The Times of London

"It's utterly unlike Rupert to miss one social appointment with a lady, let alone two." Miss Fox told the Times. "He's known for getting into one scrape after another, and I cannot help but think that has what has happened again." Miss Fox continued "He was only going back to Nova Scotia for a few days to retrieve some of his belongings."

The Royal Ottawa Constabulary encourages the public to report any sighting of Mr. Neville-Smythe to any of its local stations.

By Alexei Karlov

IRKUTSK, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS - Miss Selena Theopolis, whose party was expected by dirigible earlier this week, has yet to arrive in Irkutsk. Dr. Yuri Kozlov, of the Russian Academy of Sciences, opines that Miss Theopolis may have been detained by strong headwinds over Siberia.

"Miss Theopolis has been sailing-if one can call it that-with the prevailing winds since her departure from London. Now that she is moving west, she is moving into the wind. Obviously, this is a significant factor in the airship's speed."

Dr. Kozlov went on to explain the complexity of Siberian weather and its effects on aeroship travel. He encourages readers to attend his lecture series on Thursdays at the Irkutsk Technical and Scientific Institute.

By Oliver Harris

LONDON - Nicholas Finnegan, better known as "Nicky Finn," was found dead in his gaol cell early this morning, in an apparent suicide. Finnegan was being kept in an isolated cell in the murder wing, pending his trial in the attempted assault on Ellipsoid Mr. Shirley Addam. Finnegan was also under investigation for activities disrupting Her Majesty's Grand Ellipse.

By Oliver Harris

LONDON - Scotland Yard has announced that it will investigate apparent gaol-house suicide of Nicholas Finnegan. Such inquests are standard procedure whenever an inmate dies in gaol, according to a Yard official.

"In this case, we are reasonably certain that this is indeed a suicide, as Finn was kept away from other inmates. Still, I wish to ensure the public that this investigation will be as careful and thorough as any that we would conduct."

Preliminary results of the inquest are expected in early May.

By Pavel Yuskevich

VLADIVOSTOK, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS - Repairs to the Amur rail line have been delayed indefinitely, after an accident damaged the rails approximately halfway between the terminus at Lake Baikal and Vladivostok. Repair crews have cleared the wreckage, but necessary parts and tools have yet to arrive by sea from St. Petersburg. Workers are therefore forced to remain idle at the repair site until the shipment arrives. Upon the arrival of the supply ship, which is carrying a specially loaded rail car, the supplies will be sent out by rail to the repair site. No other trains have been allowed to run since the accident, nor will any other be allowed until repairs are completed.

By Penelope Moore

OSAKA, EMPIRE OF JAPAN - Ellipsoid Ian Caine, whose whereabouts have been unknown since earlier this month, has been discovered in a charity hospital in Osaka. Caine failed to retrieve his token at the British Consulate upon his arrival in Osaka, even though he is known to have arrived in the company of Mr. Ananda Das, formerly known as Prince Deoraj Ishwar Singh, who is also participating in Her Majesty's Grand Ellipse. Mr. Caine has been diagnosed with a head injury that was probably the result of a blow from a blunt object. Mr. Caine's doctor also indicates that Mr. Caine exhibited signs of near drowning upon his arrival at the hospital a few weeks ago.

By Oliver Harris

LONDON - Mr. Roland Carter, former private solicitor to Lord Percy Longsworth-Brunfondle, appeared in court today to face charges of disorderly conduct related to an incident in the Rusty Nail Tavern on 19th March, 1882. In a short hearing before Judge Remington, Carter pleaded guilty to the charges and paid a fine of £25 and court costs. Mr. Carter declined to comment.

By Oliver Harris

LONDON - Mr. Roland Carter, former private solicitor to Lord Percy Longsworth-Brunfondle, has been officially reprimanded by the Bar Association for his participation in an incident at the Rusty Nail Tavern in the early morning hours of 19th March, 1882. After several hours of drinking, Carter became belligerent and attempted to incite his fellow patrons to invade France, Russia, and Essex. A spokesman for the Association stated that Carter's conduct was "unbecoming," and "counterproductive". Carter pleaded guilty to charges of public misconduct and paid a fine on 30th April of this year. Mr. Carter declined to comment.

By David Springer

UTRECHT, THE NETHERLANDS - Two of Mr. Herbert Addison's accomplices were successfully transferred to British Custody today under heavy guard. Both Dutch and British authorities were determined to avoid the fiasco that resulted in Addison's escape from custody in the company of unidentified kidnappers. These accomplices were among the British survivors of the wreck of the liner Princess Helena, and were apprehended by Dutch authorities at the same time as Addison. Because the men were wanted for various crimes in Dutch Indonesia, however, they were held over for interrogation and trial, while Addison's extradition was expedited. Scotland Yard hopes that the accomplices will be able to shed some light on the Addison kidnapping. However, none of the individuals in question have admitted to any knowledge of their former employer's whereabouts.

By Ursula MacNeil

LONDON - Their Royal Highnesses, Princess Elizabeth and Princess Alix of Hesse-Darmstadt, will visit London later this month in order to attend the Queen's birthday celebrations in London. Their Royal Highnesses are frequent visitors to England, at the behest of their grandmother, Her Majesty. The imminent arrival of Princess Elizabeth has re-ignited rumours of her marriage prospects. Her Majesty is known to favour a Prussian match, but there is no shortage of available princes.

By James Masterson

CALGARY, ALBERTA, DOMINION OF CANADA - Ellipsoid Mr. Rupert Neville-Smythe, who has the distinction of having gone missing on two separate occasions in the last three months, has reappeared in Calgary after having gone missing from Ottawa. His first action was to notify Miss Lucy Fox in Ottawa by telegraph. Miss Fox expressed relief that "Wrong-Way Rupert" was safe and sound, but declined to comment further.

Mr. Neville-Smythe looked charmingly sheepish as he admitted, "Silliest thing-I was on the wrong side of the platform and got on the westbound train rather than the eastbound. Didn't realize it until I saw the sign leaving Regina." Mr. Neville-Smythe plans to have his belongings shipped back to London directly from Nova Scotia. "My trunks will probably arrive before I do," he joked. "I shall continue on to Granville, as I shall be able to catch an express train back east more easily than waiting for an eastbound train in Calgary."

By Oliver Harris

LONDON - Scotland Yard reported today that several files of confiscated from the offices of Herbert Addison have been stolen from a locked safe. A spokesman for the Yard stated that "Although we have no physical evidence that the theft is connected in any way to Finnegan's apparent suicide, it would be foolish to disregard the possibility." The spokesman was referring to the gaol-house suicide of Nicholas Finnegan, who is wanted in connexion with an attempted assault on Mr. Shirley Addam, who is currently participating in Her Majesty's Grand Ellipse. Mr. Addam was last seen in Vladivostok, on the Pacific coast of the Russian Empire, in early April. He is expected to arrive in Irkutsk at any time, and was not available for comment.

