On the grounds of Shady Acres
where a coach can take the cure
when her nerves have turned to shakers
and can no more strain endure
our Miss Pat strolled in the garden,
for it was her discharge day.
A reporter begged her pardon -
Would some questions be okay?
“But of course” Miss Pat said sweetly.
“I’m all well now, you can see,
and recovered most completely
as my doctors all agree."
“Will you now return to coaching?”
asked the scribe in high suspense.
“With the playoffs now approaching
things might get a little tense.”
And she answered back serenely
“Games won’t faze me in the least.
I can handle stress routinely
which is why I’m now released.”
Next he paused, a little wary,
for he knew this next was key.
“So I guess it won’t be scary
when you face Diana T?”
Then her eyes began to glitter,
and she smiled a frozen smile,
while she watched a furry critter
gather acorns in a pile.
As it scurried up a hick’ry
our Miss Pat said “Pardon me.”
And as dock went after dick’ry
then she promptly climbed the tree.
And she sat there feet a-swinging
while she looked him in the eye
and with hands all clenched and wringing
then she gave him her reply.
“Son, no matter how you swagger,
and no matter what your schtick,
it can’t save you from the dagger
of that awful Ballhog Chick.
“At the Civic Center showdown
she just blew my team away.
Made a 60 footer go down
for a halftime lead of trey.
“Tied it up in regulation.
Nailed us good in overtime.
And to add to our frustration
sparked another Boneyard rhyme.
“So just how will you all play it
in the histories to come?
I’m afraid that you’ll portray it
so I’m left the smallest crumb.
“Oh yes, I’ll be remembered
and they’ll carve it on my plaque
that ‘She saw her teams dismembered
by the leader of the pack.’
“And despite my many titles
then the only thing I’ll get
is a chance to give recitals
on how cold she made me sweat
“and a bit part in the story
when they finally make the flick
of the legend and the glory
of the famous Ballhog Chick.”
~by the incomparable JS
