BETWEEN

By

Jera

Disclaimers and Warnings: The characters in this story are purely fictional and although we all know that the two souls could be anyone and if you think about it they really could be any of us. Oh yes, the warnings - be careful driving, wear your seat belt, and don’t listen too closely to the music.

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Linda never saw the log truck. She started through the intersection when the light turned green with out so much as a second thought. She had gone through this particular intersection at least a dozen times and nothing out of the ordinary had ever happened. Thursday was different. Dennis Brown was struggling to slow his truck. When the light turned red he had pressed down on the brakes gently to ease the big truck to a stop. Can’t be too careful with a load of logs you know. The brakes just didn’t work. He was downshifting and blowing his horn when he saw her. There it was - that little white car pulling out in front of him. Linda heard the horn, wondered who was honking at her and began to turn her head just as the truck made contact with her car. The truck’s bumper connected just behind the driver’s side door. Linda’s BMW began to move sideways through the intersection and spin counter clockwise at the same time. She heard the glass in the rear side windows explode inwardly showering her with the fragments. Her hands gripped the wheel with fierce determination and muscles all over her body tightened. Linda was pushed violently against her door. The seat belt locked and she felt tightness grip her around the waist and across her shoulder. Linda was no longer in control of her car, she was no longer in control of what was happening to her, and she was no longer in control of her life.

For a moment everything happened so quickly the Linda scarcely realized what had transpired. Then the truth of the matter thundered in on her like the full fury of the log truck that had just thundered in on her BMW. In that instant time did seem to move more slowly. Actually Linda’s mind raced, fueled with adrenaline and plain old gut wrenching fear. Time went on as usual, for everyone except Linda and Dennis who also had come to the painful realization that he was no longer in control of his life and that he was in the process of crushing a small car and the woman diving it beneath his wheels. Linda was not one to give up control easily. Instinctively her foot pressed down hard on the gas pedal. She wanted to escape – just speed away from that great blue truck monster that had sunk its teeth into her and was proceeding to drag her to what she assumed could be nothing less her own death. Linda loved her car but since the glass imploded she had not given it a second thought. Am I going to die? That’s what she thought. Can this really be how I will die - right here on the bypass, near the main post office, just past the Shell Quick Stop, and not quite to Hardee’s. These were stupid thoughts and this was a stupid place to die. She didn’t think about her Mom or Dad. She didn’t think about her brother Mike and she never gave a passing thought to her boy friend Jack. No she only thought - am I going to die here? Then the left front panel of the BMW crashed into the truck bed and Linda was sprayed with more glass. The car had spun around and was now making second contact with the still speeding truck. The impact tossed Linda viciously toward the passenger’s side as the spin of her car was suddenly and dramatically stopped by what was for her an over powering dark presence dimly seen from half closed eyes. Logs. She thought as the moving truck momentarily hooked the front bumper and dragged the BMW along with it.

Linda’s head whipped back and smashed into her side window that mercifully shattered outward. Linda heard the glass break, heard the twisting metal, and felt the pain shoot through her like a thousand needles. Somewhere she heard the screech of brakes. She felt the car start to tip toward the driver’s side and to her amazement it rolled completely over and then over again. Every bit of glass that remained was shattered, the roof crushed in uncomfortably close to her head and she was tossed about wildly, though her seat belt held her firmly inside the BMW. Closing her eyes tightly Linda sought escape from the storm of destruction around her. The music. She remembered her tape – it was still playing. In the midst of all the madness Eric Clapton was singing "Lay Down Sally." Linda listened – she listened like her whole life depended on it. She wanted to escape – she wanted peace –she wanted to leave – to be gone from this terrible place. Linda left the world behind and gave herself over totally to the music. The sound of the car rolling was gone, her fear was gone, the pain was gone, and everything was gone but the music. Her car had left the highway and was careening across the grass of the median toward the oncoming traffic but Linda was oblivious to all of that. All she knew was the music. Eric was asking Sally to lay down and rest in his arms. Oh yes, Linda wanted to rest. She wanted someone to hold her. Eric told Linda that love is all that matters. The last thing she heard was the guitar. The notes were vividly clear and she could feel herself falling into them. She rode the music and became one with the sound as it carried her away and darkness closed over her. Then there was nothing, nothing and more nothing until she awoke in the dark.

