Note: There were some parts I was not able to transcribe due to the fact that 1) my seat wasn't exactly the closest to the stage so sound quality is mediocre at best, 2) the con staff didn't think to provide a mic for the audience until the second day, so I only posted James' responses (although he did make a good effort to repeat the questions for the audience before he answered them), and 3) there was much screaming and hooting from among the audience after certain answers, so I couldn't make much out.
I tried to stay as true to James' words as possible. I also was not able to transcribe the last five minutes of the Q&A as my tape ran out. Which was a real shame because just after it cut out, James steps up thisclose to the sign language interpreter's face demonstrating stage proximity or something, and she gets all flushed and has to stop signing in order to fan herself and drink copious amounts of water. Very amusing. What a lucky, lucky woman.


James Marsters Moonlight Rising Q&A (Saturday 6/7/03):


Uh, what I do best is kind of answer questions, uh I’d like to talk about buffy, I’d like to talk about anything you guys want to, uh, but in general, I kinda fall back on some past stories if I just start rambling…

So if anybody’s got a question, just raise your hand and shhh. And scream.

Yeah, the last couple of years, the character got more popular, and how was my personal life affected by that?

Yeah, that’s the thing, it’s weird, once you start kissing Buffy, um, the thing that we’re trying to do as- as storytellers is provide you guys, the audience, with a vicarious experience which is to say that when anybody watches the show, male or female, they are Buffy. And they get to slay the monsters and be endangered vicariously but what that means is that, when I’ve kissed buffy, I’ve kissed a lot of girls so, and so, that’s a big change. Um, man, I hate to admit it, but I kinda stay indoors more, I write music and uh, perform in a band, so. But yeah, there’s, there’s, there is an added kind of energy to some people who want to meet me cuz they’ve already made out with me. So, hehe, but it’s great. And it ain’t no problem. From a guy who couldn’t get a date in high school. Believe me.

The influence of music I have? Uh, for me personally, I would say Neil Young, uh, Tom Waits, Shelly Mitchell (?), Kurt Kobain. yeah, that’s about it. Any other guy who had to….yeah! …. It works, you know.

Come to New York? Yes. I would love to come to New York. …uh, we just played Chicago. … And then we’re going onto Europe uh, in a couple days. We’re gonna play …, germany, London Liverpool. And then stockingsholm. Wales, Wales? Wales? Rock on! … I’m a little embarrassed again. All the people in… the problem is when Joss comes and writes for the show and directs, he tends to put Spike kind of to the side. Because Spike doesn’t really fit in the structure of the Buffy the vampire slayer. Where there’s the good guys and bad guys. And Spike is kind of an ill fit. So whenever Joss comes aboard, he goes back to his main, his main- his main thing that he started with, which is how do you get thru adolescence. How do you go from being a child to being an adult and uh, Spike kinda complicated that. So- so I had a coupla good scenes with joss and I was really wanting to just rip it up and, and I didn’t. I basically left just going damn, damn, damn, damn, damn. Thank you, thank you . Uh, the beginning of the season was hell on earth, it was absolutely, I’ve had roles in the theater where you’re asked to play, kinda show all the bile and pain and it’s never fun, but when it’s for the camera, it requires a kind of honesty and realism uh, that leaves you even more exposed than stage would. And uh, so I basically dredged up everything I felt guilty about and beat myself up about it. And that’s what you saw. So the end of the episode, very fun, the end of the season, very fun. The beginning, artistically really challenging. I’m proud of it.

Da Bears. Who’s my favorite football team, da Bears. Uh, I hate to admit it but I do like the Niners. It’s like someone admitting they like the Yankees. … You cannot argue with the Yankees. Uh, uh, I love the- more than any team specifically I love the sport. I can watch any two teams play. I love the fact that there’s all of this intellectual planning going on: uh, all these coaches on headsets, with diagrams, and computers going crazy and then hut hut hike: chaos. All the plans go out the window. Nothing works. And it becomes just brute force. I love that- that combination of just heavy planning and chaos. It’s very exciting.

What my writing process for songs are? Yeah, I- I um, usually, it’s the hard part, it’s the chorus which comes first, which, I’ve had problems, then going back and doing verses, so I’m really trying to concentrate and listen to the voices that have the verse, to begin with. Uh, and I usually do write at night, I write at home. But in general, tunes that, the lyrics might come to me just as I’m walking around and then I’ll try to find what chords these are. I just finished this song, I thought it was three songs but it was actually one song in my head when I put it together. Uh, does that answer your question?

