MOULIN ROUGE!

As Transcribed by Larry Holden, AKA 'wyovol'

(The curtain opens, and THE CONDUCTOR takes us through the opening titles.)

PARIS 1900

(TOULOUSE, in his Sitar costume, is sticking out of the window of the windmill above the Moulin Rouge.  A garret with the word “L’amour” above the balcony can be seen in the background.)

TOULOUSE:
THERE WAS A BOY
A VERY STRANGE, ENCHANTED BOY

(CHRISTIAN’s face appears on screen, smiling, and then fades out.)

THEY SAY HE WANDERED VERY FAR

(Fade to a view of the city of Paris from high up.  We start to zoom into a village called Montmartre, where we pass many different people.)

VERY FAR
OVER LAND AND SEA
A LITTLE SHY

(Voices are heard in the background.)

OLD PRIEST:
Turn away from this village of sin.

(As we move into an alleyway, we see prostitutes and drunks.)

TOULOUSE:
AND SAD OF EYE
BUT VERY WISE WAS HE

(We move up above a sign that says “BAR ABSINTHE” and through the window of the rundown “L’amour” garret.)

AND THEN ONE DAY

(Inside is a bearded Christian sitting on the floor, holding a bottle of alcohol, head in arms.)

A MAGIC DAY, HE PASSED MY WAY

(Christian looks up, gazing painfully at his typewriter across the room and the empty glass next to it.)

AND WHILE WE SPOKE OF MANY THINGS
FOOLS AND KINGS

(Christian sits down at his typewriter, staring at the blank piece of paper, in some sort of deep grief.)

THIS HE SAID TO ME:

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
(As he slowly types the words, and tries to fight back the inevitable tears.)
THE GREATEST THING
YOU’LL EVER LEARN
IS JUST TO LOVE
AND BE LOVED
IN RETURN
The Moulin Rouge.

(We are moving back past the same windmill from before, only it looks much fresher.)

A nightclub,

(We see the inside of the Moulin Rouge; rich men in top hats are dancing with The Diamond Dogs, young can-can dancers and other strange-looking people.)

A dance hall, and a bordello.

(ZIDLER comes out from behind a curtain.)

ZIDLER:
The Moulin Rouge!
(The crowd cheers faintly.)

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
Ruled over by Harold Zidler, a kingdom of nighttime pleasures.  Where the rich and powerful came to play with the young and beautiful creatures of the underworld.

(We move back over the windmill.)

The most beautiful of all these was the woman I loved.

(SATINE, face in shadow, sits in stage lights with a top hat and cigarette holder.)

Satine.  A courtesan, she sold her love to men.

(We move past The Elephant outside the Moulin Rouge.)

They called her the Sparkling Diamond.

(The words we hear are appearing on Christian’s typewriter.)

And she was the star of the Moulin Rouge.

(The lit-up MOULIN ROUGE sign flashes in our view, and we’re back to the typewriter.)
(One more flash of the Moulin Rouge and Christian is back at the typewriter again, taking a pause, his tears now flowing freely.)

The woman I loved is…

(Christian looks out his window at the Moulin Rouge across the street.)

…dead.

(A pause, and then he continues typing.)

I first came to Paris one year ago.

(We move out of the lively, dancing Moulin Rouge, back to a view of the entire city.)

It was 1899, the summer of love.  I knew nothing of the Moulin Rouge, Harold Zidler, or Satine.

(We then zoom into the train station, where a slightly younger and more vibrant Christian is getting off the train, holding his bags and gazing about in wonderment.)

The world had been swept up in a bohemian revolution and I had traveled from London to be a part of it.

(We can see different parts of the city.)

On the hill near Paris, was the village of Montmartre.

(Christian looks up at the Montmartre sign, eyes sparkling.)

It was not as my father had said:

(Flash to:)

FATHER:
A village of sin!

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
But the center of the bohemian world!

(In the alley next to the BAR ABSINTHE, the drunk from before now looks very alive, playing a guitar and singing with other bohemians.)

GUITARIST:
CHILDREN OF THE REVOLUTION

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
Musicians, painters, writers!  They were known as “The Children of the Revolution.”

(We move up to Christian’s garret. Everything looks much less run-down.  Christian is standing in the window.)

Yes, I had come to live a penniless existence.

(Christian is happily setting up his typewriter and preparing to write.)

I had come to write about truth, beauty, freedom and that which I believed in above all things: Love.

(Flash to:)

FATHER:
Always this ridiculous obsession with love!

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
There was only one problem.

(Freeze frame on Christian’s face.  Uh oh!)

I’d never been in love!

(We see our future Christian’s words on the typewriter.)

Luckily, right at that moment, an unconscious Argentinean fell through my roof.

(Christian turns and stands in surprise as THE NARCOLEPTIC ARGENTINEAN falls upside down through his roof.)
(Back to the typewriter.)

He was quickly joined by a dwarf dressed as a nun.

TOULOUSE:
(Walks in through the door, dressed as a nun.)
How do you do?  My name is Henri-Marie-Raymond de Toulouse-Lautrec-Monfa.

CHRISTIAN:
What?

TOULOUSE:
(Working on getting the Argentinean down.)
I’m terribly sorry about all this.  We were just upstairs rehearsing a play.

CHRISTIAN:
What?

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
(As future Christian types away.)
A play!  Something very modern called Spectacular Spectacular.

TOULOUSE:
And it’s set in Switzerland.

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
(Types.)
Unfortunately, the unconscious Argentinean suffered from a sickness called narcolepsy.

TOULOUSE:
(Sitting down at Christian’s typewriter, while Christian examines the Argentinean.)
Perfectly fine one moment, then suddenly (snores) unconscious the next.  (Laughs.)

(The faces of THE DOCTOR, AUDREY, and SATIE appear from above through the hole from which the Argentinean came.  Toulouse and Christian look up at them.)

SATIE:
How is he?

AUDREY:
Oh, wonderful, now the Narcoleptic Argentinean is unconscious, and therefore the scenario will not be finished in time to present to the financier tomorrow.

SATIE:
Right, Toulouse.  I still have to finish the music.

TOULOUSE:
We’ll just find someone to read the part.

AUDREY:
Now, where, in heaven’s name, are we going to find someone to read the role of the young, sensitive, Swiss poet goat herder?

(All eyes go to Christian.)

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
Before I knew it, I was upstairs standing in for the unconscious Argentinean.

(Everyone is now upstairs.  Christian is standing back on a little makeshift hill-set in goat herder clothes watching everyone in extreme confusion. Satie is playing unbelievably annoying music on a piano/organ instrument, Audrey is directing, Toulouse is dancing around and singing in nun’s clothes, The Doctor is doing something odd with lights, and The Argentinean is passed out on a bed in the back.)

TOULOUSE:
THE HILLS ANIMATE WITH THE EUPHONIOUS SYMPHONIES OF DESCANT!

AUDREY:
Oh stop, stop!  Stop, stop, stop, stop!
(He moves to Satie at the piano/organ.)
That insufferable droning is drowning out my words!  Could we please just stick to a little decorative piano?

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
(Typing.)
There seemed to be artistic differences over Audrey’s lyrics to Satie’s style.

THE DOCTOR:
I don’t think a nun would say that about a hill.

SATIE:
What if he sings, “The hills are vital in toning the descant?”

TOULOUSE:
No, no, “The hills quake and shake!”

THE DOCTOR:
No, no, no, no, “The hills…tone…”

ARGENTINEAN:
(Waking up with a start.)
The hills are incarnate with symphonic melodics!
(Passes out back onto the bed.)

(The babbling continues, with everyone attempting lyrics that start with “The hills,” and end in nonsense, or:)

DOCTOR:                                                                                                                         The hills are chanting the eternal mantra…

SATIE:
Frankie is living in my foot.

(Christian seems to have something, but no one’s paying attention, until:)

CHRISTIAN:
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC

(Everyone stares in silence.)

ARGENTINEAN:
(Wakes up.)
Whoa!  The hills are alive with the sound of music?  I love it!

(Christian gives a relieved sigh.)

