is selfish. A truly satisfying relationship is expressed where one is mindful of the other in selfless thought and action. Lust is harmful because it seeks objects of desire to please oneself first and often without regard to the consequences. Promiscuity is part of lust, that degrades trust because it lacks self control and tends to view sex and people more casually. Sex is a sacred and beautiful part of marriage, and shouldn’t be seen as a casual act to satisfy superficial desires and insecurities.

Sex allows a couple to become like one person, they are joined together to stay together. God designed sex exclusively for a married couple as the following Bible verses reveal.

In Proverbs 5.15-17 from the Bible it says, ‘You should be faithful to your wife, just as you take water from your own well. And don’t be like a stream from which just any woman can have a drink. Save yourself for your wife and don’t have sex with other women‘.

Here we see that sex is reserved for marriage and that the married couple would have an intimate relationship because they share a level of relating that exists with no other person apart from their spouse (marriage partner). Sex defines marriage and to have sex with someone other than the spouse would be adultery (cheating on the spouse). Sex gives meaning to the marriage because limiting sex to one partner, which is the spouse, expresses commitment and encourages the couple to invest emotionally in each other because they know they will remain together until death parts them.

In 1 Corinthians 6.15-16 from the Bible it says, ‘Don’t you know that your bodies are part of the body of Christ? Is it right for me to join part of the body of Christ to a prostitute? No, it isn’t! Don’t you know that a man who does that becomes part of her body? The Scriptures say, “The two of them will be like one person”‘.

It’s obvious that one should avoid having sex with a prostitute, but is it because she is called a prostitute or because of the acts that are carried out? A prostitute is known for having sex with more than one person without any strings attached, and more specifically commitment is not a prerequisite for sex. There is no condition for a prostitute to be committed to one person now or in the future, doing so would hinder their profession. To have sex before marriage would be like having sex with a prostitute in the sense that there is no commitment involved.

Christ loves and died for all of us so that we can receive God’s grace and the gift of eternal life. There is no distinction between prostitutes or law abiding citizens or people that hold a higher social status in this case. The purpose of 1 Corinthians 6.15-16 is not so much to pick on prostitutes, but to talk about their actions as an example of sexual immorality, in which all people, and not just prostitutes, experience temptation to sin (or do things their own way, instead of God’s way).

In Mark 10.6-9 from the Bible it says, '… in the beginning God made a man and a woman. That's why a man leaves his father and mother and gets married. He becomes like one person with his wife. Then they are no longer two people, but one. And no one should separate a couple that God has joined together'.

When two people become like one person through sex, they are joined together with the purpose of not separating. Sex is only ever for the marriage partner.

From Proverbs 5.15-17 we see that sex is saved for marriage, from Corinthians 6.15-16 we see that sex in marriage has a purpose because it joins two people together, and from Mark 10.6-9 we see how sacred sex and marriage are because God designed these to join a couple with no point of separation.

Marriage is the way of declaring to God, yourself, your partner and your friends and family that you will remain with your partner until the end of your short life in this world. Marriage involves two people committing their vow to God (spiritual commitment), willingly committing themselves to each other until one dies (emotional commitment) and joining together as one in the act of sex (physical commitment).