Excellence Level: Silver
Movie Pain: Low - Dopey but harmless TV action
Riffing: Solid, good humor
Skits: Same as above

2 episodes of the short lived TV show, "The Master" are presented as our "Movie". Stars Lee Van Cleef and his obvious stunt double as the Ninja, and Timothy Van Patten -with his garbled lines spoken as if he had a cold- as his student. Together the two save the down trodden, all while searching for Lee's long lost daughter.
    I felt this experiment was pretty unsteady; there are some excellent quips but they're sprinkled amid a few clunkers. Part 1 guest stars a young Demi Moore and the rump-riffic Claude Akins. But it's the second half of the show -where the duo take on the Japanese mob- that made me laugh the most. Cleef bonding with a fellow baldy, those precious dancing scenes; both trigger some sharp comments. Later, Joel uses the "Knights of Columbus" as a riff source and promises "7 years bad acting" when Max breaks a mirror. Also, watch closely when the Master and the dancer cross on the tightwire; Crow does his best to bite their life line in half, lol.
    As to the host segments, I enjoyed the "Van Patten Project" and The Pop-Up classic book series (I would have loved to have seen what was in the "Naked Lunch").
    Though not consistent enough to be considered a classic, "Master Ninja" did give us Crow's outstanding 'Van Patten' imitation. Which we will be blessed with again in other episodes (For example: City Limits).

Host Segments
Intro: The bots build a car. Invention: Dr. F & Frank show the Boil in a Bag Intravenous Dinner. Joel offers Pop Up Books for adults. Segment 1: The Van Patten Project. Segment 2: Musical themes. Segment 3: New and improved 'chucks. End: The Master Ninja Theme, Frank smothers Dr. F. Stinger: Timothy speaks. "To them it's some kind of ritual"

Notable Riffs
*"Okay Elvis, we know you're in there" - Joel
*"Oh - Those IUD's are dangerous." - Crow
*"What'll it be?" - "At one time a Singapore Sling would have been the only answer." - "Now I want a Peanut Buster Parfait." - Bartender/Van Cleef/Servo
*"What, you don't think I've got emotions?" - "Too many of them." -"Heck, you're practically Leo Bascallia" - Max/Van Cleef/Joel
*"You know black is so slimming, you can't even see his gut anymore." - Joel
*"What kind of skull wax do you use?" - Crow
*"He must be using selective gas." - Crow
*"Scarecrow" - "Scare Me?" - Joel & Servo/Crow
*"You Know I Like A Nice Foppish Dance!" - Joel
*"Ha ha ha ha... We're bald and we're bonding!" - Joel
*"Hey, you got enough sticks in your drawers there?" - Joel
*"I hear his theme music, he's around here somewhere." - Crow
*"I hope she's into big-assed medallions." - Servo as Van Cleef
*"The tranquility of post-war Japan?" - Joel
*"This is from my 1935 film "The Prancing Ninny"" - Servo as Mr. Patterson
*"Daddy, there's a boy outside. His name is Wang" - Joel
*"I'm a Ninja Warrior" - Crow
*"He's dancing with Ziggy Stardust" - Servo
*"Uh oh - I just passed wind in my suit. I ask you, as a point of honor, give me a second." - Servo as Okasa
*"You know, say what you want, but Claude Akins has a nice rump." - Joel