THE DOCTOR:
The hills are alive…

TOULOUSE:
…WITH THE SOUND…

SATIE:
…OF MUSIC
(Turns to Christian.)
It fits perfectly.

CHRISTIAN:
WITH SONGS THEY HAVE SUNG
FOR A THOUSAND YEARS

(Everyone exclaims in amazement.)

TOULOUSE:
Incandiferous!  Audrey…you two should write the show together.

AUDREY:
I beg your pardon?

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
(Typing.)
But Toulouse’s suggestion that Audrey and I write the show together was not what Audrey wanted to hear.

AUDREY:
Goodbye!                                                                                                                                                     (Slamming the door shut as he leaves.)                                     

TOULOUSE:
Here’s to your first job in Paris.
(Takes a swig of absinthe.)

SATIE:
Toulouse…Zidler will never agree.
(Looks up at the confused Christian.)
No offense, but have you ever written anything like this before?

CHRISTIAN:
(Totally lost.)
No!

ARGENTINEAN:
Bah, the boy has talent!
(Reaches a hand up to Christian, but since Christian is on the ladder, he winds up with his hand on Little Christian.)

CHRISTIAN:
(Gasp!)

ARGENTINEAN:
I like him!
(Notices the placement of his hand drawing it back quickly.)
Nothing funny…(Nervous laugh) I just like talent.

TOULOUSE:
(Huddling with the other Bohos, while Christian tries to listen in.)
The hills are alive with the sound of music.  See, Satie, with Christian we can write the truly bohemian revolutionary show that we’ve always dreamt of!

SATIE:
But how will we convince Zidler?

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
(Typing.)
But Toulouse had a plan…

TOULOUSE:
…Satine…

(In the midst of their planning they glance back at Christian, who gives them a nervous smile.)

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
(Typing.)
They would dress me in the Argentinean’s best suit and pass me off as a famous English writer.  Once Satine heard my modern poetry she would be astounded and insist to Zidler that I write Spectacular Spectacular.

TOULOUSE:
(Saying similar things in the background.)

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
(Typing.)
The only problem was, I kept hearing my father’s voice in my head!

(Flash to:)

THE FATHER:
You’ll end up wasting your life at the Moulin Rouge with a can-can dancer!

CHRISTIAN:
(Starting to panic a little as Toulouse is gushing over him)
I can’t write the show for the Moulin Rouge!!
(Runs to the hole in the floor and starts to descend the ladder to his garret.)

(The Bohos stop him.)

TOULOUSE:
Why not?

CHRISTIAN:
I don’t even know if I am a true bohemian revolutionary!

BOHOS:
What!?

TOULOUSE:
Do you believe in beauty?

CHRISTIAN:
Yes…

ARGENTINEAN:
Freedom?

CHRISTIAN:
Yes, of course.

SATIE:
Truth?

CHRISTIAN:
…Yes.

THE DOCTOR:
Love?

CHRISTIAN:
Love?  Love…above all things, I believe in love.  Love is like oxygen.  Love is a many splendored thing.  Love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love!

TOULOUSE:
(Laughs happily)
Oh!  See, you can’t fool us!  You’re the voice of the Children of the Revolution!

BOHOS:
We can’t be fooled!

(They pull Christian out of the hole.)

TOULOUSE:
(Holds up his glass of absinthe)
Let’s drink to the new writer of the world’s first bohemian revolutionary show!

(The Argentinean plants a smooch on the lips of a very overwhelmed Christian.)

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
(Typing.)
It was the perfect plan.  I was to audition for Satine.
(The Doctor is pouring absinthe for Christian and the Bohos into flaming glasses.)
And I would taste my first glass of…absinthe.

(Christian downs a shot.)

DAVID BOWIE (V.O.):
THERE WAS A BOY

(The Green Fairy on the bottle looks at them.)

GREEN FAIRY:
I’m the Green Fairy.
(She flies out into the sky, fairy dust all around her, as Christian and the Bohos watch in drunken enthrallment.)
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE

GREEN FAIRY, CHRISTIAN, and BOHOS:
WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC

(Everyone laughs drunkenly as the Green Fairy starts fever dancing to the music.)

DAVID BOWIE (V.O.):
A VERY STRANGE, ENCHANTED BOY

(The Bohos and Christian stand out on the balcony, Christian now dressed in the Argentinean’s tuxedo and top hat, singing as the Green Fairy makes the words “Freedom,” “Beauty,” and “Truth” with her fairy dust, outlining the “L’amour” sign instead of writing “Love.”)

CHRISTIAN and BOHOS:
YEAH, FREEDOM, BEAUTY, TRUTH AND LOVE

GREEN FAIRY:
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC

(The Green Fairy multiplies.)

GREEN FAIRIES:
CHILDREN OF THE REVOLUTION
CHILDREN OF THE REVOLUTION

BOHOS:
NO, YOU WON’T FOOL THE CHILDREN OF THE REVOLUTION
NO, YOU WON’T FOOL THE CHILDREN OF THE REVOLUTION

CHRISTIAN:
FREEDOM, BEAUTY, TRUTH, AND LOVE

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
(As the songs come to an end.)
We were off to the Moulin Rouge.  And I was to perform my poetry for Satine.

(The Green Fairy’s eyes turn blood red and she lets out an animalistic scream as the Bohos and Christian fall off the balcony into a swirling vortex that whisks them off to the Moulin Rouge…)
(Zidler emerges from the entrance, and we can see the knickers of can-can dancers.)

ZIDLER:
The Moulin Rouge!

(Christian is looking around the colored extravaganza that is the Moulin Rouge, even more overwhelmed than before.)

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
Harold Zidler, and his infamous girls.  They called them his…
(Typing.)
“Diamond Dogs.”

BECK (V.O.):
THE DIAMOND DOGS

DIAMOND DOGS:
VOULEZ-VOUS COUCHE AVEC MOI
CE SOIR
HEY SISTER GO SISTER
SOUL SISTER FLOW SISTER

NINI:
HEY!

(All the can-can dancers are on the dance floor strutting their stuff.  The rich gentlemen in top hats seem to be having the time of their lives, as Christian looks on overwhelmed.)

ZIDLER:
(Leading off the Diamond Dogs)
If life’s an awful bore
And living’s just a chore that we do

DIAMOND DOGS:
HEY SISTER GO SISTER
SOUL SISTER FLOW SISTER

ZIDLER:
 ‘Cause death’s not much fun.

DIAMOND DOGS:
HEY SISTER GO SISTER
SOUL SISTER FLOW SISTER

ZIDLER:
I’ve just the antidote
And though I mustn’t gloat

DIAMOND DOGS:
GITCHIE GITCHIE YA YA DA DA

ZIDLER:
At the Moulin Rouge
You’ll have fun!

DIAMOND DOGS:
GITCHIE GITCHIE YA YA HERE

(Toulouse is dancing with someone.)

ZIDLER:
So scratch that little niggle
Have a little wiggle!

DIAMOND DOGS:
GITCHIE GITCHIE YA YA DA DA

(The crowd is now dancing with the girls.)

ZIDLER:
[Something]

DIAMOND DOGS:
CREOLE LADY MARMALADE!

ZIDLER:
‘Cause you can can can!

CROWD:
Yes, you can can can!

DIAMOND DOGS:
VOULEZ-VOUS COUCHE AVEC MOI CE SOIR

ZIDLER:
Until you can’t can-can!

CROWD:                                                                                                                                                       Until you can’t can-can!

ZIDLER:                                                                                                                                                          Yes you can can-can!   

DIAMOND DOGS:
VOULEZ-VOUS COUCHE AVEC MOI

(Zoom back through the Moulin Rouge doors, Christian and the Bohos are dancing along with all the rich gentlemen in top hats.)

CROWD:
HERE WE ARE NOW, ENTERTAIN US
WE FEEL STUPID AND CONTAGIOUS

ZIDLER:
(Still followed by the Diamond Dogs.)
Got some dark desire?
Love to play with fire?
Why not let it rip?
Live a little bit!

CROWD:
HERE WE ARE NOW, ENTERTAIN US

ZIDLER:
‘Cause you can can-can!

(The rich gentlemen and the Diamond Dogs dance together.)