Let’s go over there. This is such power. You may speak!

Do I have any plans to write and put that into film. I would love to, frankly. Uh, I talk about this a lot but yeah, I would love to do Macbeth, which I of course wouldn’t write. But it, it would need a lot of adaption [sic] it would need, it would need someone who understood what the script needs, and understood what the audience at the time knew as far as background, and what a moderate audience would have to, would have to learn in order to- to begin the story. Uh, I’m not powerful enough to produce a movie, you know? I don’t, I don’t have the kind of name where just my name is gonna attract 40-100 million dollars and we can just go ahead. I’m kinda waiting till I have the commercial viability to make the decisions, especially with Macbeth, I- I know exactly what I want, I don’t want to change it. So I’m waiting till I can have … and I also know that frankly I have about 10 years before I’m too old for the role, so. So you guys might have to wait. Uh, but thank you. This feels really good, writing something that comes from, really from yourself.

What are my passions beyond acting and music. Um, politics. I love politics. I love examining any center of power and the human machinations that people go through to try to get that power. Uh, because it’s all bullshit. History- history, the newspaper, it’s all the viewpoint of the winners. And I- to be able to gaze past what they’re telling you and try, try to piece together what is actually happening is just fascinating to me. I used to um, I used to watch all 3 news broadcasts, CBS, NBC and ABC. And PBS, in the same evening; I’d tape em. And I really started to notice that the different news organizations spin the news in different ways. They have a lot of power, they could do that. And I started to kinda, this was about ten years ago, started to see beyond that. And uh, it’s a real passion. But my brother, we were talking, I forget, I was talking to my brother and he’s like when are you gonna run for office. I was like, well, I’d have to cut my hair first. But yeah, maybe, maybe much later. I don’t know if I wanna sink down from actor to politician.

If they make a movie from Harry Dresdin, who would I like to play? Are you talking, uh, well, which, any? …well, Harry. I’d have to get big shoes. Uh, but I- I really like how butcher (?) has- has really nailed film noir and also seems to have a good imagination for creating mythical creatures around that. It’s a really, uh, and also frankly has a good eye towards human behavior. It’s something that you don’t normally get in a genre. But there’s a scene in the book that I read, uh, about Harry’s like, closing in on the killer and he finds the killer’s wife and he’s questioning her in the kitchen and, you know, it was the best scene in the book, yeah, and the clock is ticking and he did the wallpaper and everything’s kind of perfect but also kind of tight, and- and you could tell that the woman had a lot that she wanted to say, but she felt guilty about, maybe she felt it’s her fault, and uh, I just thought that that, that I was dealing with an author who understood human beings. And I’d love to play Harry. I also think it’s uh, any of those, any of the books translate very well to film, very well indeed. Uh, but you know, who knows. My ep, my favorite episode of Buffy? The musical, it’s the musical. I- I realize that they didn’t- that they uh, they didn’t nominate that, for any kind of awards, and I, and I called Joss and I was like, if any episode in the history of television deserves an award, I’m not saying this is the best, cuz you can’t say that, but if anything did, it was that. I feel like, I feel like I can say that because I really didn’t direct it or write it or anything, I just got- was there for a couple of days and then I watched it and so I’m as much of a spectator as you are, frankly about Buffy. Uh, but he, I’m, you know, but he wrote that, I was already enamored of him and then he did the musical and I’m like ::throws arms up in the air::. You think you’re a real artist and then you meet Joss whedon and then you’re like ::hangs head::. But he’s kind.

Q: What’s your take on [Spike denying that Buffy loves him in Chosen]?

