Compiled by: Engineer Solacar

Almighty Allah says: And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing. (Holy Qur'an 24:32) And do not marry the idolatresses until they believe, and certainly a believing maid is better than an idolatress woman, even though she should please you; and do not give (believing women) in marriage to idolaters until they believe, and certainly a believing servant is better than an idolater, even though he should please you; these invite to the fire, and Allah invites to the garden and to forgiveness by His will, and makes clear His communications to men, that they may be mindful. (Holy Qur'an 2:221) O you men! surely We have created you of a male and a female, and made you tribes and families that you may know each other; surely the most honorable of you with Allah is the one among you most careful (of his duty); surely Allah is Knowing, Aware. (Holy Qur'an 49:13)

The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.) said: If someone of good character and conduct proposes to your daughters, marry them. If you do not, there will be mischief and great corruption on Earth. (Kulayni and Tirmidhi) Whoever marries a woman for her glory, Allah will not increase his, but will bring him humiliation; whoever marries her for her wealth, Allah will not increase his, but place him in poverty; whoever marries her for ancestral claims, Allah will not increase his, but in meanness; whoever marries a woman for nothing but to cast down his eyes, guard his private parts, and to establish a relationship, Allah will bless him through her and vice versa. (Al-Targhib wa al-Tarhib) Women were married for four reasons: for their wealth, their status, their beauty and their religion, and that the good Muslims were the ones who married women because of their faith. (Muslim) Get the one who is religious and prosper. (Bukhari) Read the story of Jowaibir and Zalfa <../stories/anecdotes1.asp>

The Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "A thankful tongue, a soft-hearted wife is a friend of yours in religion.'' These are the qualities that Islam desires in a woman who shall nurture the future generations of mankind towards an Islamic society. Sociologists all over the world are laying more and more stress on the importance of family life, as opposed to what goes on in the West, where 5 out of 10 marriages end in divorce, where 60% of divorced women are prone to suicide, and almost every separated family has a history of a delinquent child.

As a maintainer of woman, the man has been deemed responsible for managing the day-to-day affairs outside the house, striving to earn, a livelihood. Woman has been given complete charge of the house, responsible for rearing the children and managing the home. This division of management is not in any way derogatory to the honor of woman; she is not the man's slave, but his equal. In all its wisdom, Islam has allotted different sets of duties to men and women because of their different physical and mental attributes. Man is physically better suited to rough it out in the harsh world, and, due to her physical and emotional make up, woman is more suitable to manage the house. A woman is more self-sufficient in household affairs and better shoulders the responsibility of rearing the children. This arrangement guarantees the continuation and the formation of a society complementing religion. This is a great trial and test for man and woman. Very rarely do we find a family like that of Imam Ali (A.S.), which contains a Fatima Zahra (S.A.), Hassan (A.S.), Hussain (A.S.), Zainab (S.A.) and Kulsum (S.A.).

The Holy Qur'an states: "They (wives) are an apparel for you, and you are an apparel for them." (2:187) What the Qur'an is stating is clear - besides covering the body, apparel protects the body from the vagaries of nature, enhancing one's personal beauty. Man and wife should complement each other, and as Imam Ali (A.S.) has said, "Like a dress, a worthy wife will conceal one's fault." Whether a man or a woman has an ideological or moral weakness, they will hide one another's faults. Almighty Allah has compared man and wife with apparel, because by their unity they cover up their natural shortcomings, and their union protects them from the miseries of living alone.

Imam Sadiq (A.S.) said, "Be careful of the woman you choose, the woman you will make a partner in your property, religion and secrets. Find a woman who is well behaved and good tempered." Our Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "The honored woman before Allah are those who are obedient to their husbands and remain within the boundaries of their homes." Although the Prophet (S.A.W.) is stressing one of the most important rights a man has over his wife, the present day Muslim wife has been given other rights besides the right to raise her voice against tyranny and cruelty. The garb of hijab, or modest dress, grants the woman her independence, the right to educate herself and to participate in social activity.

The divine psychologist, the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.), told his daughter Bibi Fatima (S.A.), "O Fatima! If a woman worshipped Allah 70,000 years and died disobeying her husband, she would be among the people of Hell." There are similar sayings, which remind husbands to fulfill their duties towards their wives. A woman is not a man's slave; she is his equal. In order that the family union be a peaceful and Islamic one, the man's authority is not based on tyranny or fear, but love and mercy, as the Holy Qur'an says: "And made him her spouse, so that he may rest in her." If there is a family which has its foundations on hatred, tyranny and fear, the family would come crashing down, but in an Islamic family, peace, tranquility and love prevail. After a hard day's toil and labor, a man wants to come home to a cheerful wife who fills his home and life with peace and happiness; not to a house filled with hatred, bickering and nagging.

The Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "There are five things which bring salvation: (1) a worthy wife; (2) a well-behaved son; (3) a well-behaved daughter; (4) a good companion to help for one's daily bread; and (5) friendship with the descendants of the Prophet (S.A.W.). The Prophet (S.A.W.) has equated a worthy wife with the friendship of the Aal-e-Rasul. In this we see that if she is homely and cheerful, the wife is a perfect partner for a man who is committed to build an Islamic family. According to Imam Musa Kazim (A.S.), the wife is instrumental in the training of children - therefore she is a means of strengthening faith.

Imam Ali (A.S.) said, "[In marriage] the best attributes in women are the worst attributes in men - such as pride, fear, and jealousy. If a woman is proud, she will never yield to anyone other than her husband. If she lacks courage, she will be frightened by any kind of accident. If she is jealous, she will safeguard her husband's property." A truly Islamic wife is one who considers her husband's income as the best in the whole world, and runs the house within her budget and limits. Allah, the All-Knowing, has promised many eternal rewards to the wife for her domestic chores. And the Prophet (S.A.W.) said. "If, while cooking food, tears come out of her eyes due to smoke, Allah will write a reward for her such as the reward of those warriors (in the way of Allah) whose eyes shed tears from the fear of Allah." Thus, we see that if man and woman, who are bound by matrimony, perform their duties and remain within the framework assigned to them by Islam, then family life would be smooth and peaceful. Elahi Ameen.

Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) says: When a person intends to send a proposal for marriage, he must pray two Rakat prayers, praise Allah and recite the following invocation: Transliteration: Bismillah hir Rah'maanir Rah'eem. Allaahumma inni oreedo an atazawwaja faqaddirli minannisaa-e- a-'affahunna farjawn wa ah'faz'ahunna li fi nafseha wa maali wa aw sa-a'-hunna li rizqan wa a'-z'amahunna li barakatan fi nafseha wa maali anna atroko faqaddirli minha waladan t'ayyaban taj-a'lahu khalafan s'aaleh'an fi h'ayaati wa ba'da mauti. Translation: In the name of Allah the Beneficent, the Merciful. O Allah! I intend to marry. Therefore destine for me the most chaste of women and one who would, for my sake, guard herself and my property. Who shall be most auspicious for increase in sustenance and bounties. Then from her womb bestow a pure son who would be my sweet reminiscence in my life and after my death.

01. INTRODUCTION:

A. Who needs this book? This book is compiled for those intending to marry in the near future or the newly married people. In this short Handbook we have tried to put things in a nutshell. It is recommended to do a detailed reading of other books on Marriage, references of which are given at the end of this book.

B. Why do we need to know the rules? It is the duty of every Muslim to follow the Islamic laws not only in matters of prayers and fasting but also in all his actions. Islam has well defined rules about marriage and sex too. So if you want to follow Islam fully, then you must know the Islamic rules and regulations governing married life. Islam has never repressed the natural feelings of human beings but provides rules, which are divine. This will not only enable you to be faithful to your religion but would also shield you from the barrage of Sex literature that portrays this natural instinct as one that must be left uncontrolled . Western sexual morality permits many things that are prohibited in Islam. The reason for the prohibition of certain actions is not to act as an infringement of an individual's freedom but because Islam is concerned not only with your physical well being but also your spiritual enhancement. Moreover, we can see the degradation of society where absolute sexual freedom prevails.

C. Main Objective of the book. The commencement of a new life takes place through marriage. If Islamic rules are known and followed, the child born will be chaste. Insha Allah, our progeny can then be capable of being the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) and his holy Ahlul-Bayt (a.s.) followers.

The Holy Quran says: And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing. (Surah Nur 24:32)

The above ayat begins with the words Wa Ankehoo (And marry ...) The imperative form of the word 'nikah' implies that either it is obligatory or highly recommended. According to scholars, though marriage is a highly recommended act, it becomes obligatory when there is a chance of falling into sin.

The Prophet says, "No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage." On another occasion the Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "The best people of my nation (Ummat) are those who get married and have chosen their wives, and the worst people of my nation are those who have kept away from marriage and are passing their lives as bachelors." Imam Ali (a.s.) exhorts, "Marry, because marriage is the tradition of the Prophet." The Prophet (s.a.w.) also said, "Whosoever likes to follow my tradition, then he should know that marriage is from my tradition."

A. Importance of sex in marriage. In Islam, marriage is not restricted to a platonic relationship between husband and wife, nor is it solely for procreation. The Islamic term for marriage, "Nikah" literally means sexual intercourse. So why has Islam provided extensive rules and regulation regarding sex? This was because Islam has fully understood that sexual instincts cannot and must not be repressed. They can only be regulated for the well being of human beings in this life and for their success in the hereafter. Sex in married life has been openly recommended in Qur'an, "When they [i.e., the wives] have cleansed themselves [after menstruation], you go into them as Allah has commanded." (Surah Baqarah 2:222)

B. Fulfillment of Sexual Urge. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) and the Holy Imams (a.s.) also encouraged their followers to marry and to fulfill their sexual urges in lawful ways as can be seen. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) said, "O you young men! I recommend marriage to you." Imam Reza (a.s.) said, "Three things are from the traditions of the messengers of God: using perfume, removing the [excessive] hair and visiting one's wife."

C. Celibacy and Monasticism is Forbidden. Islam is totally opposed to monasticism and celibacy. Uthman bin Maz'un was a close companion of the Prophet. One day his wife came to the Prophet and complained, "O Messenger of God! Uthman fasts during the day and stands for prayers during the night." In other words, she meant to say that her husband was avoiding sexual relations during the night as well as the day. The Prophet was angered. He did not even wait to put on his slippers. He went to Uthman's house and found him praying. When Uthman finished his prayers and turned towards the Prophet, he said, "O Uthman! Allah did not send me for monasticism, rather He sent me with a simple and straight [Shariah]. I fast, pray and also have intimate relations with my wife. So whosoever likes my tradition, then he should follow it; and marriage is one of my traditions."

D. Beneficial Effects of a Married Life. Various studies prove that married people remain healthier, physically and mentally. Islam has always maintained that marriage is beneficial for us in many ways. Islam also regards marriage as a way to acquire spiritual perfection. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said, "One who marries, has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half." How true! A person who fulfills his sexual urges lawfully would rarely be distracted in spiritual pursuits.

E. Marriage enhances the value of prayers. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said, "Two rak 'ats (cycles) prayed by a married person are better than the night-vigil and the fast of a single person." A woman came to the Prophet (s.a.w.) and said that she had tried everything to attract her husband but in vain; he does not leave his meditation to pay any attention to her. The Prophet (s.a.w.) told her to inform her husband about the reward of sexual intercourse, which he described as follows: "When a man approaches his wife, he is guarded by two angels and [at that moment in Allah's views] he is like a warrior fighting for the cause of Allah. When he has intercourse with her, his sins fall like the leaves of the tree [in fall season]. When he performs the major ablution, he is cleansed from sins."

F. Marriage increases Sustenance. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) remarked, "Give spouses to your single ones, because Allah makes their morality better (improves it) (under the shadow of marriage) and expands their sustenance and increases their generosity (human values)".

03. WHEN MUST WE MARRY?

The proper time and age of marrying is when the individual reaches sexual as well as mental maturity. Mental maturity may mean the capability of establishing a cordial family life and the ability to fulfill rights of family members.The need of a spouse and family is a natural and instinctive need, which Allah through His Wisdom has placed in human beings and is awakened at its particular time and season, and makes its demand. If it is answered on time and its requirement fulfilled, it traverses its natural course and makes the person perfect. If it is delayed or answered in an incorrect and unnatural mode, it deviates from its natural course, and in surges and rebels, and not only becomes corrupt itself, but also corrupts the man.

Who is eligible to marry? For man to become eligible for taking a woman's hand in marriage, Islam has several recommendations. According to Islamic laws, when a boy attains the age of fifteen, or becomes sexually potent, he is Baligh, and has attained puberty. But this is not enough for entering into a contract of marriage. Apart from the laws related to puberty, there is a concept of Rushd which can be translated as 'capability of a sensible conduct' or maturity. A husband has to be Rashid and a wife Rashidah; so that the responsibilities of married life are sensibly discharged. Books of Islamic law may be referred for exact details on physical and mental maturity.

Recommendation for Early Marriage. Islam highly recommends an early marriage. Even those who feel they would not be able to bear the expenses of family are urged to repose faith in Allah, as He is the Giver of Sustenance (Rizq), and go for an early marriage.