CROWD:
WE FEEL STUPID AND CONTAGIOUS

ZIDLER:
Until you can’t can-can!

DIAMOND DOGS:
VOULEZ-VOUS COUCHE AVEC MOI CE SOIR

ZIDLER:
‘Cause you can can-can!

DIAMOND DOGS:
VOULEZ-VOUS COUCHE AVEC MOI

ZIDLER:
(Outside in the rain with an umbrella)
Outside it may be raining
But in here it’s entertaining!

(Some quick shots of  various goings-on in the garden, such as a girl with a large snake and old men in top hats and tutus.  Zidler gives a Tarzan yodel and acrobatically flies back into the Moulin Rouge.)

ZIDLER:                                                                          ‘Cause the Moulin Rouge is the place to be!

‘Cause you can can-can!
(Zidler performs back handsprings in front of the can-can dancers.)
‘Cause you can can-can!

RICH MEN IN TOP HATS:
HERE WE ARE NOW, ENTERTAIN US

ZIDLER:
Outside things may be tragic!
But in here we feel it’s magic!

(Nini seems to having a great time showing off her area.)

CROWD:
HERE WE ARE NOW, ENTERTAIN US
WE FEEL STU—

(From the orchestral balcony Zidler, with a wave of his hands, cuts off the music and dancing.)

ZIDLER:
The can-can.
(Flips the Moulin Rouge dance sign over to “Can-Can”)

(The Diamond Dogs and dancers line themselves up for the dance.)

Because we can can-can!

(Everyone starts can-canning like mad.)

DIAMOND DOGS:
HEY SISTER, GO SISTER
SOUL SISTER, FLOW SISTER
HEY SISTER, GO SISTER
SOUL SISTER, FLOW SISTER
GITCHIE GITCHE YA YA DA DA
GITCHIE GITCHE YA YA HERE

ZIDLER:
Because we can can-can!
Yes we can can-can!

DIAMOND DOGS:
GITCHIE GITCHE YA YA DA DA
CREOLE LADY MARMALADE

ZIDLER:
Because we can can-can!
Because we can can-can!

BOHOS:
(Dancing around Christian.)
WELL, YOU CAN BUMP AND GRIND

CHRISTIAN:
(Now thoroughly enjoying himself)
‘CAUSE IT’S GOOD FOR YOUR MIND!  YAAAHHHH!!

(The crazy singing and dancing continues in the background.)

TOULOUSE:
(From a little table with the other Bohos)
Christian!
(Christian comes to sit with them.)
Mission accomplished.  We’ve successfully evaded Zidler.

ZIDLER:
‘Cause you can can can can can can can can can!

(The music stops and everything darkens.  Everyone looks up.)
(Some sparkles and smoke flow down from above cascading all the rich gentlemen in top hats.)

TOULOUSE:
(To Christian)
It’s her.  The Sparkling Diamond.

(Satine, porcelain and ethereal in her sparkling diamond outfit, is lowered into the ballroom on a trapeze.  Christian gazes up at her awe-inspired. It’s love at first sight!)
 
 

SATINE:
THE FRENCH ARE GLAD TO DIE FOR LOVE                                                                                     (Quick cut to future Satine gasping in her Indian wedding gown, then cut back to Satine on trapeze.)
THEY DELIGHT IN FIGHTING DUELS

(THE DUKE watches Satine with an expression not too unlike Christian’s, but it is obviously an expression of lust rather than love.)

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
But someone else was to meet Satine that night.

SATINE:
BUT I PREFER A MAN WHO LIVES

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
Zidler’s investor…

SATINE:
AND GIVES EXPENSIVE…
JEWELS

(Satine begins to lower into the audience, the crowd cheers and reaches their hands up for her.)

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
(Typing.)
The Duke.

(Satine gets to the floor and struts and dances among the overjoyed crowd.  Christian seems unable to tear his gaze away.)

SATINE:
A KISS ON THE HAND MAY BE
QUITE CONTINENTAL
BUT DIAMONDS ARE A…

ARGENTINIAN:                                                                                                                                     Oh My!

(The Duke is watching with a somewhat more disgusting interest.)

SATINE and DIAMOND DOGS:
GIRL’S BEST FRIEND

DIAMOND DOGS:
OOOOH…

SATINE:
A KISS MAY BE GRAND BUT IT
WON’T PAY THE RENTAL
ON YOUR HUMBLE FLAT
OR HELP YOU FEED YOUR
MM, PUSSYCAT

SATINE and DIAMOND DOGS:
MEN GROW COLD AS
GIRLS GROW OLD

SATINE:
AND WE ALL LOSE OUR CHARMS IN THE END

SATINE and THE DIAMOND DOGS:
BUT SQUARE-CUT, OR PEAR-SHAPED
THESE ROCKS DON’T LOSE THEIR SHAPE
(Satine takes some diamonds offered by a rich gentleman.)
DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND

DUKE:
(At a table with Zidler, separated from the Boho table by a wall partition.)
When am I going to meet the girl?

SATINE:
(Riding the audience.)
Tiffany’s!

ZIDLER:
After her number, I’ve arranged a special meeting, just you and Mademoiselle Satine.  Totally alone.

SATINE:
Cartier!
(Snatches some flowers from one of the men then pushes him away.)

TOULOUSE:
(To Christian.)
After her number, I’ve arranged a private meeting, just you and Mademoiselle Satine.  Totally alone!

CHRISTIAN:
Alone!?

ZIDLER and TOULOUSE:
(To The Duke and Christian, respectively)
Yes, totally alone.

SATINE and THE DIAMOND DOGS:
‘CAUSE WE ARE LIVING IN A MATERIAL WORLD
AND I AM A MATERIAL GIRL

SATINE:
(Blows a kiss.)
Come and get me, boys!
(Does some more crowd-riding)
Whoo!

ZIDLER:
(Gets up from the table.)
Excuse me.
(Jogs up on stage to join Satine.)

SATINE:
Black Star, Ross Cole!  Talk to me Harry Zidler, tell me all about it!
(Joins Zidler in the middle of the stage.)
THERE MAY COME A TIME WHEN A
LASS NEEDS A LAWYER

ZIDLER and THE DIAMOND DOGS:
BUT DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND
(Dangling diamonds in front of Satine.)

SATINE:
(Grabbing playfully at the diamonds.)
THERE MAY COME A TIME WHEN A
HARD-BOILED EMPLOYER THINKS YOU’RE

(Christian watches in astonishment.)

ZIDLER and THE DIAMOND DOGS:
AWFUL NICE
(Zidler pretends to grab at Satine’s backside.)

SATINE:
BUT GET THAT ICE
OR ELSE NO DICE

TOULOUSE:
(To Christian)
Don’t worry, don’t worry!  I’ll sally forth and tee things up!
(Turns and knocks a tray over onto the Duke)

DIAMOND DOGS:
HE’S YOUR GUY WHEN STOCKS ARE HIGH
BUT BEWARE WHEN THEY START TO DESCEND

SATINE:
(To Zidler, as they both continue to dance around)
Is The Duke here, Harold?

ZIDLER:
Liebchen, would daddy let you down?

(They both turn and Zidler sees Toulouse spilling drinks all over the Duke.)

TOULOUSE:
(Trying to take the Duke’s hanky to wipe him off.)
I’m terribly sorry!

SATINE:
(Dancing still.)
Where is he?

ZIDLER:
(Dancing along with Satine.)
He’s the one Toulouse is shaking a hanky at.

TOULOUSE:
(Noticing it’s the Duke’s hanky he’s trying to grab, he drops it and turns back to Christian.)
Excuse me, Christian.  May I borrow?
(Pulls out Christian’s hanky)

DIAMOND DOGS:
DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL’S BEST
DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL’S BEST
DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND

SATINE:
(Squints and sees what appears to be Toulouse shaking a hanky at Christian)
Are you sure?

ZIDLER:
Let me peek.
(Peeks around her)

TOULOUSE:
(He turns to see Toulouse attempting to blot The Duke.)
I’m ever so sorry!  Oh, it’s so embarrassing!

