Welcome to My Strength Page
The words are the words of others who have found a way to get through.
Hopefully, these words of strength will help someone to carry on through their struggles in life;
will give someone the courage to survive.
If even one person has found strength here, and the courage to carry on,
then this has been a successful endeavor.
Memories: The Making Of Ourselves
Remember your good memories, but live for today
And keep the memories behind you. --Jodi K. Elliott
The stuff of our memories comprise who we have become.
Each recollection is akin to an ingredient in a simmering pot of stew.
The full flavor of our lives is enhanced by each additional experience, whether it be painful or joyful.
Our experiences have a way of dovetailing, of grouping themselves,
perhaps even tailoring themselves, to provide us the best advantage.
So human is our tendency to linger in thought on past times that we fail to take advantage,
to be fully present in the moment which is assuredly making a necessary contribution to the total panorama of our lives.
Who are we to judge the value of any single experience?
It's how all experiences have mingled, that we must trust.
We can be certain, in retrospect, that those situations that created the most inner turmoil
also offered us the most as growing, developing humans.
The experiences offered today, in the 24 hours ahead, are significant because they are unique.
I will cherish them for the addition they are making to my total person.
The Awakening © Author Sonny Carroll -1999
A time comes in your life when you finally get it...
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks
and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - Enough!
Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside,
you shudder once or twice,
you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes
you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change
or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.
You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming
and you are not Cinderella
and that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings
(or beginnings for that matter)
and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you
and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect
and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are
...and that's OK.
(They are entitled to their own views and opinions.)
And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself
and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop b*@!hing and blaming other people for the things they did to you
(or didn't do for you)
and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say
and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own
and to take care of yourself
and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are
and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties
and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you,
is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.
And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave,
how you should look and how much you should weigh,
what you should wear and where you should shop
and what you should drive how and where you should live
and what you should do for a living
who you should sleep with who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage,
the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.
And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing
and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown,
or should never have bought into to begin with
and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.
And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing
and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity
are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era
but the mortar that holds together
the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything,
it's not your job to save the world
and that you can't teach a pig to sing.
You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility
and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You learn that the only cross to bear
is the one you choose to carry
and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love.
Romantic love and familial love.
How to love, how much to give in love,
when to stop giving and when to walk away.
You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.
You learn that you will not be,
more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important
because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are
and not as you would have them be.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love....
and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms...
just to make you happy.
You learn that alone does not mean lonely...
and you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that
you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10
and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head
and agonizing over how you "stack up."
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside,
smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK....
and that it is your right to want things
and to ask for the things that you want...
and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with
love, kindness, sensitivity and respect
and you won't settle for less.
And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch...
and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
When The Going Gets Tough. . . .
by Ray Whiting Publisher www.TwoScoops.com
"When the going gets tough, the tough get real!"
Life is tough sometimes.
It is easy to be whoever we wish to be, put on faces and act out parts when things are going our way.
I mentioned recently the spate of television programming given to "reality shows"
- groups of strangers in confined quarters having to face the challenge of living in various situations.
One by one, the people in those shows are revealed for who they really are.
After all, it is easy to put on airs when you go to work,
or visit someplace else.
But put under pressure, the facade can crack,
and those brick walls we put up to hide our real thoughts will come tumbling down.
You see, our innermost thoughts
-- hopes and fears, likes and dislikes, and all the rest -- are about as solid as Jell-o gelatin!
Try holding a cup of Jell-o in your hand.
It wiggles and jiggles there, right?
Now cup your other hand on top and try to hold that Jell-o in a ball.
Press tighter, don't let any out.
The tighter you squeeze, the more it seeks out new cracks between your fingers to find escape.
Our inner parts are like that, too.
Under pressure -- work, relationships, traffic, bills, family, floods, whatever else might come your way
-- your emotions, thoughts, alliances, and prejudices all come out.
And they don't just come out in neat little spoonfuls.