Now that we have seen how much importance Islam has accorded to marriage and marital life you would perhaps ask, "How do we select a spouse? What are the guidelines provided by Islam in this regard? Do we look for some particular characteristics or just try to get the best from the worldly point of view?"

Are Pre-Marital contacts Necessary? Ali Akber Mazaheri writes: "The notion that a man and a woman must 'know' each other before they decide to marry, so that they may then be able to live happily together is an illusion. Had there been any element of truth and validity in this, the divorce and separation rates in societies, which practice it, would not have shown a steady rise. Similarly, the marriages which take place without such pre-marital contacts would not have been known to last happily."

The Shariah permits the intended spouses to see each other for the purpose of selection and also permits asking and giving opinions if asked (without it being considered as Gheebat under certain conditions). We should never resort to deceive the opposite party or conceal a defect during the selection process. Such things can have serious ramifications if exposed after marriage.The school of Ahle-Bait (a.s.) has not left us to follow our whims and fancies. We have been taught the best method of selecting a suitable spouse. The most important criterion is piety or religiousness.

A. Religiousness: The author of Youth and Spouse Selection says, "The person who does not have religion, does not have anything." When a man came to the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) to seek guidance for selecting a spouse. He (s.a.w.) said, "It is binding upon you to have a religious spouse."

Knowing the human weakness for beauty and wealth, the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) has forewarned, "A man who marries a woman for the sake of her wealth, Allah leaves him in his own condition, and one who marries her (only) for her beauty, will find in her (things) which he dislikes (unpleasing manners) and Allah will gather up all these things for one who marries her for the sake of her faith (religiousness)."

B. Good nature: Imam Reza (a.s.) wrote in reply to a person who had asked him if it was advisable to marry his daughter to a person known for his ill nature, "If he is ill-natured (bad tempered), don't marry your daughter to him." The same will apply where the bride-to-be lacks a good nature. Such a woman, though she may be beautiful and rich, would make the life of her husband miserable. She can never be patient in the difficulties that arise in married life.

C. Compatibility: The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) gave no recognition to class distinction, but in marriage, he stressed upon compatibility. The marrying partners must be Kufw of each other, so that there are no unnecessary misgivings later. It is better for a religious woman who is committed to laws and principles to marry a man like herself. A man questioned the Prophet of Islam (s.a.w.), "Whom must we marry?" He replied, "The suitable (matches)." "Who are the suitable matches?"
The Prophet (s.a.w.) responded, "Some of the faithful are match for others." Imam Sadiq (a.s.) said, "An intelligent and wise woman must not be matched except with a sage and wise man."

D. Decent Family: The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) has given great emphasis on taking into consideration a good family background when we intend to marry. He said, "Marry in the lap of a decent family, since the semen and the genes have effect." The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) also said, "Look very carefully and minutely as to where you are placing your child because genes and hereditary qualities are transferred in a concealed and unintentional way and have their effect."

E. Reason: The Commander of the Faithful, Imam Ali (a.s.) strongly forbade marrying a foolish and insane person. "Avoid marrying a stupid woman, since her company is a woe (distress) and her children too get wasted."

F. Physical and Mental Health: Though religiousness and piety are most important, it does not mean that we totally disregard the physical appearance and beauty of the prospective spouse.

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) says, "When one intends to marry a woman, he should ask about her hair, just as he asks about her face (beauty), since the hair is one of the two beauties (of women)."

G. Whom can you marry? "Islamic law has placed certain restrictions on the choice of your spouse depending upon blood relationships and religious affiliations." Maulana Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi has summarized these laws in a beautiful way:

There are certain blood relations, which are considered Haraam for you as far as marriage is concerned. (As a general rule, anyone who is your Mahram is forbidden to you for marriage.) The list of such relatives is given in the Qur'an as follows:

For Man: mother, daughter, paternal aunt, maternal aunt, niece, foster-mother, foster-sister, mother-in-law, stepdaughter, daughter-in-law, all married women, sister-in-law (as a 2nd wife) (See the Qur'an, ch. 4, verse 23-24)

For Woman: father, son, paternal uncle, maternal uncle, nephew, foster-mother's husband, foster-brother, father-in-law, stepson, son-in-law.

A Shi'ah Muslim man can marry: a Shi'ah Muslim woman and a non-Shi'ah Muslim woman. However, if there is danger of being misled, then it is Haraam. He can also marry a Jewish or Christian woman in mut'a only. But he cannot marry a woman of any other faith.

A Shi'ah Muslim woman can marry: a Shi'ah Muslim man or a non-Shi'ah Muslim man, although it is better not to do so; and if there is danger of being misled, then it is Haraam. But she cannot marry a non-Muslim man.

Though Shariah does not forbid marriage between first cousins, but there are opinions advocating against them mainly due to a probable risk of the offspring inheriting genetic defects/diseases.

1. Engagement or Mangni: Does not qualify the future spouses to go out together, even if the parents consent. Man and woman become permissible for each other only after the performance of Nikah.

2. Dowry: The unislamic system of demanding and accepting dowry must be avoided at all costs. Shariah does not make any expense incumbent on the bride/bride's parents. Even the marriage expenses, it is recommended to be borne by the bridegroom. However, the bride can bring whatever she wants of her free will, and it will always belong to her.

3. Other Unislamic Customs: Many other unislamic customs have crept into the marriage ceremony of some Muslims. These customs are either borrowed from non-Muslim cultures or continue because they are established in past generations. One must avoid them if they are against the Shariah, even if some people are displeased. Other customs like the breaking of coconut etc. also do not feature among the Islamic rituals. All actions, customs etc., which show disrespect to Islam or weaken the importance of Islam, have to be avoided.

4. Haraam Acts: Some of the rituals in marriage ceremonies are absolutely Haraam like the playing of music. It is also Haraam for ladies to go for mixed gatherings without proper Hijab. Such things invite divine wrath and take away the blessings of this auspicious occasion. In the Islamic Law, marriage is an Aqd, a contract. The components of this contract are as follows:

A. Proposal: In Islam the process of proposal by a man to a woman for her hand in marriage, or for that matter, to her family, is encouraged. Islam considers this natural, and recommends it as an act of respectability and dignity for women.

B. Mahr: And the intending husband is asked to offer a Mahr to the bride. The Quran says, And give women their Mahr as a free gift, but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment and with wholesome result. (Surah Nisa 4:4)

The following points are worthy of consideration:

a) Mahr must be agreed upon by the marrying partners themselves, not by parents.
b) Mahr is her right, to which her husband remains indebted.
c) It is a free gift and not her price.

The Mahr may be cash, kind or non-material (like training or teaching something). It can be paid up front or can be in form of promise to pay upon demands decided prior to the solemnization of marriage. Moajjal (immediate), Muwajjal and Indat-talab (on demand). However, it is much recommended to pay it before or at the time of Nikah itself.

C. The Nikah Ceremony: According to Shariah, the wife-to-be says, 'An Kah'tu nafsaka a'lal mah'ril ma'loom'. ("I have given away myself in Nikah to you, on the agreed Mahr.")

Immediately, the man (bridegroom) says, 'Qabiltun Nikaha'. ("I have accepted the Nikah.")

With these pronouncements, they become husband and wife.

If the marrying partners are not able to recite the formula in Arabic, one or two persons or priests

are appointed and authorized to officiate. One who represents the bride would first seek her explicit consent to officiate on her behalf, and so would the other who acts on behalf of the groom. Naturally, there would be a slight variation in the pronouncements, because the persons reciting them are appointees. A person who represents the bride would initiate by saying, "Ankah'tu muwakkilati muwakkilaka a'lal mah'ril ma'loom." ("I give away in Nikah the woman who has thus appointed and authorized me, to the man who has authorized you, on an agreed Mahr.")

The groom's representative would respond, "Qabiltunnikaaha limuwakkili a'lal mah'ril ma'loom." ("I accept the Nikah on behalf of the one who has appointed me, on the agreed Mahr.")

It is mustahab to recite a brief discourse or Khutba before the Nikah formula is enunciated. In this Khutba, Allah is praised for His Wisdom in regulating the lawful process of procreation, and then the traditions from the Prophet (s.a.w.) are also recited.

D. Time of Marriage Ceremony: Though basically marriage is allowed at all times, there are some days on which marriage is not recommended; some of these are based on ahadith and some on cultural, historical reasons.

Generally, we can categorize these days into three: (a) There are some ahadith which say that it is makruh (not recommended) to have a marriage ceremony on the days when the moon is in the constellation of Scorpio (this is known as al-qamar fil aqrab or qamar dar aqrab), during the last two or three days of the lunar months, and on Wednesdays. (b) There are certain days of the Islamic calendar, which have become associated with the early events of the Islamic history; for example, the 10th of Muharram is the day of mourning for the massacre at Karbala or the day of the Prophet's death in Safar, etc. Since such days are commemorated by the Muslims as days of mourning, it is socially and, to some extent, religiously not recommended to have a marriage ceremony on such days.

The Shia Ithna Ashari (Twelver Shias), especially in India and Pakistan, rarely perform marriage ceremony between the 1st of Muharram and the 8th of Rabi al-Awwal as this period includes the mourning days of Muharram culminating in the martyrdom of Imam Askari (a.s.). The 9th Rabi al-Awwal is celebrated as Eid-e-Zahra.

If there is a need, however, Nikah, can be performed at any time.

E. Permission of the Bride-to-be/Father: The girl's consent is necessary and has to be taken by her representative, directly.In case of a virgin/spinster the father's or the grandfather's permission is also necessary. However if the permission is unreasonably withheld under some conditions or the girl has no father/paternal grandfather it is not necessary. However, a woman who is not a virgin, does not require any permission in case of remarriage.

F. Valima (Dinner): Valima is highly recommended on the groom. The relatives, neighbors and friends must be invited for Valima. However, lavish spending is not advisable especially when the same money can be used effectively by the couple.

It is highly recommended that the wedding should take place at night. The hadith says, "Take the bride to her new home during the night." When the bride enters the room, the groom is recommended to take off her shoes and wash her feet (in a washbowl) and then sprinkle the water around the room. Then he should perform wuzu and pray two-rak'at sunnat prayer and then recite the following du'a:

Allahummar zuqni ilfahaa wa wuddaha wa riz"aaha bi; warz"ini biha, wa-ajma' baynana bi ah'sane ijtimaa'in wa anasi i-tilafin; fa innaka tuh'ibbul h'alaala wa tukrihul h'araam.

O Allah! Bless me with her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful

things and dislike unlawful things.

Then he should ask the bride to do wuzu and pray two-rak'at sunnat prayer.

When they are ready to go to bed, the groom should put his hand on the bride's forehead and pray the following du'a while facing the Qiblah.

Allahumma bi amaanatika akhadhtuha wa bi kalimaatika is-tah'laltuha. Fa in qaz"ayta li minha waladan, faj-'alhu mubaarakan taqiyyan min Shi'ati Aal-i Muh'ammad (s'al-lal-laahu a'layhi wa aalihi wa sallam) wa laa taj-'al lish Shayt'aani fihi shirkan wa laa naseeba.

O Allah! I have taken her as Your trust and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if You have decreed for me a child from her, then make him/her blessed and pious from among the followers of the Family of Muhammad [peace be upon him and them]; and do not let Satan have any part in him/her.

Is it necessary to have sexual intercourse on the very first night after the wedding or can it be delayed? As far as the Shariah is concerned, it is neither obligatory nor forbidden to have sex on the first night. It is a private decision between the newly wed couple; it has nothing to do with others.

A. When is Sex Forbidden? Islam has forbidden sexual intercourse during menstruation. The Qur'an says: They ask you about menstruation. Say: "Menstruation is a discomfort (for women). Do not establish sexual relations with them during the menses and do not approach them (sexually) until the blood stops. Then when they have cleansed themselves, you go into them as Allah has commanded you." (Surah Baqarah 2:222)

According to the Shariah, the duration of the monthly period is between three to ten days. If the bleeding was for less than three days, it is not menstruation; if it is for more than ten days, then it is menstruation for the regular number of days and istehadha for the rest of the bleeding during which sex is permitted.

The prohibition of sex during the periods is limited strictly to sexual intercourse; other intimate contact (with the exception of the vagina and anus) is allowed. However, it is better not to play with her body between the navel and the knees. If a person who is engaged in sexual intercourse with his wife discovers that her period has begun, then he should immediately withdraw from her.

It is clear from the verse mentioned above (until the blood stops) that once the blood has stopped, intercourse becomes lawful even if the woman has not performed the major ritual ablution (Ghusl). But mujtahids say that it is better to refrain from intercourse till she performs the Ghusl or, at least, washes her private parts.

Sexual intercourse is also not allowed during the post-natal bleeding called nifas (maximum 10 days), during daytime in the month of Ramadan <../ramadan/default.asp>, and when a person is in Ihram during the pilgrimage to Mecca <../hajj/default.asp>. At all other times, sexual intercourse is allowed.