ZIDLER:
That’s the one, Chick-Pea.
(Holds out diamond jewelry for Satine who takes it excitedly.)
I hope that demonic little loon doesn’t frighten him off.

TOULOUSE:
(After the Duke refuses his help, throws the hanky at him.)
Clean yourself up, you bourgeois pig!  (Snorts like a pig)
(Turns when WARNER places a hand on his shoulder, and sees Warner’s gun.)
Sorry!  Sorry!
(Goes back over to the Boho table.)

(Satine and Zidler are dancing somewhat dirtily.  Satine beckons Zidler and they duck underneath a sort of curtain that the can-can dancers have concocted with their skirts.  Satine is changing her outfit and Zidler is taking off his clothes.)

SATINE:
Will he invest?

ZIDLER:
Pigeon!  After spending the night with you, how could he refuse!?

SATINE:
What’s his type?  Wilting flower? (Wilts)  Bright and bubbly? (Giggles)  Or smoldering temptress? (Growls)

ZIDLER:
I’d say, smoldering temptress.  We’re all relying on you, Gosling.

NINI:
(On the ball room floor, dancing)
Ole!

ZIDLER:
Remember!  A real show, in a real theatre, with a real audience!  And you’ll be…

SATINE:
(Checks her makeup and then looks at Zidler longingly.)
…A real actress.
(Sighs and then smiles for the audience as the can-can dancers take their skirts down.  Zidler, in his long underwear, appears as though Satine undressed him behind the skirts.)
‘CAUSE THAT’S WHEN THOSE LOUSES
GO BACK TO THEIR SPOUSES

TOULOUSE:
(Calling to Satine.)
Pigeon!  Pigeon!!

SATINE:
DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL’S BEST
(Has made her way over to Christian who turns his head and gawks at her)
FRIEND…
I believe you were expecting me.

CHRISTIAN:
(Wide-eyed)
Yes…yes.

SATINE:
(Turns to the audience)
I’m afraid it’s lady’s choice!
(Points to Christian)

(Christian nervously turns to the Bohos who try to encourage him.  Satine looks mock-offended and turns back to the crowd with an adorable pout.)

CROWD:
Awww…Sat-ine! Sat-ine! Sat-ine! Sat-ine!
(And so on)

(Satine dances about a bit, making sexy noises.)

TOULOUSE:
(Yelling to Satine.)
I see you’ve already met my English friend, Chris—

SATINE:
I’ll take care of it, Toulouse.
(Turns to Christian and takes his hand.)
Let’s dance.

TOULOUSE:
(While Satine is pulling an awed Christian.)
Hit  her with your most modern poems!

(Satine spins around and then pulls Christian out onto the dance floor.)

DIAMOND DOGS:
TO THE BEAT OF THE RHYTHM OF THE NIGHT

PETIT PRINCESS:
DANCE UNTIL THE MORNING LIGHT

DIAMOND DOGS:
AND FORGET ABOUT THE WORRIES ON YOUR MIND

PETIT PRINCESS:
YOU CAN LEAVE THEM ALL BEHIND

(Satine dances about, as some gentlemen push Christian towards her.)

DIAMOND DOGS:
TO THE BEAT OF THE RHYTHM OF THE NIGHT

PETIT PRINCESS:
DANCE UNTIL THE MORNING LIGHT

DIAMOND DOGS:
AND FORGET ABOUT THE WORRIES ON YOUR MIND

PETIT PRINCESS:
YOU CAN LEAVE THEM ALL BEHIND

(Christian is awkwardly trying to dance with Satine but seems a little taken aback as she’s all over him.)

SATIE:
(With the other Bohos, watching.)
That seemed to go well.

THE DOCTOR:
Incredible…

ARGENTINEAN:
He has a gift with the women.

TOULOUSE:
I told you, he’s a genius!

(The rich gentlemen are dancing with can-can dancers who are dancing much like  Satine, but only Christian seems uncomfortable.)

ZIDLER:
(Watching from afar from a poor vantage point as Satine and Christian dance.)
That Duke certainly can dance!

SATINE:
(Dancing with a slightly more comfortable Christian.)
It’s so wonderful of you to take an interest in our little show.

CHRISTIAN:
Well, it sounds very exciting.  I’d be delighted to be involved.

SATINE:
Really!?

CHRISTIAN:
Assuming you like what I do, of course.

SATINE:
I’m sure I will!

(Everyone dancing as Christian tips his hat to the seated Bohos who encouragingly tip back..)

CROWD:
HERE WE ARE NOW

CHRISTIAN:
Toulouse thought we might be able to, um... (Dips her) …do it in private.

SATINE:
Did he?

CROWD:
HERE WE ARE NOW

CHRISTIAN:
Yes, you know, a…a private… (dips her again) …poetry reading.

CROWD:
ENTERTAIN US

SATINE:
Ohhh…

CROWD:
HERE WE ARE NOW, ENTERTAIN US

SATINE:
A poetry reading…oh, I love a little poetry after supper.
(Grabs at him a little.)

CROWD:
HERE WE ARE NOW, ENTERTAIN US
HERE WE ARE NOW, ENTERTAIN US

SATINE:
(Giving a big kick.) Take off your hats!

(The crowd tosses their top hats into the air, which can be momentarily seen soaring above Montmartre. Returning to the ballroom, Satine is back on the trapeze, rising back up as the crowd dances around her, hand in hand.  Christian has rejoined the Bohos at their table.)

DIAMONDS
DIAMONDS
SQUARE-CUT OR PEAR-SHAPED
THESE ROCKS WON’T LOSE THEIR SHAPE
DIAMONDS

TOULOUSE:                                                                                                               Fantastic!

SATINE:                                                                                                                                                          ARE A GIRL’S                                                                                                                                          BEST…                                                                                                                                                     (Gasps suddenly, as though she’s in pain and having trouble breathing.)

(Zidler notices something’s wrong, but the crowd does not.  As they reach out for the song’s final word, Satine topples off of her swing and into the crowd below.)

ZIDLER:
No!!!

(Luckily, CHOCOLAT is there to catch her.  There is a horrified silence, as Chocolat looks to Zidler for instruction.  Zidler nods his head towards backstage and Chocolat carries Satine away.  The crowd is silent and Christian looks extremely concerned.  Zidler suddenly shouts and claps, starting excited cheering and applause throughout the crowd.)

Sat-ine! Sat-ine!  Sat-ine!  Sat-ine!

(The crowd joins in, while Chocolat and Petit Princess are taking the unconscious Satine back to her dressing room, passing the Diamond Dogs on their way.)

NINI:
(Grinning.)
Don’t know if that Duke’s gonna get his money’s worth tonight.

MOME FROMAGE:
Don’t be unkind, Nini!  She fell down.  She fell down, that’s all.

(Chocolat lays Satine down gently and the Diamond Dogs gather around.)
(Noticing the stage manager’s signal that Satine will not be returning, Zidler cuts off the crowd’s chanting Satine.)

ZIDLER:
You’ve frightened her away!

CROWD:
Awww…

ZIDLER:
But I can see some lonely Moulin Rouge dancers looking for a partner or two!

(Christian and the Bohos seem worried.)

So if you can Hunk-Hunk, you can Hunkadola with them!
(Turns the “CAN-CAN” sign over to “HUNKADOLA”)

(The orchestra resumes and people begin to dance again.)
(Back in the dressing room, MARIE enters.)

MARIE:
(Shooing Baby Doll out of the way.)
Out of the way, Baby Doll!
(Uses smelling salts to wake up Satine, who seems flushed and out of breath.)

SATINE:
(Looks up at the relieved Marie and Diamond Dogs.)
Oh, Marie… (Smiles tiredly.) Oh, these…silly costumes…

MARIE:
Just a little fainting spell—

STAGE MANAGER:
(Pushing through the Diamond Dogs.)
All right, you girls!  Back outside and make those gents thirsty!
(Shoves the Diamond Dogs back out there, and approaches Marie and Satine.)
Problems?

MARIE:
Nothing for you to be worried about.

STAGE MANAGER:
Let’s not stand around, then.