"Help me!" She called out. But nobody answered. She lay on a cold surface surrounded by complete darkness. She was alone. She reached out but couldn’t feel a thing. She tried to get up but her body didn’t seem to be responding. "Help!" She called out again but this time with a little less enthusiasm. So I must be dead she thought. Maybe I’m in the morgue in one of those drawers where they keep the dead bodies. Maybe I’m still in the car dying. Oh, maybe I’m in an ambulance and I’m on the way to a hospital. Linda wondered if she should be afraid. She wondered why her life hadn’t raced before her eyes like she had thought it would. She had heard the stories about near death experiences. Nothing had happened like the books and TV shows had said it would. There was no out of body experience, no bright light, no heavenly visitors, and no departed friends or relatives. There was nothing. No light, no sound, no freezing cold, no searing heat - nothing. A nothing that seemed to go on forever.

How long she lay there, Linda couldn’t be sure. Was time the same here as it had been back where she had come from? Weren’t there still constants in the universe? Wasn’t time one of those constants? Was she still in the universe for that matter? What’s going to happen to me she wondered? She wasn’t afraid but she felt a twinge of loneliness and another funny feeling she couldn’t identify. "Is anybody there?" She called out into the darkness again. No one answered and her voice sounded muffled and hollow. What am I supposed to do? Lay here and wait for God or an angel or Elvis or whatever to come and get me? Maybe they forgot me and I might just be here forever. What if …Well, maybe it’s not God or an angel that’s coming for me? She thought, a bit more shaken. She knew what that other feeling that had begun to creep into her consciousness was. Despair. That feeling of hopelessness that comes when you realize that something really bad has happened and there isn’t a thing that you can do to change it.

Linda finally thought about her parents. She wondered if any one else had been hurt and then she remembered what a beautiful day it had been. A sunny Spring like day, some flowers had already begun to bloom, and there had been a gentle breeze. She had played tennis and taken a steam. She’d played one heck of a game. My last tennis game she thought. Jack. Would he miss her? What about the people at the office. I was top in sales again this year – sure they’ll miss me. How long do I have to wait? If this is the afterlife it really sucks so far.

Linda sat up. I can move. She reached out into the darkness and slowly began to stand up. She felt unsteady on her feet. What should I do? She took a few careful steps ahead. Her hands groped into the air in front of her. Was it air? Who knows? Will I spend eternity stumbling around in the dark or what? Linda moved around for what seemed like hours but found nothing. She decided to sit down again. She lowered herself to the floor or what ever it was. The feeling of despair was more intense. The feeling swelled up in her chest and made her feel like she was going to choke. Don’t panic - stay in control. She reassured herself. Yes, Linda liked to be in control of things. She always was on top of things and just because she was dead or something was no reason to let go now. Unconsciously she put her hands out on the floor to steady herself.

The shock of what she heard rocked her. She screamed. Something she didn’t do couldn’t remember doing, oh maybe as a child, but she hadn’t done anything like that in many years. Her hands were resting on the floor and she was sitting down but somewhere, not far from her she heard breathing. Linda wasn’t alone after all.

"Who’s there?" She shouted nervously. No one answered but she could still hear the breathing. A thin reedy breathing like some terribly old person. It was just to the left of her. "I hear you." She said more calmly. "Who are you?" Linda stood and took a step in the direction of the breathing. This might be incredibly stupid she thought but I’m going to find out who’s in here with me no matter what. The what did worry her but she took another step anyway. She heard the shuffling of feet moving back away from her. Linda moved again and again she heard the sound of feet or something scraping along the floor. This is crazy she thought. "This is crazy." Linda said. "Stop that – who’s there?" No answer. Linda became more courageous – with a sudden lunge in the direction of the noise she reached out wildly trying to grab whoever or whatever was out there. The feet scurried away and Linda not only caught nothing but fell in the process. She tripped and slammed onto the floor. Her hands hit first and absorbed the force of her fall. Oh wow, her hands stung from the impact. She shook them. That hurt – I can’t be dead – that really hurt.

She wasn’t sure but she thought that she heard a whisper. Yes, a soft voice was speaking to her. She listened but couldn’t make out what it said. "Where am I?" Linda asked – certain that the thing in the darkness wasn’t going to tell her who it was. "Between." The voice said. "What?" "Between." The voice said again. "Between what?" Linda asked again still trying to locate the source of the voice. It sounded like an old man but maybe not. "In between, in between, in between." The voice repeated in a singsong chant that went on until Linda shouted. "Stop that." "Am I dead?" "Not dead – in between, in between." "What does that mean?" Linda asked more politely. "Not dead, not alive, in between, in between. Not here, not there, in between, in between." Linda put her head in her hands. What the hell was going on here and who was talking to her? Linda began to wonder if being alone had really been so bad after all.

