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Hi
and welcome, I have been meaning to write my testimonial
for the longest time, but since it is a bit complicated, and
quite long, I've been putting it off. But finally, after
making my graphics for it - thought it would be dark, because
most of my life was in the dark, but it came out that way and I
think it's better. It is more like my actual life, with God's
Light in it. By the way, this picture was taken the year I came
to Christ. Praise the Lord for His love, without it I would be
dead by now!
PART -1-
From birth to the angel of God in 78.
Once
upon a time... I was a little girl, born in 1964, in the city of
Montreal, (Quebec, Canada). From a Catholic bred family! By the
time I was 5, my father was getting quite deep in the Occult
sciences and things started to happen to me. I started to
see things move around the house and strange creatures appear
in my bedroom at night. Especially, when my father was out at his
meetings with the group. I told my parents I saw
monsters at night, but all they could respond was "it's
probably indigestion sweetheart and you are having bad
dreams"! But one day, I finally told my father that the
bad dreams happened when I was awake...! Then my father took
interest in me. So he started to ask me questions and wanted to
know what I saw. After a short while of discussion with his
little girl, he realized he had a gifted child in his hands. So
he started to instruct me, in the knowledge of what is better
known today as New Age, but was known at that time as White
Magic. Because according to daddy, there was 2 kinds of
power sources, a good or positive one and a bad or negative
one. One was White Magic, with which you could do good and the
other one was Black Magic with which you could do bad. But in
his teachings, there is no God or Devil!!! So I
grew for some years believing all that I was taught. But at some
point a question popped up in my mind. "What if all this
wasn't true... What if all this was a lie, an illusion, a trap, a whole theatrical
scene to hide something that is true?" And this question
kept coming and coming more and more often. So at one point, I
asked daddy if all this was true, and what if it wasn't true? But
daddy answered; "if it wasn't true, it wouldn't work, would
it?" Which made sense at the time, since everything worked!
The little girl that I was, was about 10 or 12 when this
question started growing in her mind. And at that point I could
do so many things with the gifts I had, for example, I could
read cards, feel and know one's life just by touching them,
could find anything lost anywhere (whether it was inside,
outside, or on a map, the size of a zone to search had no
importance!) with blindfolds, I could use a pendulum, practice
telepathy with my father, astral traveling. I could even enter
pins deep through my skin with mind controlling of the pain. I was a medium without my consent meaning that I
had horrific encounters in strange places, seeing beings from
the past, without my wanting it, that I will not detail on this
testimonial, but it is not something I wish on anyone, those
creatures are not from God I assure you! But that
question remained, and became clearer and turned to: "what
if all this did not come from the truth?" Hum... what if
it did not come from the truth, now that was
something that at the time I couldn't understand!!! What does
that mean? I understood something being true or not, but coming
from the truth or not, I had a hard time with this. I remember
around the age of 12 or 13, one night of intense discussion with
father, learning new incantations, and power gaining, as we went
to bed, I had a visitor, what is called a "Wise
spirit" who came to the end of my bed. The strangest thing,
because we lived in the country. There were no street lights out,
also my parents managed so we had blinds and it was so dark that no light
would come in at night for a deeper sleep. In one word, it was
pitch black... But I could see this silhouette, coming from the
wall where my bedroom window was, it looked like a monk, it was brown in the pitch blackness
of the night and he spoke to me, telling me to go slowly in my
learning, that I was young, I had all the time, I should
practice what I knew, and not go too fast, or I'd get lost! So I
figured OK! and I went to sleep. The next morning, when I got up and my father got up, we looked at each other, as if we knew
something! So I said hi with a smile and he smiles right back
at me, like the cat who ate the mouse! So I started with
"did you..." and he cut me with "did you sleep
well last night?" I said why? "Oh " he said,
"because I had a visitor last night!" So my eyes
opened up a little more, and said "me too!" He looked
at me as if he knew. So he said he had the visit of a spirit who
came to tell him to be careful in my teachings, not to go too
fast, because I was still young! So we kept on working on my
growth in the occult. My father even told me about a Jesus,
but he was a prophet who had lived many lives, many
reincarnations to become this good (which in my heart, and don't
ask me why, didn't feel right)! But still that question remained
in my mind and I was starting to seek the truth throughout all
that I was experiencing, until the night when I had another
visitor. It was in 1978, I was 14, (but this one, I know now was
sent from God) a light filled with colors not of this world,
appeared at the end of my bed. In my mind and in my heart, for
the first time I felt that this was true, and I was not afraid.
