Abbas Bundu Scam
- Brought to you by "Jason"

Index:
The "Business Proposal"
The NNPC has money for David!
I can't wait to get this guy...
At least Abbas is honest!
Abbas sends documents
Dave and Jeff's picture!
Abbas leaves voice mails!
The Picture to end all Pictures!!
David flies to Nigeria!
Abbas gets upset!
The Smackdown!
Abbas is REALLY upset!

From: Abbas Bundu
abundu7@rediffmail.com

REQUEST FOR URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

Please permit me to introduce myself to you, my names are Mr. ABBAS BUNDU a Petroleum Engineer with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation and a member of the contract award committee of the above corporation, which is under, The Federal Ministry of Petroleum and Natural Resources.

CONFIDENTIAL THE SOURCE OF THE FUND IS AS FOLLOWS:

With the assistance of some senior officials of the Federal Ministry of Finance and Office of the Accountant General of the Federation, we want to quietly transfer the sum of Nineteen Million US Dollars only ($19m US Dollars only) out of my country Nigeria. This US$19 M US Dollar was quietly over-estimated on the contract for Turn around Maintenance (TAM) of Port Harcourt petrochemical refinery in Nigeria (SOUTHERN NIGERIA) and the Rehabilitation of Petroleum Pipelines, Depot and Jetties. The actual contract value of this said project was US$171M US Dollars, but my colleagues and I deliberately increased the contract to our own benefit to the tune of $190M US Dollars, of which the over-estimated value of US$19M US Dollars belongs to us and this amount is what we want to secretly transfer into your personal or company account for safe keeping and sharing.

The Federal Government and the Federal Ministry of Petroleum and Natural Resources have approved the total sum of US$190 Million US Dollars. The project has been completed and commissioned by the Federal Government and the original contractors have been paid their Contractual sum and what is left now is the US$19Million US Dollars. Under this circumstance and upon your acceptance we will register You/your Company as a sub-contractor to the original contractors with my corporation, so that this fund can be transferred into your account without hitch whatsoever.

Our reasons of soliciting your assistance to transfer this fund to your  account is owing to the policy of the Federal Government of Nigeria,the code conduct debars us civil servants (Government Workers) from
operating a foreign account, hence we seeking your assistance. After several deliberations with my colleagues, we decided to give you 25% as your entitlement for your assistance for providing your account, while 70% will be for us and the remaining 5% would be used to offset all local and foreign expenses that might be incurred during this transaction.

However this is based on the ground that you would assure me of the following:

1 That after the successful transfer of the $19m us dollars into your account, you will give us our own fare share of 70% without running away with the money or sitting on it to our detriment.

2 That you will treat this business with utmost secrecy, Confidentiality, understanding and sincerity, which this business demands.

3 You will assist us (by way of advice) to invest our own share in business venture in your country.

4 Upon your acceptance of this proposal I will send a TEXT for you to fill in your letter headed paper and return back to me, as we shall use this TEXT to raise an application for payment on your behalf as you will be made the recognized beneficiary of the fund.

KINDLY FORWARD YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER to me also. PLEASE NOTE: that this business is 100% risk free and will not implicate you in any way, sir. Finally please if you feel you cannot do this business with us, kindly delete this message from your computer or destroy it as it will do you no good showing it to a third party or anybody whatsoever, please kindly do us this favor for God sake. The kind of business you do does not effect the business.

Sincerely yours,
MR. ABBAS BUNDU

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abbas Bundu,

Thank you for contacting me. I have read your requirements for the proposal and I believe that I can support you.

1. I hereby swear that after receiving the amount of $19 million from you into my bank account, I will keep only 25% of it. I promise, swear, and greatly look forward to it.

2. I promise to treat this deal with utmost confidentiality. I am the President of the Financial Insurance Securities Headquarters. I have built my business on confidentiality. This is my reputation, and I live by it.

3. I promise to help you invest this money in the United States. I am an expert on investments.

4. Please send me the TEXT that you refer to for my consideration.

Again, thank you for contacting me. Please forward me the TEXT that you mentioned and I will send it back to you on my letterhead as you request.

Sincerely,
David Lee Roth

To: David Lee Roth

Dear Mr. David,

I received your mail and I thank you for your response, especially your acceptance to help us in concluding this transaction. My colleagues and I are exceptionally impressed. As I told you in my first letter, this business has been well planned and perfected by me and my colleagues, thereby making it risk free. All necessary procedures have been outlined in my letter.

What we need now is for you to send a formal application so we can submit it to the necessary departments concerned for immediate approval of this fund in your favor thereby presenting you as the beneficiary of the money.

 The moment we receive the approval of this money, we have succeeded, only follow my instructions and directives because we know the system and rules to a successful transfer of this money from Nigeria to your country. Only what I need from you is to act as the original contractor who owns this money. If you follow my instructions and put in your maximum assistance and co-operation, this transaction will be concluded within four to five (4-5) working days.

Bear in mind that for business of this nature to succeed, we have to be sincere, trustworthy and more importantly honest. We have taken you as our brother and we strongly believe that you are not going to betray us or sit on this money when it eventually enters your account. We have suffered so much and have spent a lot of money in projecting this transaction to this stage before we contacted you and as such we would not want anybody to frustrate our efforts. You are not required to expose this transaction. Keep this transaction secret and confidential till this money enters your account.

Regarding investing the money when it arrives your account, I want you to know that I will like to invest my own share of the money in your country, and you will be of great importance to me in this regard. The truth is that I do not have much business experience as I have been working for the government all my adult life.

We are counting on your financial knowledge and expertise, as it relates with this transaction, are counting on your great assistance and we hope you will not betray us at the end of the transaction by seating on our funds because we are handicap as government official. We also want you to see as your brothers living in Africa who are only trying to make live better and also guarantee the future of their children. We will need your telephone/fax number in the office and at home couple with your cellular phone number, if you have one.

PLEASE NOTE THIS BELOW:
PLEASE DO NOT DISCUSS THE BUSINESS WITH A THIRD PARTY; PLEASE IT’S JUST FOR THE SECURITY THE TRANSACTION, NO MATTER WHO THE PERSON MAY BE.

I look forward to receiving your bank details URGENTLY.

My best regards
Mr. Abbas Bundu

N.B

I will be sending along with this message a specimen copy of the application which you should type out on your company letterhead and send it immediately to my fax number 234 1 7594494. AND ALSO I WILL WANT YOU TO FAX A COPY TO DIRECT FAX NUMBER OF THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION. THE FAX NUMBER IS 234-1-7592679

TRANSCRIBE UNTO YOUR COMPANY LETTERHEAD AND FAX BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY.

THE OFFICE OF THE GROUP MANAGING DIRECTOR NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (ANNEX)  IKOYI, LAGOS.

Dear Sir,

APPLICATION FOR PAYMENT OF US$19,000,000.00 (NINETEEN MILLION UNITED   STATES DOLLARS) DUE ON CONTRACT N0.NNPC/FMYS/FMW/04-0098

We refer to the above contract number, which payment fell due since January 2001. We hereby apply that payment should be made immediately to the credit of our designated bank account as stated below;

BANK NAME…………………………………………………………………..
BANK ADDRESS………………………………………………………………
BANK TEL……………………………………………………………………...
BANK FAX……………………………………………………………………..
SWIFTCODE…………………………………………………………………...
ACCOUNTNAME…………………………………………………………….
ACCOUNTNUMBER………………………………………………………….
BENEFICIARY…………………………………………………………………

We urge you to expedite action to enable us settle our accounts with our bankers and creditors.

Thanks for your cooperation.

Yours Faithfully

(Your name, Signature and Company Seal)

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abbas Bundu,

Thank you for your fast response to my email.  You have made it quite clear that you expect me to be confidential and trustworthy in this transaction. Let me assure you that I will be. Please promise to me that you will be nothing but honest and trustworthy as well.

I have faxed the form to the numbers that you gave me. I have also attached the document to this email. Please let me know if you have received it ok.

As you have requested, here is my personal phone number. 1-877-362-5400 ext156. I am very difficult to reach, as I use the phone a lot during the day. If I do not answer, please leave a voice mail.

I am honored that you trust me to handle your investment needs in the United States. As you mentioned, you do not have much business experience. I have much business experience. Do you have any businesses in Africa? All of the television shows I see about Africa only show pygmie men running around naked and saggy-breasted women sitting around wearing lip plates. Is this how it is in your country? Please educate me, I have never been to Africa.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon,
David Lee Roth

To: David Lee Roth

dear sir,

i left the office about 30mins ago and did not get your fax message on my table.infact re-send it again. please ensure that you sent the fax as required for a smooth transaction.

i will appreaciate you giving me a call on my cell phone:234-8033018688.

hoping to hear from you soon.

best regards

abbas bundu

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

I am not sure that I understand what is going on here. I faxed the form to you and the Nigerian National Petroleum Company. I received confirmation that the fax to the NNPC went through. Why you did not receive it, I do not know. But at the same time, I sent you the form with my last email, scanned in and attached to the email. Why are you saying that you didn't receive it? Do you not know how to use email??

And furthermore, I asked you several questions in my last email which you totally ignored. That was very rude and I am hesitant to do business with you if you refuse to answer my questions and simply ignore me. I am giving you my personal information, bank account numbers, etc, and you won't even answer a few questions?? If this rude behavior continues on your part, I will not do business with you.

