Which quiz bowl team do you play for?

Test composed by Julie Stahlhut (Ravenclaw '74) and Gail Celio (Gryffindor '89)

Which is your favorite tournament?
Elvis Memorial(?)
Penn Bowl
Questions Unlimited championship
Tennessee TrashMasters

You're shopping for a cuddly plush mascot to bring to a tournament. Which one would you choose?
Cthulhu
Flik the worker ant
The Brain
The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man

A lower-ranked team upsets your team in a tense final. What do you do?
Ask the opposing captain to join your team at next summer's Mad City Masters.
Complain about the question distribution.
Make a wry, self-depreciating joke.
Resolve to study harder before the next tournament.

You learned a lot of hard-core academic subjects by:
Becoming a volunteer tutor at the local high school.
Collecting Cliff's Notes.
Listening to Tom Lehrer and They Might Be Giants.
Reading Benet's from cover to cover.

You recruit freshmen to your team by:
Closing every practice with a trash packet just for fun.
Hazing them mercilessly; if they're tough enough, they'll stay.
Organizing extra rookie practices.
Taking them out to play NTN after meetings.

Which best describes your team?
Four players meticulously chosen for balance.
One powerhouse dinosaur plus three warm bodies.
Sporadically successful, but lots of fun in the van.
Whichever four players are free that weekend.

What do you do with a teammate who negs too much in her first tournament?
Make constructive suggestions, but then compliment her on her aggressive play.
Present her with some fresh-baked turnovers as a joke award.
Read her an extra packet per practice to improve her buzzer technique.
What do you mean, "her"? There are no girls on our team!

Which is the outstanding feature of your school's trophy shelf?
All-Star trophies for a dozen different players.
A smattering of first, second, and third place trophies, plus many sportsmanship awards.
A toilet seat and a Jar Jar Binks board game.
Big first-place trophies with the second-place prizes hidden behind them.

Your "responsible adult" is:
A bad-tempered adjunct professor with an Ivy League degree.
A former Harvard Lampoon editor, now advisor for the college newspaper.
A literature prof who wrote her dissertation on Ursula K. LeGuin.
An overworked but enthusiastic grad assistant from Student Life.

Where do you go for Saturday dinner during an all-weekend tournament?
Any place that has NTN is fine.
Comb the Yellow Pages to find an ethnic cuisine you haven't had before.
Crash a campus party for the free food.
Grab fast food, then go back to the hotel to study for tomorrow's games.

You're running a tournament. How would you set up the structure?
Construct full round-robin schedules for anywhere between 11 and 49 teams.
Design a Swiss-pair algorithm that depends on the outcomes of a pie-eating contest.
Randomly assign teams to the "DeSade" and "Sacher-Masoch" brackets.
Three divisions with equal-sized trophies -- and don't forget the Krispy Kremes!

How do you unwind in the team van on the way home?
Everyone sings along to the driver's Barenaked Ladies CDs.
Recall every glorious win and grouse about every inglorious lost protest.
Same way you unwound on the way there -- play packets!
Try to finish your homework while you're still mostly alert.

How does your club raise money?
Make sure a club member gets on the student-organization funding committee.
Run your own high school tournaments, with packets written by the club.
Set up a "Dunk The Captain" booth at the student-activities fair.
Your players donate their prize money from local trivia contests.

Everybody on the Yahoo! club knows you because you write:
Long rambling gripes that conclude with your lobbying to get your school into the Top 25.
Recruiting hints and glowing tournament reviews.
Stats and flashcard programs, complete with easy-to-follow documentation.
Stuff like this.

Your favorite quizbowl fantasy always concludes with you:
Coming back from a 200-30 deficit at the half to win a national title.
Finally getting onto the A team -- your hard work paid off!
Making the All-Star team at TRASHionals.
Stomping the other team in the finals, 600 to -5.

Your preferred writing implement for tournaments is:
A Cross fountain pen.
A 10-pack of Bics, just in case.
Your New York Times crossword puzzle pen.
Whatever was in your hotel room the night before.