Times when Sexual Intercourse is Makruh:

i. During frightful natural occurrences, e.g., eclipse, hurricane, earthquake;
ii. From sunset till maghrib;
ii. From dawn till sunrise;
iii. The last three nights of lunar months;
iv. Eve of the 15th of every lunar month;
v. Eve of 10th Zil-hijjah;
vii. After becoming junub.

B. Recommended Days and Times for Sex.
We have certain ahadith, which say that it is better to have sexual intercourse at these times:

i. Sunday night;
ii. Monday night;
iii. Wednesday night;
iv. Thursday noon;
v. Thursday night;
vi. Friday evening;
vii. Whenever the wife wants to have sex.

C. When is it Obligatory to have Sex?
It is wajib on man to have sex with his wife at least once in every four months; this is considered as one of the conjugal rights of the wife. This obligation stays in force unless there is a valid excuse or the wife waives her right.

There are no particular rules and laws either in foreplay or in intercourse. The only laws and rules are the ones reached by the lovers by mutual and often unspoken understanding. Whatever is pleasing and satisfying to both the husband and the wife is right and proper; and whatever is mutually displeasing is wrong. The only limitation to this general rule would be any Shariah rule, which goes against the wishes of the husband or the wife.

A. Foreplay is Highly Recommended: Islam emphasizes on foreplay. Imam Ali says, "When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rush because the woman (also) has needs (which should be fulfilled)." Sex without foreplay has been equated to cruelty. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said, "Three people are cruel: …a person who has sex with his wife before foreplay."

Another hadith equates sex without foreplay to animal behavior: "When anyone of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to her like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying."

As for the role of a woman in sexual foreplay, the Imams have praised a wife who discards shyness when she is with her husband. Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.) says, "The best woman among you is the one who discards the armor of shyness when she undresses for her husband, and puts on the armor of shyness when she dresses up again." After all, modesty and chastity in public is the hallmark of a Muslim lady.

These sayings clearly show that the husband and the wife should feel completely free when they are engaged in mutual stimulation, which is known as foreplay. There is nothing wrong, according to Islam, for a woman to be active and responsive during sex. As for the Islamic Shariah, all the mujtahids are unanimous in saying that the act of sexual foreplay in itself is mustahab (recommended). Likewise, it is recommended not to rush into sexual intercourse. The operative word is mutual pleasure and satisfaction.

B. Techniques of Foreplay: As far as the methods of mutual stimulation in foreplay are concerned, the Shariah allows the husband and the wife to see, kiss, touch, smell and stimulate any part of each other's body. Therefore, oral sex, as it is known, is allowed. Imam Musa al-Kazim (a.s.) was once asked, "Can a person kiss his wife's vagina?" The Imam said, "No problem."

The only restriction is that no foreign object should be used. The restriction on the use of foreign objects is based on the following hadith. Ubaydullah bin Zurarah says that he had an old neighbor who owned a young slave-girl. Because of his old age, he could not fully satisfy the young slave-girl during sexual intercourse. She would therefore ask him to place his fingers in her vagina, as she liked it. The old man complied with her wishes even though he did not like this idea. So he requested Ubaydullah to ask Imam Ali ar-Reza (a.s.) about it. When Ubaydullah asked the Imam about it, the Imam said, "There is no problem as long as he uses any part of his own body upon her, but he should not use anything other than his body on her."

Though masturbation (i.e., self-stimulation of one's own sexual organ till emission of semen or orgasm) is not allowed, in the case of married persons, there is no problem if the wife stimulates her husband's penis till the emission of semen or the husband stimulates his wife's vagina till orgasm. This is allowed because it does not come under "self-stimulation;" it is stimulation by a lawful partner.

C. Sexual Intercourse: Is there any particular position for sexual intercourse, which is forbidden in Islam? No! As far as the basic coital positions are concerned, there are no restrictions. The term 'basic coital positions' denotes the positions known as the man above, face to face, woman above face to face; side position, face to face; rear-entry position in which the husband penetrates the vagina from the rear. Actually, the Shariah has left it on the husband and the wife to explore and experiment as they wish. However, it is makruh to adopt a standing position, or to face the Qiblah or keep it on the backside during the intercourse. It is advisable to refrain from the acrobatic positions given by some sexologists of the East and the West, which might even cause physical harm.

Remember, the basic rule is mutual pleasure and flexibility. If one partner does not like a particular position, then the other should yield to his or her feelings. It is highly emphasized that at the commencement of intercourse the partners should recite Bismillaahir Rah'maanir Rah'eem (In the name of Allah the Beneficent, the Merciful).

D. Anal Intercourse: The opinions of our mujtahids vary on the permissibility of anal intercourse. The majority of the Shi'ah mujtahids have derived two conclusions: (1) that anal intercourse is not Haraam but strongly disliked (karahatan shadidah) provided the wife agrees to it. (2) and if she does not agree to it, then all mujtahids say that it is precautionarily wajib to refrain from it.

However, during the last decade of his life, Ayatullah al-Khu'i departed from the majority view and gave the ruling that it was precautionarily wajib to abstain from anal intercourse no matter whether the wife agrees to it or not.

Maulana Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi says, "I would strongly advise against anal intercourse," and quotes the saying of Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq and Imam Ali ar-Reza (a.s.) about anal intercourse: "Woman is a means of your pleasure, therefore do not harm her."

E. Hygiene: After the intercourse the partners may first wipe their genitals with clean pieces of cloth. It is recommended that the same cloth/towel must not be used by both of them.

A. INTRODUCTION: "Janabat" is a ritual impurity caused by the discharge of semen or by sexual intercourse; and the person on whom ghusl janabat becomes wajib is known as "junub". The Qur'an says:

O you who believe! Do not go near prayers (salat) when you are... junub until you have washed yourselves. (Surah Nisa 4:43) O you who believe! When you stand up for prayers (salat), . . . if you are junub, then purify (yourselves). (Surah Maidah 5:6)

B. THE CAUSES OF GHUSL JANABAT (There are two causes of janabat):
1. Discharge of semen. It does not make any difference whether this discharge is while awake or in a wet dream, slight or profuse, intentionally or otherwise, in lawful way or unlawful (e.g., masturbation). In all these cases ghusl janabat becomes obligatory (wajib).

If a liquid comes out from a man and he does not know whether or not it is semen, then he should look for the following three signs: (1) emission with passion; (2) spurting discharge; (3) feeling relaxed after the discharge. If these signs are found together on him, then he should consider the liquid as semen, otherwise not.

If a secretion is discharged from a woman, then it is precautionary wajib for her to do ghusl janabat provided it came with sexual passion and she felt relaxed after it. But if the secretion comes without the sexual passion or without the feeling of relaxation after the discharge, then it is not najis and therefore ghusl is not wajib upon her.

2. Sexual Intercourse. It does not make any difference whether the intercourse was lawful or unlawful, and with or without discharge of semen. In Islamic laws, sexual intercourse is defined as the penetration of the glens into the vagina or anus of the woman. That is, for ghusl janabat to become wajib it is not necessary that full penetration or discharge of semen should take place. In case of sexual intercourse, ghusl janabat becomes wajib on both the man and the woman.

C. THINGS FORBIDDEN FOR A JUNUB (The following 4 acts are Haraam before performing the ghusl):
1. Touching the writing of the Qur'an, the names and attributes of Allah, the names of the Prophet, the Imams and Fatimah (the daughter of the Prophet).

2. Reciting the verses of the Qur'an in which sajdah (prostration) is wajib. These verses are: verse 15 of chapter 32; verse 38 of chapter 41; verse 62 of chapter 53; and verse 19 of chapter 96. It is better not to recite even a single verse from these chapters.

3. Entering or staying in the mosque. The Qur'an says, "O you who believe!...Nor (are you allowed to enter the masjid) if you are junub until you have washed yourself except passing through." (Surah Nisa 4:43) Based on this verse and relevant ahadith, the mujtahids have concluded that a junub is totally forbidden from staying in the mosque.

Of course, as the verse says, one can pass through the mosques (by entering from one door and leaving from the other). However, this exception of passing through does not apply to the following places: the Masjidul-Haraam (the Sacred Mosque at Mecca) Masjidun-Nabi (the Mosque of the Prophet at Medina), and shrines of the Imams. A junub cannot even pass through them.

4. Leaving something in or taking it out from a mosque.

D. THINGS MAKRUH (DISLIKED) FOR THE JUNUB:
1. Eating and drinking is makruh for a junub except after doing wuzu or gargling or rinsing the nose.

2. Reciting more than seven verses from the Qur'an. This applies to other than the four chapters with wajib sajdah mentioned above.

3. Touching the cover of the Qur'an.

4. Sleeping without doing wuzu.

E. THE ACTS WHOSE VALIDITY DEPEND ON GHUSL JANABAT:
1. Salat (prayers) except salatul-mayyit (the prayer for a dead Muslim), which can be performed even in the state of janabat.

2. Wajib tawaf (the circumambulation of the Ka'bah in hajj).

3. Fasting. If someone knowingly remains junub until dawn in Ramadan, his fasting will become invalid (batil).

F. MANNER OF PERFORMING GHUSL:
Ghusl is a ritual bath; it involves washing of the whole body. There are two methods of performing ghusl. One is known as ghusl tartibi, and the other is known as ghusl irtimasi.

1. Ghusl Tartibi: means an ordinal bath, performed in three stages.

After washing away the najasat (e.g., semen or blood) from the body and after niyyat, the body has to be washed in three stages: First, head down to the neck; then the right side of the body from the shoulder down to the foot; and lastly, the left side of the body.

Each part should be washed thoroughly in such a way that the water reaches the skin. Special care should be taken while washing the head; the hair should be combed (e.g., with your fingers) so that water reaches the hair-roots. While washing the right side of the body, some part of the left side must be washed too, and also, while washing the left side of the body, some part of the right side must be washed.

2. Ghusl Irtimasi: means a bath involving immersion of the whole body in the water. It is needless to say that such a ghusl can only be done in a body of water, e.g., a pool, river, lake or sea.

After washing away the semen or blood from the body and after niyyat, the whole body should be completely immersed in the water all at once, not gradually. One has to make sure that the water reaches all parts of the body, including hair and the skin under it.

However, ghusl tartibi is preferred to ghusl irtimasi.

G. RECOMMENDABLE ACTS OF GHUSL (These recommendable acts are five):
1. Washing both hands upto the elbows three times before the ghusl.
2. Gargling three times.
3. Wiping the hands on the whole body to ensure that every part has been thoroughly washed.
4. Combing the hair with the fingers to ensure that the water reaches the hair-roots.
5. (For men only) Doing istibra before ghusl janabat. Istibra, in the present context, means, "urinating." The benefit of istibra: If a liquid comes out of one's penis after completing the ghusl, and he doubts whether it is semen or urine, then should he repeat the ghusl or not? If he had done istibra before the ghusl, then he can assume that the liquid is urine he will not have to repeat the ghusl; he just has to do wuzu for his salat. But, on the other hand, if he had not done istibra before the ghusl, then he has to assume that it is the remnant of semen and he will have to do the ghusl again.

Remember that the bride has just left her loved ones. She might be new to this place. So she deserves consideration and a chance to adjust herself in the new environment.

Mulla Mohsin Faiz Kashani in his book, Al Waafi in the chapter of "A Woman's right over her Husband" writes that it is narrated from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) that some people inquired from him regarding the rights of a wife over her husband. He (s.a.w.) answered, "He should overlook her minor faults and if she commits a major mistake then he should forgive her."

Shahab Abdo Rabbeh relates that I asked Imam Sadiq (a.s.) concerning the rights of a woman over her husband. He (a.s.) answered, "He should fulfill all her basic necessities and must not terrorize her by getting angry time and again. i.e. after fulfilling her needs, is kind and affectionate towards her, then I swear by Allah, he has fulfilled his wife's rights."

The importance of observing the rights of a wife can be gauged from the hadith of the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) wherein he says, "The best among you is the one who observes the rights of his wife in the best possible way and I am the best among you to observe the rights of my wives."

One day the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) paid a visit to the house of Imam Ali and Fatemah (s.a.). He saw that Imam Ali (a.s.) was sieving the pulses and Fatemah (s.a.) was busy cooking. On observing this Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) remarked, "O Ali, I do not speak except what is revealed to me. Anyone who helps his wife in her domestic affairs obtains a reward of one year of worship equal to the amount of hair on his body. This year of worship will be as if he has fasted during its days and prayed during its nights. Allah will reward him equal to the reward of all the patient ones, Hazrat Dawood (a.s.) and Hazrat Isa (a.s.)."

Imam Reza (a.s.) says, "Every man should strive to make his wife and children comfortable according to his capacity for if he is strict and unkind to them and because their rights are being deprived they will desire his death."

When Saad ibne Maaz, the great companion of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) expired, he (s.a.w.) himself participated in the funeral procession and shouldered his bier quite a few times with considerable respect. Then he laid it in the grave and buried him with his own hands. On seeing the zeal of the Prophet (s.a.w.), the mother of Saad cried, "Congratulations, O my son on gaining paradise." On hearing this the Messenger of Islam retorted, "Wait, do not make haste in divine affairs. Your son is in great agony and anguish at the moment." When the people inquired about the reason for this condition he (s.a.w.), replied, "He behaved very badly with his family members."

