(Pictured with Mrs Wild Badger)
Real identity: Andrew Fear
However, i am nowhere near as obsessed with buses as i am with Ann Squires, who comes on MC as Mrs Wild Pants. Ann and i met over MC originally on Delphi (remember that, kids?) and we have now ended up as a couple in real life, coping the geographical problems of a long distance relationship as best we can.
When i'm not on the phone to Ann, i can also be found making trouble on many sites around the internet, such as the Brass Eye and Chris Morris mailing list, Monochrome and the Usenet newgroups alt.config, alt.humor, alt.plastic-utensils.spork.spork.spork and many others whcih i sporadically inhabit. Most of this troublemaking is done under one of my other internet aliases, Sprassley Colin Beethoven.
If you'd like to contact me....
Mail to mwp@virusplanet.demon.co.uk or
Visit my Homepage at www.virusplanet.demon.co.uk
Real identity: Steve (another one!)
My interests include hockey (impossible to get a game out here); real ale (impossible to get a pint out here), and comedy (that's real comedy, I should add) (impossible to get ISIHAC out here).
I've been playing MC on the Web since MC re-opened (I was previously unaware of the existence of the PantsMC server or York) and can be relied upon to make appalling moves in MC, highly educated moves in Rodent, and corny and generally unfunny moves in all other games.
MC = BTL
[NB. I Say, Porter! is just finishing his time in Turin, and will post an updated profile here shortly. - Ed.]
If you'd like to contact I Say, Porter!....
Mail to ssa@etf.eu.int
An objective profile written by Anthrax Whirl
Age: varies
Sex: never
Species: illegal (probably)
Ethnic group: not found
Religion: comedy
Height: varies (see 'age', above)
Weight: ibid (see 'food', below)
Eyes: two
Hair: covers body
Skin: beneath hair
Teeth: in mouth
Skills: not found
Education: impossible
Career/occupation: banned
Hobbies/interests: survival, Mornington Crescent, trying to blend in.
Habbits: fear, confusion.
Food: essential
Family: restricted
Friends: applications rejected
Contacts: Anthrax Whirl(me), MC players.
Residence/location: varies (currently in a jar, awaiting analysis)
A brief Life History
Conceived from a biblical union between a randy court jester and a world of possibilities, and named after a football stadium, Kezar was not so much born as established. As Emporer of his planet and Commander of an entire Galaxy's armed forces, the boy found little time for Mornington Crescent, until a car accident, in which his only injury was mercifully to his head, doubled his IQ to six. He then took his responsibilities more seriously, and was able to thwart an invasion upon his planet (against which his fleet faced odds of nearly 1000 to 1 in their own favour) by demanding from his enemies 'Unconditional Surrender', his own. It was at about this time that his father caught a sexually-transmitted news bulletin, and warned Kezar to emigrate, as his own government wished to have the Emporer impeached, and tried for 'Crimes against Intelligence', and moreover to find out who he was. With not a friend in the world, but many in his head, the lad arrived in England, thanks to a clerical error, as a monastary in which he had tried to enroll didn't want him, and had him posted to 'Anywhere', affixing too few stamps to have him sent any further. It was here that he discovered Mornington Crescent, and believed it to be some form of continential breakfast, which immediately fuelled his enthusiasm for it. On learning that it was a game based upon a train station, his hunger was not dimished, and he was eventually hopitalised in a state of malnutrition. After Kezar was returned into the community, he began his pursuit of the game, and found his way by accident to Mr Wild Pants' server in Autumn 2001. Here, his participation in MC and its sibling games have brought him much-needed interraction with other life forms, and his ability to play said games has progressed in no uncertain terms. His record speaks for itself - uninterrupted Defeat, officially ranging from 'Decisive' to 'Total'. Enternally optimistic, however, and driven by a desire to entertain, Kezar continues his project unabated. Changing the game into an art form is his ambition, and he possesses a rare quality of being able to transform defeat into humiliation, and to an extent far beyond that of any MC player it has ever been my fascination to witness.
Summary Life has rejected Kezar, but Death seems to want him even less, and pays lawyers a higher fee. For this reason, and given that there seems no way to put up an effective firewall to stop him accessing the site, he remains among the MC fraternity. And he could be here for quite some time. Nevertheless, the boy means well, and he tries to entertain, and for that, I at least feel driven to wish him 'a strange sort of happiness'.