The Yard's spokesman refused to speculate as to how the theft may have been committed, but allowed that there were only a limited number of people with access to the safe. Nor was the safe damaged in any way that might indicate an attempt to break into it.

By Andrew McKenna

CALCUTTA, CROWN COLONY OF INDIA - The private racing yacht Bounty, owned by the former Ellipsoid and escaped prisoner Lord Percival Longsworth-Brunfondle was sighted today near the coast of Burma. The Royal Navy attempted to intercept the vessel, but the yacht apparently sighted the Royal Navy ships from a good distance and sped away with a large lead. Royal Navy ships lost the Bounty near the Andaman Islands, a known hot-bet of piratical activity. Lord Longsworth-Brunfondle's whereabouts have been unknown since his escape from the British Consulate in Irkutsk on the night of 15th April of this year.

By Penelope Moore

OSAKA, EMPIRE OF JAPAN - According to doctors at the Osaka Christian Hospital (an American missionary hospital), Mr. Ian Caine could remain comatose indefinitely as a result of a blow to the head. Mr. Caine went missing almost immediately upon his arrival in Osaka , and was found early this month in a Japanese hospital. According to Dr. Jebediah Brown of Boston, Director of Medicine, "…it is nearly impossible to predict an outcome in cases such as Mr. Caine's. He may become conscious today, next week, next year, or never. All we can do is keep him comfortable. It is in the Lord's hands now."

By Andrew McKenna

RANGOON, CROWN COLONY OF BURMA - Father William Dean, a longtime resident of Rangoon and Her Majesty's Representative for the Grand Ellipse in that city, passed away yesterday evening at his home. According to his aide, Mr. Ronald Spottiswood, Father Dean simply never awoke from his customary after-tea nap. Under the circumstances, and owing to the Father's advanced years, no autopsy will be performed. Father Dean was ninety-three years old, and is survived by one nephew, three grand-nephews, a grand-niece, six great-grandnephews, and four great-grandnieces, all currently resident in the Crown Colony of India.

By Morris Weaver

LONDON - The Times has received word that an autopsy performed on the body of Nicholas Finnegan, alias "Nicky Finn," reveals that the man may have been murdered, rather than a suicide as previously thought. Finnegan was discovered dead in his gaol cell on the morning of 25th April, and was presumed to have committed suicide. A noose fashioned from a bedsheet was placed round his neck, and the initial cause of death was ruled to be asphyxiation. Further examination of the body, however, revealed telltale "finger-mark" bruises on the arms and shoulders, indicating that there was probably a struggle prior to the apparent death by hanging. The coroner's office speculated that Finnegan may have been drugged into unconsciousness after a struggle with his attacker.

By Oliver Harris

LONDON - Mr. Roland Carter, the recently-reprimanded former solicitor to the fugitive Ellipsoid Lord Percy Longsworth-Brunfondle, has been reported missing by his housekeeper, one Mrs. Kathleen Flannigan, originally of County Derry. Mrs. Flannigan has been Carter's housekeeper for six years, and tells the Times "He ain't missed a meal at home in all that time, not when he's in London. Ain't seen him for three days now, and after I made squab pie, too." Mrs. Flannigan elaborated upon her previous statement at some length, citing Carter's strict adherence to matters of scheduling and exceptional fondness of squab. Scotland Yard has assigned the case to one Lieutenant Rudolph Griegson, its most experienced available detective. Lt. Griegson cited Carter's recent personal problems as a likely reason for the uncharacteristic disappearance, and believes that Carter may well return of his own volition after he "rests a spell."

By Valery Antonov

CHITA, SIBERIA, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS - A scout for the Stroganoff Lumber Corporation has discovered several acres of strangely marked trees in an areas long thought to be uninhabited. According to the report of one Mikhail Bogdonavich, "hundreds, if not thousands, of trees have been marked with the Cyrillic letters for A, I, D, G, or P. There appear to be clusters of various letters--ten or twenty trees in a group will have the same letter. In some cases, the letters have been crossed out or obliterated and others added. When this has occurred, it is almost always an A." Bogdonavich further indicated that the marks appear to be quite recent, perhaps no older than a few months, and that the letters have been carved very deeply into the trunks, at approximately eye level. Neither Bogdonavich nor the representatives of the Stroganoff Lumber Company offered any explanation for the origin of the marks. Nor have any other Russian lumber companies in the area been forthcoming.

By Alexei Karlov

IRKUTSK, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS - A towering column of thick, roiling black smoke was sighted today, rising into the sky approximately one hundred miles east of Irkutsk. The column was clearly visible from the city itself, and the local authorities have been dispatched to investigate the origin of the smoke-cloud. As it is far too early in the season, and the weather too damp for forest fires, speculation as to the source of the cloud has been rampant. Leading theories include a fire in a nearby coal mine or some similar industrial accident.

By Alexei Karlov

IRKUTSK, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS - After a long journey on horseback through the wilds of Siberia, American Ellipsoid Colonel Daniel Davis arrived in Irkutsk to claim his token late last night. The Colonel is the first Ellipsoid since Lord Percival Longsworth-Brunfondle to arrive in Irkutsk. Miss Selena Theopolis, who is traveling by dirigible, was expected some time ago. Dr. Yuri Kozlov, of the Russian Academy of Sciences, previously opined that Miss Theopolis may have been detained by strong headwinds. "However, it now seems more likely that there was some difficulty with her supplies. Although plenty food and fuel were available, there were not very many spare parts. This is, of course, because her dirigible is experimental, and therefore the parts may well be unique to the design." Dr. Kozlov has begun organizing a search-and-rescue expedition that will depart from both Irkutsk and Vladivostok.

By Alexei Karlov

IRKUTSK, SIBERIA, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS - American Ellipsoid Colonel Daniel Davis (US Army, ret.) kindly granted the Times an interview upon his arrival in Irkutsk. Naturally, the first questions pertained to strange events recently reported in Siberia. When asked about the smoke column east of Irkutsk, the Colonel replied that

I did at times see smoke rising in the distance. I thought perhaps it was some sort of logging operation, or perhaps there was a factory that was creating it. Neither made much sense to me since I can't imagine a factory being in the middle of the wilderness, and there is no need to go this far into the wilderness to log either. But, I was making haste to get here quickly, so I made a mental note of it, but did not take the time to investigate.

The Colonel did, however, provide some insight into the source of the strangely-marked trees recently discovered in the vicinity of Chita by the Stroganoff Lumber Corporation. Apparently, the trees were marked by a group of men who playing poker in the wilderness, as a means of keeping score. The Colonel did elaborate upon this incident except to note that his local guide felt that it was a bad omen.