That’s the truth. That’s the truth. He shows his manhood by saying that. Uh, I thought that what the final episode did very well was uh, admit that Buffy really is in love with Angel. And that- that the sexual relationship she had with Spike was unhealthy, that it was unwise, it was, you know, fun to watch, but it wasn’t good for Buffy. And um, um, and that, Buffy was discovering a level of respect newly for spike that she hadn’t felt before and as a friend she wanted to, she knew that he loved her and she wanted to give him something cuz he’s about to die, and he shows his strength by saying well no, you know, that’s very kind for you to say, but that’s not true. And um, I’m comfortable with that, I don’t need to be the one, you know, I don’t need to be Buffy’s one, I think- I think that would have been real strange in, thematically it would have been really difficult. Uh, Spike is evil. You know, they never played Spike as the boyfriend you really wanna have. I’m getting laughs, some of you have had these guys. And, and you know, I- I kinda was having a problem with the character because, you know, the truth in life is, if a guy is a jerk to the other- to the rest of the world, he’s gonna be a jerk to his girl too, or his lady too. Yeah. Nice guys rule! And the problem with Spike was, is that we kept doing stuff that was supposed to offend you guys and you didn’t care! That’s- that’s why it was such a dramatic kind of instance of Spike being a monster, that’s why they had to th- throw in that bathroom scene at the end of season six, because they- They had me going after victims, cattleprodding Buffy to show my love? Hello! So, you know I- I- I uh, sorta get uncomfortable because people still wanted Buffy and- and- and Spike to be together, and in the same way I was uncomfortable with smoking too much because there’s a lot of young kids who watch it, I don’t wanna make that cool. A lot of directors said, would you like a cigarette for this scene? And I’ll say, do I have to, is it in the script? If they’d say no, I’d say no.

Q: Do you prefer comedic roles or dramatic roles?

Comedy. Comedy, uh, in dramatic roles you really, you- you just have to serve the words, but you don’t have- there’s, there’s nothing rhythmically, aw man, how do you say this. Like drama, is like speaking on the site. Comedy is like playing music. It has a certain beat, it has a certain tempo. And if you don’t do it right, it doesn’t work. If you, if you get wrong- one wrong note in music or comedy, it’s just glaring. Uh, it’s interesting you know, when I produce plays, whenever we did a funny play, we would be sweating bricks like, it’s just joe worthless (?), just- I’ve seen it 25 times, is it still funny, I don’t know, people, you know, I’m not funny I suck, ahhh… um, and then you do a really serious play and people become really light. Like I did this play about the holocaust. It was a three hour play uh, based on transcripts that were taken from a frankford (?) uh, germany trial in 1963. And it was horrific, it was really, uh, deeply upsetting. I don’t wanna get into it cuz we’ll all get bummed out but, but, we ended up having the most uproarious time rehearsing this, we all became completely funny, joked … and we’d be like, we are trampling on the graves of 6 million people here and we’re joking about it. Um, but there’s something about being able to, to show your pain that’s very easy- god, we don’t normally get to do that so, uh, comedy, to create joy. It’s very hard. I would say comedy.

You know, I didn’t really like the chip. I gotta say. I thought if- if we wanted to redeem the character I wanted to sh-, to- to see the character have to choose good over evil, and not be forced to, and so- And s- so, I had a thought that, that Spike should fall in love with Buffy cuz I thought, after season 4, I can’t keep trying to kill her. Because if I succeed we have no show and if I fail 12-14 times I become pathetic. And so, it was interesting, I had this in the back of my head, and Joss came to me at the end, at the end of season four and said he was planning just that. And, and my immediate response was, uh, well of course Buffy would never reciprocate, she’s just gonna torture him to death. Uh, which I thought would be funny. And- and he said wellll, we’ll see. And, and really he got both, you know. Buffy was able to torture Spike, … but then he got all that other stuff too. Uh, Spike without a soul was- was simpler, more fun, I’ll admit it, I’ll admit that. Uh, but less of a challenge, in actually trying to- when you really try to make a human being out of someone who really wasn’t a human being, who wasn’t constricted by all of morality and all that, and then try to add that uh, and-and not, not be cheesy about it, and really bring the emotional, like you know, what would happen if you woke up and had to admit you’d been a mass murderer. Really. You know, that’s something beyond our human- like 120 years of mass murder, how do you deal with that, uh, artistically was really a challenge and I’m proud of it, but I don’t want (?) to go back there again, at all. So I …does that answer your question?