Once again, I will ask my questions. If you do not answer, I will not do business with you:

1. Please promise to me that you will be nothing but honest and trustworthy as well in our business together.

2. Do you have any business experience in Africa?

If you do not reply to items 1. and 2. then do not bother to reply to me at all.

Sincerely,
David Lee Roth

To: David Lee Roth

Dear David,

I received your both mails. Well I did not see the faxes you said you sent, but I did see the attachment you sent to e-mail box of which I have copy of it.  Therefore I will suggest you try and send it again or you can send it through attachment to the e-mail address of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corp e-mail address is as follows  (xxxxnnpc@pinetmail.com), they will receive it, as email copies are acceptable to the corporation. I will not want you see your system of telecommunication like what is obtainable in Africa. Sometimes you might think you have sent a fax while the fax did not come, please bear with us. I saw the attachment and I cannot submit that as you know I work with this Corporation and their certain things I cannot do, it would better if you do it yourself as the beneficiary of the fund and I cannot use my e-mail address as every other mails will be coming to me, which is not proper. I did not ignore your questions, I want to make sure that Corporation has received the faxes and me first, then we can now go into you question, it is my responsibility to answer your questions and I am not rude as I am a very responsible man with good behavior to the best of my knowledge. I expected you would ask why I did not respond to your mail before you conclude about my behavior or been rude, it is not a fair judgment from you.

Gentleman, one thing I do not like is threat to this business; I have never threatened you why are you threatening me this early in this transaction that we have not started? I respect people but I do not fear any one except God, please I do not like that approach of threat to this business. I hope it will repeat itself? I am a complete Christian who has the fear of God as his watch word, therefore on my honor I promised to be truthful and honest in all I do with you and I am believing you will do same to me at the end of the business. I am not a business man, I am a government worker with a vast know of engineering, but if you talk about business in Africa I think I have a very broad knowledge of business as I have an Masters in Business Administration (Africa market as a major), if you need any assistance as it relate with African, please tell me as I know I will be of tremendous help and assistance to you. But most of life I have been in the engineering profession.

You impression about Africa is totally wrong and you television media is not fair to Africa, as it is generally believed that what they only show about Africa in your television is the bad part of Africa. I believe Africa is the most beautiful place to leave, as we do not have winter, snow and autumn; we have all through summer all year around except we are in the rainy season. If Africa is what they present to you people why do we have so many American companies in Africa? If you talk about organization, management and corruption, I will say yes it is bad, we put of cloths we have tall men for instance AKIN THE DREAM WHO PLAYS BASKETBALL FOR HOUSTON ROCKET is a Nigeria you can imagine his height. If for instance Africa is what you see on your television, why did Jimmy Cater and Bill Clinton visit Africa? These are just little examples, and then I want you to think over it, please. When you see African naked then you know they might be having on cultural festival or the other, just like when Nigeria host the whole world in cultural festival in 1977 and when they hosted the under 21 junior world cup in the year 2000? I want you to know that we have culture and we cannot do away with it no matter the westernization that is coming into Africa. Nigeria is the fifth oil producing in world.

Please I want you henceforth to know that Africa is developed and we have almost all you have in your country do mind those dirty impression you media present about Africa. My country is been referred to as giant of Africa by the world therefore I expect you to understand what that implies.

Well as goes on whatever you want to know, please feel free to ask me, as I will give you a very sincere and honest answer. PLEASE FEEL VERY TO CALL ON THIS NUMBER AS FROM 6.00PM YOU LOCAL TIME ON THIS NUMBER 234-1-8044920 OR MY MOBILE PHONE 234-803-3018688, it might be a little difficult to get across to me, but keep trying as you will surly get across to me at the end.

Thank you and God bless us all.

My best regards,
Mr. Abbas Bundu

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

Thank you for your email. I did not mean to come across as rude. I felt very hurt at the time, and I felt that it was you who was being rude to me. But, your email to me has made me feel comfortable in dealing with you, as I see that you are a very intelligent, hard-working and honest man. I apologize if I insulted you.

Thank you for telling me so much about your wonderful country. As I said, all I know is what I have seen on TV. I agree that American TV paints a bad picture of Africa. All the TV shows is unemployed Africans sitting on street corners hustling people and shooting blow-darts. Obviously, this is not the case. I look forward to hearing more from you about the wonders of Africa.

I will again try to fax the form to the NNPC. I will also immediately send the form by email as well. Hopefully, they will receive it quickly.

I do have some bad news. I need to go out of town next week on a business trip. I am leaving this evening. I am traveling to Amsterdam to complete a very profitable business deal. In fact, I stand to make more money from the deal in Amsterdam than I will from working with yourself! I am a very lucky man. I will also spend a day or two hopefully enjoying the city. I hear that prostitution is legal there, and I am eager to employ the services of a professional. I am not sure if I will have access to a computer while on this trip. So, please do not worry if you do not hear from me next week. I will write or call you as soon as I return.

Sincerely,
David Lee Roth

To: Nigerian National Petroleum Corp

To whom it may concern,

I am David Lee Roth, president of the Financial Insurance Securities Headquarters.

You stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking, nerf-herders. You owe me $19 million! You had better pay up!

Attached is my official letterhead request with all my banking particulars. I expect IMMEDIATE payment into my account.

Thank you.
David Lee Roth

To: David Lee Roth

Dear Mr. David,

This is to acknowledge your mail, and the contents were noted and we thank you for your Prompt response and your interest to co-operate with us as it concerns this deal.

The ministry has seen the application which was submitted with the banking information and the name of your company and it has been forwarded to the various Ministries/Central bank of Nigeria in other to seek all necessary approval for the smooth transfer of this fund to your account in United States.

We look up to you as a brother, friend and partner because from now henceforth we are too close to tell ourselves lies, we will want a situation where we tell ourselves the truth and look up to one another suggestions and view in other to achieve our said objectives and goal. We are counting on you for a great assistance financially and otherwise, if the
need arises.

Furthermore, we are working relentlessly, to make sure that this fund is secured for transfer and we are seeking all approvals in your favor hereby making you your company the rightful beneficiary of this fund, for this business to succeed, we must have to be sincere and honest to one another. All correspondence between you and me shall now be by fax/email/telephone conservation 234-1-8044920 this is my private telephone number and my direct fax number:
234-1-7594494. (234 is my country code) (1 is city code)  (8044920 is my private number) my mobile phone 234803-3018688, please getting across to me might be a little difficult but keep trying, as you will surly get through to me.

Be informed that we are highly placed civil servants and government officials and have put in so many years of meticulous services to our country and as such would not want our good reputation to be dented by anybody. Bear in mind that absolute confidentiality and utmost secrecy is required for the protection of this business.

Finally, kindly call me on my private Tel no: 234-1-8044920 today 28/5/02 at about 10pm your local time. Feel free to call, sometimes you might want to call me the lines might be difficult, but keep trying as you will surly get to me.

 I look forward to a wonderful business relationship.

Thank you and God bless.

Sincerely yours,
Mr. Abbas Bundu

To: David Lee Roth

DEAR DAVID,

IT HAS TAKEN SOME DAYS NOW I HEARD FROM YOU, PLEASE ARE YOU BACK FROM YOUR TRIP? I HOPE ALL WENT WELL. HOW DID YOU SEE THE GIRLS IN AMSTERDAM? WHERE THEY SWEET? WELL BACK TO BUSINESS WE ARE SERIOUSLY WORKING OF THE TRANSACTION AND IT HAS NOT BEEN VERY EASY WITH US.PLEASE I WILL APPRECIATE IF YOU COULD PASS A PHONE CALL TO ME.

MY NUMBERS ARE 234-1-8044920 MOBILE PHONE 234-803-3018688, IT MIGHT BE DIFFICULT GETTING ACROSS TO ME, BUT KEEP ON TRYING AS YOU WILL SURLY GET THROUGH TO ME.

I WILL WAIT FOR YOUR CALL AT ABOUT 6PM YOUR LOCAL TIME.

THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS US ALL.

MY BEST REGARDS,
MR. ABBAS BUNDU

From: Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation
infonnpc@pinetmail.com

Dear David,

We are very sorry for the delay in sending this letter to you, it was due to the National hoilday we had during the week.

We look forward to serve you better.

Signed: Management
Nigerian National Petroleum Corp.

A note from David Lee Roth To Faithful Scam Joke Page Readers:

You just gotta see the letter I received from the NNPC. Look! It has signitures and official seals! It just has to be legit!! I'm going to send my real bank account numbers immediately! (Well... not really.)

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

I apologize for my delay in responding to your email. I was on business in Amsterdam last week as I had mentioned.

Unfortunately, that business deal did not go through. I was supposed to meet with individuals that wanted to invest in my business, but they were having money troubles and said that they could not invest at that time. Instead, they ended up asking me for money! The stinking bums. They promised me that they had money, and then I spend my time and money to see them, and I find out that they are liars, and they have no money. Disgusting people!

All was not lost however. I spent every night with a different woman! It was fantastic! I am simply exhausted.

This reminds me... how are the women in Africa? Are they wild and crazy? Do you have many girlfriends?

I do have some good news! I received my Application for Payment from the NNPC! It looks like it has been all signed and stamped. I checked my bank account first thing this morning, but they had not yet deposited the money. I will write them immediately after I finish writing this letter to you and send them a polite reminder to submit payment immediately. Hopefully we will have this done soon and be very rich!

