Full Trucker Effect Half Your Brain
What's the deal with Ted? Why'd he shave his head?
Where did he get his brand new swastika?
Did he buy their bit, take the counterfeit?
Eat the hate that only made him get sicker?
He's with a gang now, you'll find them hanging out
By the phones in front of 7-11
Don't look at them too long, keep walking past the throng
Ready to throw down as long as there is more of them
To join their crew ain't hard, they accept any 'tard
Just so long as he is a caucasian
Essential #2: Hate people not like you
Because of beliefs or of their colorization
Some people shave their heads, Doc Martens replace Keds
Just because they like that good punk rock music
Then there's the other kind, racist because they're blind
Brainwashed and weak and i just wanna go be sick

What do you think makes you better?
What do you gain?
You shaved your head way too close pal
And cut off half of your brain

Somewhere back up the line, someone put alkaline
Into his cup of milk of human kindness
Caused him to deviate, traded his sense for hate
And now he wallows in a big pit of blindness

Tired and Happy Life
Close your eyes, and go to work
If it's an honest life how come I feel like furniture
and your charms won't let me forget
It's a happy life, I've been assured of that
By the Wall Street coronary debt and its welcome mat
and the man who mistakes his wife for a hat

It's the life I live (live the life you must)
Must be more I know (live the life that I)
I tried to forget, tired and happy life, tired and happy life, tired and happy life

I dance with you, but i'm in the way
I trip over myself but I seem displaced
In a vast base behind a giant's smile
So close your eyes, and go to work
If it's an honest life how come I feel like furniture
and your charms won't let me forget it's a happy life

Next Big Thing
You want to eat your cake, and have a slice of that guy's too
Just jump aboard that next big thing, and let the gravy poor all over you
The timing has to be just right, you have to know just when to act
And meet me at the bottom line, of a lucritive contract
Pick up your axe, and put it on wax
We'll ride tonight, if the demographic's right

Jump on the next big thing, by June she'll be full swing
Start now and you'll have time to savor, being that month's flavor
Jump on the next big thing, you'll be another Sting
They'll love you, buy you, idolize you, till it's time to despise you

The label will put up big cash, along with the familiar strings
A cameo by some has-been, who wants a piece of the next big thing
We'll cut our hair like all the rest, but dressed in all the latest gear
And when they shoot the video, look in the lens and act sincere
Dispell your fears and dry your tears
We're bound to win, or at least rule the cut-out bin

Shiznit
Out on the road in the van again
You try to stay sanve but you just can't win
The same clothes you wear for 20 days
Your mind breaks down into a subtle haze
Pullin' lots of weight because the trailer's connected
Gone for weeks and your judgement's affected
Can't remember where you're going'
Can't remember the last time you were home

Where was I yesterday
Oh, I just don't know
Something must be wrong with the clock
I knew what time it was 2 days ago
Sweet, sweet dementia numbs the pain
Sweet, sweet dementia numbs the pain

They Know Us At The Spa
3 in the AM, Lincoln northbound
Nobody knows me in this big windy town
Gig is over but i'm not done yet
Feel like shaking the rattle before I crawl into my bassinet
Only one place, and that's drawing near
Milk of human kindness, skunky Croatian beer
Front desk Ray looks up and says, "Welcome home"
Ain't no more need to roam...

They know us at the Spa, yeah yeah
They know us at the Spa, yeah yeah
They know us at the Spa, yeah yeah
They know us at the Spa

Best not to overload the elevator
If I were you I wouldn't even touch the floor
TV's fine if you like WGN
Odds are 2 to 1 that you'll get the fresh linen Order what you want, you'll end up with something else
Rum turns to whiskey, whiskey becomes gin
You like the Thompson Twins?

Boroborinsky Brothers
Boroborinsky Brothers, we ship it day and night
Stack em, rack em, pack em
We'll ship it overnight
And if by chance we lose it
We won't collect a fee
We're just a bunch of salty sailors on a concrete sea
I ask my Brother Felix and ask him what he say
I ask him why he smell so good he say Oil of Olay
He love to play the basketball, not good enough for pros
Now he drives the big rigs, that's how the story goes
I ask Brother Oscar, he drive the 18 wheeler
He ship potato peeler, with my wife he coped a feeler
You'd think insurance would protect him
But five trailers he done wrecked em
Wrecked em, wrecked em....

