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Jeff Stone
PO Box 7156
Station A
Toronto, ON
M5W 1X8
Canada
January,1999
Dear Friends,
What follows is a continuation of notes I made on my coast-to-coast travels.
Weird Venues/ The Book of Moses
I scored a huge gig for us at The Java Zone on St. Anne Road in Winnipeg. We made 85 cents in tips and got free coffee, as long as it wasn't really fancy coffee. Moses was there. Moses was hanging out in an internet café when through various phone calls I found the big gig. Moses owns and operates an international music magazine called VOX. Anyway, Moses and two of his friends were very nice to show up at the concert. Including them, there were about 8 in the audience. But do numbers really matter when Moses is at your show?
We busked at The Forks where three rivers meet. We also busked a main drag by some bars. We did not make much. I am learning that when one busks, drunken people want one to play covers.
Is this the way it is just in Canada, or are street violinists in Paris being bombarded by the same requests?
"Play some Skynyrd!"
On Tuesday, June 23, we drove from Not Paris to Regina, which is also not Paris, but I don't think they want to be Paris, which is cool enough for me. We set up camp at Buffalo Lookout.
What an ominous name.
On Wednesday, I, the master booker, got us a gig in a wine bar in downtown Regina called Alfredo's. Moses didn't come. There were never more than five in the place (excluding us), and there was never more than one person listening (including us). Actually, it went well, given that I sold a CD, and we were tipped $15, a marked improvement over 85 cents.
On Thursday, we drove to Saskatoon, where Tom got us booked at yet another wine bar. This one was called the Canard Noir. We were fed. I ate peppercorn steak! For free! At Alfredo's they just fed us pizza, and we had to buy a drink to get a free drink.
However, at Alfredo's, we had a sound system to work with. No such luck at the Canard Noir. This made performing well and being heard difficult. Of course, maybe they did not want us to be heard. I think we were supposed to be "atmosphere". Leela's songs are very pretty, and she can be both listened to or treated as atmosphere (being both is an art, and somewhat lucrative). Tom and I, though, write songs to be listened to and thought about and we really don't come across as "atmosphere". Anyway, we made $10 in tips.
The Evil Biting Worms Tour Leaves Saskatoon, But Not Before Peeing
When we played Canard Noir, there was a couple who seemed to love us. When they finished eating, they turned their chairs around to face us. They loved my "La Isla Bone Eata" (a spoof of Madonna's big hit of almost the same name-it was a restaurant, so I felt I had to play it), and they appreciated my other stuff, as well as Tom's, but they were mostly digging Leela's (more amenable to the venue).
We were a little surprised when they left without tipping.
We drove overnight to Edmonton.
Before leaving Saskatoon, we stopped at a gas station to gas up, stock up on snacks, and allow Leela an opportunity to go to the bathroom, which she really had to do.
This gas station was well on the other side of the city of Saskatoon.
Leela waited for the bathroom to come free, much like Linus waits for the Great Pumpkin; it is a myth and it never arrives. After about 5 minutes, which is 7 hours in "I have to pee really badly" time, Leela expressed her interest of entering the bathroom, and a woman answered that it would only be another 5 minutes (7 hours).
"Five minutes!" (7 hours) exclaimed the most pain-ridden guitarist in Saskatoon. "I'm going to pee my pants!" She angrily rushed off to a bar across the street.
A little later, a man and a woman exited the bathroom. Is this what they do in Saskatoon? Couples go to gas station bathrooms to have sex? Heard of a bedroom? The back seat of a car, even?
And that's pretty much the story.
Oh, except for the fact that it was the couple from the Canard Noir who loved us.
"Hey!" I said, waving.
I went to Tim Horton doughnuts to get a coffee. Meeting Leela across the street, I informed her that the couple who had attempted to explode her bladder (very messy) were in fact our fans.
"Bathroom hogs!" she mock-yelled at the couple. They all had a good laugh about it.
The still didn't tip us.
Only People Who Know Latin Are Allowed To Read This Small Chapter
I have a question. If there is a Buffalo Lookout outside of Regina, do you think that there is a Regina Lookout outside of Buffalo? And are they really that scared of the Queen in Western New York State?
Until my next letter,
Jeff Stone