"It is the right of your wife that you should know that Allah has made her for you a tranquility and comfort (in worry), and a friend and shield (against sins).

And likewise, it is incumbent upon both of you to thank Allah for your partner and to know that (the spouse) is a grace of Allah upon you. And it is obligatory to have good fellowship with this grace of Allah (i.e. wife), and to respect her and be kind to her, although your rights upon her are greater and her obedience to you is final in all your likes and dislikes so long as it is not a sin. So she has the right of love and fellowship, and a place of repose (i.e. house) so that natural desires may be fulfilled, and this in itself is a great duty. And there is no strength but by Allah."

The rights of a husband over his wife are numerous. The most important among them is related to having physical relationship with her. The duty of a wife is to submit herself physically before her husband. This right of the husband i.e. of having a physical relationship with his wife, as and when he wants, is obviously a reciprocation of her feelings. In absence of her husband the duties of the wife include the protection of his rights, status, wealth and respect. She must not spend his wealth without his permission nor must she reveal his secrets. Rather she should be his closest confidante.

She must not let anybody inside the house without his permission in his absence. For, doing so would lead to a lot of misunderstandings, which would have drastic repercussions on the sacred contract of marriage. She must value his ideas, plans and provisions that he has prepared for her and other family members and obey him under all circumstances. She must not disobey him come what may nor must she do any such thing which detracts him. Rather she must try her best to attract his attention towards herself by which both of them can lead a life of harmony.

Imam Baqir (a.s.) says that once a lady inquired from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) regarding the rights a husband enjoys over his wife. He (s.a.w.) said, "First and foremost is that she should obey him and refrain from disobedience. She must not donate anything from his house without his permission nor can she keep recommended fasts without his approval. She must NEVER deny him his physical rights nor deprive him of its pleasures. If she steps out of the house without his permission, the angels of the heaven and the earth, of wrath and mercy, curse her till she returns to her house."

Imam Sadiq (a.s.) says that a group of people paid a visit to the Messenger of Islam and said, "O Prophet of Allah, we have seen such people who prostrate before each other." The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) answered, "If at all I could permit prostration before anyone except Allah, the Creator, I would have ordered the wives to prostrate before their husbands."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) is also reported to have said, "A wife who gives her husband water to drink attains a reward of one year of worship, a year whose nights were passed in prayers and days in fasting. In exchange of one drop of water which she provides for her husband one city is built in paradise for her and sins of sixty years are forgiven."

The author of Makaremul Akhlaq narrates on the authority of Imam Muhammad Baqir (a.s.), "The Jehaad of women is to be patient while facing the difficulties of life with their husbands."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) said, "Any woman who converses indignantly with her husband, thereby hurting his sentiments, none of her deeds either obligatory or recommended will be accepted from her until and unless her husband does not express his satisfaction with her. Even if this woman fasts during the days, prays during the nights, frees slaves or donates the best of horses in the way of Allah, she will be first to enter the fire of hell. Similar will be the fate of the husband who usurps the rights of his wife."

In his book Principles of Marriage and Family Ethics, Professor Ibrahim Amini has explained in much detail the duties of husband and wives, often quoting incidents to emphasize his arguments.

Part One deals with the duties of Women: According to the author the purpose of marriage is that the wife lives with her husband. She must be kind and should respect her husband. She must not complain unnecessarily. She must have a pleasant disposition. She must be a comfort for her husband and appreciate him. She must not look for his shortcomings. She must observe Islamic Hijab. She must forgive her husband's mistakes. She must learn to cope with her husband's relatives. She must help her husband to make progress. She must not be unduly suspicious.

Part Two deals with the duties of Men: The man is the guardian of the family. He should take care of his wife and be loving towards her. He must respect her and be well mannered. He also must not complain unnecessarily. He should overlook her mistakes. He should not be suspicious about her. He should be clean at home also. He must help in the household chores and assist in bringing up children.

Other household members should also know that the time and attention of the newly married ones will be divided and previous expectations may have to be changed to suit new circumstances. In joint families, the NaMehram ladies must observe hijab if they are not living in a separate house with their husbands.

The Prophet and the Imams have emphasized that when you engage in sexual intercourse, make sure that no child (or, for that matter, any other person) sees you or hears you. Abu Basir quotes Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) as follows, "Be careful not to have sex with your wife while a child can see you. The Prophet used to dislike this (attitude) very strongly." If a child sees and hears the parents engaged in sexual intercourse, he might go through a shocking psychological experience. It might also create a problem in his own adult life. Islam has laid down clear guidelines about the privacy of adults.

Holy Qur'an gives us the following rules about privacy within the family circles:

1. There are three times in a day: night, early morning and afternoon, which are considered as times of privacy.

2. The minor children should be taught that during times of privacy they are not allowed to enter the bedroom of their parents or adults without first asking their permission.

3. At other times, the children are free to come and go into the bedroom of their parents without asking for their permission. In retrospect, this means that the parents should be decently dressed at those other times.

4. As for the mature children and adults, the Holy Qur'an is clear that they may enter the bedroom of their parents or other adults at all times only after asking their permission.

Conclusion: The Islamic way of life not only assures happiness and satisfaction of an individual but the society as a whole benefits by implementing the laws of Shariah. Since the society consists of families and families come into being by matrimonial relationships it is necessary that this basic unit of society is properly understood and protected from all that threatens its existence.

HARAAM: forbidden, prohibited.
IHTIYAT WAJIB: precautionary wajib.
JA'IZ, HALAAL, MUBAH: permitted, allowed, lawful, legal.
MARJA (pl. MARAJI): A high-ranking mujtahid.
MAKRUH: reprehensible, disliked, discouraged.
MUJTAHID: or FAQIH (pl. FUQAHA): a jurist.
SUNNAT or MUSTAHAB: recommended, desirable, better.
WAJIB: obligatory, necessary, incumbent.

01. Ideal Marriage - Van de Velde
02. Marriage and Morals in Islam - Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi
03. Marriage and Family Ethics - Ibrahim Amini
04. Spouse Selection - Ali Akber Mazaheri
05. Youth and Morals - S. Mujtaba Musavi Lari
06. Sexual Ethics in Islam and in the Western World - M. Mutahhari
07. Islamic Law - Ayatullah Seestani
08. Tahzeebul Islam - Allamah Majlisi
09. Adaabe Mujaameaat - Peermohammed Ebrahim Trust
10. A Gift for the Youth - Shabeeb Rizvi

Presented by: World Islamic Network <http://www.winislam.com/>

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PART OF FATIMA’S DOWRY IS "INTERCEDENCE ON THE DAY OF RESURRECTION"

Although Fatima’s dowry was modest, because of the Messenger’s wish to set an example for the Muslims and for other implicit reasons, Fatima Zahra (S.A.) did not ignore her greatness and exalted identity to obtain a fantastic gift for her wedding. Fatima’s drive for excellence and perfection motivated her to ask for the right of intercedence-if Allah willed-for the sinners among the Muslims. Abmad Ibn Yusuf Ad-Dimashqi in his book Akhbar Al-Dowal Wa Ath-tha Al-Uwal reported the following: "It was narrated that when she (Fatima) learnt about her marriage and that her dowry was a small number of dirhams, she said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, lay-girls take money for dowries; what is the difference between them and me (if my dowry was to be money too)? I kindly ask you to give it back and supplicate to Allah, the Exalted, to make my dowry the right to intercede for the sinners among Muslims (on the Day of Rising).’ It was then that Gabriel descended with a label on which the following statement was wirtten: ‘Allah ordained Fatima Zahra‘s dowry to be intercedence for the sinners among Muslims.’ When Fatima (S.A.) was on her deathbed, she asked that the label be put on her chest under the coffin. Thus, it was done so.Fatima(S.A.) said: ‘When l am rated on the Day of Resurrection, I will present this label with my hand to intercede for the sinners from among my Father’s nation. It is apparent that the narration mentioned above illustrates the greatness, honor, and excellence Lady Fatima enjoyed. The Messenger’s supplication was answered, so Fatima will present the label on the day when it is most needed. Nasfi said: "Fatima (May Allah be pleased with her) asked the Prophet (S.A.W.) that her dowry would be intercedence for his nation on the day of Resurrection. So when she passes the path, she will ask for her dowry." It is worthy to mention that many narration’s have been reported on the account of Ahlul-Bayt (A.S.) to the effect that intercedence is part of Fatima Zahra’s dowry.

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FATIMA ZAHRA (S.A.) ON THE WAY TO MARRIAGE

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PREPARATIONS FOR THE WEDDING