They spurt out at the most unexpected
(and sometimes embarrassing) times,
dribbling like Jell-O and leaving stains.
All that squished-out Jell-O is useless.
It's a mess, all over you and everyone around you.
It would have been better to release the pressure,
and eat the Jell-o in useful bites.
The hands you used for hiding and squeezing the Jell-o can also be used to support it,
keep it useful, and present it as it really is and was meant to be.
In the same way, the pressures that come against us can be used to squeeze us into globs of gooey mess ...
OR they can be used to support and even showcase who we really are.
Many of us wait until tough times pressure us into revealing our true nature
hardly in touch with his own emotions.
He was sullen and quiet much of the time, tolerating whatever was going on.
Then every three or four months, he would explode in a torrent of anger and abusive behavior and language.
He was like the squished-out Jell-O.
How much better if he could have been real all along,
able to consistently admit his frustrations and express his concerns,
using that as an impetus to make significant changes in his life
instead of stifling it until it had to come out the wrong way under pressure.
I've met others like this
-- people who seem to regularly explode in a gush of emotion.
Or when faced with a challenge,
they reveal whom their real friends are,
backstabbing their way into power and betraying former associates
(we see those types in the workplace quite frequently).
If you find yourself suddenly saying or doing things you hoped would never come out from within,
it could be you haven't been real with yourself and others.
Has there been pressure in your life lately, making you think or act strangely?
Have you noticed someone else "changing, not himself any more"
-- could it be that he is simply tired of pretending to be who you want him to be,
tired of the pressure trying to hide his real feelings?
When the going gets tough, the tough get real
... but with practice the tough times support and strengthen our reality,
instead of revealing us to be something we hoped no one would find out.
Steps To Happiness
You can't be all things to all people.
You can't do all things at once.
You can't do all things equally well.
You can't do all things better than everyone else.
Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.
So: You have to find out who you are, and be that.
You have to decide what comes first, and do that.
You have to discover your strengths, and use them.
You have to learn not to compete with others,
because no one else is in the contest of *being you*.
Then: You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.
You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.
You will have learned to live with your limitations.
You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.
And you'll be a most vital mortal.
Dare To Believe: That you are a wonderful, unique person.
That you are a once-in-all-history event.
That it's more than a right, it's your duty, to be who you are.
That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.
And you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.
Just Be
Be strong enough to face the world each day.
Be weak enough to know you cannot do everything.
Be generous to those who need your help.
Be frugal with what you need yourself.
Be wise enough to know that you do not know everything.
Be foolish enough to believe in miracles.
Be willing to share your joys.
Be willing to share the sorrows of others.
Be a leader when you see a path others have missed.
Be a follower when you are shrouded in the midst of uncertainty.
Be the first to congratulate an opponent who succeeds.
Be the last to criticize a colleague who fails.
Be sure where your next step will fall, so that you will not stumble.
Be sure of your final destination, in case you are going the wrong way.
Be loving to those who love you.
Be loving to those who do not love you, and they may change.
Self Worth
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill.
In the room of 200, he asked,
"Who would like this $20 bill?"
Hands started going up. He said,
"I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up.
He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.
"Well," he replied, "what if I do this?" He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.
"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless; but no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you.
The worth of our lives comes, not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE. You are special - don’t ever forget it."
Recognition
When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings.
Then you will forget your anger. --Epictetus
We take note of others' shortcomings and frequently record them in our minds, and then rely on these memories to feel superior.
Seldom do we perceive our own failings as clearly.
It takes courage and determination to inventory all our traits, both the pleasant and the unpleasant.
It also takes an honest desire to know ourselves before we can fully assess the value of our traits.
We can be certain, however, that the shortcomings we've noticed in others, we'll discover in ourselves.
It might well be a worthwhile exercise in personal development to let what bothers us in others guide our own attempt at self-improvement.
For instance, if another's cynicism triggers negative feelings in us, we can be fairly certain we, too, respond cynically on occasion.
Then we can make the decision to clean our own house.