The Colonel, the first Ellipsoid to arrive since the ill-fated Lord Longsworth-Brunfondle, had not sighted Miss Selena Theopolis's dirigible at any point in his crossing. This suggests that Miss Theopolis may well have experienced some sort of mechanical difficulty in eastern Siberia. Anyone with information related to Miss Theopolis's dirigible is encouraged to inform the Russian Academy of Sciences as quickly as possible.

By David Springer

ISLE OF GIBRALTAR - Colonel Adam Barstow, the Commander of Military Operations in Gibraltar and Her Majesty's Representative in Gibraltar for the Grand Ellipse, announced today that he will be retiring from active service at the end of next month. Colonel Barstow, aged 48, has served Her Majesty for thirty years in various capacities. He expects to return to London at that time, although he will maintain a winter residence in southern Spain. "It has been an honour and a privilege to serve Her Majesty as a soldier, and upon my return, I hope I shall find a way to continue to serve in a civilian capacity." The Colonel refused to speculate about a future career in Parliament, but he did not rule out the possibility, saying only that "anything is possible, but I wish to concentrate on fulfilling my current responsibilities before shouldering new ones.

By Wallace Wainwright

GRANVILLE, BRITISH COLOMBIA, DOMINION OF CANADA - Mr. Rupert Neville-Smythe, lately a participant in Her Majesty's Grand Ellipse, has arrived safely in Granville with nary a misstep. "A first for this journey," he admitted. Mr. Neville-Smythe was kidnapped by Basque separatists only a few days after beginning the Grand Ellipse, and earlier this month, mistakenly ended up on a westbound train by standing on the wrong side of the platform. Mr. Neville-Smythe has ended his hopes of completing the Grand Ellipse and merely wishes to make his way back to London as Expeditiously as possible.

By Wallace Wainwright

GRANVILLE, BRITISH COLOMBIA, DOMINION OF CANADA - Mr. Rupert Neville-Smythe, lately a participant in Her Majesty's Grand Ellipse, was married this morning to Miss Lucy Fox, of London and Ottawa, in a small ceremony at the Provincial Courthouse. Mr. Neville-Smythe is the third Ellipsoid to marry en route, Mr. Shirley Addam and Dr. Margaret Byrd having married in Osaka in early April. The Neville-Smythes intend to take a long honeymoon in an undisclosed location, though Mr. Neville-Smythe hinted that they would take advantage of their proximity to the Pacific Ocean.

By Sanna Patsi

KOTKA-BY-THE-SEA, DUCHY OF FINLAND, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS - A desperate and travel-worn individual answering to the description of Lord Percival Longsworth-Brunfondle, fourth Earl of Wickhamthorpe, was sighted today boarding a small fishing boat in the port of Kotka-by-the-Sea. Kotka is a newly-established trade port on the Gulf of Finland. This is the first sighting of the renegade Earl since his escape from Irkutsk several weeks ago. Russian authorities gave chase, but were unable to apprehend His Lordship because of a great commotion amongst the local dockworkers, who have been agitating for higher wages for most of this week.

By Alexei Karlov

IRKUTSK, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS - The source of the mysterious column of smoke sighted east of Irkutsk on 12th April has been revealed to be the remains of one of the supply depots arranged for Ellipsoid Miss Selena Theopolis. The Russian Academy of Science has been maintaining an extended supply-line for Miss Theopolis's dirigible, which requires tons of coal to remain aloft and travel. According to the preliminary report from the Irkutsk Imperial Constabulary, the supply depot appears to have been set alight deliberately. The individuals responsible for maintaining the depot were not found, although there were signs of a hasty departure.

By Ursula MacNeil

LONDON - Their Royal Highnesses Princesses Elizabeth and Alix of Hesse-Darmstadt have arrived in London in anticipation of Her Majesty's birthday festivities. The Princesses will be in residence with Her Majesty through the remainder of May and into early June. Their Royal Highnesses were jauntily attired in matching sprigged muslin gowns trimmed in French lace and delicate summer hats with matching bands. Princess Elizabeth's arrival has re-ignited rumours of an impending engagement to her cousin, Crown Prince Wilhlem of Prussia.

By Ursula MacNeil

LONDON - Princess Vandana Pathak of Udaipur, formerly the fiancée to the Ellipsoid and former Prince Deoraj Ishwar Singh (now Ananda DAs), has arrived in London for the celebration of Her Majesty's birthday. Her Highness gave the following statement to the Times:

"I know that if my dear friend, Ananda DAs, were not partaking in Her Majesty's glorious Grand Ellipse, and therefore perambulating about in parts unknown, he would certainly have wished to be here in order to present his most felicitous sentiments upon this festive occasion of the Birthday of our most magnificent Empress. Alas, I cannot possibly convey such words as himself no doubt would in my place, and I can only hope that my presence and humble good-wishings--poor substitute that they may be--find acceptance with Her Majesty."

By Ursula MacNeil

LONDON - Lady Hester Davies, patroness of Mr. Shirley Addam, kindly consented to speak to the Times about the Grand Ellipse, and her protégé. When asked about Mr. Addam's prospects, she replied "I have great faith in Mr. Addam; he is a very intelligent, logical, methodical person, and I expect that those qualities, more than dash and bravado, will be what makes the difference." She elaborated, stating that "the Ellipse is a distance race; not a sprint; a contest of endurance and strategy. I have never known Mr. Addam to fail to prepare for any endeavour."

On the subject of Mr. Addam's recent marriage to fellow Ellipsoid Dr. Margaret Byrd, Lady Hester expressed nothing but support and good wishes. "Naturally, I was rather surprised by the suddenness of it. However, Mr. Addam has never failed to consider duly any major decision, and I cannot help but think that it is for the best." Lady Davies continued, "I am, of course, looking forward to meeting Doctor Addam, as I presently know her by her medical reputation-and a sterling reputation it is." Lady Davies went on to say that she "wholly approved" of women entering the medical profession, as "many women already have experience as nursing sisters, a perfectly respectable position." Lady Davies also expressed her intent to endow a ward in Doctor Addam's Fleet Street Clinic.

By Oliver Harris

LONDON - Mr. Arthur Byrd, younger brother of Dr. Margaret Addam, kindly consented to speak to the Times about the Grand Ellipse, and his sister's participation. Byrd was optimistic about his sister's chances. "Margaret is resourceful and intrepid. I have never seen her confronted with a challenge she could not meet. You see, Margaret did not simply attend medical school-she conquered. I have seen her stare down dockworkers and MPs alike. I hardly think that anyone else would stand a chance."