I tried calling you before I wrote this email and the line would not go through. Please try calling me. My number again is 877-362-5400 ext.156.  If my voicemail picks up, please leave me a message so that I know you have called.

Your friend,
David Lee Roth

To: Nigerian National Petroleum Corp

To whom it may concern,

I received the Application for Payment. I cannot believe that it took you so god damn long to send it to me. I tell you what, quit sending me these bullshit forms and send me my fucking money! I am tired of playing games with you lazy low-life bastards.

You owe me $19,000,000!! Deposit it into my account this instant!!

Sincerely,
David Lee Roth

To: David Lee Roth

From: Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation

Dear Mr. David,

We received your mail and your useage of words are not in order, please mind your language as we are not ready to take this from you, next time. If you feel you are playing games with this Coporation, please stop that now. you very sure you executed a contract in Nigeria? If it takes us this long to reply your mail, you are not the only contractor we are paying and there are people before you, therefore we must follow system of payment.

Mr. David, you cannot change our policy because of you, we have been dealing with a lot of contractors and they have to follow our policies as it relates with such payment. We are been careful to avoid fraud as we have a lost of cases whereby foreigners like you conspire with some Nigerians to defraud the Federal Government of Nigeria. Please if you know you are involved in such act, please kindly notify us.

We want to also tell you to mind your language as we will not take that from you, no matter who you may be.

Thank you

Faithfully Yours
Mr. David Peterside
Head Legal and Investigation Dept
Nigerian National Petroleum Corp.

To: Nigerian National Petroleum Corp

Dear David Peterside,

What are you, the janitor? I am not sure if I should be talking to you. I previously received a document from Ali Hassan, the Group Managing Director. He expressly and clearly told me to communicate with noone but him. Please tell Ali Hassan to get in touch with me.  Don't write me again David Peterside, you crazy fool.

Sincerely,
David Lee Roth

To: David Lee Roth

Dear Joseph,

Thank you for your mail. I tried all through yesterday to put a call across to you, but to no avail. Please keep trying as you can call me at about 10pm your local time, as the network will be less busy, you can also try my GSM PHONE 234-803-3018688 very late in the night. We are really working very hard to see what we can do so we will be rounding of the transaction by this week.

Please I will want you to pass through your country telephone exchange operator to call me. We do not have such services in my country; I would have used it to call you.

Well let us keep our fingers crossed.

Thank you and God bless us all.

My best regards,
Mr. Abbas Bundu

Before I could reply to that last email (addressed to 'Joseph' ?!), Abbas sent me another one. I think he may have emailed me a letter intended for another of his potential victims... I was going to ask him about it until I received this next email... Read the last paragraph, it made me sick, how about you? I sure can't wait to get this guy...

To: David Lee Roth

Dear David,

Thank you for you mail. I have been a little worried over your silence for some couple of days now, because I believe you told me that you will spend one or two days in Amsterdam. Well it was a business trip any unforeseen situation might come up.

I thank God you have received the acknowledgement from the Nigerian National Petroleum Corp this indicates that our file is okay, though you supposed to have received this for a very long time now, but all the same we thank God. I have secured some approvals from the various ministries, but I do not have all the approvals in this moment, but as soon as I have all in my hand I will be in a better position to scan them and send to you so you can see what we are doing is no Childs play. You made a mistake by going to your bank to ask if the payment is deposited already, letter you received is just to tell you that they have received the application you made. We are working very hard to make sure that all is well, with the transaction, but I know by the special grace of God we shall conclude the transaction this weekend.

You talked about woman in Africa, when you visit Nigeria, I will make sure you will never forget your trip to Nigeria in your life time, as you will keep telling your friends about your adventure to Nigeria, I will give BIG, SMALL, AND (LITTLE UNDER EIGHTEEN YEARS). You will see that African girls (Nigerian girls) are something to remember in your lifetime, it is a promise. I will want you to give me your fax number, as they Corporation will need it to advice you. For your information if you want to call me call me at about 6pm your local time.

Thank you and God bless is all.

My best regards,
Mr. Abbas Bundu.

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

I tried calling you again last night and this morning, but obviously, there has been no luck. I think it would just be easier if we just email each other from now on. Again, I am sorry that I delayed our business by a week by going to Amsterdam. I am ready to proceed with all haste and please let me know what I need to do next.

I am glad that you have cleared up my confusion about receiving the money. I though all you needed was my bank account number. I look forward to receiving the other documents pertaining to our business! I will be able to reflect upon them one day in the future when we are very rich!

From what you have told me about African women, it sounds like you are a real ladies man! You must have many girlfriends. Also from your mail, I see that it will be necessary for me to travel to Nigeria. I look very forward to visiting you and completing our business. Please be sure to give me as much notice as possible before I have to travel so that I can make all flight and hotel arrangements, and get things in order here at the office before I leave. I am sure we will have a great time together in Nigeria! I am known to my friends as "Diamond Dave" because when I party, I like to spend lots of money on women, drinks, cars, and cigarrettes. Hopefully, we will be able to party together with all of these Nigerian women that you are telling me about! I am sure that I will never forget about my visit to Nigeria, I bet you will never forget me either!

If you want, since we are friends and partners, you can call me "Diamond Dave" too. I like that name. Do you have a nick-name?

Your friend,
Diamond Dave

To: David Lee Roth

Dear Diamond Dave,

Thank you for your mail and I was very happy when I read through it. I have been trying to contact you on the telephone although today, but it kept on telling me that the number is not correct. I will want you if you have another number at home or your mobile phone, it will help a great lot. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT I HAVE YOUR FAX NUMBER AS THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION will need it. What you need to do next is for you to wait when I get the approvals in my hand I will send it to you. After sending it to you, we will now wait for the Office of the Group Managing Director of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation who would advice you on what to do. It very imperative that you will come to Nigeria to sign some vital bank document, and this document is called Fund Release
Order; it is an authority for the government to release the funds to you or your account. When you arrive I will be in a better position to advise you properly on how we are to go about the whole issue, since I have enough time to spend with you, while you are in Nigeria. I will want to promise you one very important thing that your security will be my concern all through your stay in Nigeria and you only going to spend just three days in Nigeria except you decided otherwise.

Upon you arrival we will also visit United States embassy in Nigeria for our visa, as we do not have a valid visa to enter your country. I will want you to start making preparation to visit Nigeria any minute from now, you can arrive on a Friday and depart on a Monday and this will be after signing all vital bank documents on that very Monday, but it all depend on you when you intend to leave Nigeria, but to the best of my knowledge it will not take you more than one day to sign this documents and automatically the funds will be transferred to your account and you will have a copy of the swift transfer with you while we will be departing Nigeria. I will want you to start applying for Nigerian visa now so that it will not take you time to come, if you need a letter of invitation, please let me know as I can arrange the Bishop of my church in Nigeria to send a letter of invitation to you. If my Bishop in the church sends you this invitation no body will suspect your coming as I will not want any body to suspect your coming and you will not tell the officials in the embassy of Nigeria what you are coming to do in Nigeria you will just tell them that you are coming for a church activity and you tell them the name of the church and the name of the person inviting you, you will tell them that you meet the Bishop when he visited united states early this year, all this is to avoid any suspicion, while in the embassy and in Nigeria.. if they want to confirm with the church, that will not be a problem.

I am not afraid that we will not be rich as all through my life I have been a positive man and I have never been associated with failure in life, rather disappointments.

Well if you say so, I will agree with you, bit the nature of my work does not permit me a enough time, bit I know I will be on my annual vacation by the end of this week. I promise you that you will party and have a complete fun while you visit. It is a 100% assurance I am giving to you. You will never forget your visit to Nigeria. I know when I come to your country I will never forget my experience, when I arrive with you.

You are also very free to make enquires from the Corporation about your payment from their e-mail address which I am very such that you have, but in case you have lost it (infonnpc@pinetmail.com)

Please study this mail and do just all ask you to do, but if you have any question, please do not hesitate to ask me.

I will wait for your mail.

Thank you and God bless us all.

My best regards,
Mr. Abbas Bundu.

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

I am very excited! From reading your last email to me, I see that we are getting closer to becoming rich! The truth of it has hit me and I am very happy! I will have to think of all the ways to spend my money!

I do not know why the phone number is not working. Are you dialing the correct country code? I am in the United States, which I believe is code 009. However, please check this from your area (obviously, I have never called the United States from Nigeria, I have never been to Africa!) My number is 877-362-5400 ext.156. This is linked to my cell phone and office, the only two voice phones that I have. An answering service picks up if I am on the phone at the time.

My fax machine is not reliable, and definately not secure. It is in a public area, and I would rather not use it. Please scan any documents and email them to me.

I also think it is a good idea for you to get a letter of invitation from the Bishop for me. If it is not too much trouble, I think we should do it just to make things easy as you say.

Only three days in Nigeria?? I think I should stay longer to party and enjoy all of the women that you told me about! Maybe I will stay a week!

Speaking of arriving, I will begin to make all my necessary arrangements on this end. I believe that the soonest I could arrive there is next Friday, June 14. Will everything be in place by then, or should I wait before making my definate plans?

I am very happy Abbas! This will truly be an experience that we will never forget!