A non-planned period of time elapsed between the engagement and the wedding ceremony, because Imam Ali (A.S.) was too shy to ask the Prophet to assign a day for the wedding, while he (S.A.W.) wanted to protect Fatima’s pride by refraining from asking Ali to do so. A month or more passed by before Imam Ali said anything regarding the wedding. Aqeel (Ali’s brother) asked him about the reason for the delay in holding the wedding ceremony and encouraged him to prepare for the wedding and to ask the Prophet (S.A.W.) to assign a date for it. Despite Ali’s shyness, he accompanied Aqeel to the Prophet’s house to fulfill his wishes. On their way to the Prophet’s house, they met Um Ayman who, when told the reason for their visit, asked them to leave the matter to her. She, in turn, informed Um Salama and the Prophet’s wives who gathered in Aisha’s house, where the Prophet (S.A.W.) was, and said: "May our parents be your sacrifice! We are gathered here in regard to that, had Khadija been alive would have brought happiness to her life!" When hearing Khadija’s name, the Prophet cried and said: "Surely Khadija believed me when men did not, and helped in establishing Allah’s religion, and granted me her belongings in its path. Allah-Exalted is His Name-commanded me to bring the good news to Khadija that (she has) a house in Paradise made of brocade and emeralds, where there is not roaring nor strain." Um Salama said: "May our parents be your sacrifice, O Messenger of Allah! Surely everything you have praised Khadija for is true, but she departed to her Lord! May He bring happiness to her and gather us with her in the Paradise of His satisfaction and Mercy. Messenger of Allah? Your brother from among the people of the world, who is also your cousin, Ali Ibn Abu Talib, wished that you specify a day for the wedding so that he may be united with his wife Fatima." The Prophet answered: "Why doesn’t Ali ask me to do so?" She replied:"Shyness prevents him!" He said: "Um Ayman, go call Ali for me." When Um Ayman came out, she found Ali (A.S.) waiting for the answer. Upon her request he, entered the house and shyly sat near the Prophet who said to him: "Do you wish to be wedded to your wife?" Ali replied: "Alright, it is to your honor! If you wish, the wedding can take place tonight or tomorrow night, if Allah wills." The Prophet said: "So prepare a house for Fatima." Ali then said: "The only house I can acquire is Harithah Ibn Al-Numan‘s." The Prophet said: "Surely we are shy for Harithah lbn Al-Numan, for we have taken the majority of his houses!" When Harithah heard about this, he proceeded towards the Prophet and said: "Messenger of Allah, I and my property belong to Allah and His Messenger. By Allah, there is nothing more beloved to me than that which you take; it surely is more desirable to me (that you take it) than if you leave it (for me)!" Consequently, Harithah, motivated by his strong faith and belief in good deeds, granted Ali (A.S.) one of his houses. Imam Ali furnished one of the rooms by spreading sand on the floor and erecting a pole for hanging the water container. He also purchased a jug and jar and laid a piece of wood between two walls for hanging clothes, and placed a ram’s skin on the floor and put a pillow made of fiber on it. In addition to some gifts which were given to him by some companions. The Prophet (S.A.W.) ordered Ali (A.S.) to hold a dinner because Allah, the Exalted, is pleased with those who do so; for the social good it does-such as bringing people together and implementing love and harmony among them. It is noteworthy that Lady Fatima Zahra (S.A.) excelled in giving on the path of Allah; she possessed generosity that no other woman can claim to be equal to. Al-Asfouri wrote in his book Nuzhat Al-Majalis V.2, P.226, on the authority of Ibn Al-Tawous: "The Prophet (S.A.W.) had a new dress made for Fatima (as a gift) for her wedding; she had just one old patched dress. On her wedding night, someone knocked on the door and said: ‘I ask the household of Prophethood to give me an old dress.’ At first Fatima was going to give him her old dress, but then remembered the Quranic verse: ‘By no means shall ye attain righteousness unless ye give (freely) of that which ye love (prefer)’ She then gave the poor man her new dress. Consequently, Gabriel descended and said: ‘O Muhammad! Allah sends Him peace upon you; He commanded me to greet Fatima and (give her the gift He sent to her) which is a dress from Paradise, made of silk brocade..’ (Returning to the feast), when the food had been prepared, the meat cooked, the bread baked and the dates and butter obtained, the Prophet (S.A.W.) started spitting the dates and mixing them with the butter to replace sweetmeat for the wedding. When everything was ready, he (S.A.W.) asked Ali to invite the people to the feast. When Ali reached the Mosque, he found it crowded with people-all were at the Mosque, from the poor immigrants who lived there to the Ansars. Nevertheless, Ali’s generosity and noble-heartedness did not allow him to invite some people and exclude others, especially since everyone wanted to be invited to the Prophet’s daughter’s wedding feast. Ali’s belief in Allah’s power and the Prophet’s blessed heart, motivated him to call out loud: "O people, answer the call for the feast of Fatima Bint Muhammad." Men and women from all around Medina gathered in the house. They ate, drank and even took food to their homes. The blessings of the Prophet were obvious on that day, for not only the food was enough to feed everyone, but also it did not decrease at all. The Prophet (S.A.W.) asked for food containers to be brought and filled them and sent them to his wives and left a special container for Fatima and her husband. By sunset, the wedding night had begun; it was time for Fatima to depart to her new home. Everything went well, for the Prophet (S.A.W.) had made all the necessary preparation for the wedding. Despite the simplicity and modesty of her wedding, Fatima’s marriage ceremony was surrounded by signs of greatness, excellence, and beauty. AI-Haithami wrote in Majma’ Az-Zawaed that Jabir said: "We were present at Fatima and Ali’s (May Allah be pleased with them) wedding ceremony, and indeed we have not seen any ceremony better than that one..." The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.) ordered his wives to embellish Fatima (S.A.) before the wedding; they perfumed and dressed her with jewelry. They all helped to ready Fatima; some combed her hair while others embellished and dressed her in the dress brought by Gabriel from Paradise. Allah’s Messenger (S.A.W.) paid special attention to Fatima Zahra (S.A.), which he did not bestow on his other daughters for the following reasons; A. Her special characteristics and noble traits. B. Her husband is Ali Ibn Abu Talib, who is known for his talents and longstanding service to Islam-besides being the Prophet’s cousin. C. The Prophet (S.A.W.) also knew that his daughter was going to be included in the verse of purification, the verse of Mubahelah (supplication), and the verse of Kinship. D. Fatima also is the mother of the Holy lmams who will lead humanity until the Day of Resurrection. The night of Fatima’s wedding arrived. Bacause every girl needs her mother on her wedding night, Fatima missed Khadija and felt very much like an orphan. With his (S.A.W.) noble and special attention to Fatima, the Prophet wished to fill Khadija’s space; the Prophet called Ali (A.S.) and Fatima(S.A.), who proceeded towards him-Fatima was in her long heavenly dress overtaken with shyness. He (S.A.W.) brought his gray horse and asked Fatima to ride it and ordered Salman to lead while he (S.A.W.) followed them. Yes, indeed, Fatima’s wedding was attended by heavenly creatures as well as people; for she is a human huri. Al-Khateeb Al-Baghdadi in Tareekh Baghdad V.5, P.7, Al-Hamvini in Durar Al-Simtain, Al-Dhahabi in Mizan Al-Etedal, Garani in Akhbar Al-Dowal, and Qandouzi in Yanabi’ Al-Mawaddah have narrated that Ibn Abbas said: ‘When Fatima was taken to Ali’s house on her wedding night, the Prophet proceeded her, Gabriel was on her right, and Michael on her left, and seventy thousand angels followed her. These angels praised and glorified Allah until dawn! The Hashemit men, Abdul Muttalib’s daughters, and Muhajarin and Ansar’s women all accompanied Fatima’s caravan that night. The Prophet’s wives joyfully led the caravan; they were also the first to enter the house. Upon arriving, the Prophet (S.A.W.) placed Fatima’s hand in Ali’s hand and said: ‘May Allah bless his Messenger’s daughter; Ali, this is Fatima, you are responsible for her (or I entrust her to you) Ali, what an excellent wife Fatima is! Fatima, what an excellent husband Ali is! O Allah, bless them, bless their lives, and bless their children. O Allah, surely they are the most beloved to me from among your creatures, so love them too, and assign for them a guardian. I place them and there progeny under your protection from the curse devil.’ The Prophet (S.A.W.) then asked for a jug of water; he sipped a small amount of the water and after gargling with it, placed it back in the jug. He then called for Fatima and sprayed her head and shoulders with that water and did the same thing to Ali (A.S.). Thereafter, he ordered the women to leave the house. They all left except Asma Bint Umais. When he noticed that she had stayed behind, he exclaimed: ‘Didn’t I ask you to leave?’ She answered: ‘Indeed, O Messenger of Allah! May my parents be your sacrifice; I did not intend to disobey you, but I promised Khadija to take her place on this night’ this moved The Prophet; he cried and said to Asma: ‘By Allah, is this the reason that made you stay behind?’ She said: ‘Yes, by Allah!’ He (S.A.W.) then said: Asma, may Allah fulfill for you the needs of this world and the Hereafter.

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The contemporary civilized world realizes the importance of paying due attention to certain spots and structures, which are connected to identify noble people or valuable entities. Thus, laws related to this matter have been legislated, such as diplomatic immunity for specific individuals and buildings, and laws which regulate the use of public places, universities, temples, and so on, that are related to science, religion, and culture. Allah knew the importance of these actions and laws the Exalted, and His chosen worshippers from the beginning. Rules and regulations which govern entering mosques, especially the Sacred Mosque in Mecca, such as preventing certain groups of people like the infidels, the junub, and menstruating women from entering them, are a reflection of this fact. Other examples of such laws are, the necessity to keep these places pure; the importance of respecting the sanctity of mosques; the forbiddance of hunting in and around Mecca during certain periods of time. Fatima’s house is certainly one of these places, which is surrounded by sanctity, holiness and exaltation. It was built on respect, honor and righteousness. Those who realize know the value of her house. Sheik Majlisi (May Allah bless his soul) reported on the authority of Anas Ibn Malik that Buraidah said: Allah’s Messenger read the verse: "In houses, which Allah hath permitted to be raised to honor; for the celebration in the, of His name: In them is He glorified in the mornings and in the evenings." A man then exclaimed: "Whose houses are there, O Messenger of Allah?" The Prophet answered: "Prophet’s houses." Abu Bakr said; "Messenger of Allah, is this one of these houses (He meant Fatima’s house)? The Prophet replied; "Yes, it is among the best of them!" Ibn Abbas also said: "I was in the Prophet’s mosque when someone read:’In houses which Allah hath permitted to be raised in honor,..’ So I said: ‘Messenger of Allah; which houses?’ He (S.A.W.) said: ‘Prophet’s houses;’ and pointed to Fatima’s house." It has been narrated in Al-Kafi that Abdullah Ibn Jafar Al-Ansari said: Once, the Prophet of Allah proceeded towards Fatima’s house while I was with him; when we reached the door, he pushed the door (slightly) and said: ‘Assalamu Alaikum’ Fatima (S.A.) answered: ‘Alaik as-Salaam, Messenger of Allah.’ The Prophet (S.A.W.) then said: ‘May I come in?’ She (S.A.) said: ‘I do not have my veil on, O Messenger of Allah.’ He (S.A.W.) said: ‘Fatima, cover your head with your cloak’ When she had done so, he said: ‘Assalamu Alaikum’ She answered: ‘Alaik-as-Salaam, Messenger of Allah.’ He repeated the request for permission to enter the house with me, and she gave us permission

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(B) By considering the hijab in Islam, is a boy permitted to look at the girl before marrying her?

A man is allowed to see without hijab the woman whom he intends to marry. However, this permission is just for the man or the woman to see the prospective spouse once; (Muhaqqiq al-Hilli, Sharaya', p. 493; Shahid ath-Thani, S'harh Lum'ah, vol. 2, p. 67; al-Yazdi, al-'Urwah, p. 625; al-Khu'i, Minhaj, vol. 2, p. 253; al-Khumayni, Tahrir, vol. 2, p. 254: 'Allamah al-Hilli, Tazkirah, vol. 2, p. 572; Shaykh at-Tusi, an-Nihayah, p. 484.) it is not a perpetual license to go out together! I strongly recommend that such a meeting should take place with the supervision of the parent or the guardian.
(C) Can a boy and a girl who are engaged meet each other or go out together ?

In Islam, there is no ceremony known as engagement. According to the shari'ah, engagement is a revocable agreement between two persons to marry each other, nothing more; it does not make the two persons mahram to each other. They still have to observe the rules of hijab. But if two persons who are engaged wish to meet each other, then the only way to legalize that Islamically is by performing mut'a marriage between the fiance and the fiancee. They can even put a condition in the mut'a that there will be no sexual relations. This way, they will be able to meet each other without any objection from the shari'ah. This method can be adopted by those also who wish to go through the engagement ceremony in which the fiance puts a ring on the fiancee's finger.

However, as mentioned earlier, a girl who has not married before will need her father's or grandfather's approval even in such a mut'a marriage.

3. THE 'AQD

In the Islamic shari'ah, marriage is an 'aqd, a contract.

As a contract, it depends on ijab (proposal from the bride) and qubul (acceptance from the groom). The contract can be verbally made by the parties themselves or by their representatives . The language of this contract must be Arabic. Although just one sentence for proposal (like ankahtuka nafsi = I have given myself to you in marriage) and one word for acceptance (like qabiltu = I have accepted) is enough but it is the norm to solemnize the marriage by using all forms of legal terms for this purpose; for example, ankhatu, zawwajtu together with the mentioning of mahr; sidaq, etc. It is also recommended to begin with a sermon (khutba) praising Allah, subhanahu wa ta ala, asking for His blessings on Prophet Muhammad and his progeny, and also reciting a Qur'anic verse and a couple of ahadith on virtue of marriage.

One of the necessary conditions of an Islamic marriage contract is mahr. Mahr is usually translated as dowry, and it means the marriage gift which the groom agrees to give to the bride. It is actually the right of the bride and it is for her to specify or fix the mahr; and for the groom to either accept it or negotiate with his prospective bride.

The mahr can consist of a material item or a benefit (like training for something); it can be paid up front or can be in form of promise to pay upon demands decided prior to the solemnization of marriage.

4. THE TIME OF MARRIAGE

(A) When to marry?

Are there any special days in the Islamic calendar when marriage is encouraged or discouraged? Basically marriage is allowed at all times. However, there are some days on which marriage is not recommended; some of these are based on ahadith and some on cultural, historical reasons.

Generally, we can categorize these days into three: (a) There are some ahadith which say that it is makruh (not recommended) to have a marriage ceremony on the days when the moon is in the constellation of the Scorpio (this is known as al-qamar fil aqrab or qamar dar aqrab), during the last two or three days of the lunar months, and on Wednesdays. (b) There are some ahadith which say that certain days of each month are ill omen days (nahas); these days are the 3rd, 5th, 13th, 16th, 21st, 24th and 25th of lunar months.

However, the ahadith for both the above categories would not stand the scrutiny of the scholars of hadith. Our mujtahids do not normally apply their full expertise in matters not related to obligatory or prohibitive commands. They relax the criteria for acceptability of ahadith in matters related to sunnat and makruh acts. This is not done out of negligence or lack of interest, it is done on the basis of a widely accepted rule in usulu'l-fiqh (the Principles of Jurisprudence) known as qa'idatu't-tasamuh, that is, the rule of leniency (in ascertaining the acceptability of hadith). (For more information on qa'idatu't-tasamuh, the specialist readers may refer to as-Sadr, Durus fi 'Ilmi 'l-Usul, vol. 2 p 204 and vol. 3 (part 1) p 258 and an-Naraqi's 'Awa'idu 'l-Ayyam, pp. 269-271.)

This has been mentioned very clearly by Ayatullah al-Khu'i in his manual of fatwas. He says, "Most of the mustahab acts mentioned in the chapters of this book are based on the qa'idatu't-tasamuh in sources of the sunnat acts. Therefore, whatever has not been proved as sunnat in our view should be done with intention of raja'il matlubiyyah. The same applies to the makruh acts; these should be abstained from with the intention of raja'il matlubiyyah." (Minhaj, vol. 1, p. 14. Raja'i 'l-matlubiyyah means doing something not because it is sunnat but with the intention that it might be expected of us to do so. )
As far as the two categories for marriage days are concerned, it will suffice to quote Ayatullah Gulpaygani, one of the leading mujtahids of our time who says: "One may follow these mustahab and makruh acts with the intention of raja'il matlubiyyah, because there is no clear evidence for some of these things." (See his annotations on al-'Urwatu 'l-Wuthqa, p. 623. )

(c) There are certain days of the Islamic calendar which have become associated with the early events of the Islamic history; for example, the 10th of Muharram is the day of mourning for the massacre at Karbala or the day of the Prophet's death in Safar, etc. Since such days are commemorated by the Muslims as days of mourning, it is socially and, to some extent, religiously not recommended to have a marriage ceremony on such days.

(B) The Wedding Night:

I must explain why I have written wedding 'night' and not 'day'. The hadith says, "Take the bride to her new home during the night." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 62) Based on this saying, it is recommended that the wedding should take place at night. After all, Allah has made the night "so that you may rest in it." (10: 67)

After the bride has entered the room, the groom is recommended to take off the bride's shoes, wash her feet (in a washbowl) and then sprinkle the water around the room.