I got out of my bed, and went close to him. So he proceeded to talk
to me - it must have been in a spiritual voice, because I
remember talking out loud, but I'm not sure he was - in these
words: you'll have to excuse me, but it all happened in French, so
I'll try to translate as best as I can "do you believe in
Jesus?" I said "yes!" Then he said do you want to
follow Jesus?" I said "yes!" He said again "do you really
want to follow Jesus?" I said "yes" again. Then he said "if
you want to follow Jesus, you must let go of these powers you
have." So I said "how, most of the time I don't even
do them on purpose, how do I do that?" So he said again
"Do you really want to follow Jesus?" And then I said
"yes I really want to but how?" And then he left, I
went right back to bed, and slept like an angel. The very next
morning, I had lost all my powers...! I couldn't concentrate and
hear or see things, no more moving objects, or apparitions, no
more anything. It was then that I realized that there was a
stronger, and higher power than the one my father taught me about, he was convinced
it was the only high power. It was then
that I realized that there was a God, a Devil and Jesus was
stronger than the Devil (and nothing like dad told me about) and what I was experiencing did
not come from the truth. For it was from the evil one and the
truth was Jesus. And all those powers that were working in my life
as they are working in the life of millions of people today,
were (and are still) lies, illusions, traps, smoke shows, theatrical
scenes to
prevent the truth from getting to man's eyes and heart. Because I had a
choice and made it, something stronger took hold of my life!
And that thing was so powerful, that it prevented the evil
forces to get close to me! It had to be stronger, and real! But
the story doesn't stop there!!!
PART
-2- The part of my mother abusing me till I killed myself in 83.
The
other part of my story involves my mother. My father was an
engineer, and he had to work away for weeks at a time, so we
were often alone with my mother. But my mother was a woman who was very troubled, she was a control freak, saying things like
"You owe me your life, you will get on your knees and say
you love me, if I tell you to!" or "You will love me,
I am your mother!" (because in the bible -she loved quoting
bible verses in our face, knowing we didn't know about them!- it
says to honor our parents. But she always omitted to say the
rest of the verse.) Many times as a kid, she would fake
being drunk when I would come back from school, and threaten
to go and kill herself, so I would cry and she would say
"no one loves me!" and I'd cry and say I love you
mommy! Then she would push me on the floor (with her hand on
my shoulders, pushing hard,) until I was on my knees and face at
her feet, and tell me "if you love me you'll be on your
knees and tell me you love me!" And all sorts of controlling
things that would make me feel like a piece of trash. Later I
found her bottle of rum, and realized that she was never drunk,
she just wanted to humiliate me. She loved doing that, humiliating
me, especially in front of people. Ever since I could remember,
her favorite thing was to humiliate me. Especially if someone
would say something nice about me. And then she would make me
pay when they left. She would also make me pay, when my father
came for the weekends and had fun with us! It was like she was jealous
or something! I found out just a few years ago, that she had lied to me since I was young, to keep me from seeing my family or friends. Like later, (when I was on my own and studying) when
there was a family gathering, she wouldn't tell me. At the
gathering people would ask about me and she would tell them I didn't
want to come, didn't want to see them. And if I would ask her
about them, if she had news, she would say yes, that they said
they hated me! They thought I was a little whore. She did that (and still does) with everyone she
knows, so she could be the center queen of our lives. I found out
about this 3 or 4 years ago. For so many years she
convinced me that everyone in my family hated me and
never wanted to see me, till my cousin died in 1998. I decided
to call my aunt to tell her I was sorry, and if she'd rather I
wouldn't go to see her, she asked me why? I said because I know
you don't want to see me, and everything came out. All the
family was there and all my mother said were lies. Anyway, all
that I can say is that my mother was (and still is) a very disturbed woman who
managed to destroy me to a point in my life: -In the 70's, as I
said she was so mean to me (some violence, but that's not what
hurt me the most). She would blame me for my father leaving us,
she would say I was a bad and ungrateful child I was, if I was happy, when she was not
(for example, when she would call me on the phone; I was going to a boarding
school from secondary 3, and when she asked how I was, and I
answered I was fine, she would start yelling at me and telling me
what a stupid, bad and ungrateful child I was, to be happy when she was not,
that if I was a good child I would be unhappy when she was,
because in the bible it is written to cry when others cry!!)