(Marie glares at him as he walks away. Chocolat leaves, too, still worried.  Satine begins to gasp and cough violently into a hanky provided by Marie.  When Marie pulls it away from her mouth, it is stained with blood.  Marie is notably unnerved.)
(Chocolat and the dancers are all back out entertaining the crowd.)

CHOCOLAT and THE DIAMOND DOGS:
 COME OUT OF THE GARDEN BABY                                                                                                   YOU’LL CATCH YOUR DEATH OF THE FOG                                                                                      YOUNG GIRLS, THEY CALL THEM THE DIAMOND DOGS

(A bit later, everyone is still having fun in the dance hall as the The Duke, in the garden, is becoming impatient.  He approaches Warner.)

DUKE:
Find Zidler!  The girl is waiting for me.

(In Satine’s dressing room, Marie is tying a corset on Satine as she applies her makeup. Satine is now dressed in a brilliant, elegant red dress.)

MARIE:
That twinkle-toes Duke has really taken the bait, girl.
(Satine giggles a bit.)
With a patron like him, you could be the next Sarah Bernhardt.

SATINE:
Oh, Marie…Do you really think I could be like the great Sarah?

MARIE:
Why not?  You’ve got the talent.  You hook that Duke, and you’ll be lining up the great stages of Europe.

SATINE:
I’m going to be a real actress, Marie.  A great actress.  I’m going to fly away from here.
(Looks over at the bird in the gilded birdcage hanging next to her.)
Oh, yes, we’re going to fly, fly away from here.

ZIDLER:
(Rushing in.)
Duckling, is everything all right!?

SATINE:
(Smiling at him through the mirror.)
Oh, yes!  Of course, Harold!

ZIDLER:
Oh, thank goodness!  You certainly weaved your magic with that Duke on the dance floor.

SATINE:
(Turns to him and strikes a pose.)
How do I look?  Smoldering temptress?  (Growls.)

ZIDLER:
(Gasps and walks over to her)
Oh, my Little Strawberry!  How could he possibly resist but gobbling you up!?
(Satine giggles excitedly)
Everything’s going so well!

(Later, Christian stands in the heart-shaped window inside The Elephant, playing nervously with his hat, while Satine is taking off her red dress behind a dressing screen.)
(The Bohos can see him from the garden below the elephant, where people continue to dance and have a riotous time.)

TOULOUSE:
Unbelievable!  Straight to the Elephant!

SATINE:
(Steps out into view, clad in a black penoir.)
This is a wonderful place for a poetry reading.  Don’t you think?  Hm?
(Sultrily while Christian eyes her nervously.)
Poetic…enough…for you?

CHRISTIAN:
(Nods.)
Yes.

(The Bohos are climbing up the tail of The Elephant, giggling.)

SATINE:
(Heads over to the table and starts to pull out a champagne bottle.)
A little, uh, supper?  Maybe some champagne?

CHRISTIAN:
I’d rather just, um…get it over and done with.

SATINE:
(Drops the bottle back in the ice, slightly insulted.)
Oh…
(Turns and smiles at him sexily.)
Very well.
(Slinks over to the bed and drapes herself over it.)
Then why don’t you…come down here.
(Slips off part of the see-through robe she was wearing.)
And let’s get it over and done with…

CHRISTIAN:
(Fidgets.)
I…prefer to do it standing.

SATINE:
(Raises her eyebrows.)
Oh…
(Starts to stand.)

CHRISTIAN:
You don’t have to stand, I mean.
(Satine stops.)
It’s sometimes that…it’s quite long.
(She cocks an eyebrow, a shocked look on her face.)
And I’d like you to be comfortable.  It’s quite modern, what I do, and it may feel a little strange at first, but I think, if you’re open, then  (Smiles cutely), then you might enjoy it.

SATINE:
(Smiles too, curiously amazed.)
I’m sure I will…

CHRISTIAN:
(Nods.)
Excuse me.
(Turns around as Satine lays back and curiously awaits in nervous anticipation.)
The…
(Turns back towards Satine on the bed.)
The sky…is…
(Can’t seem to speak straight due top nerves.)
The sky…the blue...birds…
(Turns back around and blows air through his lips, in a theatrical exercise.)
Come on…come on…
(Psyches himself up and then turns around again.)
I think--…
(Satine is lying on her back, moaning loudly, so Christian turns around again.)
…Why am I so shaky?
Rikki Tikki Tikki Tikki Tikki.

SATINE:
(Sits up, slightly annoyed)
Um…
(Christian turns to her.)
Is everything all right?

CHRISTIAN:
Uh…I-I…I’m a little nervous.  It’s just, sometimes, it takes a while for…um…

SATINE:
Ohhh…

CHRISTIAN:
You know, inspiration to come…

SATINE:
(Stands and walks over to him.)
Oh, yes, yes, yes… Let mummy help, hm?
(Grabs his crotch.)

CHRISTIAN:
(Gasp!)

SATINE:
Does that inspire you?
(Throws him onto the bed.)
Let’s make love.

CHRISTIAN:
(Confused.)
Make love!?

SATINE:
(Jumps and straddles him.)
You want to, don’t you?

CHRISTIAN:
(A bit scared.)
Well, I…I came to—

SATINE:
(Covers his mouth and starts unbuttoning his shirt.)
No, tell the truth.  You feel the poetry!

CHRISTIAN:
What?

(The Bohos create a human chain, Toulouse dangling upside down on the end, so he can see what is happening through the window.)

SATINE:
Oh, come on… whoo!  Free the tiger!!
(Lets out some catlike yelps while she works on undoing his pants.)

(Christian seems awkwardly nervous.  They both look down at Christian’s presumably open fly.)

SATINE:
Big boy…

TOULOUSE:
(Looks up at the Bohos.)
He’s got a huge…talent!

SATINE:
(Lays on top of him hungrily.)
Oh, yes, I need your poetry now!

CHRISTIAN:
All right!!
(Escapes and runs to the other end of the room.)

(Satine falls over.)

It’s a little bit funny!

SATINE:
(Breathless)
What?

CHRISTIAN:
This...feeling inside
I’m not one of those…who can…who can easily hide.
(Looks at her.)
Is this…is this okay?  Is this what you want?

SATINE:
Ohhh, poetry…
(Christian nods.)
Yes…yes…yes, this is what I want, naughty words!

CHRISTIAN:
(Gives her an odd look.)
I-I don’t…

SATINE:
(Rolls on her back sensually and starts rubbing herself)
Oh, naughty!

CHRISTIAN:
 I don’t have much money
But…but boy if I did
I’d buy a big house

SATINE:                                                                                                                                                         Oh yes!  Oh, I love them!  Oh, it’s so bad!

CHRISTIAN:
Where we… (looking at her like she’s completely insane) where we both could live…
And…if I were a sculptor

SATINE:                                                                                                                                                Wonderful!
(Satine rolls onto the floor and crawls a bit closer to him, wrapping herself in what looks like a queenly robe, making amorous sounds.)

CHRISTIAN:
But, then again, no
Or a man who makes potions
In a traveling show.

SATINE:
(Ravishes a pillow.)
Oh, wonderful…
(Falls over again.)
Oh, don’t…don’t… don’t!
(Christian watches her oddly, so she looks up hurriedly.)
No, no, no, don’t stop!!

CHRISTIAN:
I…I know it’s not much…

SATINE:
Give me more!  Yes!  YES! YES!  YES!

CHRISTIAN:
(Staring quizzically.)
But it’s the best I can do…

SATINE:
Naughty!  Don’t stop!!  Yes!  Yes!  YE—

CHRISTIAN:
(Faces the window.)
MY GIFT IS MY SONG

(Satine stops and gazes at him, stunned.  The Bohos look up from their spot on the roof.  The city of Paris lights up.)
(Christian turns to look at her.)