On the subject of his sister's surprise wedding to fellow Ellipsoid Mr. Shirley Addam, Mr. Byrd was most optimistic. "Margaret has always known her own mind. I believe that she had never expected to marry, partly because of her profession and partly because of her high standards for potential husbands. If Mr. Addam has met her exacting requirements, who am I to question it?" He also commented on his sister's traveling companion, Miss Esperanza Garcia y Gutierrez, of Gibraltar. "Of course, I have never met Miss Garcia y Gutierrez, but according to my sister's correspondence, the young lady is both intelligent and good-natured. I am sure that she has been most helpful as well, and Margaret is quite taken with her. Naturally, I look forward to making her acquaintance." He went on to state that Dr. Addam is a strong proponent of advanced education for women, and that he expects Miss Garcia y Gutierrez will pursue studies in art after her arrival in London.

By Pavel Yuskevich

VLADIVOSTOK, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS - The Amur Rail line, which was damaged by a rail collision in early March, is finally under repair, and expected to re-open by the end of July. Although the accident was cleared quickly, repairs have been delayed by a lack of replacement parts, which had to be shipped from western Russia. His Imperial Majesty, Tsar Alexander, has stated that the complete breakdown in service underlines the need for a trans-Siberian rail line, and announced that he will form a committee to explore the possibility of constructing one. This would be an enormous undertaking, and would require feats of engineering heretofore unmatched in the history of rail construction.

By Ursula MacNeil

LONDON - Her Majesty's birthday festivities in London were a grand pageant for all. Entertainments and parties in Her Majesty's honour were held across London. Congratulatory telegrams have been received from around the world, including France, Prussia, the Empire of Russia, the United States, Brazil, China, and the Empire of Japan. The Queen, accompanied by many grandchildren, including Their Highnesses Princesses Elizabeth and Alix of Hesse-Darmstadt, rode in open carriages through London to enjoy an hour-long display of fire-works in Hyde Park. The fireworks display was followed by a banquet at which the guests feasted on salmon, roast beef, and chocolate cake. The grand ball was attended by a variety of visiting dignitaries, including Her Highness Princess Vandana Pathak of Udaipur, sister of the reigning Prince, and His Highness Prince Serge of Russia.

Princess Elizabeth was undeniably the belle of the ball, once more fanning the flames of rumour concerning her eventual marriage. Although Prince Wilhelm of Prussia is known to favour a match with Her Highness, Prince Serge is also considered a contender.

By Hezekiah Greene

RICHMOND, VIRGINIA, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA - Reverend Arthur J. Davis, and Mrs. Alexandrina Davis, parent of the current leading Ellipsoid Colonel Daniel Davis, kindly consented to speak to the Times about the Grand Ellipse, and his sister's participation. The Reverend and Mrs. Davis are now American citizens, but emigrated from England in the 1840s in order to further the cause of the abolition of slavery in the American South. Apparently, the climate of Virginia has been kind to both, who are in good health despite their obvious advanced ages.

When asked about their son's participation in the Grand Ellipse, both Reverend and Mrs. Davis expressed parental pride. "Our son has always been an intrepid sort, rising to meet any challenge set before him. He fought bravely in both the recent war and the West afterwards." (Colonel Davis fought for the Union Army in the American Civil War) Reverend Davis went on to say that "Although Daniel is British by birth, I believe that he embodies the vibrant spirit of this young nation." Nor were the Davises concerned for their son's safety, despite the mishaps that have befallen other Ellipsoids. "Daniel is well able to take care of himself. He keeps a cool head in a crisis or a battle, a rare quality on either side of the Atlantic," Mrs. Davis opined.

"Although only the Lord Almighty knows who will win the Grand Ellipse," Reverend Davis intoned, "both Mrs. Davis and I pray daily for our son's victory, and more importantly, for his safe return to Virginia."

By Gordon Merriwether

LONDON - Mr. William S. Gilbert and Mr. Arthur S. Sullivan, of comic opera fame, announced that the Savoy Theatre is nearing completion and that their current production, Patience, will move to the Savoy in the beginning of October of this year. Patience, which opened in April of 1881, is a send up of the "best-abused people in London - the professional aesthetes," and features witty dialogue, sharp humour, and an excellent score. The story features "rapturous maidens" in love with poets in love with a dairymaid. Aesthetics are lost on the maidens' suitors, who nonetheless decide to give it a go in order to win the ladies' hearts.

By Alexei Karlov

IRKUTSK, SIBERIA, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS - A weary and travel-worn trio of Ellipsoids arrived in Irkutsk today aboard a river ferry coming from Lake Baikal. All three claimed their tokens from Sir Marcus Lister at the British Consulate. Mr. and Dr. Shirley Addam and Lady Anastasia Bonnet arrived together after a long trek across eastern Siberia. The Ellipsoids Addams were accompanied by Dr. Addam's ward, Miss Esperanza Garcia y Gutierrez, and a young Evenk child who will travel on with the Addam family to be educated in London. Lady Bonnet was accompanied by her hired guide, translator and lady's maid, and porters. None of the Ellipsoids revealed any future travel plans for the Irkutsk-Arkhangelsk leg of the Ellipse. However, river ferry is known to be the fastest route west, and all the Ellipsoids will probably take advantage of that mode of travel.

By Alexei Karlov

IRKUTSK, SIBERIA, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS - Lady Anastasia Bonnet, one of three Ellipsoids to arrive in Irkutsk yesterday, kindly granted an interview to the Times. Lady Bonnet and her fellow Ellipsoids investigated the scene of not one, but two of Selena Theopolis’s supply caches, both of which appeared to have been set afire deliberately. Neither of the two sites found by the Ellipsoids seems to correspond with the supply depot investigated shortly after the 12th of this month. Lady Bonnet was not able to confirm the identity of the person or persons responsible, but did state unequivocally “It certainly seems that certain forces have it in mind to sabotage this journey at all costs.”

By Alexei Karlov

IRKUTSK, SIBERIA, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS - Mr. Shirley Addam, Dr. Margaret Addam (née Byrd), and their wards, Miss Esperanza Garcia y Gutierrez and Miss Alexandra Collinson kindly granted an interview with the Times, the day after their arrival in Irkutsk. Both Mr. and Dr. Addam expressed concern for Miss Selena Theopolis, whose burnt supply depots they discovered. Mr. Addam gave a detailed description of their discoveries.

“At the first site, none of us could find indications that anyone had been there save the two students, whose tracks of course were everywhere. Numerous vodka bottles were strewn throughout the site, and on the coal-pile itself we found a kerosene lantern melted into slag. The students and their pack-animals were gone, but much of their food and other supplies remained. The freshest tracks away led south; when we asked, our guide informed us that nothing and no one useful lay in that direction. Our hypothesis was that the students had accidentally caused the fire in a state of intoxication and left in haste; and subsequent events have not caused me to alter that hypothesis.”

Two dogs had been shot dead. We found tracks of booted feet -- the student at this site did not wear boots -- walking around the site and finally toward it, at such an angle that the man would be concealed by the campfire. When we searched further, we found that the tracks led to another set of boot tracks, accompanied by two horses. We were able to determine that the horses made their way to the main road to Irkutsk.