And earlier, when I was going to a local school, every
evening she would wait for me either faking the alcoholic thing,
or just yelling at me because I was just going to my room for a
little peace and quiet after being beaten at school. I was not
allowed a bit of time on my own. I had to suffer all her
tantrums. I was just a child, and a good one I might add, always
doing what she said and always home, not doing drugs, or
anything. But that wasn't enough! There was a time when I
started to have the visions that saved my life. The few times
when I manage to have some time on my own in my bedroom, I had
this vision: there was a man in a robe, we (some kids and I)
were following, climbing up a mountain ( later I saw pictures
exactly like the ones around Israel) and every time
we were climbing, at a point the man would turn around, and tell
us to sit in a circle. I never saw the face of the man! But then
He would teach us about love and not to get revenge (I was sick
and tired of being beaten at school and was wondering if I should
do something about it), forgiveness, patience, etc. Things that
I found out 20 years later in the Bible! That vision, It had
really helped me to hang in there no matter what! So anyway, in
1981, I started college, and since it was so far from home I have to
take a room in the city. But that was the time of the separation
of my parents. My mom would call me every night at 5:00 pm,
only to give me a bad time. Blaming me for my father, telling me
how ungrateful I was, when I was happy, threatening to kill
herself all the time and not letting me stay some weekends
with my friends. Because if I loved her, I wouldn't be thinking
of anything else but her!!! I was 17, and I couldn't even go out
of the house after 10:00 on weekends and just go for walks with
my friends. Well she managed to do that every night for 1½
years and I just couldn't stand it anymore. After all, what kind
of piece of trash was I to deserve such treatment, I wasn't
loved, I was a punching bag. I saw all the parents who loved
their children, they never did or say anything like that to
their kids, so I must be a really truly bad human being, who didn't
deserve to live! So at the beginning of the year (March) of
1983, I finally managed to stay at my apartment in town, telling
mom I was studying for an exam. I took over 70 pills, washed it
down with beer, and went to bed, crying thinking that finally I
will stop hurting. I would just go to sleep, and never wake up.
Cause you see, for about 1 year there was this little voice in
my head that kept saying "If you die, you won't suffer
anymore!" So I did it on a Friday night, when my 2
cotenants were gone for the weekend! And I fell asleep, then I heard "It is not your time, someone loves you...
Jesus loves you!" Then I saw blue, and I opened my eyes
and the voice continued with 3 promises: "You will find
me,... you will see me face to face in real,... And you will
serve me..." So I got up, and went to the bathroom and threw
up. I went in the living room and it was dark and there was no
one in the apartment, so I figured it was still Friday. I turned
on the TV, and saw the Sunday evening news!!!!! I had been in a
coma for over 48 hours, and should have been dead, so all of it
was real.
PART
-3- Jesus came and SAVE MY LIFE, and told me I would find him,
find the truth in 1990!
Now
that was in early 1983... And It took till 1990 to find Him!
Still after the "awakening, I had what I called a time in
the clouds, where I felt I was walking a few inches from the
ground, I saw things through a new light and found myself, on the bus as I was going and coming to and from work, praying
God. In a mumbling I couldn't understand, but made me very
happy
and feel close to the one who talked to me. I stopped when my
father told me there was a language that existed to communicate
with the bad spirits. It scared me so I forced myself to stop.