"Damn it – what is this between thing?" Linda shouted. "A paper that dropped between the desk and file cabinet. A pot holder that fell between the stove and the refrigerator. Between, between." Linda recognized these analogies. She remembered the time she bought the new refrigerator. Amazing the stuff that found it’s way under the old one. Didn’t even know it was really gone. The butterfly magnet and the 1996 calendar it had been trying to hold up, the paring knife, and a deposit slip. Oh yes, three candy corn pieces from a Halloween long forgotten. But what does that mean for me? "Explain." She said demandingly. "See the crack when you get on the elevator. Not on, not off, between. You went between." Linda had seen the crack many times. Sometime it was dark and sometimes there was light coming up from somewhere in the elevator shaft. When she was little Linda remembered being terrified that she would fall down there. Sort of like going down the drain in the bathtub but it was foolish to think such thoughts. At least that was what she had believed, until now. "Oh come on – I didn’t fall down some cosmic elevator shaft." She moaned. "Not dead, not alive – between. Not here, not there –between." The voice said melodically.

The voice was gone. Some where, far away Linda heard the breathing. She asked more questions but the voice was silent. She began to think about what it had said. She was somewhere between life and death. That meant she really wasn’t dead yet and maybe there was still hope. She could be saved or perhaps she could save herself. The idea seemed logical the moment it had popped into her head. It has to be me, no one else would think to look for me here. No one even knows here exists. I’ve got to get back out the way I came in. "Where’s the way I came into this place?" She asked. The slightest twinkle of light became visible far out in the darkness. Without thinking Linda ran toward it. There was the narrowest slit, like a paper thin mail slot or crack under a door. She got as close to it as possible and peered through.

Linda saw herself. She was on a hospital bed. There was an IV in her arm and people stood around her. Mom and Dad were there and Jack too. Her brother paced up and down looking like he was going to run out the door at any minute. Jack sat stoically in the corner looking dejected. She watched helplessly. She heard them talking but even though she tried she could not get them to hear her. I’m in a coma and all this is a hallucination she reasoned. If I just wait patiently I’ll come out of it sooner or later. She looked again. Mom was there with a doctor. No change he was saying. Days or maybe weeks must have passed. A blond haired woman was standing with her back to her. Linda couldn’t see her face. One of her friends from work dropped in and hugged her mother. Linda closed her eyes and wished that this nightmare was over. When she opened her eyes Linda was shocked to see that many more days had passed. She was alone in the room. There were still a few flowers there but not as many as before. One woman came in and sat beside her. She smiled and patted her hand. Why that’s the woman from the building Linda thought. I see her everyday. She works in the law office just down the hall. The woman remained with Linda for a long time just looking at her. When a nurse came in she left.

Linda turned to the darkness and called out. "Why is this happening to me?" Hearing nothing she looked again. She was no longer in the hospital. She must have been moved to a nursing home or hospice. Only the blond woman was with her. She held her hand and stroked her hair. While Linda listened the woman spoke soothingly and her voice was strangely comforting. Where the hell was Jack? Where were all my friends? Good questions. Over the next few hours, at least that’s how it seemed to Linda, she saw what must have been a year or perhaps more pass. Only her parents, her brother, and the blond woman continued their visits. Linda watched as the woman continued her faithful vigil. She hardly knows me and she visits so often. I don’t even remember her name and yet she obviously cares about me. She and Mom talk. "I don’t know what I’d have done without your support Rebecca." Mom said. "Linda is so fortunate to have a friend like you." So her name is Rebecca. Now that I think about it some of the others called her Becky. We’ve only talked a few times in the break room. This woman has been with me so frequently since that day, she’s talked to me, she’s washed my hair, and she’s comforted me. You know she even reads me poetry and little stories she’s written – they’re good too. Why does she come here? Why is she doing this?