What about joining Angel? Um, there are a lot of good writers over there for Spike. Arguably, it’s arguable, we’ll see how it plays out, it’s arguable that- th-that the writers over on- on Angel now might be better suited to the character of Spike than the ones on Buffy. Which is not to say the writers on Buffy were bad. They were fabulous. It’s just, they were fabulous of what a human world was and, so. I mean, you’ve got writers like Steven DeKnight, David Fury, uh…god help me, somebody… duh, Drew Goddard. Right. We told each other, we’d say, I’ll come if you come. Uh, but there, yeah, there’s a whole host of writers who have a real good instinct for uh, manly violence. I’m very excited about it. I’m very excited, I really hope that Spike and Angel don’t get along at all. I- I think that you know, Joss set that up really clearly in the last episode uh, I’m not saying, but telling Buffy Angel wears lifts, you know. So I- I don’t think that we’re gonna become allies, I think. Hope- hopefully we’ll be, I dunno what- what it’s gonna be, but uh, I wanna make life very tough for, for Angel. And Joss of course, always listens to me!

Q: (paraphrased) Adam Busch said that you were the most excited about the Boba Fett doll in the Trio’s lair?

Wait- wait a minute, I didn’t hear the first part of that, I only heard Boba Fett and everything else went gray. …They did not let me keep that Boba Fett. Props was so proud of that Boba Fett. Because um, it was before Jenga (?) Fett came out and there were really very few Boba Fett dolls and that was an actual 1970’s- it was exactly what it was supposed to be in the script and I was- I was allowed to touch it twice. Yeah, but Boba rocks, you know? He’s an …(?) character that you wanna find out more about anyway, you know, so I kinda like him.

Favorite part about being in a band? The terror. No, I’m serious. Uh, I- in- on stage, speaking words, I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve done it so much that I- really, it’s very comfortable for me, I don’t get nervous about it, it doesn’t really seem that dangerous anymore. But the singing just seems terrifying because uh, first of all you can’t even hear yourself at all really, cuz it’s rock and roll. And second of all, you’re doing your own material and so you’re really wondering how people are gonna accept that, and um, there’s something about singing that forces you to be more vulnerable. Somehow you have to dig further, the resonance in you, but I dunno, somehow you just open more and uh, you can’t hide. Uh, so, so yeah, I- I- I love it, I love things that terrify me basically, uh, I dunno if I’m weird or if there’s anybody else like that but I love to do things I’m scared of, so.

How do I lose, how do I not lose myself in the face of all of this stuff, both musically and acting. Uh… both are collaborative. Both are a group effort toward taking an audience from A to B and…the way that I try to keep my sense or my perspective about it is, is if the adulation starts happening, I really start to think the gag is working. Whatever we set out to do as a group, is working as a group. And luckily, I’ve had enough time as a director and a producer watching the actors, to realize that the actors are not really everything at all. I mean, I’ve spent so many times as a director just going, if you just stand in the light that I’ve focused for you all night, and say the words that I chose months ago for you to say, you will look like a god. Just shut up and say the words. I mean really, when I was a director and a producer, I was a hardass. I was- I- if, if you weren’t with the program, fired! That was, I was known for do what- if James cast you, do what he says or he will fire you and he’ll either find someone else or he’ll take the role. I- I’m a firm believer in actors doing what they’re told. Because actors are not aware of the whole thing, they’re paid to be subjective about it. And their concerns tend to be, therefore, selfish. And they don’t- and they shouldn’t really, have an eye on the bigger picture. That’s not their job. But they really have to give over to the director who’s watching for that. Um, and so I- I just try, I try to be the actor that I was so hoping meet when I was holding general auditions. I’m very malleable. You know, I’m cool, step over here, what you want mad? I’ll give you happy, whatever you want, you know. Um, and it works. Uh, but the words are not mine, and uh, the camera’s not mine. And there’s so much that makes me look cool that I’m not doing. Uh, as- as far as music, I don’t really feel like I’ve, I’ve come to uh, I’m not comfortable enough with it to feel anything but very relieved it went well. So I’m not gonna lose perspective there yet. Yeah.

Q: Yeah, um, there’s been some speculation that Spike might become human on Angel, do you have any opinion on whether you’d like Spike to be human or vampire?

Spike might become a human?? How boring is that?? No, let’s not do that. That’s just misinformation, oh god help me. Uh, what? I’m drowning in footwear, yeah. Usually when Joss gives uh, a line like that which is really funny and over the top, other actors kinda chafe from it, don’t wanna like, be an- embarrass themselves…me, I go for it so much. And like, Joss, the first take, he- he blew it, he laughed at the monitors, he blew the sound. And he’s like, ok that was fabulous, let’s film, just bring it down a little. Never afraid to make a fool of myself, you know.