This student apparently had better presence of mind than the others; from the state of the site, he must have run from the gunfire, returned after the coal pile had been set ablaze, and did his best to tidy the area before he, too, left. We do not know where he went. The almost inevitable conclusion is that this site was sabotaged, and violently so.

We left behind a cache of the food we had salvaged from the first site, in case Miss Theopolis should come to land there; it was all we could think of to do. Whether carelessness or malice caused these fires, the damage they caused is utterly unconscionable, quite aside from any role they play in the fate of the dirigible and its crew. The land thereabout will be poisoned for some years. It was good land, lovely and fertile, home to Siberian trappers, hunters, and farmers as well as the bounty of G-d's earth on which they subsist. Who will redress the damage done? Who can? It is truly appalling.

Mr. Addam concurred. “We do not know *what* to think about where Miss Theopolis might be; our fervent prayers for safety are with her and those accompanying her.”

The Addams were able to provide additional information to the Russian Academy of Sciences and the Imperial Constabulary that may eventually assist in the rescue of Miss Theopolis and her companions. Mr. Addam urges anyone else who may be able to do the same to come forward immediately.

"I do believe that others have pieces of the puzzle, however, here and elsewhere and particularly in England. I urge them -- I *beg* them to come forward and tell what they know. As perilous as that may seem, given my client Mr. Pilkington's end, leaving the matter be is clearly even more dangerous to everyone involved."

By Jonathon Moss

ABERDEEN, SCOTLAND – The Bounty, a well-armed private racing yacht belonging to the renegade Lord Percival Longsworth-Brunfondle, fired a cannon shot at Her Majesty’s warship, the H.M.S. Falcon. The Falcon gave chase, but lost the Bounty after a long chase. Several shots were fired by both sides, although neither ship took serious damage in the encounter. Her Majesty’s Navy has been eager to intercept the Bounty since it was last sighted in the Indian Ocean, near the Andaman Islands. Scotland Yard has speculated that the fugitive yacht may be trying to meet up with its owner, who escaped from the British Consulate in Irkutsk on the eve of his turnover to Scotland Yard, at a rendezvous point somewhere on the Baltic coast. The Russian Imperial Constabulary has been co-operating in this investigation, but were unable to apprehend the Earl before he apparently boarded a fishing vessel in Kotka-by-the-Sea, a port on the Finnish coast.

By Wendell Kingsley

LONDON – Scotland Yard Detective Lieutenant Rudolph Griegson, previously assigned to the Roland Carter disappearance, has been implicated in the death of inmate Nicholas Finnegan. The Yard is also investigating a Griegson’s possible involvement in the theft of Herbert Addison’s papers from a safe inside the Yard, although there is as yet no evidence that Griegson is responsible.

Griegson joined the Yard in 1875, from the London Constabulary, where he had an impeccable record. Likewise, his record at the Yard was unblemished until this unfortunate incident. A spokesman for the Yard did not reveal any information obtained from Griegson, although it was made quite clear that the Lieutenant is being held in custody and cooperating fully with the investigation.

By Alexei Karlov

IRKUTSK, SIBERIA, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS – Siberia has indeed been the true test of the Ellipsoids, as predicted by Lord Martin Kendall, Her Majesty’s Special Secretary for the Grand Ellipse. Of the original ten Ellipsoids, only four are know to still be in the running—Colonel Daniel Davis, Mr. Shirley Addam, Dr. Margaret Addam, and Lady Anastasia Bonnet. Mr. Rupert Neville-Smythe was the first knocked out of the running, having been kidnapped by Basques in northern Spain, subsequently discovered aboard a fishing vessel off the coast of Nova Scotia, and resurfacing in Granville, British Columbia. Mr. Ian Caine remains comatose in an Osaka hospital after a blow to the head, and the former Prince Deoraj Ishwar Singh has followed a religious calling, and is known to have spent considerable time touring a great many shrines in Japan. Neither Selena Theopolis nor Captain Isaac O’Neill have been heard from since their arrivals in Vladivostok several weeks ago, and Lord Percival Longsworth-Brunfondle has been disqualified as a result of his criminal activities.

Colonel Davis was second Ellipsoid to arrive in Irkutsk, after the disqualified Earl of Wickhamthorpe. He was followed by the three remaining Ellipsoids, Dr. and Mr. Addam and Lady Bonnet. All four Ellipsoids departed Irkutsk aboard river ferries, heading for the northern port of Arkhangelsk. Colonel Davis is currently favoured, as he has approximately two weeks’ lead on his competition. Lady Bonnet is also favoured, as she previously held the lead before being overtaken by Lord Longsworth-Brunfondle.

I cannot but complain of the number of times over the months past that my eyes have been assaulted by the inappropriately formed term "ellipsoid". I understand that such a term is current among our contemporary geometers, but the ignorance of mere "scientists" (to use the vulgar term) is no justification for the Times, which ought to be the proud standard-bearer for the most correct use of the English language, to follow suit.

"Ellipse" is, as every schoolboy knows, from the Greek word "elleipsis", a deficiency or leaving-out. The "psi" in the word is, according our learned German scholars such as Dr. Müller, an alteration of an older "pi-tau" which has come under the influence of the following "iota". The proper form of the word in composition is therefore "elleipt-", and one might expect "elliptoid", were -oid a proper suffix.

However, as every schoolboy knows, the suffix -oid is itself the combination of the Greek "omicron" and the word "eidos", form or image. Now the "omicron" is part of the previous stem, and is only to be used in those cases where that stem already ends in an omicron; e.g. from "anthropos" man and "eidos" form we properly construct the word "anthropoid", i.e. in the form of a man. Such an omicron, however, is certainly not part of the stem elleipt-.

Therefore the correct construction in Greek ought to be elleipt-eidos "having the form of an ellipse", and the Times ought to display its knowledge of correct modern linguistic principles by writing "Elliptid". If it fails to do so, it will only be further proof of the inglorious servitude into which our English language has fallen since the days of King George III; no doubt due to the infamous Americans.

Believe me,
Yr. obdt. svt.
Horace P. Q. Periwinkle

The editorial staff of the Times wishes to express its heartfelt gratitude to Mr. Periwinkle for his lucid and scholarly defense of the Queen’s English.

By Erik Christiansen

COPENHAGEN, DENMARK--The Bounty, private racing yacht of the fugitive Lord Percival Longsworth-Brundfondle, was sighted off the coast of Denmark in the early morning hours of 4th June. Captain Lars Andersen, of the Danish naval vessel Kristina, reporting the sighting to Danish naval authorities, but declined to give chase as the Bounty was in international waters.

Lord Percival Longsworth-Brundfondle, meanwhile, was last sighted boarding a fishing vessel in Kotka-by-the-sea, in the Duchy of Finland, some weeks after his escape from custody in the British Consulate at Irkutsk. A spokesman for Scotland Yard stated that His Lordship "is likely trying to rendez-vous with the Bounty in the shelter of one of the many islands between the Danish, Swedish, and Finnish coasts."

