The Homework Battle

Homework is necessary.

Let me begin by setting forth a simple truth about education here in the United States or anywhere else in the industrialized world. Doing homework well is the key to succeeding in school.

Every special education student, I know who succeeds at school struggles daily with their homework. Doing their homework is hard work and their parents always struggle by their sides. Especially for these students doing the homework is the only way to succeed in school. Whenever the homework flags the class behavior dips, the social behavior is muddled, and the grades take a nose dive. No matter what the ability of your child, daily homework is the key to education and school success.

Parent Complaints

Many of the special education students I know who work very hard often get C's and some B's. But children with average or above average capabilities should get more than C's in school, especially high school. I hear several common complaint from parents. The first is "My child is really bright but just doesn't see the value in studying. So she is only getting C's or D's in school." The second is, "My child says he has no homework. Why doesn't the school give him any homework."

Let's really look at homework behavior. In both of these cases as the parent, you are being conned. Your child is doing exactly what you are allowing them to get away with. Believe me when I say most students getting only C's are not working at school or education. When students get C's or D's, they are not doing much homework.

A case of "no battles".

There are those children who seem to love school and little or no parental supervision is necessary. A friend of mine has three daughters. Each daughter has made straight A's and is going to college. The parents never have to ask, "Where is the homework.?" The homework was always brought home. The homework was always done. Homework was never an issue. There were other issues. Social issues to be faced. These parents always used what I'll call firm but reasonable discipline with their children. Let's face it, most of us are not this fortunate. 80% of the rest of us must faced and win the homework battle.

"Firm but reasonable" approach.

Setting expectations and limits

A single mother that I know had three girls living in the Lansing School District. In Lansing the schools are not the best. Fifty percent of the students cannot pass the statewide educational testing. From first grade through high school, this mom had a consistent expectation. When her daughters came home from school and before she got home from work they were to begin and try to finish their homework. The expectation of the mom for her daughter about school was clear.

Clear choices and clear consequences

As pointed out in the book Parenting With Love and Logic , parents need to give clear choices and clear consequences. My friend Jack got married for the second time, his step-daughter, Shelly, was in seventh grade. At the beginning of the year Shelly brought few books home and said, "I don't have any homework.". Soon Jack went to a parent teacher conference. There he learned the real truth. Homework had been assigned but not done. To say the least he went home five shades of deep red. That night he and his new wife indicated that Shelly would be bringing every book home and doing homework every night. You guessed it the next night rolled around and there were no books and no homework worksheets from school. When confronted Shelly admitted that there was homework but she did not know what it was. Jack then set forth a clear choice and a clear consequence. "Either you bring home the school's homework or you will do my homework." That night Jack and Shelly sat down and studied for four hours doing his homework. Many nights followed. Some of the nights were filled with the school's homework and some nights filled with Jack's homework. But the message was clear. There was never the choice of "no homework."

Very clear enforcement of the rules

Darlene came home worried after failing her Spanish exam. She figured her parents would ground her, reduce her allowance, or yell at her for hours that night. That's what was happening with her friends in high school. So, when her father, Bill asked, "How did the Spanish test go?" she only looked at her feet. Right away Bill knew things were not right. So, he said, "Tell me what's going on?" Darlene started to cry and all communication stopped for ten minutes. Finally the story came out that Darlene did not understand her Spanish and had not been doing the homework. Bill in an unusual state of calmness said that the consequence for failing was not grounding, losing allowance, or yelling. The consequence was studying in order that Spanish could be learned. So each night for the rest of the school year, Bill sat there at the dining table while Darlene got out her Spanish book and did the homework. Bill looked over the book and explained some of the points of foreign language to Darlene. He also made sure that she studied her vocabulary on the nights that no grammar exercises were assigned. Soon the Spanish test turned into B's and A's.

Recommendations

Four solid solutions to the homework battle:
1. Set expectations that school work will be done. Good grades are the result of hard work. Obtaining good grades depends on successful completion of homework and learning each and every day.
2. Implement good family discipline. Good family discipline involves what I call "firm but reasonable" approach. In this approach, your child knows that you mean what you say. What you say is backed up by action. 99% of the time the action does not include physical spankings, but action. The best action is to insist that the correct thing be done. By doing the correct thing, the child learns that there is no avoiding what is right!
3. Be interested in education, do a daily review of school. Every day ask your child about school and what happened there. Do not accept some general statements like, "It's O.K.", "There's no homework." or "The English teacher has it in for me." Find out what happens in every class. Know what your child is currently working on in each subject and what homework must be completed.
4. Implement my dictum of "the real board of education" is studying at the family dining table. Do not expect your child to go to his or her room to do the homework which never gets done. Both you and they must sit down at the family dining room table, get out the books, and start to study. If your child has learning problems or is behind in school, they will need tutoring. If you have completed sixth grade you will be able to tutor your child all the way through elementary and part of middle school.
   

Books That Help

Implementing Discipline.

If your child refuses to do homework or work up to their potential in school, this book may be important to you and your child. The best book on discipline that I've ever read is Discipline: A Source Book of 50 Failsafe Techniques for Parents by James Windell.. The book offers sound practical advice on implementing discipline with difficult children. For many years James Windell has taught discipline skills to parents and has helped troubled children turn their lives around. A psychotherapist in private practice specializing in family problems, he is also a clinical psychologist for the Oakland County (Michigan) juvenile court's psychological clinic. He devised an innovative and highly successful parent guidance training program.


Children Need Discipline and Limits.

There are three ways to discipline. The first most common form of discipline in society today is to discipline very little, called permissive parenting. The second type is to be very harshly, called authoritarian parenting. This usually involves a lot of spanking. Finally, there is what I call the firm but reasonable discipline, called authoritative parenting. Not surprising hundreds of scientific studies have found the "firm but reasonable" method to work best for parents and children. Don't kid yourself, children need discipline. In todays society, I frequently see little of it. School success most often depends upon it. So, I recommend that you read, Parenting With Love and Logic by Foster Clinic, M.D. and Jim Fay, educator. This is a good book that simply points out how and when to use "firm but reasonable" discipline.


The Teenager.

For Christian parents, I recommend A Parent's Guide To Adolescents: Understanding Your Teenager by David R. Miller, Ph.D. Dr. Miller is a Christian psychologist. I've studied developmental psychology for years, and in my view Dr. Miller is one of the most sensitive and practical child psychologists I've ever studied with. There is very little written on the teenage years that really helps parents. I actually feel all parents can learn a good deal from this book. The book basically points out to parent of teen to "choose your battles." As teen grow up parents have to give the space to grow, but in the crucial areas of dating, homework, and staying out of trouble parents have to stay the course and enforce parental discipline.


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