(call me Thrax)
Real Name: Adam J. Making
Date of Birth: 12th March, 1975
Date of Death: to be announced
Date of Arrest: pending (the CIA almost certainly welcomes information and
inquiries upon this subject)
Date of Overlord: 6th June, 1944
Age: increasing (can be calculated by subtraction of current date from 'Date
of Birth', above)
Sex: don't I wish!
Skills: certainly not the previous entry! I'll opt for 'blurring the issues',
'procrastination' and 'changing the subject'
Education: misplaced, but I have learnt that using the word three times
consecutively is an abuse of language.
Hobbies/interests: MC; Pink Floyd; American Football(watching);
Warhammer 40K, (reading about)World War II
Heroes: Humphrey Lyttelton, Roger Waters, Stephen Fry, Joe Montana,
J.Michael Straczyski, Jan Kubiš, Josef Gabcik
Heroines: bad for you. That's why it's illegal
Friends: living as far away as possible on their salaries
Contacts: people whom I owe money
Abstract
Initially there was the Big Bang, and then I was born in 1975 - that's the quickest summary of prior events.
The county of my birth was Yorkshire, an' o' course we 'ad it tough, what wi' all me worldly possessions kept between me cheeks like 'amster etc. (see 'Four Yourkshirmen in the Kitchen) etc.
At the age of 4 my family (well, obvously we weren't all 4, that was just me) took me 'down South' from West Yorkshire to East Sussex, where I attended school in Crowborough a year later. Here I began my life-long quest to find someone who understands my sense of humour. The search continues.
Aged 10, I trotted off to boarding school. Here I learnt that life is short, kids can be horrid, ions are polarised, and a bedpan filled with water and placed in the freezer makes an affordable Cryogenic Chamber for crane flies, with a 20% survival rate.
Went to University in Dudley between 1993 and 1998. Got very drunk most of the time. Became noted for music few people liked, humour few people understood, and being perpetually absent during daylight hours. Can't say why. Aside from that, I spent a year as Students with Disabilities Secretary, after a drunken election in which I cooed the audience with my 'Bob Dylan sings Right Said Fred'. In addition I received some notoriety for having an argument with Mark Lamarr. I felt he charged too much for the performance he did at our Union. He didn't agree. I didn't watch the gig.
After leaving Dudley I went and lived with my parents for a while. Now I have my own gaffe in Swindon, and I work for a local charity called the Swindon Coalition of Disabled People, and I still have progressed no further with that novel I began writing while at University.
Meanwhile my pet hates include censorship, Fascism, being 'On Hold', Michael Howard and Michael Howard again, just to dispel any ambiguity. If you wish - indeed if you dare - contact me, first consider the following words of wisdom, which come from a reliable source who wishes to remain anonymous: "If you have a notion to contact Anthrax Whirl, you'd be well advised to get blind drunk and sleep it off. If you still feel inclined God help you, write to anthraxwhirl@freakout.freeserve.co.uk. I could have put it better myself.
That's about it. I shan't sign off with 'Ciao', as I hate people who say that, much to the chagrin of the Italian government who want me extrodited, so instead I shall leave you with the word 'Tmesis', because it's more interesting and few people know what it means.
Tmesis,
Thrax.
All you ever wanted to know about him but couldn't be bothered to ask
Age (at time of writing): 31
Marital Status: Married (and she's gorgeous, the Lord alone knows how I pulled that off!)
Location: Devon, England
Occupation: Government (but not a spy I'm afraid)
Curriculum Morningtonae: Was introduced to the great game by my Media Teacher while doing 'O' levels. An 'O' Level is like a GCSE only harder. Played sporadically when I could find an underground game until I found PantsMC. Felt at home.
Film: The Italian Job is the finest film ever made. There can be no discussion on that, it's just a fact.
Books: I like reading spy book serials i.e. The Bond books (if you've only ever watched the films, read them, please), Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan books (ditto about the films) and I'm currently reading the Survivalist series (pretty pulpy but entertaining) The only book I've ever read straight through is called 'Vertical Limit' by Joseph R Garber. If you like thrillers hunt it down. I picked it up at midnight once when I couldn't sleep. I went to bed at about 5 in the morning when I'd finished it.
Music. Bon Jovi
General: I am a conspiracy theorist, there's no covering it up. Man has never walked on the moon, or if he has those certainly aren't the photos! I love motorsport, especially the British Touring Car Championship. I'm just getting into road rallying (but don't tell my insurance company) and I play five-a-side football badly but enthusiastically. I also play bowls. This is so that when I'm old and it is the only sport me and my friends can still play I will whip their arses!
