Prrre Talloran Dear Daughter,

Likely you didn’t expect to get this now, but we managed to tap into a system called "The World Wide Wow", or "Gore Net", or something like that, and while slow, it does suffice for mail traffic. I have been assured that it is totally safe for us to use as the people of that time have no way of cracking our coding system, and considering the quality of comm traffic between your party and the ship I consider this a good alternative.

The Communications Officer has quite a sense of humor and has set us up with a thing called a web page at WWW.USS-Freedom.Com. I find it rather amusing that we are not noticeable with all the other information out there on the Federation, and even other starships seem to be represented! I just wonder how much of this information is fantasy and how much is leakage from our universe to theirs. I have implemented a search for this Gene Roddenberry person but it has turned up nothing in our records as of yet.

Anyway, I read your last letter while sitting on the bridge chewing my tail tuft with worry over what’s happening to you and the away team. To distract myself, I worked on this letter in my mind and am now dictating it to you as my grandcubs snooze on a blanket at my feet. Please forgive me if I ramble, but I am very tired after sitting my first bridge watch in so many years.

Thinking about it, I believe I can help a bit with our relationship, or at least the one I would like to have. Let me just talk here for a bit in answer to your letter and let you learn a bit about who I am and how I think.

First, just let me say that I am only an old lady and not near being larger than life or indestructible as you mentioned you felt in your letter. That I am only a single person with limited powers is a fact that has haunted me and driven my life for nearly sixty years. In fact as I sit here listening to the complaints of my broken arm, I can tell you that I am far from larger than life, and that actually I’m not as large in life as I was nearly thirty years ago. Some superhero I would make if a little bump like that can break my arm for the Goddesses sake! But if Mr. Brundle’s action has had one positive effect, it’s brought back to the den just how old and fragile I truly am, and it rubs my pelt the wrong way with a sharpened metal comb! I wish I were that superhero you thought I was. I would change many things in this universe I will tell you!

As to not wincing when my arm was broken, well I’ve always lived by the motto "If you can’t cure it, you have no choice but to endure it" and my family, ship, and crew come first. When they are taken care of, then I can worry about myself. Hell, the arm still doesn’t hurt as much as my knee where it was nearly bitten through. That cursed thing hurts like a rooter bite both day and night!

Oh, and I am no angel, though I thank you for seeing me as such. Just don’t put me up too high on that pedestal of yours. Seems I don’t do quite as well in a fall as I used to my dear.

As to your relationship with Mr. Dammers, it sounds like he may have changed a bit, and if he makes you happy, then so be it. He was always self-centered and self-serving while he was with me on the Tang. Likely that came from the side of Star Fleet he is from. It also may have had something to do with the ill treatment he received at the hands of the Romulans. I will tell you this; as the Goddess is my witness, if he hurts you in any way, I will finish what I started on the Tang!

And yes, I was bitter that night when what I had dreamed of for so long was spoiled. I lived on my hopes of one day being with you, holding you in my arms and licking away your tears and fears, of being the mother that I was never allowed to be. I think that was the only thing that got me through the twin horrors of being locked up, and of what small news of your brother that managed to make it to my ears. It was a cruel blow when instead of the proper little girl I had always thought of you as; I instead found you a grown woman with her own wants and needs twined up with Mr. Dammers, the two of you smelling of kitten calling and quite obviously deeply involved with one another. I at first was furious with him, then with you, and finally with myself for not being enough of a pragmatist to understand that you are a grown woman with needs and wants of your own.

I hope it didn’t hurt you when you fell off of the pedestal I had placed you on. I fear I had put you up quite high in my own mind, but you are still very much above all the rest in my heart. I am very proud of what you have accomplished almost on your own. I am also very proud that your tail is not dipped in blood, as is that scoundrel brother of yours. You have gotten where you are by hard work…… of one sort or another.

Anyway, I think I took some of my frustration and feelings of betrayal out on Mr. Brundle, but Goddess help me I never intended to hurt or embarrass you, or bring about the events that have followed with him. I feel truly rotten for that and if I hurt you, I beg your forgiveness. I will try to be patient with you, and as Mr. Dammers, I too will try to go-slow and not monopolize your time or push you. And as you say I now have a ship to run. Perhaps that is a good thing as it will keep me busy and out of your fur for a good part of the day. This should let you come to terms with your new situations, and give me time to adjust my view of you and what I want from our relationship. Perhaps when the time comes for that quiet conversation that we both seem to crave, we will have something more than just "It’s so good to see you!" to say to one another.

As to measuring up to one another’s expectations, I doubt very much that ether of us are the people that we expected. Likely there will be many more shifts in our views of one another and as I said before perhaps my recommission was a gift from the Goddess. You will have your job and I will have mine and we can show each other just what sort of persons we are with our relationships in our jobs as well as in our personal lives. My child, I was very worried at first that I would have nothing to do when I got here and that I would become a thorn in your side, but this change seems most fortuitous to me. Likely when my job of teaching what I know to Captain Lee and his Command Staff is through, I will again be retired, perhaps as a Commodore this time, and then perhaps I will become the mother that you expected.

As to your being ashamed of things, look at it in this light. Did you honestly do the best you could in the situation? If you can answer that with a YES, then you have nothing to be ashamed of, no matter the outcome.

As to fear and failing, worry if you are not feeling fear or if you win every time. Fear is the universes way of telling you that the job you are doing is not too easy for you, as is the occasional failure. I am afraid all the time myself, but I don’t let it cripple me, and I don’t let others see the fear in me. That is a luxury that you cannot have as the captain of a starship, or as the parent of small kittens, or so your grandmother use to say. And you know I am more than capable of failure, though I cannot let that fear haunt me in my position on this ship.

When you get back, I will take you up on that inspection of your cabin. The humans have a term for that sort of thing called a walkabout. To them it means that you wander to find yourself, and perhaps that is a good analogy. Perhaps I will find you in your possessions, and myself in you and what you have done. If nothing else it will be a fun game to try to discern the past of the objects you hold dear. Just don’t be too upset if I am very wrong on some of them.

Oh, and a final word of warning, I don’t hold my Champaign well. You may find that when I get a muzzle full I’ll start wanting to teach you to dance or sing. Goddess knows with your training you are much better than I could ever hope to be in those skills, so just let me rant on.

And finally, I would thank you not to mention M’Omeiro, or Maarcuz Riit as he now styles himself. The more I learn of his exploits the more I see that he has embraced the philosophies of Kzin and in so doing become the enemy of all free people. The ideals he now supports have started countless wars, killed your grandparents, and left me in an asylum for the last twenty-eight years. That the fruit of my loins has picked up the mantel as leader of the warrior sect, and may one day direct the destruction of freedom and all the other races of the universe grieves me to no end. Were it not for what I see in you, I would wish that I had never survived the Tang to give birth! Thankfully you seem to have gotten most of my side of the family, while he unfortunately seems to be altogether his father’s kitten. I pray to the Goddess that what you do in life will outweigh the evil that he does.

Sorry, I had to blow my nose. I start to cry every time I think of what I have given birth to, and I thank the Goddess that you are nothing like him!

In closing, let me say that I am proud of you, I love you, and I truly look forward to getting to know you better. I also love my grandkittens. They are so precious that I just want to keep them with me at all times, so you had better get back soon or they will be so spoiled rotten that you’ll not recognize them when you do get back.

Your loving Murri,

Ran