Too much time had passed. Linda never ate, she never drank, and she really didn’t sleep. Time – nothing but time if that’s what it really was. Linda did understand that while it seemed like only a few days had passed in here at least a year or maybe more had passed back in the real world. I’m not going to wake up; I’m never going to wake up unless I do something. She had come to realize that if she were to be saved that she would have to do it herself. The voice had been silent for a long time. "How can I get out?" She asked. "Can’t, can’t – didn’t learn here, didn’t learn there, didn’t learn anything anywhere." What - am I stuck in Dr. Seuss hell or something? Linda muttered. "Help me damn it. How do I get out? "Didn’t learn, didn’t learn." Didn’t learn what? Linda fumed and lay back to ponder what she hadn’t learned.

I’ve been a success at everything I tried she thought – been in the million dollar club twice in the last four years. This year was my best yet. Now here I am two months into a new year and it’s all over. My life – what did it amount to? It had to be more then just real estate sales and tennis. Can this be all that I was? My work friends, Jack, the others – where were they now? Gone and I’m probably a fading memory to them. Mom and Dad, my brother, and Rebecca – they keep coming back. Why? My family loves me. I’ve spent so little time with them recently, neglected them, such an idiot. Linda felt guilt and remorse well up in her heart when she thought of how foolishly she had let the opportunity to spend time with her family pass by and now they may be lost forever. Rebecca. I saw her every day; she was always so nice to me, a bright ray of sunshine that I ignored. I saw her but I never really saw her. I never took the time to look closer. If I had I would have seen what a wonderful person she really is and what a fine friend she could have been. She’s been more faithful and loving then any of my other friends. How could I have been so blind, so shortsighted, so wrapped up in myself? Where is that success I chased now? Like they say, you can’t take that with you. What goes with you is the love you gave and the love you received. Yes the love – this is what truly lasts. I really should have taken the time to stop and enjoy life and appreciate the people around me. Stop and smell the roses, like they say. These people are so precious, if only I could have another chance – I’d do it differently this time. I’d be a part of their lives, I’d share, and I’d love. Linda laughed when she thought about what a waste most of her life had been. How shallow so many of her relationships had been. I really didn’t see what was right in front of me all along. Guess I really didn’t learn. Remorse and the overpowering sense of loss rolled over her like a dark wave and that old demon despair gripped her even more firmly then before.

She stood up to peek in at the world again. Much had changed since she had last looked. Linda saw herself sitting in a wheelchair. She was held upright with a large strap around her chest. It was tied behind the chair. Rebecca was with her and Linda couldn’t help but notice how nicely dressed she was. Linda longed to reach out and touch her, to tell her how much she appreciated all that she had done, and how much she had grown to care for her. The television was on and Linda saw that the room was filled with other patients, many in wheelchairs, watching a movie. Most stared blankly at the screen. Linda’s own head hung down and she seemed to be looking at her lap. Hey, Linda thought – it’s "La Bamba". I’ve seen it before – a couple of times. "You’ve got to let go." A nurse was telling Rebecca. "She’s not coming back – it’s time for you to move on with your life." No don’t leave. Linda thought. I need you – and she did but it was only at that moment that she realized how much she had come to need Rebecca. "I guess you’re right … she probably wouldn’t even remember me." Rebecca said sadly. I’ll always remember you. Linda thought. Please don’t go. The funeral scene was on now. Rebecca had gotten up and was walking away. She was leaving - maybe forever. Santo and Johnny were playing "Sleep Walk." The clear and mournful notes wrapped themselves around Linda’s heart and pulled. Don’t leave me. I want to go back – I want to go back! Linda began to cry helplessly. The music. Linda remembered the music. That was the key. Yes, I rode the music here and I’ll ride it home. I’ll ride it back to my family – to Rebecca. She heard the guitar, it called to her and she followed. For that one moment she was the music. It filled her completely and carried her with it. The darkness went away, the loneliness went away, and the pain of separation from those who loved her went away – all the remained were the crystal clear notes of the steel guitar and the image of Rebecca’s face.

"Don’t leave." Linda said hoarsely. Rebecca stopped. "Did you hear that?" She practically screamed. She ran back to the chair and took Linda’s hand in hers. The nurse rushed to the where the two now sat staring into each other’s eyes. "Don’t leave me Rebecca."

Two souls travel in search of one another. As we have seen, it takes some longer to learn the truth then others. It might even take more then one lifetime. Then again a nice long visit to that place between worlds and between lives where there is nothing but time and nothing to do with that time but think, and hopefully to learn, just might do the trick even for the most stubborn of us.

Jera