AND THIS ONE’S FOR YOU
AND YOU CAN TELL EVERYBODY                                                                                                    (Satine stares at Christian enraptured, the queenly robe slipping from her shoulders to the floor.)
THAT THIS IS YOUR SONG
IT MAY BE QUITE SIMPLE, BUT
NOW THAT IT’S DONE
HOPE YOU DON’T MIND
I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND                                                                                                                     (Satine continues to gaze at Christian, stunned by his words.)
THAT  I PUT DOWN IN WORDS
HOW WONDERFUL LIFE IS
NOW YOU’RE IN THE WORLD
(Christian turns back to the window.  Looking after him mystified, now it’s Satine’s turn to be in love.)
I SAT ON THE ROOF
AND I KICKED OFF THE MOSS
(Satine stands and takes a hesitant step closer to him.)
WELL, SOME OF THESE VERSES, WELL THEY
THEY GOT ME QUITE CROSSED
(Turns to her as they approach each other.)
BUT THE SUN’S BEEN KIND                                                                                                                (Chorus begins to hum along in the background.)
WHILE I WROTE THIS SONG
IT’S FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU, THAT
KEEP IT TURNED ON
SO EXCUSE ME FORGETTING
BUT THESE THINGS I DO
YOU SEE, I’VE FORGOTTEN
IF THEY’RE GREEN OR THEY’RE BLUE                                                                                            (Satine smiles, touched.)
ANYWAY, THE THING IS
WHAT I REALLY MEAN
(Takes her hand.)
YOURS ARE THE SWEETEST EYES
I’VE EVER SEEN
(He twirls her, and then they leap outside to dance among the clouds and stars, while the moon sings in Italian.  It’s raining sparkles, so he pulls out an umbrella.)
AND YOU CAN TELL EVERYBODY                                                                                                (Christian jumps, twirls and leaps onto the Eiffel Tower, tossing his umbrella aside.)
THIS IS YOUR SONG
IT MAY BE QUITE SIMPLE BUT
NOW THAT IT’S DONE
(The Bohos watch and cheer, as Satine twirls over to him.)
I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND
I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND
THAT I PUT DOWN IN WORDS
HOW WONDERFUL LIFE IS
NOW YOU’RE IN THE WORLD

TOULOUSE:                                                                                                                                               Looks like he got the job!

(He twirls her and lifts her up, the Bohos shouting and laughing excitedly, and they’re back in the Elephant, arms around each other.)

SATINE:
Oh…I can’t believe it.  I’m in love.  I’m in love with a young, handsome, talented Duke.  (Giggles.)

CHRISTIAN:
(Smiling.)
Duke?

SATINE:
Mm, not that the title’s important, of course.  (Giggling again.)

CHRISTIAN:
I’m not a Duke.

SATINE:
Not a Duke?

CHRISTIAN:
I’m a writer.

SATINE:
(Starts to kiss him and then stops.)
A writer?

CHRISTIAN:
(Nods and smiles.)
Yes, a writer.

SATINE:
(Backs up.)
No…

CHRISTIAN:
Toulouse—

SATINE:
Toulouse??  Oh no…  No, not another of Toulouse’s oh-so-talented, charmingly bohemian, tragically impoverished protégés?

CHRISTIAN:
(Shrugs humbly, and smiles again)
Well, you might say that.

SATINE:
Oh no!!
(Christian stops smiling.)
I am going to kill him!

TOULOUSE:
(Looks up at the other Bohos.)
I think there might be a small hitch…

(Satine runs to the door.  Christian follows her.)

CHRISTIAN:
Toulouse told me—

SATINE:
What about the Duke!?
(Opens the door.)

(Zidler and the Duke are standing out there.)

ZIDLER:
My dear Duke…

SATINE:
(Gasps and slams the door shut.)
The Duke!!

CHRISTIAN:
The Duke?

SATINE:
Hide!!  Out the back!

(Zidler and the Duke burst in, so Satine hides Christian behind her robe.)

ZIDLER:
My Dear!  Are you decent for the Duke?
(Satine whirls around, keeping Christian behind her.)
Where were you?

SATINE:
(Moving to the table, so Christian can hide behind it.)
I, uh…I…was…waiting!

ZIDLER:
 Dearest Duke, allow me to introduce Mademoiselle Satine!

SATINE:
(Sultrily.)
Monsieur, how wonderful of you to take time out of your busy schedule to visit…
(Glances back and glares at Christian, who is peeking out.  Christian hides again.)

DUKE:
(Approaches)
The pleasure, I fear, will be entirely mine…my dear.

(Christian peeks out from the side.)

ZIDLER:
I’ll leave you two squirrels to get better acquainted.  Ta-ta!
(Leaves.)

DUKE:
(Kisses Satine’s hand.)
A kiss on the hand may be quite continental…

SATINE:
(Smiles)
But diamonds are a girl’s best friend…
(Slinks over to the bed and sits.)

DUKE:
After tonight’s pretty exertions on the stage, you must surely be in need of refreshment, my dear.
(Starts to turn to the table.  Christian ducks.)

SATINE:
(Stands to stop him)
Don’t!! …you…just… love the view?  Hm?

DUKE:
…Charming.
(Reaches for the table again.)

SATINE:
Ohhh!  I feel like dancing!
(Starts to dance around and make odd noises.)

(Christian pokes out again and gawks at her.)

DUKE:
Uh…um…my dear, I should like a glass of champagne.
(Goes for it again, Christian ducks.)

SATINE:
No!!
(The Duke turns and stares at her.)
It’s…it’s a little bit funny.

DUKE:
What is?

(Christian pokes out.)

SATINE:
This…
(Christian mouths “feeling.”)
Feeling
(Christian points and mouths “inside.”)
Inside
(Christian mouths the next part)
I’m not one of those who can easily…
(Christian pretends to hide behind his hands.)
Hide!

(Christian knocks a candle over and ducks quickly.  Satine latches onto the Duke’s legs before he can turn and see.)

I don’t have much money!
But if I did…
Oh, I’d buy a big house
Where we both could live
(Peeks through the Duke’s legs to point Christian out the door.)
I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND
(Stands up slowly, as Christian, watching them, sneaks to the door.)
I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND
THAT I PUT DOWN IN WORDS
HOW WONDERFUL LIFE IS                                                                                                             (Glancing at Christian as though she’s singing to him.)
NOW YOU’RE IN THE WORLD

(The Duke’s eyes sparkle.)

DUKE:
That’s very beautiful…

SATINE:
(Beckoning with her eyes for Christian to go out the door.)
It’s from Spectacular Spectacular.  Suddenly, with you here, I finally understood the true meaning of those words.
(Christian is opening the door and backing out.)
How wonderful life is…now you’re in the world.

DUKE:
What meaning is that, my dear?

(Christian sees Warner standing outside the door and quickly slams the door shut.  It’s loud, so Satine throws herself on the bed and pretends to sob.)
(Christian tries to hide behind a curtain that merely covers his head.)

SATINE:
No!  Duke!  Don’t you toy with my emotions!  You…you must know the affect you have on women…
(Grabs the Duke and pulls him down on top of her.  Boing!)
Let’s make love!  You want to make love, don’t you!?
(Kisses him and waves Christian to the other side of the room.)

(Christian runs towards the back, but stops before he hides…)

Ooh, I knew you felt the same way! Oh!  Oh, Duke!

(Christian turns to her and she waves him out frantically.)

(Mouthing to Christian.)                                                                                                                                Get out of here or he’ll kill you!                                                                                         (He won’t budge.)

Yes…you’re right, we should wait…until opening night.
(Pushes him off.)

(Christian gives a satisfied nod and then hides.)

DUKE:
Wait?  Wait?

SATINE:
(Standing up with him.)
There’s a power in you that scares me.  You should go!
(Leads him to the door.)

DUKE:
I just got here.

SATINE:
Oh, yes, but…we’ll see each other every day during rehearsal.  We must wait!  We must wait until opening night.  Get out.
(Opens the door and pushes him out.)
(Turns back to the approaching Christian and stalks over to him.)
Do you have any idea…any idea what would have happened if you were found!?
(Suddenly seems breathless and pale)
(Passes out onto Christian.)

CHRISTIAN:
(Catches her)
Oh…oh my g--…Satine…
(Tries to shake her awake)

ZIDLER:
(Watching through a telescope from his office window across from the Elephant.)
Let’s have a little peek-a-boo.
(Sees Christian shaking Satine, only it looks as if Satine is having sex with someone standing up.)
Right on target!

