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A Fisherman's Tale ...

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head.

The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.

The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."

The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."

Rizwan goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, I ache all over. Every where I touch it hurts."

The doctor says "Ok, touch your elbow."
Rizwan touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.

The doctor, surprised,says "touch your head."
Rizwan touches his head and jumps in agony.

The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.
Every where Rizwan touches it hurts like hell.

The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays etc... and tells Rizwan to come back after two days.

Two days later Rizwan comes back and the doctor says, "We've found your problem..."

"Oh yeah? what is it ?"

'You've broken your finger!'
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Fishing for a Week ...

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife,
"Something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."

He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.

A week later he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?"

"Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."

"Oh no I didn't. I put them in your fishing box."
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Recently a worldwide survey was conducted by U.N. The question asked was:
'Would you please give your opinion about the food shortage in the rest of the world' ?

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.

In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant.

And in U.S. they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.

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A setback in Iraqi-American relations

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"

Bush says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"
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Once an Pakistani minister was on a tour to France and his French counterpart invited him for a dinner. When the Pakistani minister arrived at the latter's residence, he was astonished to see that the latter was living in a very grand and luxurious bungalow and they had dinner in silver spoons and plates and all his bungalow were filled of precious antiques and other articles. He can not hold himself back and asked the French minister the reason for him living in such a grand style. On asking the French minister took him to a window.

French Minister : Do you see the river over there ?

Pakistani Minister : Yes.

French Minister : Do you see the bridge over it ?

Pakistani Minister : Yes.

French Minister : 10%.

After 5 years the same French minister got a chance to visit Pakistan and now it was the turn of our same Pakistani minister to invite him for a dinner. When the French minister arrived at the Pakistani minister's residence, he was stunned to see that the latter was living in a palace like house and they had dinner in golden spoons and plates and he had hundreds of servants and all his bungalow were filled of jewelries and costliest furniture, antiques and other articles. Now it was his turn to ask, "Dear friend how could you afford to live such a grand style?"

The Pakistani minister took him to a window.

Pakistani Minister : Do you see the river over there ?

French Minister : Yes.

Pakistani Minister : Do you see the bridge over it ?

French Minister : No.

Pakistani Minister : 100 %.

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"YOU KNOW, SHANI,
whenever the wife and I get into an argument, she gets historical."

"You mean hysterical. Ali, don't you?"

"No. I mean historical-she remembers everything I ever did wrong and the exact date and time that it happened."
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A MAN was told by his physician that he had only six month to live.

"Doctor," he said, "is there anything I can do?"

"Yes," replied the doctor. " First, give all your possessions to the poor. Next move to a cold - water shack in the backwoods. And then marry a woman with nine young children."

"Will this give me more time ?"
"No - but it'll be the longest six month of your life!"

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Bush's Tragedy ...

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word ''tragedy.''
"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!"

The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"

A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"

The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"

A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"

"Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?"

"Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!"
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Four Men and Their Dogs ...

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist and a Government Worker were bragging about how smart their dogs were.
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog and said, "T-Square, do your stuff."

T- square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff."

Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff."

Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, "What can your dog do?"

The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff."

Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, molested the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation and went home on sick leave.

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If the Titanic was made in Pakistan:
1. Wait a minute it was an Pakistani movie if you think abou it.
2. They would be serving mango fruity on the boat.
3. None of the people would float for long cause of the saris.
4. The boat would sink, because there are too many people on it.
5. Kate Winslet played by Saima, and Leonard Di' Caprio played by Shan.
6. The movie would be called "Doobta Hua Pyar".
7. It's seven and half-hours long.
8. By the end of the movie he finds his mom, dad, sister and brother.
9. There has to be a song with a girl wearing a white dress, singing in the rain.
10. There would be 10 times as many people on the ship.
AND

Can you imagine how many times we would hear "Bachaoooo"!!!

PS: The hero, heroine, his mom, dad, sister and brother will float in the cold water for days and yet survive. The villain will drown in the first drops of water.

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Today's Joke!

A number of Indians were discussing who the most Patriotic Indian citizen was. Some said they always saluted the National flag wherever were and hence were the most patriotic. Others said that whenever they heard the national anthem being sung, howsoever faintly, they immediately stood at attention. Likewise everyone was boasting about how patriotic he/she was.

A Sardarji from Punjab was keeping mum while the discussion happened. Everybody asked him why he was so quiet. Some even remarked that the Sardarji was not a true patriot and hence had nothing to say.

Hearing this the Sardarji immediately flew into a rage. 'I have kept quiet till now only because I was felt like crying on hearing your foolish talk about patriotism. How does it benefit the Nation if you salute the Flag or do stand at attention on hearing the national anthem. A true patriot should be like me. 365 days, 24 hours my radio set is tuned to Pakistan Radio at full volume'.

'But how is that a patriotic act?' someone asked.

The Sardarji said, 'Arrey you don't understand. If nothing else we can at least harm the Pakistanis by consuming as much of their electricity as possible'.

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A Pakistani tourist after a long walk in one of very fancy clean streets of Delhi found himself needing to urinate badly. After a long search he could not find any place to you-know, and eventually couldn't control himself and chose a silent corner of a clean street to release himself.

As soon as he had just started you-know-what, a Delhi police official approached him, "Hey, What do you think you're doing here?"

Pakistani tourist: "Sorry I have to Pee"

Police : "No PP here okay ? Follow me."

The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass, flowers and singing birds around.

Police: "PP here..... and have a nice day".

Pakistani tourist : "Oh Sir, ....... that's very nice of you, is this Indian courtesy?"

Police: "No.......this is The Pakistani Embassy!"
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A Japanese traveller wanted to visit Pakistan. He reached the airport & hailed a taxi. The taxt driver was from Karachi.

The Japanese said: Your taxi goes very slow. Japanese taxi goes very fast. Your buses are very slow. Japanese buses are very fast.

'What!!!!' yelled the Japanese at the end of the journey, 'your meter goes very fast!'

'Yes, sir', said the taxi driver, 'it is made in Japan!'
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Country Politics

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."
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Corporate America

The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance level workers is basketball.

The game of choice for frontline workers is football.

The game of choice for middle management is tennis.

The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf.

Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are, the smaller your balls are.

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Clocks ...

Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was giving her a tour of Heaven when she noticed that there were dozens of clocks on the wall. Each clock displayed a different time of day.

When she asked St. Peter about the clocks, he replied, ''We have a clock for each person on earth and every time they tell a lie the hands move. The clock ticks off one second each time a lie is told.''

Special attention was given to two clocks. The clock belonging to Mother Teresa has never moved, indicating that she never told a lie. The clock for Abraham Lincoln has only moved twice. He only told two lies in his life.

Hillary asked ''Where is Bill Clinton's clock?'' St. Peter replied, ''Jesus has it in his office... he's using it as a ceiling fan.'''

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Beautiful?

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, You're beautiful! and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.

A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said You're cute! Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of beautiful it was cute. She said What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was The drugs are wearing off!

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A Child's Prayer

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was so scared he practically soiled himself. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
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GRANDPA WAS CELEBRATING his 100th birthday, and everyone was complimenting him on how well he looked.

"I'll tell you the secret," he said.
"My wife and I were married seventy-five years ago.

On our wedding night we made a pledge that whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go out and take a walk.

I have been in the open air continuously for the past seventy-five years."
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A MAN NOTED for his tact was awakened one morning at four o' clock by his ringing telephone.

" Your dog's barking and it's keeping me awake. "Said an irritating voice. The man thanked the called and politely asked his name before hanging up.

The next morning at four O'clock, he called back his neighbor. Sir, "he said," I don't have a dog."
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