It is truly unfortunate that talented and successful people such as myself have always had to put up with "lesser-thans" who not only follow in our wake but cling to our coat-tails to steal a free ride. The lowest form of life on earth, according to me, is the imposter. These men and women are especially pathetic because they persist in seeking fame with your name while obviously knowing that they cannot achieve it on their own merits. I am a kindly and gentle man, but I have no sympathy whatsoever for people in the entertainment business who can't make it on their own.
 

Our first culprit is Andy Kaufman, weird comedian, star of the sitcom "Taxi" and subject of the obesely grandiose "Man on the Moon". I don't like to speak ill of the dead, so all I'll say about Kaufman is that he came up to Toronto in the 1970s to do a gig at Second City, where he saw me perform. Not too long after that he came out with his character "Tony H. Clifton", a Las Vegas lounge singer who is really only a cruel version of myself on stage. I'll say this for the guy, though, for only seeing me on stage once or twice he sure got the character down! It's unfortunate he wasn't as good at coming up with his own material as he was at stealing characters from me. But he wasn't too good at staying alive, either, so ... que sera.

Here's another one, his pal, Bob Zmuda. I never met the guy but apparently Kaufman convinced him of how funny it would be to impersonate me as "Tony Clifton". This guy is so pathetic that, even though Kaufman's been worm fodder for twenty years, he still hosts his own Tony Clifton web page on the internet. Not only that but he thought it would be a hoot to base his site entirely on mine, almost to the letter, stealing bits and pieces of my personal life to feed his "Tony Clifton" myth. He even copied this page. I like a good practical joke just as much as the next guy, Bob Zmuda, but there's such a thing as going too far with one. Show some class. He's even playing Clifton in this picture here. It's pathetic, really.

FRED THURY

Here's another one. "Fredrick H. Thury" is this guy's name. Why is it that psychopaths always have to use their full names with initials like that? I think this guy lives right here in Toronto, or at least nearby, because he shows up a lot at Open Mike nights claiming to be me. The resemblance is there, though, I'll give him that. I'm better looking. Every time I bump into the guy at the Rivoli or Comedywood he offers to buy me a drink and talks to me like we're old pals. Why would we be old pals? Because you look like me and pretend to be me? What a jackass!
 
 

I would like to conclude by assuring my faithful fans that there is still only one Corey Mystyshyn (me), and that EVERY SHOW I DO will be posted on my UPCOMING GIGS page. Anyone advertising a show and claiming to be me, especially in the Greater Toronto Area, should be suspected an imposter, especially since I RARELY ADVERTISE. This is because I already have built a large enough fan base that I can fill the seats based on word of mouth alone. That's why these imposters are pretending to be me!

Furthermore, anyone claiming to be me, selling "official Corey Mystyshyn merchandise" on e-Bay is also an imposter (probably still Fred Thury), and any claims that I have a twin brother or that I helped Bob Zmuda and Andy Kaufman create their Tony Clifton character, or (especially) that I have on occasion portrayed Tony Clifton on stage, are nothing more than vicious rumours and filthy lies spread around by my enemies.

But what I would especially like to say, here, is that I appreciate you, all of my fans, who have been sticking up for me and who have never questioned the Corey Mystyshyn truths. Don't ever think that your toils have gone unnoticed by me just because I am a famous celebrity. Love, Corey.