Now you have to realize, I hadn't heard about the Bible yet,
nor of what was in it, and it wasn't something we would have in
the family, actually the notion of Christians did not even exist
around me! Except later in 1983, my cousin and her husband
became Christians in a Baptist Church, and started to talk about
the Bible and the fact that the stories in it were true! They
gave me a Bible, but I really didn't get to open it till 1990. I
tried sometimes, but there was no time, was too tired, didn't
understand what it said, etc. But still I was still seeking the
truth and God. So much going on that summer, I had a student job
parking cars in the Old Quebec City. Curiously, so many
people approached me with a Bible, they told me about Jesus. How
He was love, so we should make love!!! And so many other people
more strange from one to the next!! Even one time I remember I
didn't feel too good, so I was looking for some kind of sacred
place, and entered into a local Catholic church, you know, just
to pray and be on my own, where God could be! I was lucky,
because most churches had their doors locked, but this time the
doors were open. I went in, and sat somewhere in the middle
and as I was about to bow my head and start, I heard a voice:
"I am not here, get out of here, you will not find me
here!" and the voice was so loud, I was searching for
someone, but there was no one, and then I heard "get out of
here now!" And then realized that God was not even in the
Catholic Church. So I ran out! Now let's skip a few years, there are
more important things that happened. Now I am in Montreal
since 1984, I went to study at LaSalle College in Fashion Design.
Then a bit later, 1990 - to make a long story short:- I had a
boy friend, we got married June the 30, 1990, and by August 13,
I've learned that he was living with a friend of mine since the
8th!(he was suppose to be out camping with the kids from the
center where he was working... So we get separated, and I really
go nuts. I am looking down my balcony on the 3rd floor and to me
the concrete pavement really looks good to flatten myself on! Once
again I was suicidal. My husband and my friend, why did he even
marry me? At the time the 2 only things that stopped me from
jumping, were that his grand parents were living on the first
floor, and were renting to us and when I turned around I looked
at the look in my cat's eyes. As if to say, "don't jump
mommy I love you, I need you! So I took him in my arms and held
him and cried for hours. The funny thing is Pastel (that was my
cat's name) never liked to be held and this time he stayed
there. Somehow I believe God used him that day. In the weeks
that followed I borrowed my aunts country cabin on the
St-Lawrence River and spent a week there. I had tapes of Christians
that made their testimony, on how Jesus had saved them, healed
them and changed their lives. And somehow, it touched me. That
first night, I had my cat with me, I had experienced what we
call in French a "de-possession" because that day, I
finally said God, if you are there I want you, I need you, please
help me. So that night, something bounded me, even my spiritual
mouth, then the room was totally lightened and I couldn't move,
even in my mind I couldn't speak. I was trying to say JESUS, but
just couldn't for a while. I finally manage to open my mouth and
say Jesus Help me! And all came back to normal I turned on the
light, called my mother (at that time she had came to Christ
about 2 months before) we prayed, and asked God to send angels
to protect me. I went to sleep in the living room with the TV
on, I had a sound and secure sleep. In the following days, I
went to visit my brother, and of course I was crying, and he too
came to Christ a few months earlier, so they offered me to go to
their local church that Sunday. I went, but I said I didn't feel
like their kind of ceremony, so they just said I could just stay
on my seat and watch. I was not too familiar with what was going
on in evangelical churches!!!! And oh was I surprised. There
were between 300 to 400 people in there, no one I knew and who
knew me, and I was crying my eyes out, and all of a sudden there
is a lady
who starts talking " My Daughter, 7 years ago I told you
you would find me, this is where I am, look no more, I am here.
God has held his promise" And I was crying even more, and I
thought to myself "If it's true Lord, if it's really you
who's talking to me, what should I do?" "You must come
to me my child, and accept me in your heart! Come and accept me
as your Lord and Savior." And there was
something else she said that to this day I don't remember
exactly what it said, it was about what I would do for Him, but
I knew in my heart it will come back to me when the right time
comes. I can not tell you how I felt at that point. Hearing a
strange woman, saying to me, and to no one else, the answers from
God, -7 years later- to all my questions. I knew in my heart of
hearts that what I was experiencing was of God. I knew He spoke
to me and me alone. So my tears of pain, turned into tears of
joy, and I started to experience a deliverance. Finally it
happened, I have found the "truth", and/or the
"truth" had found me!. Praise the Lord,
and I felt just like this child in the arms of our Lord.
And
for the first time in my life I felt loved and accepted, and I
was not the piece of trash I've been told I was... It was then I
felt what having a real Father was like, unconditional love,
true love and compassionate love. I wish it on all of those who
have been hurt one way or another in their lives. If you want to
know how to get that precious gift, please click on the
"one way hand", for there is only...
PART
-4- From being saved till now...
If
you are interested to know what happened next, revelations of
God and visions, please click on:
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Child of God