Presence on the web: I have a small and relatively modest semi-detached website called www.binliner.net. There are some photos of me there but I'm not telling which ones are
me. One word of warning however, the 'Mr. Coyote' getting married is NOT me, he just
stole my name. He is the Mr Coyote of the Cabinet of Curiousities. He also used to
frequent PantsMC under the pseudonym 'Great Uncle Aspidistra' He's odd, but he pays
me to be his friend.
In the style of Mrs Trellis....
Having just met DrQu+xum, not only is his name handy rhyming slang, but he might be the finest American Mornington Crescent player since President Nixon, whom I played against in a friendly one-on-one at the White House in 1971.
To be sure, Nixon began with "Temple", and it didn't stay friendly for long.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get a picture when I was in Pittsburgh last week, but I'll do my best to describe him. Picture, if you will, Barry Cryer. More specifically, picture his breakfast. Then put it in Dr's hand. The rest of him would be a 24-year old with the face and shape of Kenneth Williams and the beard of Willie Rushton.
Frightening, is it not?
Well, I must go. It's time for me to start writing my letter of complaint to Mr Naughtie. It was his fault that lovely Ms MacGregor left.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs Trellis
North Wales
E-mail (phonetically transcribed to foil spammers):
Gee-are-ee-gee-four [at] Pee-eye-tee-tee [dot] Ee-dee-ewe
Real name: John Belshaw
Dropped: Originally in the N.W. UK in a town called Oldham - stayed there for a whole three days and returned to the town of my parents - Leigh - followed about three years later by a stint in a village just outside Bolton; all in Lancs.. Later, no doubt, on the head.
Current:
Interests: If it keeps the brain interested. Mainly astronomy; amateur radio (VK2IUI if it means anything to you); electronics; motor cars; Bolton Wanderers; wife and children... daughter, the youngest, now a proud Mum and me a prouder Grandfather; the meaning of life (the latter seems to become more important as the years speed by.)
Music: Classical music; Jazz of various types - some in smaller doses than others (fall over laughing listening to Lester Bowie, great fun!); Gershwin (George) love every piece that I've heard. Not a vocalist fan - a few exceptions; Cleo Lane, Dean Martin (yes, sad but true -'cos he too is often amusing). View of modern 'singers' - if you can't hit the notes without screaming then get another job!
Humour: None.
Pets: Two ginger cats - unlike gingerbread men, these two run the house.
Pet Hates: People who insist that their family car/four wheel drive can 'handle like a sports car'; Movies/TV shows/comedians who have to explain the joke. People who haven't a clue telling you what the problem is when a computer/amp/tuner (etc) is presented for repair - I particularly like the so oft repeated "I think it's just a wire off"! It actually does happen - the odds though are about 1 in a thousand.
MC: Still trying to find out what it's all about.
Favourite web site: I'd be an absolute cur wouldn't I?
Web Site:http://www.geocities.com/vk2iui
- not much there that I have not told you already.
Real identity: Tudor Hughes
Abode - Warlingham, Surrey - for ages.
I'm semi-retired, i.e. I haven't got a job and I'm not looking too hard. I did 3 yrs in the Met Office as a junior forecaster and the rest of the time, up to last year, in the chemical industry. I worked for a time as a perfume chemist where the lads in the factory came up with the nickname I now use.
Interests - Music, meteorology, astronomy, steam locomotives.
I play the piano (easy!) and the trombone (difficult!). I play jazz and classical stuff
on the piano
and I play the 'bone in a couple of Big Bands with occasional excursions into
smaller Trad/Dixieland bands.
My favourite jazz style could be called mainstream and I'm not too averse to
jazz-funk, reggae and bebop.
Favourite classical composer is Beethoven. The piano sonatas are wonderful,
but fiendishly difficult, some of
them. So my normal evening occupation when I'm not playing is listening to jazz
in pubs. Bit of a real ale
fan, but hopefully not a bore.
At home I have kept accurate weather records for 20 yrs and I write occasional articles for a local magazine. I do a bit of private coaching in science subjects at school level. It helps pay for the booze and fags.
Politics - Moderate Old Labour.
Nature - Practical blokeish intellectual. Pretentious? Moi?
Likes - Big breakfasts, cats, thunderstorms, Radio 4, the sound of a hard-working steam engine, women who wear glasses, the night, a cigarette with a strong cup of coffee, and much else.
Dislikes - Getting up, going to bed, gardening, dogs, Christmas, windy weather, Lycra, road humps.
Email address - tudorhgh@aol.com