Jackknife
You got the willies and the shakes and the creeps
The stupid rig ain't supposed to ride like this
Don't wanna wind up in a smokin' heap
Head for the rails and you feel a little kiss
The trailer's movin' with a mind of its own
And he decide he disagree with the cab
Clench the wheel with a white knucklebone
Pump on the brake but the fucker just won't grab
Shouldn't a hit the road today
Cause the radio said it's an hour delay
But you hit the road cause you plumb forgot
And now you start to slide and what do you got

You got a Jackknife, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Jackknife, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

The gig is over now it's time to get going
You parked the van behind the tailor
A buncha cars done parked you in
And now you gotta back around a corner with the trailer
You think you're cool cause you're going straight
But the turn comes up and the angle's wrong
Try to fix it but it's too late
And then you hear the metal crunch and then you're singin' my song
You thought you had this shit down cold
But it's more complicated than you were told
And now you overloaded your feeble mind
Cause the van and the trailer are intertwined

Full Trucker Effect
I got Merle Haggard on the radio
My 18 wheeler a reelin' to go
Haulin' combines made by John Deere
Gotta long way to go and a short time to get there
Open highway, no sign of the smokey
Pickin' up hitchhikers, but i'll pass all the Okies
Take my showers at the Flyin' J
Biscuits-n-Gravy, country breakfast buffet
Call me pig pen I'm a slophog tanker
Three weeks later them pigs is a stanker
Slick back wack crew cut ducktail
Always haulin' ass, always riding the rail
Full Trucker Effect, yes yes y'all
Full Trucker Effect, everybody
Full Trucker Effect, c'mon c'mon
Full Trucker Effect
Texas panhandle to the Florida keys
Country fried steak and a black eyed peas
Half a cherry pie with the ala mode
It's the best way to start a day hitting the road
Crack of dawn and I'm already rollin
Visit my cousin, drink beer, go bowlin
I'm just underweight 2 ton mush melon
My daddy's unemployed, he's a wife beating felon
All my life I was born to be a trucker
Ride with my boy Tony, he's a big motherfucker
Coast to coast Idaho to Alabama
I never Jackknife, i'm a mean gearjammer

She's Righteous
My little girl 1 2 3 4 5
My little girl makes me feel alive
When I get home she's there waiting
And we're both anticipating
Love all through the night
The wind blows, the moon glows
Puts us in a mood just right
She's righteous, she's righteous
No one makes me feel this way she's righteous
She's righteous, at the end of everyday
She's righteous, she's righteous
Lonliness was yesterday, she's righteous
She's righteous, and I know i'll never stray
My little girl 5 4 3 2 1
My little girl brighter than the sun
Sexy boots is all she's wearing
Won't be long till we'll be sharing
Love all through the night
She dances, romance is turning out to suit us right

Sour Me
You cannot have it even though you want to
You wouldn't keep it if you had it would you
Poor wilting flower, don't be so sour
You're gonna get just what you think you deserve
Offered the holy grail but it's half empty
You'll only drink it if it's good and plenty
Pathetic martyr, it's getting harder
You're gonna get just what you think you deserve

Tortugas
Where son mis llaves I thought that I left them beside the door
I need them to start mi coche to drive to the liquor store
Tengo dinero enough per comprar from my student loan
Cuatros tortugas, 2 Mickey's for me, 2 Schlitz for Ramon
Keys ain't no where so amigos decided to caminar
To walk a half mile for sweet malt liquor doesn't seem to far
That's when problemas y dolores de la noche began
Las policas were destined to ruin our happy plan
Where is the harm in amigos bebemos some beer
Tortugas help time pass more easily when you live here
Un coche de policia rolled up with the spot light on
Donde van ustedes esta noche, ellos preguntan
Que cosa tienen en sus manos, pointing at the beer
We're underage so Ray said that maybe we should get out of here
Yo no soy marinara, soy capitan
Una capitan borracho porque bebo muchas tortugas
Yo no puedo bien caminar, yo no puedo hablar correctomente
So now we chill en un carcel amigos no longer free
Emptyness reigns in estomacho where malt liquor should be
Until we make bail we can't drink no tortugas any more
El hombre proximo looks at me with ojos de amor

Hasselhoff
Helmet hair, i'm debonnaire
I'm not afraid to cry to my car Kit
Devon Miles, my brother Garth (EVIL)
Best damn TV acting since Joyce De Witt
Cruise the beach, make em screech
Hope that they don't notice my crows feet
Suck in the gut, and pout and strut
A locker without my poster is incomplete

Feelin' more like Dave Hasselhoff every day
Feelin' more like Dave Hasselhoff every day

Love to croon, set the chicks a swoon
Big in Denmark, and in your town soon
The chest hair's moussed, the butt is goosed
The Nielsen's are down, hit the turbo boost

The bay is watched, the line are botched, the screen is filled with my bulging crotch



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