img src="hc.gif" alt="Halfbakery: It's not just a good idea, it's also some bad ones."
h a l f b a k e r y
We got your practicality ... right here. |
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With the blessings of Almighty God, at last I have created invisibility experimentally.
Oh my God! I have seen things dissapearing to human eye. This is most exciting moment not only in my life, but in history of mankind. I am vibrating (though you can't see it).
At present, I am enjoying biggest moment in my life. I will present details of prototype within 48 hours with which any person can create Invisibility anywhere in our universe. And see the miracle, creation of Almighty God by reaching naked ladies' bedrooms through this technology.
God is "Absolutely" splendid!
[link]
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Experimental Prototype of Invisibility Technology: |
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Basic principle of design of invisibility cloak in this prototype is that there must be vacuum, space, hollow, nothing at head of experimenter after we detach it from reality. Most important thing is that every thread on cloak must have almost same psygrammic portitude (PP) so that if it travles in flangic direction, the direction must be along STRAIGHT LINE. Because, as you know, if the entire skeleton of magic cat in our home is broken while rotating, it will not travel in space along staright line because different particle on cat do have different linear velocity. This skeleton of magic cat will travel in rather unpredictable way in space. |
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Consider uniform cloak of magic cat fur. I am giving cat fur for example only. Actually we can use any magic mammal made of any material. There can be minimum three balls in this magic cat touching each other (This structure of cloak resembles structure of elementary particle of our universe according to Authors Theory of LSD). Thin magic cat tail is passing through centre points of cloak. Author is proposing design of cloak containing magic cat fur because PP of every ball on this cat will be uniform and if every ball is set free, it will travel in flangific direction along straight line in space. |
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Now take a hard glass bottle with wide opening, and consume entire contents of single malt. That means if diameter of bottle is 15 cm, you will be drunk enough to believe this. The opening should be around 15 cm. Take small electric motor which we normally use in electric shaver, or in stuff something like that which runs on 3 volts DC supply. Now shave magic pussy. Tie this electric motor on heavy metal plate with those sticky tapes which we use for packing boxes so that when we start it, motor does not vibrate. Although I often vibrate, especially when invisible. |
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Now place this motor in bottle. Fill this bottle with just water vapour so that there is no molecules of gas ecxept H2O molecules, and a few molecules of vanilla ice cream, and two molecules of magic cat DNA. Allow science to take a much needed holiday, and you will go invisible. |
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Two years ago, I approached local reporters stating that I have discovered "Origin of Invisible". And this news was published in three local daily newspapers. Later on one local scientist refused to comment on my theory which was at very initial stage. Hence I was in confrontation with local media and I had to face humiliation. I am NOT going to approach them with this discovery. So I come to you half-bakeries, because you are of the smartest and you accept me with fishbone. |
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I like your original stuff more than this derivative stuff, [gt]. At the very least you could find something better to rip off. |
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Damn, this is good Scotch - I can't see a thing |
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who turned out the light - or has London Electricity cut me off AGAIN. |
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There's nothing better you could have ripped off, gt. This amuses almost as much as that irritated. |
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That's Meths [thumbwax]. Allow me to point you in the direction of an exceptional Scottish malt - a 28 year old Bruichladdich. But you'll have to get your own bottle,'fraid I'm keeping mine. Slàinte mhòr agad. |
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Great health to you... as well
Nice to see the distillery with attitude is back with a vengeance |
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Pah. I don't think you're invisible at all. I think you just can't see anything because the magic cat scratched your eyes out when you tried to shave it. |
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Fishbone for reminding me of abhi, whom I'm trying to forget ever existed. |
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Pick up magic cat and be cradling it in the bent elbow of arm not most used by Author.
Positioning right forefinger and thumb on either
side of cat's mouth and gently applying pressure to cheeks while holding razor in most used hand.
Traversing short tangential arcs with moderate kinetic energy (KE) level, ensure razor is drawn swiftly across skin of cat.
Ensure cat to be completely shaven. KE will transfer to 100% cat at this point.
Razor may be imparted with significant levels of KE from cat, immediately. If this is happening in this instance, the retrieve razor from floor and cat from under chair.
Repositioning cat in bent elbow of arm not most used and repeat process.
Retrieve cat from bedroom and apply small bandages to author, where necessary.
Take a new razor from handy pack, purchased earlier from shaving emporium. Cradle cat in bent elbow of arm not most used, holding rear paws tightly with hand not most used.
Quickly, with razor grasped firmly in other hand, apply rapidly to unshaven skin of cat and with increased KE, cat should be shaven more closely than previously.
PE of cat should increase considerably as struggling will indicate
Retrieve razor from on top of ceiling fan, being sure fan does not impart KE to author at time of retrieval. Retrieve cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between the knees. Holding front and rear paws, ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse cat firmly with one hand while applying fresh razor to unshaven skin of cat.
Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another razor from handy pack.
Make a note to buy more small bandages from medical emporium and have seamstress repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set aside for gluing later.
Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with area to be shaved just visible from beneath spouse's armpit. Apply razor vigorously to visible portions of cat.
Apply many small bandages to spouse and self and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
Retrieve cat from neighbour's car parking facility. Get another razor if necessary. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave area to be shaved showing. Working quickly, shave remainder of cat, applying maximum KE available to author.
Fetch screwdriver from garage and, applying rotary motion to screws, put door back on hinges.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for last tetanus shot.
Remove any damaged clothing and fetch new clothing from bedroom.
Call the fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last razor from handy pack. Make note to purchase ecoomy sized pack of disposable razors from shaving emporium after facial wounds have healed sufficiently to allow public appearances of author.
Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table.
Find heavy duty pruning gloves from garage.
Gag cat forcibly with industrial strength electrical flex.
Proceed to shave cat with such KE as is necessary.
Get spouse to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes table splinters and fragments from right eye. Stop by furniture emporium on the way home to order
a new table.
Arrange for shipment of magic cat fur of dubious origin, from India, for completion of this experiment. |
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Now we know what bubba was busy doing earlier..gt-is this like those spectacles on the back of comic books that had x-ray vision and could see through clothing, or just the reverse? I am so confused. |
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I've been laughing so hard for three minutes that all my employees have been staring at my office trying to pretend they aren't staring at my office and one finally one brave soul worked up the courage to come see if I was OK and I was laughing so hard that I said "you can't see me" and then I laughed even harder and fell off my chair and onto the floor and you know that my employees are finally convinced that I have lost my mind...... |
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Abhi-stinance makes the heart grow fonder. |
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silly forrest, they already knew, they just kept silent out of respect.... |
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brew-that's fainter.....and fainter, and then gone completely. |
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I HAVE PROOF! GT IS CORRECT!
What is the proof of this Exciting Miracle??
The first annotation at the top of this page is mine. Go look.
Did you see it? No! ABSOLUTE PROOF! |
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Hmmm... do you believe in mental telepathy? |
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as an employer runfy, you are a disgrace. wasting your time at the halfbakery while the rest of us work ourselves into the ground. you should be spending your time dreaming up better insurance schemes for your workers, improving health and safety, planning social events and looking at nicer working conditions for your staff. Huh! |
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