Your friend,
Diamond Dave

To: David Lee Roth

Dear Diamond Dave,

Thank you for your lovely mail, honestly after reading I got so much excited and I strongly believe that we will go both places in the nearest future. It is mandatory that we will all become rich men, as God has ordained it for it to happen in our lifetime. I did dial exactly what you typed in your last mail dated  4th June 2002. Since your fax is not reliable, I will make the corporation to be aware of this, as they were demanding for your fax number, this was what they minuted on your file, which I saw. But I told them this morning that you preferred all correspondence to be by e-mail.

I have discussed with my Bishop he accepted to assist me with the letter of invitation, but demanded that you send to me your INTERNATIONAL TRAVELING PASSPAORT AND YOU’RE THE NAME ON THE PASSPORT, which is very important in the invitation, it is the best way to approach this issue in this very moment. If you feel like spending 2 (two) weeks in Nigeria I do not have any problem with that, but I believe you will hold enough money to play with while you are in Nigeria, as you may know I am government worker (civil servant) with a very little salary to take care of my family and other responsibility. I am very straight forward  person as I do not need to you that I am this and that while I am not, therefore I want you to know me better, as I stand by my words. Everything will be very much ready then, so once you arrive we start actions immediately and you date of arrival is suits the transaction very well, do not need to wait for any thing just start your preparation immediately.

Please Dave, I have some question I will like to ask you, I hope you will not mind?

1, How long have you been in business?
2, How old are you? And are you married, if you are married, how many children do you have?

I am promising you that you will never forget the hospitality, you will receive while in Nigeria.

I am waiting for the passport number, so by tomorrow you will have the invitation upon your arrival in the office.

Thank you and God bless us all.

My best regards,
Mr. Abbas Bundu

Well, at least this guy is honest... he did say:

"I am promising you that you will never forget the hospitality you will receive while in Nigeria."

Yeah, I bet I wouldn't! Having a team of scam artists take all my money and probably beat me to a pulp and leave me on the street to die... I'd never forget that!

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

I am getting more happy every day! Our business is proceeding wonderfully! You mentioned that I will never forget the hospitality I will receive in Nigeria. This makes me so excited! I believe that you are a great man, and will take care of me while in Nigeria. We will do business one day soon, then party for a week with lots of cheap booze and loose women! We will retire from our boring jobs and maybe buy some island to live on with our whores! It will be wonderful!

I am sorry if I got carried away, but I am so happy for us.

You mentioned that the Bishop requires my Passport. I am not comfortable with this. I would gladly send him my name, address, and phone number, even my picture, but I will not send him my passport. So, if he will not cooperate in this, then we will just forget about obtaining a letter from him.

As you mentioned, I will go ahead and make my arrangements to arrive in Nigeria on June 14. I assume I should fly into Lagos? Tell me, will you be picking me up at the Airport?

Abbas, please do not hesitate to ask me questions. We are friends. It is my pleasure to discuss with you my personal life. In fact, I wish to discuss my life and your personal life as well.

1. I have been in business with the Financial Insurance Securities Headquarters for 21 years now! It has been a great job, and I have had much success. I have been to PANAMA, I have JUMPed through hoops and obstacles to achieve what I have. I have learned everything from my old boss (a woman, and I was definately HOT FOR TEACHER, if you know what I mean!)

2. I am now 48 years old. I am not married. I have had hundredss of women in my time though!  No children, at least none that I know of.

Please tell me more about yourself Abbas. How long have you been in business? Are you married? How old are you? How many children do you have?

God bless us, each and every one!

Your friend,
David Lee Roth

To: David Lee Roth

Dear Diamond Dave,

Thank you for your mail and I appreciate your prompt response to my mail and questions, thank you very much. My bishop does not need your passport what he needs from you is the passport number and the name so it will be very easy for you to get the visa. As you may know in very international traveling passport it has a passport number and the complete names in the passport. He does not need your passport, it just the number on it and the complete names in the passport. He does not also need your picture either. Keep you no passport as nobody needs it, it is needed is the number and names in the passport. Please make sure you send this information’s today so he can send the invitation to you and to the Nigerian embassy in Washington or Nigerian consulate in New York.

You will not fly into Lagos rather you will fly into Port Harcourt as the project site was in Port Harcourt, Rivers states, what you will do is that you will tell your travel agency that they should make reservation with Air France, it is only Air France that will take you from Paris to Port Harcourt directly all other airline will take you to Lagos first and you will now buy a local Air ticket from Lagos to Port Harcourt. I will suggest you fly directly to Port Harcourt, as I will be in the Air port with your name written in a sheet of paper as I will be standing out side waiting for you. Port Harcourt is in the southern part of Nigeria; it is very peaceful place to stay than Lagos. You are not been carried away as what you are appreciating is real, you will see when you come visit Nigeria

Please I do not know what you meant by (HOT FOR TEACHER)? I am also 48 years old, I am married with children and I have four children and they are in the university and secondary school. I am not a business man, rather I am a government worker (I WORK WITH THE GOVERNMENT) I have no personal business experience, all business I do is for the government as I am being paid monthly, in very short sentence I am a civil servant, not a private business man.

I hope you understand what I meant about your passport number, I would be sending the approvals to you later today.

I will be waiting for the passport number and complete names in the passport.

Thank you and God bless us all.

Yours Friend
Mr. Abbas Bundu

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

I have been so busy today getting things in order at the office getting ready for my trip to Nigeria! I am so happy to be seeing you next Friday!

I think it is fantastic that we are both 48 year old businessmen! I have a feeling that we are going to be best friends! Hopefully long after our business is complete we will be friends and visit each other often!

Here is the information for the Bishop:
David Lee Roth
Passport Number: 36D-24-36

I will immediately make my plans to fly into Port Harcourt. Thank you for the specifics. I will send you my exact flight information as soon as I get it.

I have an issue that I think is very important. I am a nervous traveler. I am not comfortable until I have left the airport and get a chance to unwind after flying. It would make me very much at ease if we could send each-other pictures of ourselves so that we will recognize each other in the Airport. I will scan in a picture of myself tomorrow and send to you. I will wear the same clothes in the picture as I will when I step off the plane. You will be able to recognize me very easily that way. Please, do me this favor, take a picture of yourself holding the sign with my name on it and send me a scanned copy of the picture. Please wear the same clothes in the picture as you will in the Airport. I am sorry if this is an inconvenience, but it would really help me when I travel. Thank you.

I must go, but I will quickly explain HOT FOR TEACHER. This is a term my friend Eddie uses to describe when he lusts for a woman. I think it is a funny saying and like to say it often myself!

Please send me your picture holding the sign with my name on it. I will send you my picture tomorrow. I should also have my flight schedule by then as well.

Your friend,
Diamond Dave

Dear sir,

attached are the approvals for your attention.

Abbas Form 1
Abbas Form 2
Abbas Form 3
Abbas Form 4
Abbas Form 5
Abbas Form 6
Abbas Form 7
Abbas Form 8

A note from David Lee Roth To Faithful Scam Joke Page Readers:

The above documents are pretty much the standard faked documents that we've come across before. However, the first one is actually a letter to Diamond Dave, so its worth a read. There is some funny stuff in there.

Dear Abby,

I have purchased my flight ticket to Nigeria!! I am so happy that I am almost jumping with joy! I just wish my arrival time was not so early in the morning, but that was the only flight available that I could find. I hope it will not be inconvenient for you to pick me up then.

Air France flight 870
Arrival time:  4:45 AM
Friday June 14

I have also attached a picture of myself. I found this on my desk and scanned it just this morning. I am the one in the black shirt and long hair. I will be wearing this shirt when you see me. By the way, the guy next to me is my business partner Jeff. I know he looks gay, but he really isn't. Don't worry, he is not traveling to Nigeria with me!

I have received the documents that you sent to me in the three emails. I will have to look at them in detail today. Thank you very much.

I am eagerly awaiting your picture. Please, in your picture wear the clothes that you will be wearing at the airport and hold the sign with my name on it.

Your friend,
Diamond Dave

To: David Lee Roth

Dear Diamond Dave,

Thank you for your very friendly mail as I am beginning to appreciate who you are and what you will look like. Well I sent to you copies of the approvals to show how far your good friend has worked very hard. I will be expecting you by next Friday no matter what the situation may be. Please I will want you to keep those copies of approvals secret, as it is not for very body to see. I will be collecting the letter of invitation from my Bishop later today and I will scan it and send it to you, while I fax a copy to the Nigerian embassy in the United States. Please I will want you to confirm to me, which of our embassy will be closer to you? Washington or New York? Please confirm to me. We have started a relationship that will take us till death do us part.

On the issue of sending to you my photography, I will but I cannot go to a photography studio and take photography holding your name on it. I will tell what I will say once I identify you coming put as I will work out to you and say our code, then you will know I am the person. Dave I respect you so much, but if you ask me why I do not know, but I believe time will tell.

I will not want you to discuss this transaction with a third party for no reason.

Thank you and God bless us all.

My best regards,

Abbas Bundu

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

I must say I am somewhat disappointed. You mentioned several times in your email to me that I should keep our transaction confidential and tell no third party. What do you think I am doing? Telling the whole world? I would never do that. It sounds like you are doubting my friendship and honor.

And, I explained to you about my difficulties when traveling. I sent you my picture so that you would recognize me in the airport. I am flying thousands of miles to a place that I have never been before, and I have no idea what you look like. This makes me very nervous. In fact, I do not know if I will travel unless you send me your picture.

I have given you all of my very personal information. I have sent you my picture. It seems like you do not trust me. I do not understand why.

