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"Snow has a mysterious calming effect. Unfortunately, it also has a less mysterious slipping effect."
Untoaster-ized = best word ever.
"Shizzle my nizzle. I'm done." (Mimicking Snoop Dogg)
"Red wine is to operetta... as champagne is to Robert Goulet"
---- Making parody of concert director
"Did you just flick me off??" ---- J.L. sucka at work
"Ok, so you're both stupid AND imagining things."
---- Me at PNS
English teacher- "The pilgrim most likely to become pregnant?? What kind of question is that, Steve?"
*slight laughter*
Me- "I dunno-it was funny."
Kid in class *serious*- "Umm...the friar." (The friar is a guy)
*Lots more laughing*
Me at work- "Whoa, that register has problems."
Other other Andy- Yeah, it needs triple A."
Me- "Ha-'And why are you here today??' "It writes "beer...beer...beer"
Other other Andy- "Lol-that's sad"
"Can I have these instruction manuals? You don't have the games anymore."
(Known pothead working at store)"Umm...
...I don't care."
"Mm...ok! Yay!"
"You're automatically stupid if you say something like that."
"BAAAAM!!" ---- Me imitating scary teacher playing volleyball
"I'm voting Steve most likely to become a train conductor."
---- Debate teacher
"Car care is 'car car' without the E"
"Protein= Pro-T +Ein"
"Yeah, Mr. I-Got-A-C!" -Omny
"Yeah, Mr. I-Got-A-Not-C! (sounds like nazi) -Me
"We aren't jackasses to anyone, we're just jackasses in general"
Derrick- "You're holding it wrong (gun)."
"No, I'm paranoid"
---- History Club trip to CW re-enactment
Guard- "Do you pledge loyalty to the Union?"
MrFood- "Yes"
Me- "Definitely"
Guard- "Advance"
MrFood- "Sucka"
Me- "We didn't mean it!!!" (run away)
---- Again, at CW re-enactment
"Frankenpuff lives!!!!!!!!!"
"MOTHRA LIVES AT HILLSIDE!!!!!"
"...NEED....BINARY...."
"So I deduce that water is Satan, a predator of molecules, and has a playa complex"
---- Me after Bio
"All governments care about pollution...except maybe Swaziland"
---- In Debate
"Now I'm going to base my campaign on 3 prongs..."
---- Me during History Club elections
"Lambda. It's like a lamb and...a duh."
---- Me to other Steve in physics last year
"I spilled milk on this, now it's helluva tough!" ---- Omny
"Pour Candace potion on it. Then it'll be helluva easy."
---- Me
"My hand is bleeding..."
---- Me and Matt in English
"You suck at math."
"No I don't IDIOT!!!
---- Me and Matt(in that order) in Poli Sci. You prolly had to be there. lol
"Woosh pass!! Woosh pass!!"
---- Me and MrFood while stuck on Raging Bull at GA
*HYPOTHETICAL*
(Debate) "To begin- BLABLUABALBALUALUBA" (shakes head and makes strange mouth-noise)
----Me
GameFAQs Message Boards
"Alcohol & calculus don't mix. Never drink & derive."
---- Aldehyde
"lol stop!111 youre giving me a b0nar!!11"
---- Not sure who said it, but someone did, and they're stupid.
"In my opinion it is a fact."
---- Strawberryz32
"WHOSE IN NEED OF AN INTELLIGENT TURN ON NOW!?"
---- Book End
"His "turn the other cheek" attack would be devastating (all enemies are converted and make regular donations to your cause)." (on a Jesus in an RPG message board)
---- scott88008
"I am nobody-nobody is perfect-therefore, I am perfect!"
---- shortyschlosser08
"If you document it, it's not a bug -- not a feature."
---- Aerosmith5
"Is a Saturn a really really old nintendo?"
---- AlliecatAngel
Other
"Seriously, the way I play video games, I could get any guy."
---- My housefellow (floor-advisor-person)
"Ehh...I have seem to be out of room. Eh.. shall I write sideways? I shall. *everyone starts laughing"
---- My Russian math professor
(on aim after telling him to read a book on something)rais31: i'm not into all that "intelectual" stuff
"NEVER carry cheese fries and walk at the same time." (Girl at Ozzfest to Dstln)
*Different girl at Ozzfest notices Dstln's T!-Shirt* "Mr. T!! That guy's great. My mom wouldn't let me watch the show because she was racist, but I used to sneak and watch it all the time."
"Rap is crap, crap is Rap, and you can't spell crap without Rap so Rap must be crap."
---- Layne Staley
"I like parks."
----Parkboy (works at PNS)
"Hey, you wanna see Episode II with us?" -Omny
"Not with you, fucker."----Malambo (on a very strange day...)
"Then he walked to the back of the store, pulled down his pants and pooped in the middle of the store."
---- PNS Manager
"I was so close to her that the wind coming off her butt touched my hands. So, I basically touched her butt."
---- Matt on Britney Spears after concert
"The Yak's mating call is YAAAAAAAAAK!!!!!!"
---- Jorgy in Bio
"I'll base you in the face!!"
---- Jorgy
Hypothetical Situation
Message to Fox 6 News- "A white powderery substance has covered Southeastern Wisconsin!!"
(Heh...they'd probably make a story for it too.)
---- Forgot who's it was
"Oooh! Paper"
*rips paper with feet*
Teacher following us- "Ok, now that you ripped it, you have to pick it up."