5th June, 1882

By Ursula MacNeil

LONDON--Miss Prudence Neville-Smythe, younger sister of Ellipsoid "Wrong-Way" Rupert Neville-Smythe, kindly granted the Times an interview on the subject of her brother's singular experiences.

Miss Neville-Smythe first commented on her brother's kidnapping by Basque separatists in northern Spain. "Naturally we--our parents and I--we terribly worried, as we hadn't any word of his whereabouts for so long. One expects difficulty with communication from Siberia, of course, but certainly not Spain." Miss Neville-Smythe went on to thank the Spanish authorities and Scotland Yard for their efforts. She also expressed appreciation for the understanding of the Canadian immigration authorities, "and most of all, to Miss Lucy Fox."

When asked about the recent Mrs. Neville-Smythe, née Fox, Miss Neville-Smythe replied, "Rupert and I have been acquainted with Lucy, and indeed, the entire Fox family, for several years. I have always considered her an especial friend, and could not be more pleased for both of them."

Miss Neville-Smythe also commented, smiling, on her brother's propensity for unintended adventures. "I believe that Lucy previously stated that Rupert is rather known for getting into one scrape after another. I sha'n't tell tales out of school, but I can confirm the truth of that statement."

Finally, Miss Neville-Smythe spoke about Mr. Neville-Smythe's many mishaps. "Although he has not managed to collect a single Grand Ellipse token, he has had an amazing voyage nonetheless, and I do not doubt that the excitement will continue up to the very moment he sets foot in London...whenever that may be."

By Andrew McKenna

BOMBAY, CROWN COLONY OF INDIA--A massive storm has entirely flooded the coastal city of Bombay, with both heavy rains and a powerful storm wave that sent sea-water rushing through the streets and alleys. It is nearly impossible to comprehend the amount of damage caused by the inundation; boats, carts, livestock, and people have been swept away by the rushing waters. Those small houses that have not been swept away are uninhabitable, filled with nearly four feet of water. Rail transport has been routed away from the city, with Mangalore receiving most of the stranded freight and passengers. Sea transport has also been diverted. Large ships weathered the storm at sea, while small ones sought shelter all along the western coast. Drenching rain continues to soak the city, making recovery efforts slow at best.

By Andrew McKenna

BOMBAY, CROWN COLONY OF INDIA--British authorities announced today that approximately 120,000 persons are believed to be either dead or missing as a result of the exceptional storm that brought Bombay to its knees on the evening of 5th June. Entire neighbourhoods are underwater, and it will likely take weeks to compile an accurate account of the damage. Meanwhile, families spend their time looking for lost people, animals and property, or searching for food and fresh water. Dr. Wilford Bell-Fairfax, Director of Medicine at Bombay's largest hospital, expressed concern over a possible famine, as well as the diseases that can follow in the wake of a flood. Indeed, Dr. Bell-Fairfax warned of a "disaster of epic proportions," caused by the large numbers of deceased humans and animals.

By Oliver Harris

LONDON--Barrister Arthur Byrd was assaulted late last night, in an alley behind the Rusty Nail tavern. There were no witnesses to the attack, and Scotland Yard's initial report states that Byrd did not see the perpetrator. The Yard has opened an investigation, but its spokesman was not optimistic about solving the case. "We have, of course, searched the alley for evidence, but without a witness, or an identification by Mr. Byrd himself, finding the individual responsible for this attack will be difficult." Mr. Byrd sustained a few injuries, but none of them life-threatening, and spoke to the Times briefly after receiving medical attention. "The Grand Ellipse is a dangerous enough business," he said, "without others muddying the waters. I believe I can safely speak for Margaret [Mrs. Addam] when I say that both of us are incensed--indeed, outraged--at the underhanded business that has surrounded what ought to be a sportsmanlike competition."

Byrd is the younger brother of medical doctor and Ellipsoid Mrs. Shirley Addam, who is believed to be on her way to Arkhangelsk in the company of her husband and ward. Mr. Byrd reportedly told a Scotland Yard detective that he was investigating the events that culminated in the January attack on his brother-in-law and fellow barrister, Mr. Shirley Addam.

By Oliver Harris

LONDON--Former Scotland Yard Detective Lieutenant Rudolph Griegson has signed a formal statement confessing to the theft of papers related to the Addison investigation from a Scotland Yard safe and the murder of suspect Nicholas Finnegan. Griegson did not name any accomplices; quite the contrary--he claims to have acted "entirely alone." Nor did he reveal his motive for these foul deeds. Griegson's court-appointed solicitor, Mr. Christopher Acton, related that his client has no public statement at this time, other than to express his "extreme and sincere remorse for his actions and the circumstances that led to them." Griegson has otherwise co-operated fully with his former colleagues, and is expected to enter a guilty plea at trial.

Letters to the Times

Dear Mr. Editor,

I am writing to inform you and your readers that I am no longer resident in England, and indeed have not been since shortly after my marriage to Dr. Dennis O'Brien on 8th August of last year. We departed for Australia on 10th August, and have resided continuously in Sydney since our arrival. Nor have I appeared in a British courtroom in any capacity since well before my departure.

I should also like to state publicly that, during my time in her employ, I did not ever observe Lady Hester indulging in intemperate behaviour. Indeed, I believe it is not in her character to do so. Her Ladyship is a kind and considerate employer, and a woman of sound judgment.

Thank you,

Mrs. Dennis O'Brien, née Elizabeth Wells

By Oliver Harris

LONDON - Mr. Arthur Byrd, younger brother of medical doctor and Ellipsoid Mrs. Shirley Addam, kindly granted an interview to the Times. Mr. Byrd's comments were about the events surrounding the recent attack upon his person.

I had gone to the Rusty Nail tavern in hopes of turning up some information about the unsavoury events that have surrounded the Grand Ellipse Obviously I have a personal interest in seeing the perpetrators brought to justice. It is most unforunate that those have a connexion to the events in question seem to expire or disappear before any useful information comes to light.

Mr. Byrd continued in this vein, citing the mysterious disappearance of Roland Carter, Lord Longsworth-Brundfondle's escape from custody in Irkutsk, the kidnapping of Herbert Addison, and the deaths of Jimmy Pilkington and Nicholas Finnegan. "Mr. Griegson is the sole remaining person with any information whatsoever," Mr. Byrd pointed out. "And I do hope that the Yard's recent run of bad luck does not compromise Mr. Griegson's safety."

Mr. Byrd had little to say about the injuries he sustained in the attack. "All I remember was receiving a blow to the head from behind. Dr. [Howard] Walker tells me that my other injuries were likely sustained in a subsequent fall." (Mr. Byrd sustained a sprained ankle and a broken wrist in addition to the blow to the head.) "Dr. Walker assures me that I shall mend completely," Mr. Byrd stated, "although I am very much looking forward to a second opinion from my favourite physician upon her return."