Abbas, I am your friend. I cannot wait to see you in Nigeria. But, I tell you the truth, I must have your picture before I will travel to meet you.

I am sure you have a friend with a polaroid or digital camera that you can take the picture of yourself holding the sign with my name on it.

Your friend,
Diamond Dave

To: David Lee Roth

Dear Diamond Dave,

I tried calling you on the phone each time it goes into voice mail, well all the same no problem. I will send to you my personal photography on Monday, I will be in port Harcourt waiting to see you at that time of the morning, do not panic. I will wear the same cloth in the airport, for you to know I am the person waiting I will hold your picture in my hand. You friend look like a wrestler or a boxer, I saw your name written some were behind you in that photography, what was happening in that photography? Were you in a club? It looks like you enjoy rock and roll music?

I will be traveling to the Northern part of Nigeria (Kano) for an official assignment Monday 10/6/2002 and I will use the same opportunity to see if I will see the wife (Dr. Mrs. Marian Abacha) of our late head of state (General Abacha) as I was very close to the family, I will spend Monday out of Lagos and I will be back Tuesdays morning. But if you send me a mail I will be able to see it. THE OFFICE OF THE GROUP MANAGING DIRECTOR OF THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORP will definitely get in contact with you this week before your departure on Friday and it will done via e-mail, since I told them that you said it better to contact through e-mail than fax and telephone as it is better for you by e-mail. Therefore it is imperative they will contact you as I am not able to know the date or day it will be as from this point I am not suppose to know this aspect, because I am not the beneficiary FINANCIAL INSURANCE SECURITIES HEADQUATERS OR MR. DAVID LEE ROTH. This is the reason I hope you understand?

I cannot wait to meet you in person, as it will afford a lot of opportunity to see Diamond Dave and also conclude this transaction. I want you to know we will still visit Lagos before your departure back to the united states as I will need to go to your embassy with you in Nigeria as I must depart with you back to the united states, therefore I will want you to put this in your programs during your visit.

I will wait to hear from you.

Thank you and God bless us all.

Mr Abbas Bundu

Voice mails from Nigeria! Voice mails from Nigeria!!!

Abbas Voice Mail 1
Abbas Voice Mail 2
Abbas Voice Mail 3

Listen to Voice Mail 3.... Oh I'm excited!

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

I have received your voice mail this morning. It was good to hear that you are getting a picture of yourself for me. I look forward to receiving it. I have not had a chance to write you for a while because I have been very busy at work and home.

You asked about the picture taken of me and Jeff. That picture was taken backstage at a rock concert. My friend Jeff is a big fan of the Backstreet Boys. Have you heard of them? They are very popular here. I am not a fan of them, but Jeff is, so agreed to go with him. I think I am understanding why people think he's gay!

I have not heard from the NNPC inquite some time now. I hope they are proceeding with making the deposit of money into my account. I cannot wait for us to be rich!

Your friend,
Diamond Dave

To: David Lee Roth

Dear Diamond Dave,

Thank you for your mail. Well I do not like when said you are disappointed. When I demand you should keep our transaction confidential it does not mean that I am calling you a small boy who does not know his left from right, NO, I know you a matured man who is managing a very big company in a very large society, it will be stupid and foolish of me to think that way. My repeating of the word confidentiality is just out of fear, as I have never done anything with you before and I believe the level we have gone it is paramount all lip should be closed. I am very sorry for whatever in convinces I might have caused you. I have no moral reason to doubt your person or honor.

I am trying to work things out first before you travel, I was told that upon your arrival in Port Harcourt that their will be a bus waiting to pick you people up with security men attached to the bus, because of your time of arrival and you will be taken to a hotel called hotel presidential, it is a five star hotel in the heart of Port Harcourt, I do not know if they will allow you to join me from the airport or if it is the responsibility of the airline to take you to the hotel presidential and I will pick you up from the hotel, whatever may be the case I will be in the airport waiting for you, if they said you will go with bus I will be coming behind the bus until they get to the hotel then I will pick up immediately to a good hotel or we can check into the presidential hotel and stay the night their and move to a better hotel private hotel later the next the day when you must have a nice rest. You can also ask your travel agent what is the arrangement of the airline convening people from the airport to the city as the airport is out side the city, because of time of the time of arrival in Port Harcourt.

I will send you my picture later in the evening, as I will be going to photographic studio with a paper where your name is written on it. I will also gave you a pass code and the pass code will be me giving you the picture you sent to me and you giving me the picture I sent to you. I thought I could just send to you my picture alone, but you wish is my command. I will not want you to be very nervous, please feel at home while you visit me, I promise you one thing your security and well being is my concern while your visit last in Nigeria, I can guarantee that to you or to any person. I must send you my picture later today, as I do not have a Polaroid camera or an ordinary camera, I must go to the photography studio to this.

If you use the word that I do not trust you, is an over statement from you, I have trusted you like I trust my son or my mother or my wife, I am seeing you like my twin brother, if you know any African man, ask him when somebody say he has taken you like his twin brother, what does that implies, then you will be able to understand me better. (It means that I trusted you so much that I can died on your behalf) I trust you with my entire whole my life, that is I can leave my wife and my entire family in your hands and travel to any part of the world I will not be afraid of any thing. You will get my picture unfailingly today.

I will send to you my picture later today.

Thank you and God bless us all.

Yours brother
Mr. Abbas Bundu.

To: David Lee Roth

From: Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation

Dear Sir,

We do not have your fax number, hence am sending an e-mail attachment to you. so we can be very sure you received it. Please confirm your fax number to me. I personally to you peoples payment upon myself to effect your payment.

We look forward to serve you better.

Yours Faithfully
Dr. Jackson G. Obaseki
Group Managing Director
Nigerian National Petroleum Corp.

A note from David Lee Roth To Faithful Scam Joke Page Readers:

Another letter  from the NNPC. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe this is all legit!! Oh wait, look at that. It says that I will need to pay them $19,000 in order to process the payment. Gee- I was starting to think I was going to be rich.

To: Nigerian National Petroleum Corp

Dear Jack,

I have received the attachment that you sent by e-mail. Thank you very much. Please continue to send any documents in the same manner.

I will meet with you within the next week to receive my $19,000,000. I look forward to doing business with you.

And by the way, where did you learn English? If you don't mind me saying so, your grasp of the language is about as firm as your grandmother's breast.

Sincerely,
David Lee Roth

DEAR DIAMOND DAVE,

ATTACHED IS MY PICTURE AS REQUESTED BY YOU AND ALSO PASSED A CALL TO YOU TELLING YOU THAT I AM ABOUT TO SEND THE PICTURE AND THE LETTER OF INVITATION.

I HOPE BY TOMORROW OR NEXT YOU WILL HEAR FROM THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORP.

THANK YOU

YOURS FRIEND
ABBY

A note from David Lee Roth To Faithful Scam Joke Page Readers:

Isn't that picture the greatest??!! Today is a very good day. Well, maybe not for Abbas. But we don't care about that now do we??

The letter from the Bishop is a good read.

Oh yeah, did you notice how he calls me "Diamond Dave" and signs his name "Abby"?!

Here is the voice mail he mentioned.

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

Thank you very much for your picture. You just have no idea how happy that picture made me! You look like a very honest man, one who will be my good friend. Sometimes you can just tell a person by their picture, and I can definately tell the kind of man you are!

I also appreciate the letter from the Bishop. I would just like to remind you that I am not a religious man. We will not be going to church together on Sunday!

My flight to France leaves early Thursday morning, and then its on to Nigeria! I am looking forward to the trip of course. I am also excited to be stopping over in France. I hear that there are many beautiful women in France. Hopefully I will meet one in the Airport and join the Mile-High Club! Are you a member? I bet you are! I bet you are the biggest member of them all!

Before I leave the US for Nigeria, is there anything from the US that I can get for you that is not available in Nigeria? I would be happy to pick up a few items tonight or Wednesday.

Oh, by the way, I did hear from the NNPC. Just between you and me, the person writing that letter to me from the NNPC sure sounds like an idiot! He is a very bad representative of Nigerian businessmen! If only every Nigerian sounded as intelligent and straightforward as you! Oh yes, the NNPC also will need $19,000 for a signing fee. Be sure to have these funds available when I meet you at the Airport.

Your friend,
Diamond Dave

To: David Lee Roth

Dear Diamond Dave,

I received your mail with all joy and happiness. Thank God that all is well with the transaction and every other problem are problems both of us can put our heads together and solve. You have a wonderful description of me. You are not the every first person in my life that has said I am a very straightforward and honest person. What ever I do I try as much as I can to it to the best of my knowledge. When I started relating with you I said to myself that I will try as much as much as I can to tell the truth whenever called upon to do.

You should take the letter of from the bishop to the embassy of Nigeria for visa, as without a valid Nigerian visa you will not be allowed to Nigerian (Port-Harcourt) it will be above my strength to avoid deportation back to the united states.  When will be going to the embassy for visa? You must have to do this before coming. If it is not wish to attend church in Nigeria while you are here, I am not against that as you have you have your life to leave the way you want it. Since you flight will be leaving Thursday morning for France, that means you will not spend the night in France, you will also be connecting that same day to Port Harcourt, am I correct? I will wait to receive you in the airport no matter the time you will be arriving. Please I do not understand what you meant by (MILE-HIGH CLUB) I am not a member of the club, if am right, since I do not know the meaning of what you saying. I am not the best of them all, as I am still struggling to survive.