---- Mouse
*When going to a party with my friend and his mom*
"Okay now when you go sleding ask them for gloves and a hat."
*Minutes pass and we drive up to the house.*
"Okay remember ask them for protection, I don't want you unproteced."
*Parent comes to pick us up*
"Yes Mom I asked for protection."
"WHAT?"
"You said to ask for protection and I did"
*Laughter*
---- Mouse's story
"Everyone has the right to be stupid. Some just abuse that right."
---- Andrew Bronson
*I beat a friend in MvC2 while he plays as Ken*
*Ken says something in Japanese*
"Gah! You're American! You don't even speak Japanese!"
---- DB
"Hey! It's Steve!"
"No! It's the one with the glasses!"
*We all laugh because we both obviously have glasses*
---- Former Anti-T's to us
"Know what my bow hair's made of? Yeah, horse mullet"
---- Brian
"And the place Arthur was from is called something that a hotel nearby is named."
"Holiday Inn?"
---- Girl in class who was serious
"Just make it look good"
---- Classic quote from Keith, former manager
HYPOTHETICAL
*Calls up computer warranty people*
*baseball bat in computer*
"Yeah, it was working fine, but it's been acting strange recently. Fix it."
---- Keith
/HYPOTHETICAL
"Make sure all the mice have balls"
----A teacher to students cleaning computers.
*A pitcher can throw both right and left handed*
"I guess he can relieve himself on the mound then."
---- English teacher
"I like it when teachers read to me."
---- Kyle in Debate
"I know I feel depressed when I go online because I sometimes play checkers. And I lose, so I get all depressed."
---- Kyle in Debate (again)
"The girl who had one shoe now has many."
---- Mariah Carey
Other Josh person- "Couldn't you just put a smiley face or a checkmark or some sort of distinguishable mark on the paper so I know it's done?"
Teacher (laughing)- "You're a long way from getting a smiley face from me."
Josh- "Oh, I'm sorry. How about a frown or a middle finger?"
Ryan (bursts out laughing)- "I'd like a middle finger on my paper!"
"Isn't that bringing gays and gay-bashers together?"
---- Girl in Poli Sci
"Why aren't blacks at the bottom?" ---- Girl in Emerging Nations
"RACIST!" ---- Everyone else
*Girl at work* "Hey, do you have cats?"
*Us* "Yeah..."
*Girl* "Do you know catnip?"
*Us* "Yeah..."
*Girl* "Well, I smoked it cause someone told me it was pot." lol
*at work*
"On my income tax 1040 it says 'check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away."
---- Person in local newspaper
"When I go to the bathroom, I don't think of positives or negatives."
---- Eric in Debate
"God Is The Best Thing Ever Invented"
---- Kim H.
"I fell in love with that little sphere, I loved any little balls that I could play with."
---- Person at history club
"I say we give Bush the Pope-Mobile." (To get around quickly)
---- Ryan in Poli Sci
"I'd label that 'S' for Scary."
---- Poli Sci teacher
"Hello, hello. We have a problem."
----British guy in Kuwait during invasion
I got electricity...in my pants."
----guy on Birdman
"I was able to get bigger-especially in the morning"
----other guy on Birdman
"God's in his Heaven
All's Right With the World"
---- Hippo Pimotus (and in Eva)
"I'm not crying because I'm sad, I'm crying because it hurts."
---- Other Joe
"I don't need a heart. I have a hand"
---- The General
"You look like Dalmer!!"
---- Alik to me
"You look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!!"
---- Kelly P.
"Of course you don't get it- That's the point of being wrong!"
---- Alex
"This guy asks me to come over 'Hey dude can you come over here'
He WHISPERS to me 'Hey where do you guys keep your condoms'
I say 'I don't think we sell any'
He then YELLS 'OH DAMN! HONEY THEY DONT SELL ANY CONDOMS HERE!' "
---- Mouse's recollection at PNS
"nah NAH nah"
---- Mike L.
"It depends on what the meaning of 'Is' is."
---- Bill Clinton
"I'm not going to retire until the good Lord calls me
-and I have an unlisted and unpublished phone number."
---- John McAdams
"I am part Jamaican and part Shaman, like my grandma...
She saw the mark of the shaman on me as I was young, and here I am, sweeties!"
"Ahhh...so they were booty buddies, were they not??"
"Mmm hmm mmm hmmm I hear ya sister, I know what happened"
"The cards never lie"
"Watch my pay-per-view Sept. 16th and you might just find something out about yourself"
---- Ms. Cleo
"Why would you want to be a TOAD???"
---- Rachel
"Because......he's a WOMANIZER!!!!"
---- Originally based on The Captain from "Dr. Heidegger's Experiment", now Marcus' answer for everything
Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
----Woody Allen
"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
---- Woody Allen
"Woot Tim?"
"I need off for my barthbay."
---- D's typoes (more at D's Page)
"Part of teaching is lying"
---- Mr. K
"Blaming guns for Columbine is like blaming spoons for Rosie O' Donnel for being fat."
---- Some guy, not sure
"Fighting for peace is like f**king for virginity."
---- Some other guy...
"I gotta get a picture with my hamma brother here."
---- Guy at GA who took a picture with me because I was singing MCHammer
"Dude, you just gotta take one of those Sobe bottles, put it in a flame and it makes an awesome bong!"
"That'd take too much time, dumbass"
---- Potheads on my bus last year in a conversation
"DOGGONE DIRTY APES!!!!!!!!!!"
---- Crazy guy at theater