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McDonalds Recognised with Government Award!

McDonalds backs our boys!

The British Government yesterdy awarded McDonalds the prestigious "investor in people"

In 1991 we served Big Macs to our boys in the Gulf as they smoked out the bad guys.  Since then, over a million people have died because of bombing and sanctions… the death toll is staggering, and we’re backing our boys to the end! Some guy from the company who

gong at an annual corporate cock sucking ceremony in a big building with chandeliers. However, McDonalds were narrowly pipped to the “investor in cows” award by old rivals Burger King.  Other gongs presented included “investor in Nigeria” for Shell, “investor in Genocide” for BAE and a special “Investor in just about everything dodgy going” for Sodexho.

earns more than you do said yesterday: “This is really great.  We owe our boys big time, like, do you think we would even have restaurants in all these stupid places nobody can even find on a map without a kick-ass military machine backing us?"  While Hank Ketchup added- "there's actually loads of similarities between McDonalds and the

US military… mainly that we’ve both invaded scores of countries since the Second World War.  When you think about it, the main difference is that they mainly kill darkies, where as we mainly kill cows.  But that’s not that big a difference is it?”

McGobble & Go For Charity!

Change At The Top

Our beloved Chief executive Jack Greenberg is to step aside after five years in the job.  Speaking from a house bigger than your neighbourhood yesterday, Jack said, “I felt it was time for a change… And yeah, they were going to sack me if I stayed.  Now I’ll be able to spend more time with my kids... as soon as I’ve bought some.  I’ve really enjoyed my time of the top, but it’s you guys who do all the work.  So, I want to say a massive thank you to the students struggling through college, the unqualified school leavers, the immigrants supporting families and the mothers toiling for extra cash- thanks to you guys I need never work again! That’s what teamwork is all about! Of course, some of the poor bastards who have ended up unemployed as a consequence of my incompetence might never work again either, but, obviously, they don’t have as

In a magnificent display of benevolence, McDonalds have trade marked World Children’s Day!  This is a magnificently cynical and perverse ploy to get an unsuspecting public to pay a share of our advertising budget.  But Californian McDonalds have gone one stage further by asking the public to literally suck our cocks for charity.  Area chief Dan Cheeseburger, speaking from a car bigger than your house yesterday, said “it’s been great fun”.

much money as me."  All our people are like gold dust to us.  Literally.  So here's a picture of the new boss so you know where all your hard work goes.

Congratulations Old Bloke!

There were celebrations in Texas yesterday because some old bloke whose name we can’t remember (let’s call him Tony) has worked for the company for 40 years!  Some guy from the company who earns more in a month than Tony has earned in those 40 years, rushed to congratulate him- “well done.  Good show for the team”.  As  a mark of appreciation, the company have agreed to service the digital Casio watch they gave him 20 years ago!