If you wish to buy something I will want you to buy a computer laptop (note book), it should be a Pentium 3 or 4 IBM Think Pad or any other brand of computer laptop with a 502 or 256 RAM with a CD WRITER AND DVD PLAYER with a very GIGER BITES HARD DISK, a good MODERM, in short with all modern facilities in built in a very good computer laptop. If you can buy this for me that is all I need from you as it is very expensive in my country.

I saw our file this evening and I found out that they have notified you of the payment and they also demanded for $19,000 us dollars as signing fee, it is very imperative that we have to pay this money and in this moment my colleagues and me are exhausted, we do not have any money left in our account. I will want you to know this in your mind we are not businessmen we work for the government of Nigeria (civil servant) and my monthly salary is just $800 us dollars take home every month, this just the reason why I got in involved in this transaction when the opportunity came my way. I want to use this medium to pled with you that while coming you should come with this money as they will not allow you to sign the documents without you paying this fees, I cannot deceive you honestly speaking, it is just the last hurdle we have to cross to in other to get to our dreams. In this very moment I cannot foot my ticket to the United States with you, but I do not have any option than to wait when the funds get to your account, you will send money for ticket for my colleagues and me. Please I want you to know that you if it needs you to go an extra to raise this $19,000 us dollars, please do so, as this is the only way we can forge ahead in this transaction and also realize our dreams and aspirations.

Dave, I have suffered so much in life and I will not want you to make this transaction fail, because I have spent all I have saved in life in this transaction and if it fails it will suicidal on us. Please kindly help your friend that is in need. I have nothing more to tell you than to ask you to see what you can do and come with this money, while coming on Friday. If I promise you that I can come up with this money, then you know I am being deceitful to you and the transaction, I do not have this money. Let me bring this to your knowledge whatever you spend in this transaction will be back to you once you confirm funds in your account, and when we want to share you will deduct all you have spent.

I will hope to hear something positive from you. Please try and call me on my moblie phone 234-803-3018688, it might be difficult but keep try as you must get to me.

Thank you and God bless us all.

Yours friend
Abby

A note from David Lee Roth To Faithful Scam Joke Page Readers:

Yet another voice mail.

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

I will be leaving this afternoon to go to the Embassy on the way to the Airport. I have not forgotten about obtaining my VISA. And you are correct, once my plane lands in France, I will only have about one or two hours before my flight to Nigeria leaves! Again, I will arrive this Friday at 4:45AM, flight 870. I look forward to seeing you!

I will explain Mile-High Club. When you fly on a plane, you are a mile high off the ground. What you do is sneak into a bathroom with your woman and make love to her. Then you can say that you are a member of the Mile-High Club- meaning you have made love to a woman on a plane. I am surprised you have not heard of this before? It is very common. Like I said, I hope I meet a stewardess and join the Mile-High Club when I fly out to meet with you! I will be sure to let you know!

I have seen your request for me to pick up a laptop computer for you! I must say, I was quite surprised to see your detailed request! I had no idea that Africans were so familiar with such cutting-edge technology. I thought you might ask me for something like a sundial or toaster oven. But, as you wish, I will get you a laptop. I will stop on my way to the Embassy and get you one.

Also, I have read your explaination about the $19,000. That was also a surprise to me. I will need to pay this? Well, since I trust you Abby, I will do it. If anyone else had asked me, I would not. My money is a little tight right now. Hopefully, once the $19,000 is paid, the $19million will be deposited into my account very quickly. I only have $30,000 in my bank account, so parting with $19,000 so quickly makes me a little nervous.

I do not know if I will be able to email you again before I leave. You can try to send me an email, maybe there will be internet cafe's in the Airports. Do you know what internet cafe's are? They are places where people can pay to use a computer temporarily. Very handy when you are traveling.

Looking forward to seeing you!

Your friend,
Diamond Dave

To: David Lee Roth

Dear Diamond Dave,

I got your mail and I was very happy for the trust and respect you have for me. I want to promise you one thing you will never regret your relationship with me. I have taken your flight time and number into consideration, as this will not be a problem for me. Thank you for your explanations of Mile-High Club, it will be a wonderful adventure if I get involve in such act as it something I have never experienced in life. I have only had it that in side the car.

It is very interesting to note that you not aware that an African will need a laptop? Then I do not know what you see or think about Africa, I am 100% sure that you will very surprise to see what you will see while in Nigeria. We have everything you have in your country, but what is our basic problem is now is how to manage our infrastructures we have on ground. You should know that we great Africans who school at home here and are presently working for the United States government. Do not underestimate Africa because you will be in for shock on what you will see. When you talk about toaster oven or sundial, we have more recent technology than the once you might have in your country as our economy is sole importation based. I will really be happy if you bring the laptop for me, it will be the gift of the season to me.

It very imperative for you confirm to me, if you have collected the visa from the embassy of Nigeria. This will really assist me a lot as I have to travel for nearly 1000 kilometer to Port Harcourt by road. It will need to know this before I make the trip. Please no matter how busy your schedule might look like kindly let me you if you were given a visa!!! It is very important to me.

You surprised me by telling me how much you have in your account in this moment; I will never forget this in my life as no body born of a woman has told me such a thing. Whatever you tell me in life, henceforth I do not have any right to doubt it. You of the most transparent person I have seen in life, please keep it up. Once we pay the $19,000 us dollars and sign the necessary document, the funds will be transferred immediately to your account and we will be issue with a swift transfer instruction, which an evidence that the transferred has been done. They have no reason on earth to hold on to the funds as we have met all necessary requirement as demanded by the corporation.

In a few days from now life will surly change and you will more comfortable in life, this a promise from your very good friend, Mr. Abbas Bundu. Please try and email me, as it is very necessary. I am very sure that in Nigeria you will not see Internet café’s in the airport, but we have a lot in the town and hotels. But I believe in Europe you will see one for sure.

I am also attaching a newspaper publication of Friday 7th June 2002. I think this will put you in a better picture, you will be able to see that the government has approved the payment

I am urgently waiting to hear from you if you were issued with a valid Nigerian Visa?

Thank you and God bless us all.

My best regards,
Abby.

Check out this "actual news clipping" from Nigeria! It mentions the Financial Insurance Securities Headquarters!! That's me!! THIS JUST HAS TO BE REAL!! MAYBE I'M MAKING A BIG MISTAKE!!!

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

I have just secured my VISA and I then I am off to get your laptop. I received your voice mail this morning. Sorry I was not in my office at noon, obviously, I had already left for the day to prepare for my trip to see you!

Wow! You have surprised me with your description of Africa. It sounds like a wonderful place. I had no idea that Africa possessed so much education and technology! I figured most of the continent was jungle with pygmies and saggy-breasted women running around beating drums. I thought that there were only a few civilized places in Africa. It seems like it is the other way around really! I am so excited for my trip!

The newspaper clipping you sent me was also very exciting! I hope you saved the original, I would sure like to have a copy! I never thought my company's name would be printed in a Nigerian newspaper! I didn't even know Nigeria had a newspaper!

Well, I really must be going if I am going to get your laptop and finish packing. I look forward to seeing you first thing Friday morning!

Your friend,
Diamond Dave

Dear Abby,

I am in the Paris Airport at an internet station! It is Thursday night about 9PM. My flight to Nigeria leaves in about 2 hours. I am so excited! I have your laptop here with me, I did not want to check it in baggage and have it get damaged. Actually Abbas, I liked it so much, that I bought two! Perhaps your wife would like one, or maybe a good friend or relative. Anyway, you can decide. I have them both with me now.

I am about to get something to eat. I am very hungry.

Abbas, you would not believe it, but there are beautiful girls EVERYWHERE here in the Airport! The French girls are so lovely. Maybe one of them will have dinner and drinks with me now before I have to board my next plane! I will be sure to let you know!

I must go now, I look forward to seeing you early tomorrow morning! I am wearing the black shirt and black pants just like in my picture. Please hold the sign with my name on it so I can see you easily when I get off the plane!

Your friend,
David Lee Roth

A note from David Lee Roth To Faithful Scam Joke Page Readers:

At this point, David Lee Roth should have arrived in Nigeria. Of course, that didn't happen. Abbas hasn't called or written to see where his pal Diamond Dave is. That's disappointing...

To: Abbas Bundu

Abbas-

I am in a state of confusion right now.

Obviously, I did not make it to Nigeria. When I was boarding the plane in Paris, I was pulled aside and asked many questions. They wanted to know why I was flying to Nigeria and who I was meeting. I showed them my VISA, and a copy of the letter from the Bishop. They still questioned me. They asked me if I was really flying to meet someone that had promised me millions of dollars for my help.

I did not know what to say. This made me very nervous. I thought about it, and thought about it, but in the end I told them nothing. I told them I was going to meet the Bishop on a religious meeting. They did not believe me. They would not let me on the plane. I have been under their questions and supervision all night. I was just released, and headed straight to the internet station to contact you.

Abbas, I want to believe that you are my friend, and that is why I told the authorities nothing about you. But now that I have checked my email and my voice mail, I see that you haven't written or called, even though I did not arrive in Nigeria like I promised. Do you not care about me or my safety? Does it mean nothing to you that I did not make it to see you? Where you not even at the airport?

I hope to hear from you soon. If not, I don't know what I'll do. I will keep checking my email throughout the day here at the airport internet station. Please tell me what is going on.