What, where’s the ego trip? I could use one. …Ok, in all honesty, what’s the weirdest reaction I’ve had with fans? I don’t really have that many weird reactions with fans. I- I really- I kinda put it down to the fact that Buffy is a show that requires intelligence to appreciate. By far, most of the people that I meet are really cool. Uh, they tend to be funny, self-deprecating like myself, that’s great, you know, I mean I love that. Uh, and uh, and they have an ability to appreciate irony, you know? And, and that’s important in this world, uh, so. The weirdest thing that ever happened to me was when I was in England. And I didn’t really learn my lesson about the English. Uh, until it was too late. Uh, the English by the way are like Vulcans. Are they’re any English- any … ok, is this bullshit? Ok, scuse me, is this, is this right or wrong. Sorry … I- I cuss too much, and I offend even my bandmates. I know. Um, but like uh, very cultured and in control on the surface, but underneath a roiling, boiling, passionate uh, human animal. Am I right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And uh, maybe in the modern world I wouldn’t really put it down to repression, there’s not, I dunno if you agree with me there, but the English don’t seem quite as repressed as I probably expected them to be, um. But what happened to me anyway was, was I was doing one of these [conventions], and we were out having a cocktail party and I was in the middle of hundreds of people and, and I was having a good time and this uh, like, 75-80 year old, two woman who were about that age came up, and she said- one said:
[James in a high, shaky British voice]: my friend would like to ask a favor.
Ok.
[high, shaky British voice]: We would like you to bend over.
It gets better. I did! Like, what the hell, I’m in. [he makes like he’s gonna bend over, but he doesn’t and some woman from the audience yells, “show us!” hehe]
And, and uh, and the woman grabbed my ass and said [high, shaky British voice]: now clench!
So from that moment on, James Marsters put up boundaries. … Uh, but really, the only, I mean, whenever, I do get that question often and that’s the only, really, you know, memorable thing that’s happened, otherwise the fans have really been cool. You know what I mean?

Was there anything left undone after season 7 that I would have liked to have gotten to. I- I would’ve liked to have had more scenes with Tony Head. In six years I think I’ve had two. And, and one was in a kitchen, I can’t think what I was doing, but I was living in Giles’ apartment for awhile. But even that’s- I was in Giles’ apartment and I was thinking now I get my scenes with Tony Head! No! Uh, and then the other one, and this was beautiful, you know cuz I’ve been wanting to do a scene with Tony for years and I finally had it and I’m in a car and Tony’s got horns on. … This is the best job… Uh, but you know, especially when Giles really was against Spike and we had th- we were, we had the ability to really be kind of enemies in a way that, that actors who like each other kind of revel in. Uh, when you trust someone you can really kind of start to zing em and it can get exciting. Uh, but you know, as it turns out the shows called Buffy. So. So the scenes for the secondary characters have to relate back to her and not just to each other so, so Tony and I never really got the acting that I kind of fantasized about when I was…
Q: What about Michelle?

Michelle Trachtenberg? She was fabulous, but I did get a couple- I- I got some, I got some scenes with her in…was it 6? Yeah, yeah. uh…was it five? Um, uh…she’s really wonderful you know, and it was- and you could- the character allowed you guys to get led down the path a little bit cuz I mean, you had Dawn starting to hang out with Spike. And I’m not sure if it came across like Joss and Marti were intending but the audience was supposed to be like, what is she doing get away from- he’s evil, he’s gonna eat her. And how dangerous it is for an older sister to start dating the bad boy and give that message to the younger sister like this is ok, this is healthy, this is good. Uh, but beyond that, um, they didn’t really include enough in the characters to- to need to bring them together that much. You know, beyond that statement, I don’t know how much fertile ground there was, I’m not talking about Michelle Trachtenberg, I’m talking about Dawn and Spike. I don’t know if there would’ve been the best interesting scene between those two, after that. I dunno. It’s Joss. …