(The Can Can from Offenbach’s Orphée aux Enfers begins in the background.)                                (Christian lifts her to her feet and looks around awkwardly.)

CHRISTIAN:
(Dragging her over to the bed)
I’ll put you in bed…

(Christian manages to get her over to the bed, while the Bohos peer from behind the heart-shaped window.  It seems they’ve made it inside.  Christian climbs on top of her in order to place her in a comfortable position on the bed.)
(The Duke walks in.)

DUKE:
I forgot my ha—
(Christian looks like a deer caught in some headlights.)
Foul play?

CHRISTIAN:
She…I…

SATINE:
(Wakes up.)
Oh, Duke…

DUKE:                                                                                                                       (Snidely.)
It’s a little bit funny, this feeling inside.

CHRISTIAN:
(Shakes his head..)
No…

SATINE:
Beautifully spoken, Duke.  Yes, let me introduce you.  The writer.

DUKE:
The writer?

SATINE:
Yes…
(Stands, slightly pushing Christian to the side.)
Oh yes, we were…we were rehearsing.

DUKE:
Hahaha… You expect me to believe that, scantily clad, in the arms of another man, in the middle of the night, inside an elephant, you were rehearsing!?

TOULOUSE:
(Pops out from behind the window.)
How’s the rehearsal going!?
(He is quickly followed by the other Bohos.)
Shall we take it from the top, then, eh my queen?

SATIE:
(Heading to the piano)
I hope the piano’s in tune.

ARGENTINEAN:
Sorry, I got held up.

THE DOCTOR:
Can I offer you a drink?
(Holds a bottle out to the Duke.)

ZIDLER:
(Seeing the commotion through his telescope.)
Oh my goodness!
(Runs off.)

SATINE:
When I spoke those words to you before, you…you filled me with such inspiration.  Yes, I realized how much work we had to do before tomorrow, so I called everyone together for an emergency rehearsal!

DUKE:
If you’re rehearsing, where’s Zidler?

SATINE:
No, I wouldn’t bother Har—

ZIDLER:
(Bursts through the door)
My dear Duke, I’m most terribly sorry!

SATINE:
Harold!  You made it!  It’s all right, the Duke knows all about the (gives him a look) emergency rehearsal.

ZIDLER:
(Nods.)
Emergency rehearsal?

SATINE:
Mm, to incorporate the Duke’s artistic idea.

ZIDLER:
Yes, well, I’m sure Audrey will be only too delighted—

TOULOUSE:
Audrey’s left!

ZIDLER:
He’s what?

SATINE:
Harold, the cat’s out of the bag.  Yes, the Duke’s already a big fan of our new writer’s work.  That’s why he’s so keen to invest. (Another look)

ZIDLER:
Invest?  (Looks to the Duke) Invest!  Oh, yes, well, invest!  You can hardly blame me for trying to hide our…

CHRISTIAN:
Christian.

TOULOUSE:                                                                                                                                       (Beaming and clapping, in unison with Christian.)
Christian!

ZIDLER:
…Christian away!

DUKE:
I’m way ahead of you, Zidler.

(Toulouse laughs silently, mockingly behind the Duke’s back.)

ZIDLER:
My dear Duke…why don’t you and I go to my office to peruse the paperwork?

DUKE:
What’s the story?

ZIDLER:
The story?

DUKE:
Well, if I’m to invest, I’ll need to know the story.

ZIDLER:
Oh, yes…well…the story’s about…  Toulouse?

(All eyes go to Toulouse.)

TOULOUSE:
Well…well…the story’s…the story’s about…Well, it’s, it’s about, um…

CHRISTIAN:
It’s about love!

(All eyes go to Christian.)

DUKE:
(Unimpressed.)
Love?

CHRISTIAN:
(Sharing a look with Satine.)
It’s about love…overcoming all obstacles.

TOULOUSE:
And it’s set in Switzerland!
(Christian gives him a funny look.)

DUKE:
(Looks back at Zidler, unhappy)
Switzerland?

ZIDLER:
Exotic Switzerland!

CHRISTIAN:
(Sees an Indian elephant statue.)
India…India!  It’s set in India!!
(Looks at Satine, who is enthralled.)
And there’s a courtesan…the most beautiful courtesan in all the world.
(Glares at the Duke)
But her kingdom’s invaded by an Evil Maharajah!  Now, in order to save her kingdom (looks disgusted) she has to seduce the Evil Maharajah.  But, on the night of the seduction, she mistakes a penniless p--…penn…penniless…
(Sees a sitar and picks it up.)
penniless sitar player for the Evil Maharajah, and she falls in love with him!  (As if to clarify to Satine.) He wasn’t trying to trick her or anything…but he was dressed as a maharajah…because…he’s appearing in a play.

ARGENTINEAN:
(Takes the sitar from Christian.)
I will play the Penniless tango dancing Sitar Player. He will sing like an angel… but dance like the devil!

DUKE:
(Nods)
Yes…yes, all right.  And, and what happens next?

CHRISTIAN:
Well, the Penniless Sitar Player and the Courtesan, they have to hide their love from the Evil Maharajah.

SATIE:
The Penniless Sitar Player’s sitar is magical!  It can only speak the truth!

TOULOUSE:
And I will play the Magical Sitar!
(Puts himself behind the sitar so it looks like his head on the end of the instrument.)
(Makes a sitar noise and turns to Satine) You are beautiful!  (Makes it again and turns to Zidler) You are ugly.  (Turns to the Duke) And you are—
(Everyone covers his mouth.)

DUKE:
Yes, and he gives the game away!

(Everyone exults in agreement.)

ZIDLER:
Tell him about the can-can!

CHRISTIAN:
It’s a…tantric can-can, it’s—

ZIDLER:
(Shoves Christian away)
It’s an erotic, spectacular scene that captures the thrusting, violent, vibrant, wild bohemian spirit that this whole production embodies, Duke!

DUKE:
What do you mean by that?

(The rest of the group stands together behind Zidler, reacting excitedly to his words.)

ZIDLER:
I mean the show will be…a magnificent, opulent, tremendous, stupendous, gargantuan bedazzlement!  A sensual ravishment!  It will be…

(Everyone prepares for the upcoming musical number. Satie begins to play the piano.)

Spectacular Spectacular
No words in the vernacular
Can describe this great event
You’ll be dumb with wonderment
Returns are fixed at ten percent
You must agree that’s excellent
AND ON TOP OF YOUR FEE

ALL (Except the Duke):                                                                                                                                (To the music of Offenbach’s can-can.)
YOU’LL BE INVOLVED ARTISTICALLY
SO EXCITING, THE AUDIENCE WILL STOMP AND CHEER
SO DELIGHTING, IT WILL RUN FOR FIFTY YEARS
SO EXCITING, THE AUDIENCE WILL STOMP AND CHEER
SO DELIGHTING, IT WILL RUN FOR FIFTY YEARS

(Each character begins to mimic what they are describing to the Duke.)

TOULOUSE:
ELEPHANTS

THE DOCTOR:
BOHEMIANS

ZIDLER:
INDIANS

SATINE:
AND COURTESANS

SATIE:
ACROBATS

ARGENTINEAN:
AND JUGGLING BEARS

TOULOUSE:
EXOTIC GIRLS

ALL (Except the Duke):
FIRE EATERS
MUSCLE MEN, CONTORTIONISTS
INTRIGUE, DANGER

TOULOUSE:
AND ROMANCE

ALL (Except the Duke):
ELECTRIC LIGHTS, MACHINERY

ZIDLER:
AND ALL THAT ELECTRICITY!