David

To: David Lee Roth

diamond dave,

it is unfortunate that i have been waiting for you at port-harcourt only to receive your mail that you can not make it again t0 nigeria. please let me know the true position of things from your side. i waited at the airport and did not see you and iam about living porharcourt back to lagos. i care about you dave but i dont understand why these has to happen. you know you do not have tell  anyone about the transaction as it has to do with you helping us to move funds out of the country. dave,you dont have to be nervous,be a man and GOD will see us through. i want you to know that you are my only hope to secure these funds into a safe account. you must find a way to be in nigeria and see things for your self.
i have that trust in you that you will be in my country no matter what,please do not betray that trust that i have in you.

is it possible that i can reach you on your cell phone?

dave,iam waiting to hear or see you. iam very sorry for what has happened and believe you.

my best regards

abbas bundu

To: Abbas Bundu

Abbas-

I am glad to hear from you. I am still upset and very confused, but at least you have written me.

To make things worse, my cell phone cannot get a clear signal. I don't know if its because France does not have good cell phone service or if signals inside the airport are interfering with it. So, try to call if you can, but I do not think we will have luck with that.

If you still wish for me to fly to Port Harcourt, I will make another reservation. Possibly I can get on tonight's flight and be there in the morning, same time. Or should I fly to Lagos? Please tell me.

I must say that I find it disappointing that you are ready to return to Lagos without even contacting me. I feel like if I hadn't have written you, that you would never have tried to contact me and would have just gone back to Lagos. Do you not have faith in me? Are you not my friend?

And the questions the authorities had asked me, they all seemed so suspiscious. It was like they knew what was going on between us. They asked if I had been contacted by the NNPC. They asked if I had sent you my bank account number, they asked if I had bought you gifts like watches, phones, or computers. Of course I denied everything, and acted like I didn't know what they were talking about. But I tell you honestly, I was very confused.

Please respond. I still want to give this a chance. Should I fly to Port Harcourt or Lagos?

David

To: David Lee Roth

dear david,

thank you for getting  back to me.please i do not have much to say after the stress i have gone through. why cant you come and see things for your self. you do not sound like the dave i believe i know. at least when you are here then i can proof my self. from your mail,you are not making any move of coming to nigeria aftr all the information regarding the
transaction. please once you are in the right frame of mind please do come so that i can actaulize my dreams. like i said, do not betray that trust  i have in you.

i wait to hear from you soon.

my best regards

abbas bundu

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

Ok. I will give this a chance.  I am still in the Paris airport. I tried to purchase another ticket to Port Harcourt, but the next flight does not leave until Tuesday night, arriving Wednesday morning. Should I fly into Lagos instead? There are flights going there every day. Please tell me.

Diamond Dave

To: David Lee Roth

dear dave,

port-harcourt is the head office of nigeria national petroleum corporation that is why i want you there to see things for your self. dave, let me believe you once again that you can still make it to nigeria. take a flight to lagos from here we move to port-harcourt.please notify me once you are about to  leave so that i can arrange to pick you up at the airport.

i will be waiting for your flight schedule and for further arranagement upon your arrival at the airport.

yours
abbas bundu

To: Abbas Bundu

Dear Abby,

I read and understood your email and I have purchased my flight ticket to Lagos. I am flying out Saturday morning, arriving in the afternoon. Here is the information:
Air France Flight 852
Arriving in Lagos at 3:45pm

Abbas, I am trusting you very much right now. While waiting for your email, I looked on the internet for information about what the authorities were telling me. I must admit, the business that we are doing sounds like what they were suggesting. But after reading all of the documents that you sent me, the newspaper clipping, and talking to the NNPC myself, I still believe that you are telling me the truth. That is why I bought another airline ticket.

So I will see you tomorrow afternoon. I am going to spend the night here in Paris. I was so excited about maybe meeting a French girl on the plane, but I am not that excited about it any more. I'll definately be having a few drinks tonight.

By the way, I have not forgotten your promise to bring me lots of girls when I get to Nigeria. I am still looking forward to that! Please tell me that you still them ready to meet me!

Diamond Dave

To: David Lee Roth

Dear Diamond Dave,

Thank you for all you mails today, but it has not been easy with me. I was not able to write you a very detailed mail, but I decided to do so now. Well let me start from my trip to Port Harcourt, I arrived Port Harcourt about 6.30pm on Thursdays and I checked into a hotel. But before this I was supposed to go by road, because I had a lot of things to do before I depart, and I finished very late and decided to go by airplane, when it was about twenty minutes to our arrival the captain of the airplane made an announcement that we are going to face a stormy weather in the next five minutes on getting to the storm our plane almost crashed, but as God will have we escaped by the special grace of God we pulled through and landed peacefully. I told my God that if am planning something bad for Mr. David Lee Roth, let me die inside this plane, but if my mind and my hands are clean and I meant well for Mr. David this plane should land peacefully, in the next few seconds after much problem the plane became stable.

I was in the airport in Port Harcourt at exactly 4.30am Friday morning, waiting to receive my friend, I wrote your name very bold so you can see it very clear. Whenever any passenger comes out after clearing with the immigration and customs I will lift the paper up to see if you are the one and I will also look at your hair, size, and your dark glasses. I could not find Diamond Dave, I never believed it, I now decided to wait till the last passenger came out from the airport and I had to go into the immigration office in the airport to ask if you they are keeping anybody with them that came with air France, they said no, I went to the drug law, they also told me no body, I became confused and I went back to the hotel to sleep. After sleeping I picked up my bag and departed by road to Lagos and I arrived late, but it was a very sweet drive as I was so much at home. What I said to myself was that why is Dave treating me this way? What have I done wrong? I took him as a friend and brother, I have never thought badly about him? What we are about doing is something that will benefit us at the end of the day and we both will become rich at the end of the day. I know his thinking good of me also, that was why he could tell me how much he has in his account. I promise you one thing I can never disappoint you, as I have putting all my trust in you. Dave, I will want you to even tell me that you putting your life in my hands, then I will want you to watch me if I will disappoint you.

I want you to know that if the authorities tell you such, it is very possible, but I want you to know that some of these foreigners are agent to the government of Nigeria and they are paid for the job. If you go further you might even see the once done by the government of Nigeria telling foreigners to stop cooperating with us. All those information’s are staged managed to scare people like you away, as some of those advisement are paid for by the government. They are very surprise how it happens and some of them thought us the business, this was how they made their fortune and if it continues we the younger once will become a threat to them in the nearest future. I have stories to tell you about our past leaders and how they move money overseas when you arrive, it is not something new. Dave I want you to tell you a little proverb that a pregnant woman cannot hide away her pregnancy from the public as her stomach will big the every body will see that she is pregnant. In effect what I am trying to tell you is that they cannot stop this business till this generations of Nigerian dies off, quote me anywhere. Let me thank you once more for believing in me and the truth I am telling you. It will be of no profit to me tell you lairs, what will be my gain? Your money or what, when I know a very simple relationship with you will be better for me, as nobody knows tomorrow. (TOMORROW IS TOO BIG, AS YOU MIGHT BE OF GREAT ASSIASTANCE TO ME) why must I fool you? I own you the truth always as it relates with this business, it is a promise on my honor as MR. ABBAS BUNDU. Feel free I am with you wherever you are and I will not disappoint you.

I will be waiting to see you tomorrow afternoon. Why are you not going to be excited? Please make merry with whatever girl you may wish. I still stand by my promise that I will give girls in the morning, afternoon and evening. It has been arrange by me, in short it is stamped and sealed by me. They are all waiting to see you very soon.

Do not spoil you day or your trip, your good friend Mr. Abbas Bundu, will give you a wonderful reception, while in Nigeria.

Finally, if the immigration or drug law officers question you about your trip to Nigeria, tell them you are coming for a church conference, do not come with any of the document just incase they decide to search your bag, as it will not be good if they find such documents with you, please if you have them destroy them, before departing. Please be careful while talking to them and also compose your self. It is not a must that you have to compose yourself, but it will help us a great lot. I will want you have some little denomination of us dollars for tips in the airport if you asked, by the officers to give them tip, you give $10 or $20 us dollars, if need be. I will not want you to come without the money for the signing fee as they will not allow sign for the final release of the money and it has to be cash payment. I will want you to have these things in you mind, though I know you very much aware it only to refresh your memory.

I am waiting to see you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     (CAN YOU GIVE ME THE TELEPHONE NUMBER OF YOU HOTEL? SO I CAN CALL YOU AS I CANNOT GET TO YOU MOBILE PHONE)

I wish you a safe flight to Nigeria. ( please confirm you are still departing tomorrow)

Yours friend
Mr. Abbas Bundu.

A note from David Lee Roth To Faithful Scam Joke Page Readers:

Whew! The shit's gettin' deep, ain't it?! Anyway, at this point, David Lee Roth should have arrived in Nigeria for the second time. Yet again, that didn't happen...

HELLO MUGU,

I CAN SAY YOU ARE A CHEAT!!