Then the groom should do wuzu and pray two rak'at sunnat prayer and then recite the following du'a:

Then he should ask the bride to do wuzu and pray two rak'at sunnat prayer.

When they are ready to go to bed, the groom should put his hand on the bride's forehead and pray the following du'a while facing the qiblah. (So don't forget your qiblah compass!)

Is it necessary to have sexual intercourse on the very first night after the wedding or can it be delayed? As far as the shari'ah is concerned, it is neither obligatory nor forbidden to have sex on the first night. It is a private decision between the newly wed couple; it has nothing to do with others. However, I must say that the groom should take the feelings of his bride into consideration; after all, she is new to him and to the surroundings.

5. DAYS & TIMES FOR SEX

(A) Is sex forbidden at any time in marriage ?

Yes, by considering the discomfort for the women during the monthly periods, Islam has forbidden both the husband and the wife from engaging in sexual intercourse during menstruation.

According to the shari'ah, the duration of the monthly period is between three to ten days. If the bleeding was for less than three days, it is not menstruation; if it is for more than ten days, then it is menstruation for ten days and then it is counted as istihazah, irregular bleeding during which sex is permitted. (For further details, see my Ritual Ablutions for Women.)

The prohibition of sex during the periods is limited strictly to sexual intercourse; other intimate contact (with the exception of the vagina and anus) is allowed. However, it is better not to play with her body between the navel and the knees.

If a person who is engaged in sexual intercourse with his wife discovers that her period has begun, then he should immediately withdraw from her.

It is clear from the verse mentioned above (until the blood stops) that once the blood has stopped, intercourse becomes lawful even if the woman has not performed the major ritual ablution (ghusl). But on the basis of the subsequent sentence (then when they have cleansed themselves...), most mujtahids say that it is better to refrain from intercourse till she performs the ghusl or, at least, washes her private parts. (Wasa'il, vol. 1, p. 576)

Sexual intercourse is also not allowed during the post-natal bleeding (10 days), during daytime in the month of Ramadhan, and when a person is in ihram during the pilgrimage to Mecca. At all other times, sexual intercourse is allowed.

(B) Is it discouraged (makruh) to have sex at any time or on any day ?

There are certain ahadith which say that sexual intercourse during some days and at some times is makruh, but not haram.

These days and times are as follows:

i. during frightful natural occurrences, e.g., eclipse, hurricane, earthquake;

ii . from sunset till maghrib;

ii. from dawn till sunrise;

iii. the last three nights of lunar months;

iv. eve of the 15th of every lunar month;

v. eve of 10th Zil-hijjah;

vii. after becoming junub.

Some of these are self-explanatory: I don't think any one would be in the mood for sexual intercourse during a hurricane or earthquake. The second and third examples are of the prayer times; obviously, a Muslim is expected to spend that time in meditation and prayer. One must remember, firstly, that it is makruh, not haram, to have sexual intercourse at these times. Secondly, the ahadith for such issues have been accepted on basis of the qa'idatu 't-tasamuh mentioned earlier. Thirdly, the reasons given for this karahat are mostly about possible deformity of a child conceived at that time. By looking at these reasons, I am inclined to restrict this karahat only in cases of couples who plan to have children, and not extend it to those who practice birth control.

I would therefore advise the readers to be considerate to your spouse and not to put him or her in unnecessary tension; It your spouse is very sensitive about these makruh days then try to accommodate your likes and dislikes accordingly. Mutual understanding is the key.

(A) Are there days and times when sexual intercourse is recommended?

Yes we have certain ahadith which say that it is better to have sexual intercourse at these times:

i. Sunday night;

ii. Monday night;

iii. Wednesday night;

iv. Thursday noon;

v. Thursday night;

vi. Friday evening;

vii. whenever the wife wants to have sex.

Thursday and Friday are weekends in the Islamic calendar!

(A) Are there times when it is obligatory (wajib) to have sexual intercourse ?

Yes! It is wajib on man to have sex with his wife at least once in every four months; this is considered as one of the conjugal rights of the wife. This obligation stays in force unless there is a valid excuse or the wife waives her right.

6. SEXUAL TECHNIQUES

Before I start writing anything about sexual techniques, it is necessary to say that no rules and laws exist either in foreplay or in intercourse. The only laws and rules are the ones reached by the lovers by mutual and often unspoken understanding. Whatever is pleasing and satisfying to both the husband and the wife is right and proper; and whatever is mutually displeasing is wrong. The only I imitation to this general rule would be any shari'ah rule which goes against the wishes of the husband or the wife.

(A) Foreplay:

Man often forgets that woman also has been created with the same desires as himself. Asbagh bin Nubatah quotes Imam 'Ali that, "Almighty God created sexual desires in ten parts; then He gave nine parts to women and one to men." But then Allah also gave them "equal parts of shyness.'' (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 40) Many times this shyness makes the man ignore the desires of his wife.

Based on this reality, Islam emphasizes on foreplay. Imam 'Ali says, "When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rush because the woman (also) has needs (which should be fulfilled)." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 40) Sex without foreplay has been equated to cruelty. The Prophet said, "Three people are cruel: . ..a person who has sex with his wife before foreplay.'' (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 40) Another hadith equates sex without foreplay to animal behavior: "When anyone of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to them like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 82) The Prophet said, "No one among you should have sex with his wife like animals; rather there should be a messenger between them." When asked about the messenger, he said, "It means kissing and talking." (Tahzibu'l-Ihya, vol. 3, p. 110) Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq has been quoted as follows, "...there should be mutual foreplay between them because it is better for sex." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 82) The Prophet said, "...every play of a believer is void except in three cases: horse-riding, archery and mutual foreplay with his wife these are haqq." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 83)

As for the role of a woman in sexual foreplay, the Imams have praised a wife who discards shyness when she is with her husband. A hadith was quoted earlier from Imam 'Ali which said that women have been given nine-tenths of the sexual desire but Allah has also given them nine-tenths of shyness. (See p. 32) I had promised in Chapter Two to explain the rationale behind this hadith. There might seem to be a contradiction in this act of God, but it is not so. Both the sexual desire and the shyness have been placed for very specific purpose. The sexual desire is to be unleashed, yes unleashed, when a woman is with her husband, but it must be shielded with shyness when she is with other people. This has been very eloquently explained by Imam Muhammad al-Baqir when he said, "The best woman among you is the one who discards the armor of shyness when she undresses for her husband, and puts on the armor of shyness when she dresses up again." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 14-15) After all, modesty and chastity in public is the hallmark of a Muslim lady.

These sayings clearly show that the husband and the wife should feel completely free when they are engaged in mutual stimulation which is known as foreplay. There is nothing wrong, according to Islam, for a woman to be active and responsive during sex. This is diametrically opposed to the sexual morality of the Christian Western world before the sexual revolution. Russell says, "Western women of a generation or two ago can recall being warned by their mothers that sexual intercourse was an unpleasant duty which they owed to their husbands, and that they were 'to lie still and think of England'. (As quoted in Sex and Destiny, p. 94) What else but a sexual revolt could such a morality breed?

As for the Islamic shari'ah, all the mujtahids are unanimous in saying that the act of sexual foreplay in itself is mustahab (recommended). Likewise, it is recommended not to rush into sexual intercourse. (Al-'Urwah, p. 625) The operative word is mutual pleasure and satisfaction.

(B) Techniques of Foreplay:

As far as the methods of mutual stimulation in foreplay are concerned, the shari'ah allows the husband and the wife to see, kiss, touch, smell and stimulate any part of each other's body. Therefore, oral sex, as it is known in this part of the world is allowed. Imam Musa al-Kazim was once asked, "Can a person kiss his wife's vagina?" The Imam said, "No problem." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 77; for similar views of present mujtahids see al-'Urwah, p. 625) The only restriction is that no foreign object should be used. And this restriction is quite understandable: nothing can really substitute the things Allah has created in our bodies!

The restriction I am placing on the use of foreign objects is based on the following hadith. 'Ubaydullah bin Zurarah says that he had an old neighbor who owned a young slave-girl. Because of his old age, he could not fully satisfy the young slave-girl during sexual intercourse. She would therefore ask him to place his fingers in her vagina as she liked it. The old man complied with her wishes even though he did not like this idea. So he requested 'Ubaydullah to ask Imam ' Ali ar-Riza (a. s.) about it. When 'Ubaydullah asked the Imam about it, the Imam said, "There is no problem as long as he uses any part of his own body upon her, but he should not use any thing other than his body on her." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 77)

In an earlier discussion, we said that masturbation (i.e., self-stimulation of one's own sexual organ till emission of semen or orgasm) is not allowed. However, in the case of married persons, there is no problem if the wife stimulates her husband's penis till the emission of semen or the husband stimulates his wife's vagina till orgasm. (This issue has also been clearly mentioned by the late Ayatullah al-Khu'i in answer to some questions sent by an 'alim from London) This is allowed because it does not come under "self-stimulation;" it is stimulation by a lawful partner. The Qur'an clearly says that, "The believers are.. . those who protect their sexual organs except from their spouses." (23: 5-6) And stimulation of sexual organs by a lawful partner surely comes under the definition of protecting one's organ s "except from their spouses."

(C) Sexual Intercourse:

Is there any particular position for sexual intercourse which is forbidden in Islam? No! As far as the basic coital positions are concerned, there are no restrictions. I am using the term 'basic coital positions' for the positions known as the man above, face to face, woman above face to face; side position, face to face; rear-entry position in which the husband penetrates the vagina from the rear. Actually, the shari'ah has left it on the husband and the wife to explore and experiment as they wish.

In the early Islamic period, an event took place which clarified this issue for all. The people of Medina, influenced by the Jews, used man-above face to face position during sexual intercourse; whereas the Meccans liked to experiment various positions. After the migration of Muslims to Medina, a Meccan married a Medinan woman and wanted to have sex with her in his own way. The woman refused and said that he can have sex with her only in one position. The case was reported to the Prophet; so Allah revealed the verse saying "Your women are a tilth for you, so go in to your tilth as you like." (2:223) That is, in any position. (At-Tabataba'i, al-Mizan, vol. 3 (English translation) p. 319)

However, it is makruh to adopt a standing position, or to face the qiblah or keep it on the backside during the intercourse. It is advisable to refrain from the acrobatic positions given by some sexologists of the East and the West which might even cause physical harm. Remember, the basic rule is mutual pleasure and flexibility. If one partner does not like a particular position, then the other should yield to his or her feelings.

(D) Anal Intercourse:

The opinions of our mujtahids vary on the permissibility of anal intercourse. Before mentioning the preferred and correct view, I would like to explain why the mujtahids have differed in their opinions.

This variance in fatwas is because of the difference in the ahadith we have on this issue. There is a hadith, for example, from Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq quoting the Prophet that "The anus of women is haram for my community." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 104) Now this hadith categorically forbids anal intercourse. But, according to 'Allamah al-Hilli and ash-Shahid ath-Thani, the chain of narrators of this hadith is not completely flawless. (See Hilli's Tazkiratu'l-Fuqaha, vol. 2, p. 576-7; Shahid's Masalik, vol. 2, p. 303) On the other hand for example, we have a hadith from 'Abdullah bin Abi Ya'fur whose chain of narrators is authentic in which Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq was questioned about a man who had had intercourse in the anus of his wife. The Imam said, "There is no problem in it if she agrees." (Wasa'il 'sh-Shi'ah, vol. 14, p. 103)

When faced which such conflicting ahadith, most mujtahids have tried to bring them together by taking the apparently more authentic hadith (which approves anal intercourse) as a qualifier for the ahadith which totally forbid such sex. And in conclusion, they say that the prohibition in such ahadith is not on the level of haram, instead it is on the level of makruh. (See ash-Shahid ath-Thani, Sharh Lum'ah, vol. 2, p. 68 and Masalik, vol. 1, p. 438-9)

This conclusion of theirs is supported by a third category of ahadith on this subject in which the Imams have clearly and strongly discouraged their followers from anal intercourse. An example can be found in the question asked by Safwan al-Jammal to Imam 'Ali ar-Riza (a.s.) in which the latter clearly expressed his personal dislike for such act. (Wasa'ilu 'sh-Shi'ah, vol. 14, p. 102-103)

Therefore the majority of the Shi'ah mujtahids have derived two conclusions: (l) that anal intercourse is not haram but strongly disliked (karahatan shadidah) provided the wife agrees to it. (2) and if she does not agree to it, then all mujtahids say that it is precautionarily wajib to refrain from it. (See the fatawa of all contemporary mujtahids in their annotations to al-'Urwatu'l-Wuthqa, p. 628)

With all due respect to the great mujtahids who hold the above opinion, I would like to present the preferred opinion. It is true that we have conflicting ahadith from our Imams on anal intercourse, but the ahadith which approve anal intercourse are not suitable for deriving an opinion. Why? Because, in the case of conflicting ahadith, the mujtahid has to contrast them with the Sunni view prevalent at the time when the ahadith were issued by the Imams. And, then, those which agree with the Sunni view are to be considered as statements issued under taqiyyah and, therefore, not suitable for use in ijtihad. (For this methodology, the specialist reader may refer to Shaykh Murtaza al-Ansari, Rasa'il, p. 464-468) Using this method of solving the conflicting ahadith gives strength to the prohibitive ahadith and brings us to the preferred view that anal intercourse is not allowed. (For further details on this view, the specialist reader may refer to the late Ayatullah Syed Rahat Husayn al-Golalpuri, al-Intisar fi hurmati'l-adbar, Lucknow, al-Wa'iz Safdar Press, 1354 AH. To know the views of some prominent Sunnis of the Early Islamic period who approved anal intercourse, the English readers can refer to at-Tabataba'i, al-Mizan vol. 3 (English translation) pp. 320-321) Probably, it was such a consideration which caused the late Ayatullah al-Khu'i to change his view on this issue. During the last decade of his life, Ayatullah al-Khu'i departed from the majority view and gave the ruling that it was precautionarily wajib to abstain from anal intercourse no matter whether the wife agrees to it or not. (See al-Khu'i, Minhaju 's-Salihiyn, vol. 1 (Beirut: 22nd edition) p. 64)

I would strongly advise against anal intercourse, and would like to end this section with the saying of Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq and Imam 'Ali ar-Riza about anal intercourse: "Woman is a means of your pleasure, therefore do not harm her." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 101-102)

(E) Decency & Privacy

There was a time when people need not be reminded of some of the basic moral and ethical values, but now we are living in an era where moral values are changing like worn-out car tires!

