Pop Culture Fights - Where No Character Is Safe

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POP CULTURE FIGHTS

This Week's Match-Up:

The Usual Suspects vs. Reservoir Dogs

The Set-Up
      "Hey guys, who is Keyser Soze?"
      Roger "Verbal" Kint's question went unanswered. Only the sound of Fred Fenster and Michael McManus still thumbing through their files could be heard. Kobayashi had disappeared before any of them could have reacted, but Dean Keaton was convinced that this whole thing was a setup.
      "There is no Soze," he said vehemently, "but these files are bad anyway. Only L.A.P.D. could have this much on all of us."
      "F*** L.A.P.D.," McManus breathed. "I've heard of this Soze, and he means business. The real question is why he'd want us to do this job." He was of course referring to Kobayashi's mission to eliminate a competitor of Soze's, Joe Cabot. "I say we do it. We've already done some dirty work, and nothing's happened so far."
      "I'm with him," Todd Hockney said. "I'm not scared sh**less like Mr. Reformed over here." He gestured vaguely at Keaton. "It doesn't seem to require much finesse either. Real straightforward." Fenster mumbled what they thought was assent, but they couldn't be sure. Keaton cleared his throat and finally agreed.

      Uncle Bob's Pancake House was unusually crowded today. With such an eclectic group of patrons, it wasn't a huge surprise that no one questioned the eight men around a table, six identically dressed in black.
      "I'm telling ya, that's what 'Like a Virgin' is about," insisted the man codenamed Mr. Brown. "It's not about a nice girl who meets a sensitive boy. Now granted that's what 'True Blue' is about, no argument about that."
      "Which one is 'True Blue?'" asked Mr. Orange.
      "You don't remember 'True Blue?' That was a big ass hit for Madonna. Sh**, I don't even follow this Tops In Pops sh**, and I've at least heard of 'True Blue,'" laughed Nice Guy Eddie. The conversation continued similarly, with each of the eight men getting their own jokes and comments in. As they were about to get up to leave, five men clad in ski masks burst through the entrance, guns in hand.
      "Get down!" McManus screamed, sending the patrons scrambling for the ground. "We're looking for someone called Joe! Give him to us and nobody will get hurt!"
      "Aw, f***," shouted Eddie. "Run for cover!"
      "I shoulda f***ing tipped at the beginning," whispered Mr. Pink. The eight men lunged behind the diner's counter, unholstering their handguns as they fell. Joe, breathing heavily, grabbed his son and headed for the back entrance through the kitchen. This left the six black-suited criminals to take out the five intruders. So which group will outgun the other: the color-coded cons or the Soze-structured scoundrels?
Note: For those who have never seen The Usual Suspects or Reservoir Dogs, be warned that spoilers are ahead. Sorry (now go see the movies!!).
The Debate

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ADAM: Criminals are a notoriously untrustworthy lot, but in this case the Suspects have the best chance of blowing away their quarry. There's no doubt that once one or two from either of the groups are shot, the rest will flee, but the question is who has the guts to continue their mission? Certainly not a bunch of pansies named after a rainbow wheel. They can't even agree on what a Madonna song means, let alone how to proceed shooting at five men who have the element of surprise.
The Dogs may have a numbers advantage, but not for long. Remember the one crime that they tried to commit, the one that ended in a bloody fiasco with two members killed immediately? Same thing here. Blue and Brown are out from the get-go. Quentin’s pop culture references are amusing but not very threatening. Pink doesn’t have any jewels to run with, so he’s stuck (in the middle with you). Orange has the whole “good guy-bad guy” thing weighing him down, his friendship to White and duty to the cops tugging him in two directions. He may even switch sides in order to catch an even bigger criminal. That said, it’s now down to five against two. Blonde’s too bloodthirsty to run, but he’ll be downed by the sheer number of bullets entering his body. The coolest Dog of all, Harvey Keitel, will be the last to fall, dying in a truly badass fashion befitting his years of movie tough guy experience.
The Usual Suspects are simply better gelled, handpicked for their individual expertises. Keaton has knowledge of the police and could easily delay their arrival. Hockney could have the getaway cars wired to explode. Fenster and McManus, the gruesome twosome, are the muscle of the group, easily outgunning a single Blonde psychopath. And then there’s Verbal, the secret leader of the group, the brain, the organizer. He has a competitor to defeat, and no black-suited thugs are gonna get in his way. The Suspects have firepower, strategy, ruthlessness, and skill. Looks like these Dogs won’t have their Day after all.

Research Links

The Usual Suspects Page
Every "Dog" Has Its Day...

Vote Now!
Check out our slightly less serious simultaneous matchup:
Ferris Bueller vs. The Fonz

Here's a link to the main inspiration for this site, and one of the greatest web sites ever made, WWWF Grudge Match:

Copyright © 2003 Yahoo! Inc. All rights reserved.

ADAM: Criminals are a notoriously untrustworthy lot, but in this case the Suspects have the best chance of blowing away their quarry. There's no doubt that once one or two from either of the groups are shot, the rest will flee, but the question is who has the guts to continue their mission? Certainly not a bunch of pansies named after a rainbow wheel. They can't even agree on what a Madonna song means, let alone how to proceed shooting at five men who have the element of surprise. The Dogs may have a numbers advantage, but not for long. Remember the one crime that they tried to commit, the one that ended in a bloody fiasco with two members killed immediately? Same thing here. Blue and Brown are out from the get-go. Quentin’s pop culture references are amusing but not very threatening. Pink doesn’t have any jewels to run with, so he’s stuck (in the middle with you). Orange has the whole “good guy-bad guy” thing weighing him down, his friendship to White and duty to the cops tugging him in two directions. He may even switch sides in order to catch an even bigger criminal. That said, it’s now down to five against two. Blonde’s too bloodthirsty to run, but he’ll be downed by the sheer number of bullets entering his body. The coolest Dog of all, Harvey Keitel, will be the last to fall, dying in a truly badass fashion befitting his years of movie tough guy experience. The Usual Suspects are simply better gelled, handpicked for their individual expertises. Keaton has knowledge of the police and could easily delay their arrival. Hockney could have the getaway cars wired to explode. Fenster and McManus, the gruesome twosome, are the muscle of the group, easily outgunning a single Blonde psychopath. And then there’s Verbal, the secret leader of the group, the brain, the organizer. He has a competitor to defeat, and no black-suited thugs are gonna get in his way. The Suspects have firepower, strategy, ruthlessness, and skill. Looks like these Dogs won’t have their Day after all.
Research Links
The Usual Suspects Page Every "Dog" Has Its Day...
Vote Now!
Check out our slightly less serious simultaneous matchup: Ferris Bueller vs. The Fonz		Here's a link to the main inspiration for this site, and one of the greatest web sites ever made, WWWF Grudge Match:
Copyright © 2003 Yahoo! Inc. All rights reserved.