Zero. … I’m depressed as hell to hear it. I don’t- I- I don’t want to go back to the scene… That was the hardest day of my life, that was… I- I-I have turned roles down because they were rapists. It’s something I don’t even want to watch if I click on it, anything like that on TV, I have to click it off or I’ll put my foot through the screen. I wanna kill… They may be going back to that, you know I- what you see on the screen is just my terror at having to do that scene. There’s not really any acting going on. It’s just me and- and I haven’t watched the scene. It’s- I’ve scene little clips of you know, what’s happened before on Buffy [lowers voice]: previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Uh, they show it sometimes and I’m always like ugh, god. Uh, I- oh my god, I hope that since Spike has the soul, he’s not capable anymore of anything like that. That’s what I’m really hoping. And I hope that they don’t bring him back to that state of mind. Yeah. I mean I- If you guys wanna get upset about the girl I tried to make a victim, there’s a point when they- they took the chip out, or they didn’t take the chip out, Spike thought the chip was inactive and he immediately went for a victim and it didn’t horrify anybody! So that’s why they had to put that rape scene in, to horrify you guys, and I was like, if you just would’ve gotten horrified before! Um, but uh, Steve DeKnight is a fabulous writer. But like, when- when I showed up on the set that day, I told him sometimes you guys don’t know what you do, sometimes you do not know what you are asking us to do. And um, and I’m proud of it artistically, but you know as a human being I never, never, never want to do something like that, and I will always refuse cuz I know what it does to me now, so.

My favorite memory working on Buffy? …They all have to do with stunt crew. No, no, all the actors were wonderful, we didn’t have any jerks on Buffy, it was a very lucky experience that way. Uh, but there was something about the stunt crew: totally selfless. Their faces never get shown, they have to do things which they’ll pay for all their lives with their bodies, and they’re- there’s a positive energy to them. There’s a lack of whining, there’s a- well, cuz we all whine, you know? But like if a stunt guy gets hurt, or a stunt woman gets hurt, she just doesn’t admit it, or he doesn’t admit it. Uh, and so, cluing into their work- their work ethic was something that I felt proud to achieve and they finally kind of accepted me as one of their own. And then they started cutting me in on all of the secrets. Which was like, I’m bleeding; the director will never know that, here’s the magic asian powder that will help you. There’s some- there’s some stuff out there guys… uh, Steve Tartulli (?) who stunts Spike, broke his finger in a gag couple years ago and he put this mud pack on that burned the skin like crazy, gave him blisters, but the bone healed in three days. He had the x-ray to prove it. Yeah.

Q: (paraphrased) Do you prefer Spike with Buffy or Drusilla?

Dru. Well, I mean, not now. I don’t think yeah, Dru hasn’t got a soul, so I don’t think Spike would go back to that, but I mean, there’s was a- there’s a part of Spike that I cannot get to without Juliet Landau. … Uh, yeah. We got to go pretty far, I mean. We were supposed to be the Sid and Nancy of the vampire set, right, and so Juliet and I, we kinda both know punk rock and we’re kind of like to the directors, do you really want Sid and Nancy? Because they’re heroin addicts. And they’re like, yeah, that’s exactly what we’re looking for! And so, in the beginning, you’ll see a lot of ::stares off into space and lolls head around:: We were going for that opiate torpor kind of thing. And uh, add to that the fact that Juliet was always putting dirty stuff going on below camera. If you ever see reruns, check out Juliet’s hands. They are places that- that- that probably shouldn’t be there at 8:00 at night. But, and we were always thinking that we’d get caught and then we’d have to do reshoots and we’d be in big trouble, but we kept not getting caught or they kept liking it, I dunno. So. Those were always fun to shoot. Uh, but yeah, Juliet and I have a- a lot of the same work ethic; where we both come from the theater, we both like to totally release in a role, we’re not afraid of looking stupid and uh, uh, there’s a certain kind of joyful nastiness that I think that Spike gets only when he’s with Dru. Yeah, cuz he’s not trying to- he’s not trying to become good. He’s not guilty about what he is or what he was.

Me screw up, yep, yep. Uh, the question being, is the character created by the actor, or by the writers? What is the main thing that creates the character and I’ve always said it’s the writing. That characters reveal themselves by what they say far more than how they say them. If- if the hero decides to climb the cliff finally to save the woman who hurt him, but he loves anyway, the fact that he decides to climb the cliff is much more important than any way an actor is going to climb that cliff. Um… ok yeah, if- yeah, I was undercutting the writing. What- what, talking about how the writing seems to want you guys to recoil from Spike, be re-repulsed by him. Just like- well they’re- I mean, they were trying to put you in Buffy’s shoes which is to be both attracted and repulsed by him at the same time in that conflict, yeah. And, I’ve- as an actor I kept thinking that I was balancing. That for however bad he may be (?), I would inject a little more soul into it, to keep him something that people could identify with and uh, take as their own. In hindsight, if I had to do it over again, I would give myself more over to the writing, try to repulse you guys more, not put the soul in until I had one. That’s the problem.