One such issue is decency of dress at home and privacy at the time of sexual intercourse or intimate contact between husband and wife. There are some people in the West (of course, a minority) who think that it is okay, nay healthy, to stay naked in presence of their children! On a collective basis, they also organize nude camps. Why? So that the children will not think negatively about their own sexuality. Such parents also feel that there is nothing wrong in sexual intercourse in the presence of their children. This behavior is an example of the extreme reaction to the rigid Christian morality. To protect their children from associating sex with evil, some of these parents go to the extent of completely opening up to their children!

Such behavior is not only condemned by those who still abide by religious moral systems, it is equally condemned by those who are familiar with child psychology. A sexual manual read by millions of Westerners says, "Never involve children in adult sexual activities: militant and exhibitionist liberals who try to acclimatize children to the naturalness of sex by letting them in any level of their own sex lives probably do at least as much harm as was ever done by the prohibitive sex-is-dirty generation."

We have quite a few ahadith in which the Prophet and the Imams have emphasized that when you engage in sexual intercourse, make sure that no child (or, for that matter, any other person) sees you or hears you. Abu Basir quotes Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq as follows, "Be careful not to have sex with your wife while a child can see you. The Prophet used to dislike this (attitude) very strongly." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 94-95) If a child sees and hears the parents engaged in sexual intercourse, he might go through a shocking psychological experience. It might also create a problem in his own adult life. The manual quoted earlier says, "Most young children are biologically programmed to interpret the sight or sound of adult coition as evidence of a violent assault (they are aware of it earlier than you would expect, so don't keep babies in the bedroom), and the awareness of mother-father sexual relations is on all counts far too explosive a matter to be monkeyed with in the interest of Reichian experiments."

Islam has laid down clear guide-lines about the privacy of adults. Referring to the children who have not yet reached the age of puberty (bulugh), the Qur'an says:

Then referring to the children who have reached the age of puberty, the Qur'an says:

These two verses give us the following rules about privacy within and without the family circles:

1. There are three times in a day night, early morning and afternoon which are considered as times of privacy.

2. The minor children should be taught that during times of privacy they are not allowed to enter the bedroom of their parents or adults without first asking their permission. Obviously, by minor we do not mean infants; we mean the children who can understand what is right and what is wrong. I would put that at age five and above. The parents will have to ingrain this teaching to their minor children gradually.

3. At other times, the children are free to come and go into the bedroom of their parents without asking for their permission. In retrospect, this means that the parents should be decently dressed at those other times.

4. As for the mature children and adults, the Qur'an is clear that they may enter the bedroom of their parents or other adults at all times only after asking their permission.

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B. SEX EDUCATION

The third reason given above does not necessarily mean that I am in total agreement with the way sex education is handled in the Western school systems. I have no problem with the basic ideas that children should be educated about sex. However, I disagree with the age at which sex education begins and with its contents. This issue by itself deserves a detailed discussion which is beyond the scope of my present study. Nonetheless, I will briefly mention my thoughts on these two issues.

Age:

Sex education should begin in mid-teens when the children become sexually mature. The aim of sex education at this level should be to help them in understanding that they are responsible and accountable for using their sexual organs. They should be taught how to deal with sexual tension. (However, by looking at the proportionally high level of child sexual abuse in the Western world [which reflects the degree of its moral decay], I am prepared to accept those programs for young children which aim at educating them as how to protect themselves from sexual abuse. But this, in my view, is not sex education and therefore would not apply to our present discussion.)

Contents:

In this permissive society, the emphasis on sex education is more on preventing unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. No serious attempt is made in making the youngsters aware of the virtue of chastity and abstinence till they get married. This is not just because the Western society is a secular, liberal society, it is also related to its consumer-orientated economy. If sex education means only how to prevent unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, then the students learn nothing but the importance of using pills, condoms and other contraceptive devices. In other words, such sex education is nothing but a promotional program for the manufacturers of contraceptive aids ! Germaine Greer, a famous feminist, wrote about promoting contraceptives in the Third world as follows, "The sex reformers, who exhibit no respect for traditional values and address themselves to sexuality without interest in or comprehension of the whole personality, are the bawds of capitalism." (Greer, Sex and Destiny, p. 219) I totally agree with her not only in relation to the third world but even in case of the sex education in the West. The reason why sex educators are under pressure not to talk about the natural methods of birth control is not only because such methods are not hundred percent reliable (otherwise, even the condoms are not hundred percent reliable!), the real reason seems to be that if natural methods (like coitus interrupts or abstinence) which involve no expense become more popular, then who will buy the condoms and the pills?

In short I agree with the necessity of sex education for youngsters provided it exhibits respect for their religious and moral values, and addresses the issue comprehensively and not just end up as a promotional program for 'the bawds of capitalism'.

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Is sex inherently evil? A Muslim would be surprised by this question. Such a thought would never cross his mind. But the relevance of this question to Christianity and the Western world will become clear from the following pages. In the last eighty years, especially after the two World Wars, the sexual morality of the West has undergone a great change which is commonly described as the "sexual revolution. " On the ruins of the dying Christian morality, the west is trying to build a liberal sexual morality known as the "New Sexual Morality". To understand the social and historical background in which the new morality is emerging, we must study the sexual morality of the Christian Church.

A. CHRISTIAN SEXUAL MORALITY

Although Christianity is commonly thought to be a religion based on Jesus Christ's teachings, I use the word "Christianity" in this book for the teachings of the Church establishment. I am justified in doing so because the Bible has recorded nothing from Jesus Christ on marriage and sex. The exception being the sermon condemning visual and physical adultery:

The first person in Christianity to talk on sexual morality was St. Paul. He says, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." (Corinthians I, 7:1) In simple words this means that the Christian Church teaches that celibacy is better than marriage, and that the human body is not for sexual pleasure but for the Lord only. "The body is not meant for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body...Do you know that your bodies are members of Christ? (Corinthians I, 6:13,15)

St. Paul knew that celibacy means suppressing human nature but human nature cannot be suppressed. He knew that if marriage is totally forbidden, then people will still indulge in sexual gratification unlawfully. So he says, "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and every woman have her own husband."(Corinthians I, 7:2) Then as if to prevent the people from forgetting the holiness of celibacy, he continues: "I say this by way of concession, not of command. For I wish that all men were as I myself am...Therefore, I say to the unmarried and the widows that it is good for them to remain singles as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." (Corinthians I, 7:6-9) So marriage, when compared to fornication, is the lesser of two evils!

St. Paul further goes on to describe that marriage means distress: "Now concerning the unmarried...I think that in the view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is...Are you free from a wife? Then do not seek a wife. But if you marry, you do not sin, and if a girl marries, she does not sin. Yet those who marry shall have trouble in flesh." (Corinthians I, 7:25-28)

According to the Bible, marriage and pleasing God are antipathetic to each other. St. Paul says, "I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord, but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please his wife and his interest is divided...The unmarried woman cares for the affairs of the Lord, that she may be holy in body and spirit; but a married woman cares for worldly affairs, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." (Corinthians I, 7:32,35) He concludes the Christian position as follows: "So that he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marrying will do better." (Corinthians I, 7:38)

So the Christian view on marriage, in its original form, can be summarized as follows:
(a) celibacy is good and should be adopted;
(b) in order to refrain from fornication, marriage is allowed; but it is regrettable and one should try his or her best to avoid it;
(c) marriage retards salvation and is antipathetic to pleasing God.

Three centuries after St. Paul, came a theologian known as St. Augustine. Like his predecessor, he believed that sex was a threat to spiritual upliftment: "I know nothing which brings the manly mind down from the heights more than a woman's caresses and that joining of bodies without which one cannot have a wife."(Basic Writings of St. Augustine, p. 455.) He went even further than St. Paul by associating guilt with sex. He acknowledged that was essential for reproduction but argued that the act of sexual intercourse itself was tainted with guilt because of the sin of Adam and Eve. Sexual intercourse was transformed from something innocent to something shameful by the original sin of Adam and Eve, which is passed on from generation to generation.

In his The City of God, St. Augustine says, "Man's transgression [i.e., Adam and Eve's sin] did not annul the blessing of fertility bestowed upon him before he sinned, but infected it with the disease of lust." (The City of God, p. 21) In short, he preached that: (a) sex was something shameful because of the original sin of Adam and Eve; (b) chastity and celibacy was of a higher morality than marriage; (c) celibacy was a prerequisite for priests and nuns.

B. THE VICTORIAN ERA

There is no doubt that the survey of the Christian sexual morality is essential for understanding the sexual revolution of this century; but to fully comprehend the historical background in which the new sexual morality has emerged, it is equally important to look at the Victorian era.

"While the Christians in the pre-Victorian era were content with restricting sex to marriage, Victorians were concerned with how best to harness sex and rechannel it to loftier ends. For Victorians a moral man abstained from sex outside of marriage and was highly selective and considerate in sexual expression within marriage. And a moral woman endured these sporadic ordeals and did nothing to encourage them. Pleasure was not an appropriate goal for either sex, but especially not so for a woman." (Fundamentals of Human Sexuality, p. 483)

The following can be stated as the sexual morality of the Christian West in the nineteenth century: (a) sex is morally degrading compared to celibacy; (b) sexual passion in human beings is a result of the original sin, therefore sex for pleasure is sinful; (c) sex without pleasure is allowed only with the intention of procreation. At the dawn of the twentieth century, the prevalent view was that sex is inherently evil and is acceptable only as a lesser of two evils of fornication and marriage.

C. THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION

What you read above was a brief historical and social background of the Christian West against which the New Morality was emerging. The Church made a serious error in suppressing the most natural urge of human beings, the very means of their perpetuity. And it is obvious that natural urges can never be suppressed. 'Allamah Rizvi writes:

Commenting on the attitude of the Christian clergy, Russell writes, "It was only towards the end of the thirteenth century that the celibacy of the clergy was rigidly enforced. The clergy, of course, continued to have illicit relations with women..." (Marriage and Morals, p. 64) Pope John XII was condemned for adultery and incest; the abbot-elect of St. Augustine, at Canterbury, in 1171 was found to have seventeen illegitimate children in a single village; Henry III, Bishop of Leige, was deposed in 1274 for having sixty-five illegitimate children. The writers of the Middle Ages are full of accounts of nunneries that were like brothels, of the vast multitude of infanticides within their walls, and of incest among the clergy which forced the church to announce that priests should not be permitted to live with their mothers and sisters. (History of European Morals, vol. II p. 350-351)

This and nothing else could have been the consequence of an unnatural sexual morality. Those who could not suppress their natural urges, indulged in sinful acts secretly; others, like Martin Luther, revolted against the church and started the reformation movement which abandoned celibacy.

