Lodge houstoun St Johnstone No 242 Ancient, Free and Accepted
Masons of Scotland
A Tramp's Own Ritual
Q.
Who comes here?
A. A
poor, worthless candidate for charity, who begs to have and
receive a part of the free lunch of
this town set apart for regular
customers, as many
thousand tramps have done before me.
Q. How do you expect to gain the rights and
privileges?
A.
By being a man too lazy to work,
not ashamed to beg, and
under the tongue of generally bad
report.
Q. Where can this report be had of you?
A. In the police reports and inebriate
asylums.
Q.
From whence came you?
A.
From a town in Texas called Booze.
Q.
Then you are a regular tramp I
perceive?
A. I am so taken and arrested wherever I
go.
Q.
How do you know you are a regular
tramp?
A. By being often arrested and tried and
never acquitted, and
expect to be arrested and tried and convicted
again.
Q.
Where were you first prepared to be
a tramp?
A.
In a small bar room adjoining my
place of abode.
Q.
How were you prepared?
A.
By being kicked and cuffed around
until divested of nearly
all my clothes, having been
previously deprived of all my
money and diamonds.
Q.
What first induced you to become a
tramp?
A.
That I might travel all over the
land and indulge my ravenous
appetite for beer - and sponge my
living from an easily humbugged public.
Q.
How am I to know you to be a tramp?
A.
By the size and laziness of my
feet, by the size and colour
of my nose, and by signs, grips and words.
Q. What are words?
A.
Certain plausible tales that will
best serve to induce the lady of
the house to give up her cakes and
pies.
Q. What are signs?
A.
Dirty face and hands, torn and
dirty clothes, with a bad limp in either leg.
Q. What is a grip?
A.
A tight hold on anything portable
that can be turned into ready cash.
Q. Will you give me the grip?
A. No; get one on some other fellow.
Q. How did you first gain admission to this
town?
A.
By a good long tramp at "low
twelve" the time when all policemen
are called from labour to
refreshments.
Q.
How were you received?
A.
By a cop, just on the point of
taking a Manhattan eye-opener.
Q.
What did he do with you?
A.
He put me in the cooler in due
form.
Q.
What was next done with you?
A.
He conducted me around from East to
West, to the court house,
and told me to stand erect and face
the judge.
Q.
What did the judge say to you?
A.
He told me to say my name and promise
to obey the law, after
which he ordered me to take a step
to the left and follow the cop
to the place from whence I came.
Q. What was then said to you?
A.
I was asked whether I would be off
or from.
Q.
From what unto what?
A. From this town to the next quite
quickly.
PASS .