ALL (Except the Duke):                                                                                                                       (Circling the Duke as he is sitting in a chair.)
SO EXCITING, THE AUDIENCE WILL STOMP AND CHEER
SO DELIGHTING, IT WILL RUN FOR FIFTY YEARS
SO EXCITING, THE AUDIENCE WILL STOMP AND CHEER
SO DELIGHTING, IT WILL RUN FOR FIFTY YEARS

(All on their knees in front of the Duke, excepting Satie who is still at the piano.)                         SPECTACULAR SPECTACULAR
NO WORDS IN THE VERNACULAR
CAN DESCRIBE THIS GREAT EVENT
YOU’LL BE DUMB WITH WONDERMENT

(To an Indian theme.)                                                                                                                                   THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC

(All jumping up and down in front of the Duke who is still in the chair.)                                                        SO EXCITING, THE AUDIENCE WILL STOMP AND CHEER
SO DELIGHTING, IT WILL RUN FOR FIFTY YEARS
(Lifting the Duke in his chair and spinning him around.)                                                                                SO EXCITING, THE AUDIENCE WILL STOMP AND CHEER
SO DELIGHTING, IT WILL RUN FOR FIFTY YEARS
(Pose)

DUKE:
Yes, but what happens in the end?

(They all look at each other and then rush to prepare for acting out the rest of the song.)

CHRISTIAN:
(Steps out in front of a makeshift curtain and clears his throat, cuing the lights and the opening of the curtain.  Someone drags Toulouse by his feet under the curtain.)
THE COURTESAN AND SITAR MAN
ARE PULLED APART BY AN EVIL PLAN

SATINE:
BUT IN THE END, SHE HEARS HIS SONG

CHRISTIAN:
(Exchanging a look with Satine)
AND THEIR LOVE IS JUST TOO STRONG

DUKE:
IT’S A LITTLE BIT FUNNY
THIS FEELING INSIDE

ALL (Except the Duke):
(Pause.)
SO EXCITING, THE AUDIENCE WILL STOMP AND CHEER
SO DELIGHTING, IT WILL RUN FOR FIFTY YEARS

CHRISTIAN:
THE SITAR PLAYER’S SECRET SONG
HELPS THEM FLEE THE EVIL ONE
THOUGH THE TYRANT RANTS AND RAILS
IT IS ALL TO NO AVAIL

ZIDLER:
I am the Evil Maharajah!  You will not escape!

SATINE:
Oh, Harold, no one could play him like you could!

(The Duke seems very amused.)

ZIDLER:
No one’s going to.

ALL (Except the Duke):
SO EXCITING, WE’LL MAKE THEM LAUGH, WE’LL MAKE THEM CRY
SO DELIGHTING…

DUKE:
And in the end, should someone die?

ALL (Except the Duke):
(Pause, glancing at each other.  Toulouse is standing next to the seated Duke, a quizzical look on his face.)
SO EXCITING, THE AUDIENCE WILL STOMP AND CHEER
SO DELIGHTING, IT WILL RUN FOR FIFTY YEARS
(Pose, Warner walks in, and Toulouse jumps on him, using him to pose.)

DUKE:
Generally, I like it.

(Everyone cheers and hugs the Duke.)

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
Zidler had an investor, and the Bohemians had a show.

(Later that night, everyone is partying around the Moulin Rouge and above Christian’s garret to The Children of the Revolution.)

TOULOUSE:
(Sitting drunk on the roof, with no pants.)
It’s the end of the century!  The bohemian revolution is here!
(Throws his drink)

(The Bohos, the Diamond Dogs, and others seem to be dancing and behaving mischievously.)

ARGENTINIEAN:                                                                                                                                              (To a drunk dancing girl beside him.)                                                                                                         You’re a beautiful woman.  I love sex.

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):                                                                                                                                   (Alone in his garret.)
While the celebration party raged upstairs, I tried to write.  But all I could think about was her.

CHRISTIAN:
(Sitting in the window of his garret.)
HOW WONDERFUL LIFE IS

CHRISTIAN (V.O.):
Was she thinking about me?

CHRISTIAN:
(Gazing across at the Elephant)
NOW YOU’RE IN THE WORLD

(Satine is sitting alone in the dark Elephant, by her mirror.)

CHRISTIAN’S VOICE:
(In Satine’s head, as she stands and gazes out toward Christian’s garret)
Duke?  I’m not a Duke… I’m a writer… He wasn’t trying to trick her or anything… It’s about love… It’s about love overcoming all obstacles…

(Satine and Christian can barely see each other across the Moulin Rouge, through their respective windows.)
(Satine slowly walks closer, and Christian moves back to his typewriter.)

SATINE:
I FOLLOW THE NIGHT

(The party still rages above the garret, and Christian is trying to write.  Satine stares out the heart-shaped window towards Christian’s window.)

CAN’T STAND THE LIGHT
WHEN WILL I BEGIN TO LIVE AGAIN?

(Christian is looking out his window again, and he can see Satine standing in her own.)

ONE DAY I’LL FLY AWAY
LEAVE ALL THIS TO YESTERDAY
WHAT MORE COULD YOUR LOVE DO FOR ME?                                                                             (Satine leans against the heart-shaped window.)
WHEN WILL LOVE BE THROUGH WITH ME?

(Christian walks to his window.)

WHY LIVE LIFE FROM DREAM TO DREAM
AND DREAD THE DAY WHEN DREAMING ENDS?

CHRISTIAN:                                                                                                                                         (Standing at his window, singing to Satine.)
HOW WONDERFUL LIFE IS
NOW YOU’RE IN THE WORLD

(Satine is heading up the steps to the top of the Elephant as Christian quickly leaves his garret.  When Satine looks, she can see that he’s not there anymore.)

SATINE:
(Singing to the sky, on top of the Elephant.)
ONE DAY I’LL FLY AWAY
LEAVE ALL THIS TO YESTERDAY
WHY LIVE LIFE FROM DREAM TO DREAM

(Christian heads toward the Elephant.)

AND DREAD THE DAY WHEN DREAMING ENDS?

(Christian is climbing up the tail of the Elephant, the same way the Bohos did earlier.  Satine sits down.)

ONE DAY I’LL FLY AWAY
FLY, FLY AWAY

(Christian emerges behind her.)

CHRISTIAN:
Sorry!
(Satine cries out in surprise, stands, and whirls around to face him.)
Sorry, I didn’t mean…I saw your light on, and I…I climbed up the…

SATINE:
What?  (Giving Christian a confused look.)

CHRISTIAN:
I couldn’t sleep, and I want-I wanted to thank you for…helping me get the job.

SATINE:
Oh!  Of course…  Yes, Toulouse…Toulouse was right.  You’re…you’re very talented.
(Christian gestures modestly.)
It’s going to be a wonderful show.  (Nods.)  Anyway, I’d better go, because we…uh, we both have a big day tomorrow.
(Smiles and turns to go.)

CHRISTIAN:
Wait!  No, please, wait…
(Satine stops and turns to him a bit frustrated.)
Before, when we were…when we were…when you thought I was the Duke… you said that you loved me.  An-and I wondered if…if—

SATINE:
If it was just…an act?

CHRISTIAN:
Yes!

SATINE:
Of course.

CHRISTIAN:
Oh…it just felt…real.

SATINE:
(Approaches him.)
Christian…I’m a courtesan.  I’m paid to make men believe what they want to believe.

CHRISTIAN:
Yes…
(Pause.  He smiles sadly.)
Silly of me to think that you could…fall in love with someone like me.

SATINE:
I can’t fall in love with anyone.

CHRISTIAN:
Can’t fall in love?  But…a life without love, that’s terrible!

SATINE:
No!  Being on the street, that’s terrible!

CHRISTIAN:
No!
(Satine can’t seem to believe he’s saying this)
Love is like oxygen!

SATINE:
What?

CHRISTIAN:
Love is a many-splendored thing.  Love lifts us up where we belong.  All you need is love!

SATINE:
Please, don’t start that again.

CHRISTIAN:
ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE

SATINE:
A girl has got to eat.

CHRISTIAN:
ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE

SATINE:
She’ll end up on the streets!

CHRISTIAN:
ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE

SATINE:
LOVE IS JUST A GAME

CHRISTIAN:
I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN’ YOU, BABY
YOU WERE MADE FOR LOVIN’ ME

SATINE:                                                                                                                                                          (Turns, smiles and begins to walk to the rear of the elephant, playfully flipping her hair.)
THE ONLY WAY OF LOVIN’ ME, BABY
IS TO PAY A LOVELY FEE

CHRISTIAN:
JUST ONE NIGHT
GIVE ME JUST ONE NIGHT