By Wesley Michaels

ALEXANDRIA, EGYPT - Riots have again erupted in the city of Alexandria, provoked by a run on local banks. Both French and English troops have been called in to restore order, but the city is once more in chaos at the time of this writing.

The rioters appear to be led by a group of nationalists promoting "Egypt for Egyptians," led by one Jamal ad-Din al Afghani and former army officer Ahmad Urabi. The same nationalists may also be responsible for the railway explosions on 10th February of this year, which cut all the rail lines into the city. Repairs from that incident have nearly been completed, and for the moment, rail transport does not appear to be a target.

By Matthew Greenleaf and Oliver Harris

ARKHANGELSK, EMPIRE OF THE RUSSIAS - Assistant undersecretary to Deputy Trade Representative Clive Wycliffe, Lord Butterfield, who is also Her Majesty's Representative at Arkhangelsk for the Grand Ellipse, was repremanded today by Lord Kendall, Special Secretary for the Grand Ellipse, for dereliction of duty.

Lord Butterfield apparently informed his staff that he would receive Ellispoids only between the hours of 3:30 and 4:00 PM every third Thrusday. First to arrive in Arkhangelsk was Colonel Daniel Davis, on Friday, 26th May--one day after the appointed visiting day. Colonel Davis could not be reached for comment.

Lord Kendall was uncompromising in his comments. "Lord Butterfield seems to have forgotten that the Grand Ellispe is a race. His conduct is inexcusable, indeed, quite contrary to the very concept of a race."

The situation came to light when, on 10th June, Ellipsoid Mr. Shirley Addam telegraphed Lord Kendall from Arkhangelsk to apprise him of the situation. "Both Mr. and Mrs. Addam were quite vocal in their opinion of Lord Butterfield's visiting policy," said a member of the Consular staff. "I do not think that Lord Butterfield was aware of the sheer determination instilled in the competitors by their previous experiences in the race. For example, no man in his right mind could look at Lady Bonnet, standing there like a statue of Nike herself, and deny her what was rightfully due."

Lady Hester Davies, who has sponsored Mr. Addam's participation in the Grand Ellipse, provided the Times with a written statement on the subject.

It is bad enough that various unscrupulous persons have been interfering in the Grand Ellipse since its beginning. I find it unconscienable that one of Her Majesty's duly-appointed repesentatives should have the unmitigated arrogance to attempt to influence events in such a petty, bureaucratic fashion.

By Ursula MacNeil

LONDON - Lord Kendall, Special Secretary for the Grand Ellipse, kindly granted an interview to the Times on the subject of the Grand Ellipse. His Lordship's initial comments concerned the origins of the great race that has captured the attention of the British public. "At first, the Grand Ellipse was intended to take place entirely within the British Empire. However, as we were hoping for international competitors, it made sense to expand the route and make it international as well."

Lord Kendall also spoke about the prize for the first Ellipsoid to return to London. "Naturally, it made sense to offer a cash prize to the winner. However, I thought--and Her Majesty agreed--that the winner deserved something more. That desire led to the idea of a token for each location; a souvenir, if you will, of the race. Originally, I intended that only the first person to arrive at a checkpoint would receive a token, but as I contemplated the idea, it seemed to me that every Ellipsoid ought to have one. Her Majesty then generously volunteered a place amongst the peerage. Her Majesty suggested, and naturally, I agree, that anyone who successfully completed the Grand Ellipse ahead of his fellows would certainly possess patience, persistence, and intelligence, which are all qualities that should be rewarded. I am pleased to say that the remaining competitors certainly appear to fit that description, and I would happily welcome any of them to the peerage."

Lord Kendall also expressed his regrets at the unintended consequences of the Grand Ellipse. "I am greatly disappointed by the unfortunate and--how did Mr. Byrd put it--unsavoury events surrounding the Grand Ellipse. It was meant to be a sporting competition, not a death match. I had toyed with the idea of making the Grand Ellipse a regular event, in fact, but now, I am afraid I must reconsider."

By Oliver Harris

LONDON - A date has been set for the trial of former Scotland Yard Detective Lieutenant Rudolph Griegson. Last week, Griegson signed a formal document confessing to the theft of the Addison papers and the murder of suspect Nicholas Finnegan in a London gaol cell. Griegson continues to refuse to name either an accomplice or a motive for his actions. This has led to rampant speculation amongst the legal community and Griegson's former colleagues. A Detective Sergeant, who wished to remain anonymous, told the Times "It doesn't make sense. He [Griegson] was very dedicated to his work...came in at all hours, saying he couldn't rest until his case was solved; very focussed on the job at hand. He did good work, too; every t crossed and every i dotted. Kept to himself rather a lot, but a good bloke."

By Basil Cartwright

GLASGOW, SCOTLAND - Quite a welcoming party has gathered in Glasgow, eagerly awaiting the arrival of Ellipsoids Mr. and Mrs. Shirley Addam. The happy group includes Mr. Addam's sponsor, Lady Hester Davies, former Times reporter Angus MacMullen, Mrs. Philippa Vexin, and the entire Byrd family. The city has also been flooded with spectators who have been following the Grand Ellipse since February. Lady Kendall is reported to be in town to welcome the Ellipsoids on Lord Kendall's behalf. "Lord Kendall, naturally, must be in London when the Ellipsoids arrive. However, I know that he would not wish their arrival at the final checkpoint to go unheralded," Lady Kendall remarked. Lord and Lady Kendall need not have worried, as Glasgow is full to overflowing with well-wishers. There is not a room to be had in within five miles of the city, save for those reserved for the Ellipsoids themselves.

Mrs. Philippa Vexin, great-aunt of Ellipsoid Mrs. Shirley Addam, also spoke to the Times. "All of us--the entire flock of Byrds, as Arthur [Byrd, Mrs. Addam's brother] would say, are all a-tingle with anticipation of Margaret's arrival, and that of her new family." Mr. and Mrs. Addam were married during their stop in Osaka, the former Dr. Byrd having acquired a ward, Miss Esperanza Garcia, in Gibraltar. Mr. and Mrs. Addam acquired a second ward, Miss Alexandra Collinson, during their journey across Siberia. Mrs. Vexin expressed her pleasure at the prospect of great-grandnieces, and was echoed by the entirety of the Byrd family. "We are ever so pleased for Margaret," added Mr. Arthur Byrd. "She has always adored children and family life, and has managed to acquire both in record time."

By Special Guest Correspondent Angus MacMullen

GLASGOW, SCOTLAND - Colonel Daniel Davis arrived in Glasgow today, the first Ellipsoid to reach the last stop on this Great Race. A massive but orderly crowd greeted the American outside of Government House when he arrived to collect his final token.