And when the Christian Church lost its influence in social affairs of the Western world and a separation between the Church and the state took place, even the lay man revolted. This revolt gained momentum after the two World Wars; and the Christian West started the sexual revolution in reaction to the sexual suppression. A reform movement takes the society from extremes towards moderation; whereas a revolution, in its early stages, takes the society from one extreme to the other. ' Allamah Rizvi comments, "Nature can be compared to a steel spring which, when pressed down, jumps back with equal force. When it took its revenge upon Christians, it turned Christian societies into the most permissive, libertine and undisciplined ones the world had ever seen." (The Family Life of Islam, p. 8-9)

Thus the New Morality emerged in the West and leaped to the other extreme. From the extreme of suppressing natural desires, some preachers of the new morality went to the extreme of unrestrained sexual freedom which is the realm of the animal world. They propounded the idea of "sex for fun," "sex for its own sake" and "free sex" which eventually would have completely destroyed the concept of family, the fabric of human society. In the late eighties, it can be said that the spring of nature is returning to its normal position. Katchadourian and Lunde, writing in 1980, say, "The morality of 'sex for fun' or 'sex for its own sake' never appealed to even the majority of the young. The romantic ideals of marriage, fidelity, and a stable home life for rearing children were still very much alive and influential in American life. A new synthesis of values is arising. Many of the changes in sexual attitudes of the 1960s have been retained, but the more radical beliefs have been found to be unacceptable by most people. Many individuals are willing to approve of premarital exploration, but they want to be certain that no one gets hurt. Many have found that 'sex for its own sake' was not as gratifying as it looked when it first became popular; and others have seen so many people hurt by irresponsible sex that they are asking for a new morality of responsible sex." (Fundamentals of Human Sexuality, p. 420)

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To summarize, we can say that firstly, the West traveled from one extreme (that of sexual suppression exemplified by the Christian Church) to the other extreme (that of free sex and sex for fun exemplified by the liberal sexual morality). Secondly, the West has realized that free sex and sex for fun is not acceptable to human sensibilities. Finally, after jumping from one extreme to the other, the West is longing for "a new morality of responsible sex." In our view, the morality of responsible sex is the balanced sexual morality of Islam to which we shall turn soon.

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The reason why I discussed the religious and social background in which the sexual revolution has taken place is to let the Muslims In the West and the East know that this revolution was not a by-product of science and technology per se (although some scientific technologies like contraceptives have made it easier); rather it was a reaction to the suppressive sexual morality of the Christian Church. This, I hope, will also break the myth among many Asians and Africans, especially the elite class, that every behavior and norm of the West is based on sound scientific reasons!

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A. DEFINING THE ISLAMIC VIEW

The Islamic sexual morality is fundamentally different from that of the Christian Church. This is because of the all-encompassing nature of the Islamic shari'ah. Bertrand Russell says, "Great religious leaders, with the exception of Muhammad and Confucius, if he can be called religious have in general been very indifferent to social and political considerations, and have sought rather to perfect the soul by meditation, discipline and self-denial." (Marriage and Morals, p. 175-176) Yes, Islam has surely not been indifferent to social problems.

The Islamic sexual morality is also fundamentally different from the new sexual morality in a sense that it does not accept the concept of free sex. Islam aims at teaching its followers not to suppress their sexual urges, rather to fulfill them but in a responsible way.

Islam recognizes the sexual needs of human beings and believes that the natural instincts should be nurtured, not suppressed. Islam says that the biological parts of our body have a purpose, they have not been created uselessly. No text in Islam can be found to equate sex with inherent evil or sin; whatever has been taught by the Qur'an, Prophet Muhammad and his Ahlu'l-bayt points in the opposite direction. What the Qur'an and the authentic sunnah and I emphasize on authentic have said about sex and marriage will now be discussed under the following headings: Islam has very highly recommended marriage as a good deed and not as a lesser of two evils; Islam has very strongly opposed celibacy and monasticism, and Islam believes that marriage is not a hindrance in spiritual wayfaring, on the contrary it helps the wayfarer.

1. MARRIAGE IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

It is important to realize that in Islamic texts the idea of marriage is not restricted to a platonic relationship between husband and wife, nor is it confined to sex for the purpose of procreation . The legal term for marriage is "nikah" which literally means sexual intercourse.

Marriage is a highly recommended deed. Allah says, "Marry the spouseless among you...if they are poor, God will enrich them of His bounty."(Qur'an 24:32) The first word of this verse begins with "ankihu" (Marry!) which is an imperative form of the word nikah. According to the principles of Islamic jurisprudence, any communication in imperative form from God can have two levels of meaning: either it is an obligatory command or a very high recommendation. And therefore we see that in Islam celibacy is not considered as a virtue. Based on this verse we find the Prophet saying that, "Whoever refrains from marriage because of fear of poverty, he has indeed thought badly of God." (Wasa'ilu 'sh-Shi'ah, vol. 14, p. 24) In another verse Allah says, "... Then marry such women as seem good to you two, three or four. But if you fear that you will not do justice between your wives, then marry only one... "(4:3)

Sex has been openly recommended in the Qur'an, "When they [i.e., the wives] have cleansed themselves [after menstruation], you go into them as Allah has commanded." (2:222) The phrase 'commanded you' does not refer to any legislative command; that is, it does not mean that as soon as a person's wife becomes clean from her period, he should immediately have sex with her. It is a creative command and refers to the sexual urge which Allah has placed in our nature. And when the sexual urge is counted as a creative command of God, then who can associate it in any way with sin and evil?!

Marriage and sex are among the signs of God's power and blessings. The Qur'an says, "And among His signs is that He has created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may live in tranquility with them; and He has created love and mercy between you. Verily, in that are signs for those who reflect."(30:21 )

From these few verses of the Qur'an, one can easily understand that according to Islam: (a) marriage is a sign of God's power and blessings; (b) marriage is a highly recommended act of virtue which should not be avoided because of poverty; (c) sexual urge is a creative command of God placed in human nature. After equating sex with Allah's creative command, there can be no room for equating it with guilt, sin or evil.

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The Prophet and the Imams of Ahlu'l Bayt also encouraged their followers to marry and to fulfill their sexual urges in lawful ways as can be seen from the following: The Prophet said, "No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 3) The Prophet said, "O you young men! I recommend marriage to you." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 25) Imam 'Ali said, "Marry, because marriage is the tradition of the Prophet. The Prophet said, 'Whosoever likes to follow my tradition, then he should know that marriage is from my tradition.'" (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 3-4, 6) Imam Riza said, "Three things are from the traditions of the messengers of God: using perfume, removing the [excessive] hair and frequently visiting one's wife." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 4) Ishaq bin 'Ammar quotes Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq as follows: "Loving women is among the traditions of the prophets." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 9)

The Prophet said, "Prayer has been made the apple of my eyes, and my pleasure is in women." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 10) See with what ease the Prophet moves from prayers to the pleasure of women! The Prophet said, "No Muslim man has gained a benefit after [the religion of] Islam better than a Muslim wife who is a cause of his pleasure whenever he looks towards her..." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 23) Imam Muhammad al-Baqir quotes the Prophet as follows: "Allah says that, 'Whenever I intend to gather the good of this world and the hereafter for a Muslim, I give him a heart which is humble [to Me], a tongue which praises [Me], a body which can bear [worldly] affliction and a believing wife who is a cause of his pleasure whenever he looks towards her and who protects herself and his property when he is absent." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 23) See with what ease Allah has combined His praise with the pleasure a man derives from a faithful wife!

Jamil bin Darraj quotes Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq saying, "Mankind has not enjoyed [anything] in this world and the hereafter more than the desire for women. Allah says, 'The love of desire of women has been made to seem fair to people.'[3 :14] The people of the Paradise do not enjoy anything from it more desirable than sex, neither food nor drink." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 10)

2. CELIBACY & MONASTICISM IS FORBIDDEN

The Islamic point of view about the worldly good things is not negative, rather it says that we should appreciate them as the blessings of God. And Islam is, therefore, totally opposed to monasticism and celibacy. 'Uthman bin Maz'un was a close companion of the Prophet. One day his wife came to the Prophet and complained, "O the Messenger of God! 'Uthman fasts during the day and stands for prayers during the night." In other words, she meant to say that her husband was abstaining from sexual relations during the night as well as the day. The Prophet was so much angered with this that he did not even wait to put on his slippers. He came out with the slippers in his hands and went to 'Uthman's house. The Prophet found him praying. When 'Uthman finished his prayers and turned towards the Prophet, the latter said, "O 'Uthman! Allah did not send me for monasticism, rather He sent me with a simple and straight[shari'ah]. I fast, pray and also have intimate relations with my wife. So whosoever likes my tradition, then he should follow it; and marriage is one of my traditions. (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 10) Since 'Uthman was already married, the word "marriage" in this hadith can only be applied to sexual relations.

In another incident, three women came to the Prophet and complained that their husbands were abstaining from meat, perfume and intimate relations with their wives. The Prophet quickly came to the mosque, went on the pulpit and said, "What has happened to some of my companions that they do not eat meat, they do not use perfume and they do not go to their women?! Whereas I eat meat, use perfume and go to my wives. Therefore whosoever dislikes my tradition, then he is not from me. (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p.4)

Ibn Abu 'Umayr quotes that Sikkin an-Nakha'i had devoted himself to prayers and abstinence from women and delicious food. Then he wrote a letter to Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq seeking clarification about his actions. The Imam wrote, "As for what you have said about abstaining from women, you surely know how many women the Prophet had! As for food, the Prophet used to eat meat and honey." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 4) The Imam is obviously condemning the holier-than-thou attitude of his companion.

Imam 'Ali narrates that some companions of the Prophet had vowed to abstain from sexual relations with their wives, from eating during the day and from sleeping during the night. Umm Salamah, the Prophet' s wife, informed him about this group. The Prophet went out to his companions and said, "Do you abstain from women whereas I go to the women?! I eat during the day and sleep during the night! Whosoever dislikes my tradition, then he is not from me." After this speech, Allah revealed the following verse:

Read this verse carefully and see that firstly, it counts sex, food and sleep among "the lawful and good things which Allah has permitted you;" and secondly celibacy and abstinence is considered as "exceeding the law of God." After this verse was revealed, those companions came to the Prophet and said, "O Messenger of God! We have taken oath to abstain from those things." That is, how can we now break our oath of abstinence? Then Allah revealed the following verse "Allah will not call you [to account] for vain oaths... "(5:84) Again, note that an oath of celibacy or abstinence from the good and lawful things is considered by Islam as 'vain oaths!' (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 8-9)

The discouraging of celibacy is not confined to men, even women have been discouraged from remaining single. Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq said, "The Prophet has forbidden the women to become ascetic and to prevent themselves from husbands." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 117)

'Abdus Samad bin Bashir quotes that a woman came to Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq and said, "May God bless you; I am an ascetic woman."

The Imam: "What does asceticism mean to you?"

The woman: "It means that I will never marry."

The Imam: "Why?"

The woman: "By practicing asceticism, I want to acquire favor (of God)."

The Imam: "Go away! If asceticism was a means of acquiring favor (of God), then Fatimah would have been more entitled to it than you because none can gain more favor [in the eyes of Allah] than her." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 117-118)

A similar incident is also narrated in relation to Imam Riza.

The Prophet said, "The most low [in status] among your dead are the singles." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 7)

Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq says that a person came to my father. My father asked him, "Do you have a wife? " He said, "No. " My father said, "I would not prefer to have the world with all its riches while I sleep at night without a wife." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p.7)

3. MARRIAGE HELPS IN SPIRITUALITY

In Islam, contrary to Christianity, marriage and sex are not antipathetic to the love for and worship of God. Instead of an obstacle, marriage is regarded as an asset in acquiring spiritual perfection.

The Prophet said, "One who marries has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p.5) A person who can fulfill his sexual urges lawfully is less distracted in the spiritual journey. Love for women and faith are inter-related. In one hadith, 'Umar bin Zayd quotes Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq that, "I do not think that a person's faith can increase positively unless his love for women has increased." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p.9) The same Imam said, "Whenever a person's love for women increases, his faith increases in quality." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p.11) He also said, "Whosoever's love for us increases, his love for women must also increase." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p.11)

Marriage even elevates the value of prayers. The Prophet said, "Two rak 'ats (cycles) prayed by a married person is better than the night-vigil and the fast of a single person." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p.7) Ibn Fuzzal quotes Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq saying that, "Two rak'ats prayed by a married person is better than seventy rak'ats prayed by a single person." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p.6)

The Prophet said, "If anyone likes to meet Allah in purity, then he should meet Him with a wife." (Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 25)

A woman came to the Prophet's house and her strong perfume soon filled the house. When the Prophet inquired about the visitor, the woman said that she had tried everything to attract her husband but in vain; he does not leave his meditation to pay any attention to her.

The Prophet told her to inform her husband about the reward of sexual intercourse which he described as follows: "When a man approaches his wife, he is guarded by two angels and [at that moment in Allah's views] he is like a warrior fighting for the cause of Allah. When he has intercourse with her, his sins fell like the leaves of the tree [in fall season]. When he performs the major ablution, he is cleansed from sins. (Wasa'il 'sh-Shi'ah, Vol. 14, p. 74)

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These quotations from the Qur'an and the sayings of the Prophet and the Imams of Ahlu'l-bayt show that the Islamic view on sex and marriage is in complete harmony with human nature. It can easily be concluded that in the Islamic sexual morality: (a) marriage and sex is highly recommended and it is in no way associated with evil, guilt or sin; (b) monasticism and celibacy is unacceptable; (c) marriage is considered a helping factor in attaining spiritual perfection it prevents the Muslims from getting into sins and also enhances the value of their acts of worship. These teachings neutralize the need for a sexual revolution in a Muslim society. Since there is no sexual suppression, the question of a sexual revolution does not arise.