He did- he did have his arc. But I just keep thinking that I just made it a little more shallow. I- I-I should have trusted the writers to make me repulsive for a while, and be- just trust that they could bring the character back to something the audience could respond to. No, it’s true, you know. It- It’s not, it’s not fake deprecation, it’s really- it’s- it’s, I’ve done like a hundred plays and I feel like I kind of understand the mechanism of storytelling. And it’s just the truth that actors- great acting is not screwing up great words. It’s as simple as that. And I- I dunno. Because if you try to do more than that, you end up getting in the way of the words.

Oh yeah. There’s a big difference, for actors. This brings up an interesting point. This is what I got sooo uncomfortable with, in about the middle of season 6 was that in a play, you can read the script and you can sign off for what you’re asked to do for that part, whether it be nak- being naked, whether it be playing someone that made me- makes you feel uncomfortable or whatever. When you’re in a TV series, you don’t know what’s coming on. It’s completely open ended. And normally in television it doesn’t matter because television is so safe. It’s not going to go anywhere or do anything. But not on Buffy, you know. And the thing is, is that the more the writers get to know you, the more they use you as the template and they start to draw things that are directly out of your life. And that got to be extremely uncomfortable. Uh, because I’m used to looking at the mountain that I need to climb and saying do I wanna climb that mountain. This was just you are climbing. And uh, uh, I- I… like I stopped working out for months. I was tired of Marti taking my shirt off. No I’m serious. In season 7, I’m not in the, I’m not in the same shape I was in six because over the summer I’m like, screw it! It’s funny that- that- that at the point when- when uh, I was sure there was no more naked scenes in the script I started working out immediately. But I told Marti you can’t hide around here, it’s not fair, you know. Yeah uh, artistically very challen-, I mean terrifying challenging, amazing uh what a change…, no matter how terrified I was about it…

There’s a movie, yes. I’m doing in Italy in September. It’s got a title that I really think should be changed. It’s from a hit play on the west end in London, called Italian Heat. And, being that there’s a lot of sex in it, I think that’s a baaaad title. It sounds like soft por- you know, soft-core porn. But at any rate, it is about a gay man, who I play, who is in a marriage in fascist Italy and uh, he’s got a horrible marriage, and two refugees come into the house he lives in, one’s gay one’s not, one takes the wife one takes the guy. And they discover- it uh, the thing is that in fascist Italy people were being hung for being gay. And the thing that I responded to in the script was uh- let’s get personal. Um, I was in a long-term relationship, in fact I was married to a woman who…didn’t really love me. It’s alright, no no, it’s my turf (?). Um, uh, it’s too- uh, anyway, god…I know what it’s like to live a lie, without even knowing that you’re living a lie. And had, and in my experience there was a sexual component to it. And so what I responded to in the script was, it seemed to be about how important it is to be yourself, no matter what that is. And also, how high of a price, how high of a price you have to be, or should be willing to pay, in order to be yourself. And so, you know, at first, you know, they offer me the role and derek jacoby is in it, sean bean is in it, you know, so it was like a big deal. … I go up to my manager, do I have to kiss a guy? You know, and it’s like, ohhh yeah. And I’m like, ahhhh. And then I- then I read the script and it was so much more than kissing I froze up for a while and then- and I just put the script away and I started, I started making connection- my own personal connection to it so I feel like, I feel like I can play that role. I know what it’s like to have that bottled-up anger and it’s- think- thinking that you know what the problem is but it’s really not, you know. Cuz it’s two people are fighting all the time and I decided that the reason that he thinks they’re fighting is that she just can’t take that he closes his eyes during lovemaking and she’s- refuses to do that. And- and- and so he’s thinking ‘the whole problem is that she’s just uptight about me closing my eyes. I should be able to close my eyes, think about what I want!’ So, I mean, I’m starting to get excited about it, and I’m less terrified than I was say, like two months ago. Two months ago, I didn’t- probably wouldn’t want to talk about it, uh, but you don’t refuse a- a film like that; it’s a really great script and I’m- I’m looking forward to it.