We aren't perfect, but we can strive to like ourselves, and others.
Self-improvement and self-love will make it easier to accept someone else.
If I don't like something someone is doing today, I will take an honest look at myself.
Paradox of our History
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers;
wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints;
we spend more, but have less;
we buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families;
more conveniences, but less time;
we have more degrees, but less sense;
more knowledge, but less judgment;
more experts, but more problems;
more medicine, but less wellness.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;
we've added years to life, not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We've conquered outer space, but not inner space;
we've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul;
we've split the atom, but not our prejudice.
We have higher incomes, but lower morals;
we've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are times of tall men, and short character;
steeps profits, and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare;
more leisure, but less fun;
more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce;
of fancier houses, but broken homes.
It is a time when there is much in the show window
and nothing in the stockroom;
a time when technology can bring this message you,
and a time when you can choose either to make a difference....or not.
Laugh At What Life Brings . . .
Most of us take ourselves wa-a-a-ay too seriously.
I know I do, but not nearly as much as I once did.
As I get older I have awakened to the realization that
no person, no place, and no thing
is going to change one iota no matter how long I hold my breath,
how hard I stamp my feet,
or how long-loud-shrill I can scream.
Have you ever finished a long day at work,
feeling abused, betrayed, cheated, discouraged,
and called out "Oh, Go-o-o-o-d,
I can't believe what a bad day this is.
First the boss, then the traffic,
the grocery bill, the kid's report cards...
it's not fair, this wasn't supposed to be my life."
Then all of a sudden,
straight from Heaven, comes an answer...
you can almost sense the Divine Eyebrow arched,
the Voice saying,
"Yes, and your point is...?"
Ummm... that's not the sort of response you wanted, is it?
You wanted sympathy.
You wanted comfort.
You wanted someone to take your side in this awful, horrid, unfair day you've been having.
Yeah, well ... all you can do is laugh at it.
If you listened to someone else pouting over silly stuff,
you wouldn't take them real seriously after a while, would you?
So be willing to laugh at yourself along the way, too.
Life IS a serious matter, there IS injustice all around,
we DO have tough times, people DO get sick and die at the worst possible times,
and we are surrounded by folks in far greater need than we ourselves.
I'm not denying that at all.
LIFE should be taken seriously and handled carefully.
But our own high-and-mighty expectations of
"the perfect life",
the attitude that somehow "WE" should be immune to rough edges, bumps, and sore spots, is ridiculous.
How can we learn to laugh at what Life brings us,
instead of getting all puffed up and hurt over it?
1. Listen to your words and responses.
If someone else said such things, how seriously could you take it?
2. Consider your emotional attachment to the circumstances.
Often our responses are exaggerated because we are holding on too tightly to something.
Learn to let go gracefully.
(Someone once said, "Everything I ever let go of had claw marks all over it.")
3. Practice how you might tell your grandchildren about this in twenty years
(it WILL be funny then)
-- all our little events in life are strung together like pearls,
so today's "big deal"
is just a tiny knot holding the next pearl in place.
And you can't get a pearl without a little sand and irritation!
4. Step back a few feet to gain perspective.
If you see more knots than pearls on your string,
you are looking too close.
When viewed from proper distance you see the pearls around the necklace,
and the knots are practically invisible.
5. Recognize that 99% of what happens "to you" isn't about YOU at all
-- you're just there as an observer,
a witness, or part of the cast of extras in many events.
Shakespeare said
"All the world's a stage,"
but he didn't mean you get the starring role in every scene
like some overpaid prima donna.
Letting go an overly serious approach to life
will enable you to distinguish between a punch and a punch line,
and over time you will appreciate knowing the difference.
It took me a long time,
but now I see how incredibly funny my life has been most of the time.
The knots are there, but holding up the string of pearls
that make up my life so far,
seeing it as a unit instead of examining the details of each piece,
it's a glorious string.
When a punch line lands in your Life, it's okay to laugh.
Ray Whiting Publisher TwoScoops.com
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