YOU WENT AND SEND FAKE FLIGHT INFORMATION'S TO ME, WELL I DID NOT BOTHER TO GO TO THE AIRPORT, BECAUSE I SUSPECTED ALL YOUR TRICKS. YOU ARE NOT A SINCERE MAN, THAT IS WHY YOU HAVE NOT GOTTEN MARRIED, PLEASE GO AND HELP YOURSELF. YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU SAID YOU ARE AND I DO BELIEVE ALL YOU HAVE BEEN SAYING HAS BEEN LAIRS, YOU NEVER WENT TO FRANCE NO BODY STOPPED YOU AT THE AIRPORT, ALL THOSE THINGS ARE ALL STORY TALES. I HAVE NEVER HAD ANY TRUST ON YOU, LET ME TELL YOU THIS, WHEN YOU SAY HOW YOU SLEEP WITH WOMEN, I NOW KNOW YOU A VERY IRRESPONSIBLE MAN AND DOES NOT HAVE SHAME OR RESPECT FOR HIMSELF.

PLEASE GO THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE STYLE AND GET CLOSER TO YOUR GOD.

BYE

Abbas,

Before you talk too much shit, let me set you straight. The authorities cornered me when I tried to board my flight to Lagos. They told me all about you and showed me proof. Look at this website:

http://www.geocities.com/jaccountinfo/mostwanted.html

If you ever come to the united states, you will be arrested! You might even be caught soon in Nigeria! You are the cheat! I am glad that I saw this information! It may have saved my life!

David

DEAR FOOL,

IT SOUND SO STUPID OF YOU AND YOUR THINKING, I CAN NOW CONFIRM YOU ARE A GAY, THIS HOW THEY ACT. WELL IT IS VERY UNFORTUNATE THAT THE PICTURE YOU AFIX IN THE SITE IS NOT MY PICTURE, IT IS A VERY SIMPLE COLOUR SEPARTION, WHEREBY THEY ADD TWO PICTURE TO FORM AS ONE. I NEVER WENT TO THE AIRPORT IN PORT HARCOURT AND ALSO THE PICTURE IS NOT MINE, WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR STUPID TIME. I NEVER BOTHERED TO REPLY YOU TO THAT EFFECT, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE STUPID AND FOOLISH AND SENSELESS.

I HAVE YOU FULL DETAILS I HAVE SENT PEOPLE TO YOUR ADDRESS AND THEY TOLD ME THAT THE PICTURE AM HAVING IS ACTUALLY YOUR PICTURE AND I HAVE GIVEN IT TO A VOODOO PRIEST IN UNITED STATES AND YOU WILL SEE I AM ONLY GIVING YOU ONE MONTH YOU WILL SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. I DO NOT NEED TO TALK SO MUCH AS I HAVE THE NUMBER OF YOUR CAR AND OTHER SECRET INFORMATIONS ABOUTS. I WILL BE VISITING THE UNITED STATES NEXT TWO WEEKS, FIRST OF ALL I PROVE TO YOU THAT I CAN ENTER YOUR COUNTRY AND SECONDLY I PROMISE YOU THAT YOU WILL KNEEL BEFORE ME BEGGING, AS OF MY COUNTRY WE KNOW OUR COUNTRY BETTER YOU CANNOT TEACH ME ANY THING ABOUT MY COUNTRY.

I DO NOT NEED TO TALK SO MUCH.

BYE

To: Abbas Bundu
CC: Nigerian National Petroleum Corp

Dear "Abbas"-

Let's be honest. Your real name isn't Abbas Bundu. That picture you sent me is really you. You really went to the airport twice and stood there like a fool holding the sign that says "David Lee Roth."

Speaking of David Lee Roth, that is not my real name. All the bank information, address, company name, everything, is all made up. The picture that I sent you of "me" and "Jeff", that was the real David Lee Roth, a singer for a rock and roll band, and Sammy Haggar, another singer. Don't believe me? Go to any search engine (that's www.yahoo.com dumbass) and type in "David Lee Roth" or "Diamond Dave" and see what comes up. See for yourself, you don't have to believe me.

Oh yeah, this email is also going to your scam artist butt-buddy who claims to work for the NNPC. Whoever you are, I have something to tell you too:

You need a new partner! This assclown that goes by the name "Abbas Bundu" is a fucking moron. You'll actually make money working with someone else. Abbas had you doing all that work for nothing. If I were you, I would kick his ass!

I hope you guys enjoy the site. If you missed it, the address again is:
http://www.geocities.com/jaccountinfo

Bye Bye!

PS: What does "Mugu" mean?? Its not an insult to me unless I know what it means!

A note from David Lee Roth To Faithful Scam Joke Page Readers:

As an addendum to this scam, I finally found out what "Mugu" means.

Mugu = big fool

To: David Lee Roth

DAVID MUGU,

I KNOW YOU ARE THE PERSON, YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL LAIRS, AS I HAVE YOUR COMPLETE DATA YOU NEVER KNEW YOU WERE DEALING WITH A MAFIA GROUP IN NIGERIA WITH A VERY SERIOUS NETWORK IN UNITED STATES. YOU ARE IN FOR A VERY PROBLEM THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, AS WE PRESENTLY WORKING ON YOU IN THE UNITED STATES, YOU HAVE NO HIDING PLACE, AS WE MUST FISH YOU OUT EVEN IF YOU HIDE. WE HAVE OUR VOODOO MAN ALSO WORKING ON YOUR PICTURE, I PROMISE YOU ONE THING I WILL SURLY GET TO YOU AT THE LONG RUN AND YOU WILL SEE THE TRUE MR ABBAS BUNDU, WHEN THE TIME IS RIPE.

IF I TELL WHAT I AHVE DONE IN THE US IN THE PAST YEARS, YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO RELATE WITH ME IN LIFE, I SCHOOLED IN THE UNITED STATES AND I ONLY LEFT THE UNITED STAES, TWO YEAR AGO AND ALSO HAVE A WIFE IN THE STAES, PRESENTLY IN THE UNITED STAES.

DAVID WHY DID YOU START A JOUNERY YOU CANNOT FINISH? I AM VERY SORRY FOR YOU. I HAVE MY GROUP VERY CLOSE TO AND I WILL GIVE A DATE IN THE FEW DAYS, WHEN THEY WILL VISIT YOU, WHEREEVER YOU MAY BE. WE HAVE DELIGATED SOME BODY TO MONITOR YOU MOVEMENT AND IF YOU WANT I WILL TELL THE DRESS YOU ARE PUTTING ON TODAY, IT WILL ONLY TAKE ME 10 MINUTES CALL I WILL BE INFORMED.

KINDLY ASK ANY NIGERIAN YOU MAY KNOW, WHAT IS PYRATES CONFRANTERNITY? HE WILL TELL YOU BETTER AND ALSO ASK HIM WHAT IS MUGU? HE WILL TELL.

I WISH YOU NEVER GOT INVOLVED, I AM A CAPON OF THE FRATERNITY ASK HIM WHAT IS A CAPON. IF YOU KNOW MY SECURITY NETWORK YOU WILL KNOW IF YOU SAY YOU ARE COMING I WILL NOT EVEN GO TO THE AIRPORT T WAIT FRO YOU AS MY BODY GUARDS, WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT. I AM TOO BIG COME TO THE AIRPORT TO WAIT FOR YOU AND I CAN NEVER SEND MY PICTURE TO YOU, AS I SWEAR I HAVE NEVER TAKEN PHOTOGRAPHY THE PAST 11YEARS, ALL FOR SECURITY REASONS. I ONLY SENT MY BOYS TO A PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO TO BUY A PICTURE FOR ME SO I CAN SEND IT TO YOU. YOU ARE NOT A SMART MAN, IF YOU ARE YOU SHOULD ASK ME WHY MUST I GO TO TAKE A NEW PICTURE, DON'T I HAVE ANY PICTURE TO SND TO YOU, THESE VERY EASY QUESTIONS, BECAUSE YOU ARE A GAY, ASS KISSING BASTARD, AND A FOOLISH AND STUPID MAN, YOU FORGOT TO ASK.

LET US SEE WHO WILL BEG WHO? YOU ARE IN FOR A HELL AND I PROMISE YOU THAT I WILL LET IT LOSS. YOU ARE A VERY BIG PIG THIS IS MY LAST MAIL.

BYE

To: Abbas Bundu
CC: Nigerian National Petroleum Corp

Dear "Abbas"-

You told me to ask a Nigerian what Mugu means. Ok I will. You are a Nigerian. What does Mugu mean??

I see that my last email to you made you mad. I certainly didn't want that to happen. I mean after all, you were trying to steal my hard-earned money by lying to me, sending me fake documents, and trying to get me to come to Nigeria where you and your ass-buddies would try to touch my balls. Why would I want to EMBARRASS you and make you look like a FOOL? We're best friends, remember??

Again, whoever else is reading this that claims to be from the NNPC, I have some words for you:

This guy pretending to be Abbas is an obvious liar. He is a fool. He has wasted your time. If I were you, I would ditch him and get a better partner. You can even find one at my website. www.geocities.com/jaccountinfo
Abbas is useless. I would be very mad at him!! He didn't make you go to the airport with him, did he?

Bye Bye!

Your Voodoo Child,
Diamond Dave

To: Abbas Bundu
CC: Nigerian National Petroleum Corp

Abbas Mugu,

Good news!!!  I found out what a Capon is! I must admit, I was surprised that you were so eager to say that you were a Capon. Here is the definition:

Capon- A male chicken castrated when young to improve the quality of its flesh for food.

Look it up for yourself in any dictionary!

http://www.dictionary.com/search?q=capon

So, Abbas- you are a dickless chicken!! I KNEW IT!

Your best friend,
David