The Colonel, looking determined after his arduous trek across Russia, strode confidently into Government House. Davis is now favoured to win the Ellipse, with Lady Bonnet and Mr. and Mrs. Addam currently in transit from Arkhangelsk. Lady Kendall and Sir Norris Crossleigh received the Colonel at Government House shortly after his arrival. The Colonel waved a greeting at the crowd, and caught the 3:00 Express train to London.

By Edward Acton

HONOLULU, HAWAI'I, SANDWICH ISLANDS - "Wrong-Way" Rupert Neville-Smythe and his new bride, the former Miss Lucy Fox, were sighted disembarking from the passenger liner Pacific Star yesterday in Honolulu, on the island of Hawai'i. The Neville-Smythes were recently married in Granville, British Columbia, and hinted that they would take advantage of the proximity of the Pacific Ocean for a honeymoon journey. Both Mr. and Mrs. Neville-Smythe made statements to the Times.

"Although I am rather disapponted that I was unable to participate in the Grand Ellipse, I could not have asked for a more interesting adventure, nor for a better travelling companion," Mr. Neville-Smythe said. "For my part," added Mrs. Neville-Smythe, "I have enjoyed the unexpected opportunity to travel." Both Neville-Smythes lavishly complimented the hospitality and beauty of the Sandwich Islands. "It is truly an amazing sight," Mrs. Neville-Smythe said, "with gorgeous birds and flowers, and the most amazing variety of sea-life." Mr. Neville-Smythe waxed rhapsodic about the tropical splendour. "Everything here is so vibrant, so alive...I daresay there is no place that could compete for the brightness of sun and the clarity of the the sky, which is reflected in the light-hearted and open nature of those who dwell here." Mr. Neville-Smythe went on to praise a wide variety of the local fruits as tasty and wholesome, stating that he hoped to establish an exchange in order to bring Hawai'ian produce to England.

17th June, 1882

By Special Guest Correspondent Angus MacMullen

GLASGOW, SCOTLAND - At 10:00 PM yesterday, Lady Anastasia Bonnet arrived in Glasgow, and was met by a crowd that, although slightly smaller than the one that greeted Colonel Davis earlier in the day, was nonetheless equally enthusiastic. Lady Bonnet, attended by her Russian servant, was recevied at Government House and escorted to the train station by an honour guard. She boarded the midnight train to London, and is now only noine hours behind the Colonel.

By Basil Cartwright

LONDON - Ex-Ellipsoid and wanted fugitive Lord Percival Longsworth Brunfondle fired upon Buckingham Palace at approximately 8:15 this morning from his extremely well-armed private racing yacht, the Bounty. A note from Lord Longsworth arrived shortly thereafter, declaring war on the British Empire.

Buckingham Palace sustained only very minor damage in the fifteen or so minutes of artillery fire, as most of the shells landed in the gardens. None of the Royal Family were hurt, nor were any major casualities sustained by the Palace staff or visitors, according to a spokesman. Her Majesty is reportedly "not amused."

The Royal Navy leapt into action immediately and determined the source of the artillery within minutes. The H.M.S. Fortitude sailed up the Thames and opened fire on the Bounty. Captian William Tanner later told the Times "The greatest danger was to other traffic on the Thames, as heavily travelled as it is. Fortunately, we were able to sneak up on the Bounty, as the entire focus was on their...goal." The Bounty was hit with several shells from very close range and sank almost instantly. A Royal Marine reported having shot Lord Longsworth-Brunfondle at least twice, but His Lordship's body has not yet been recovered. The London Constabulary has been searching the banks of the Thames, and "will not rest" until His Lordship is found.

By Oliver Harris

LONDON - Colonel Daniel Davis arrived at Buckingham Palace at 8:00 this morning, and was declared the winner of the Grand Ellipse by Lord Kendall. The Colonel signed the final Grand Ellipse ledger with a fine hand, and was awarded the Victor's medallion.

The Colonel was also present during the shelling of Buckingham palace by his former competitor, Lord Percival Longsworth-Brunfondle. The Colonel sustained no injuries, and Lord Kendall credits the American officer with helping identify source of the disturbance. As a result of the shelling, Colonel Davis's audience with Her Majesty has been postponed slightly.

The Times cordially congratulates Colonel Davis on his victory.

By Basil Cartwright

LONDON - Lady Anastasia Bonnet arrived at Buckingham Palace this afternoon, hard on the heels of winner Colonel Daniel Davis. Lady Bonnet was greeted outside the Palace gates by a large crowd of admirers, nearly disappearing under a fall of confetti and flowers. Once inside, Her Ladyship was greeted by Lord Kendall and Princesses Elizabeth and Alix of Hesse-Darmstadt. Lady Bonnet appeared cheerful at the news of her second-place finish, and allowed that simply completing the race was a challenge she was pleased to have met. The Times cordially congratulates Lady Bonnet.

19th June, 1882

Roland Carter Found in Jamaica

By Jeremiah Wells

KINGSTON, JAMAICA- Mr. Roland Carter, former solicitor to the renegade Lord Percival Longsworth-Brunfondle, was sighted today in Spanish Town, in a small pub known as "The Hole in the Wall." Mr. Carter's comments to the Times were neither informative nor fit to print. However, Mr. Carter did appear to be in reasonably good health.

According to a spokesman, Scotland Yard has begun arrangements to return Mr. Carter to London to further several of its ongoing investigations, including that of the false Libby Wells and the kidnapping of Mr. Herbert Addison.

20th June, 1882

By Basil Cartwright

LONDON - Mr Shirley Addam and Dr. Margaret Addam (née Byrd) arrived at Buckingham Palace today, accompanied by their wards, Miss Esperanza Garcia y Guitierrez of Gibraltar and Miss Alexandra Collinson of Siberia, as well as several family members, assorted friends, and former Times reporter Angus MacMullen. The entire group was treated to prolonged cheering, although the crowd remained orderly. Mr. and Mrs. Addam were received by Lord Kendall and several members of the Royal Family. The Times congratulates the Addam family on a race well run.

By Gordon Merriwether

LONDON - Messrs. Gilbert and Sullivan, of musical-theatre fame, have announced that they will create a comic opera based upon the events of the Grand Ellipse. Mr. Sullivan told the Times that the score and libretto are already underway. Mr. Gilbert added that he hopes to secure the co-operation of as many Ellipsoids as possible. "I understand that Mrs. Addam is an avid theatre-goer, and has been kind enough to attend many of our previous productions."

The production, which will be titled The Great Race, will replace the current production, Patience, at the new Savoy Theatre in London. Fans of Patience need not worry, however, as The Great Race is not expected to be ready for production for several months. As usual, Messrs. Gilbert and Sullivan have chosen to remain vague about the content of the new production, although several songs are already nearly composed, including a solo for the character of Mr. Rupert Neville-Smythe, "Right Way, Wrong Way, Which Way?"