The Freudian Purity Test

This test is not recommended for children! It's not explicit, but I don't want to be held accountable for warping impressionable young minds.
DISCLAIMER:
I am not a psychologist of any sort (though didn't Vygotsky say that we are all amateur psychologists? :-)). Your rating on this test, while, hopefully, amusing, is not a medical diagnosis. Furthermore, I don't claim to endorse Freud's theory. If you have a problem with psychoanalysis, take it to people who know.
I absolve myself of all responsibility for the following test. After 7 straight days of studying for Psychology 100 with little to no sleep, I am quite convinced that Freud was speaking through me.

Note: The test works better if you try not to read ahead.

Check off all that apply to you:

You are afraid of cigars.
You love your mother.
You hate your mother.
When you buy a gingerbread man, you always eat the head first.
Your favourite colour is purple.
You wear one or several rings that you absent-mindedly play with.
Your favourite childhood story was "The Little Engine that Could".
You play pool or golf.
--- extra point if it's mini-golf (with the little windmills and bridges)
You frequently tell lewd jokes.
All your friends seem sexually frustrated but you.
You have ever unintentionally replaced a normal word with a sexual/anatomical one in everyday conversation (eg. "You're my breast friend...").

You have ever dreamt about:

a tree
a tree stump
a room of any sort
a white horse
the ocean
a ship
doors or other entryways
swords or knives
two sisters
--- extra point if they were identical twins
an umbrella
--- extra point if it was open
flying

You have fervently asserted, at any point in time, that:

You are not gay.
Freud was a crackpot.
You're not that sexually experienced.
You were not coming on to that man/woman.
He/she is a complete {insert offensive sexual expletive here}.

Read through the following sentences, without checking off any boxes.

Here, let me give you a hand.
I'm not hungry -- I had a late lunch.
Robert just doesn't come here often enough.
He may be a tough case now, but I'll straighten him out.
No, I didn't sleep very well. I was up all night.

Now, go back and check off all of the sentences to which you assigned a sexual connotation.

When you read the previous sentences over the second time, you couldn't help but see the sexual connotation in them all.

Any of these are among your favourite foods:

bananas
pickles
pudding
lollipops
tomatoes

Any of these are among your favourite animals:

monkeys
giraffes
elephants
dolphins
snakes

You have visited (or longed to visit) any of the following attractions:

The CN tower
The Eiffel tower
The leaning tower of Pisa
Mount Everest
The Grand Canyon
Mount Vesuvius
The Great Wall of China

You have an intense and irrational fear of any of the above.

You devote large amounts of time and energy to:

playing sports
sculpting
playing violin, viola, or cello
playing guitar
dancing
--- extra point if it's interpretive
swimming

You own:

an electric pencil sharpener
any potted plants
--- extra point if they flower
a model train set
--- extra point if it includes model tunnels
a four-poster bed or a water bed

You lied at all while filling out this test.
You giggled/laughed at all while filling out this test.
The previous question made you feel uncomfortable, but you can't quite figure out why.

If you have any comments or constructive criticisms, please Contact Me.

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