Flirt

Flirt with Helix

Bleating Hearts

Monster Blind Dates

Dream Puppet Checklist
Helix's Worst Pick-Up Lines

Shocking but True Sex Scandals

Helix's Turn-ons

Redheads

Old Navy Performance Fleece

Fuzzy Sweaters

Big appetites

Full fur rubs

Furniture Porn

Helix's Turn-offs

Pierced horns

Dates that think just because they bought Helix dinner, they are entitled to stroke his mane

Fake fur

Bonfires

Monsters that chew food with their mouths closed

Static cling

Being used in a game of Keep Away

Gremlins

With the release of the recent "Spiderman" movie, there has been a lot of talk about the steamy scene where Mary Jane kisses an upside down Spiderman.

Helix wonders if he would get more action if he took a similar approach!

"Kiss me! I'm dizzy!"

Ask Helix

Question:
"How does one find out what the laws concerning interspecial relationships such as human/puppet monster are in any given state?" (Lissa)

Answer:
Ever since Helix felt the first, loving caress of a female hand in his puppet hole, he has been human-curious. It has been a pet project of Helix's to research the laws on interspecies mating but alas, has found no reference to monsters, puppets, or interspecial relationships anywhere in Minnesota State Law.

Helix recently sent an e-mail to the Minnesota Legislative Refrence Library asking them if they knew of any statutes that applied to this situation. Here's how they responded:

"Dear Helix, I have searched the print index to Minnesota Statutes as well as the electronic version, but have not been able to identify a law which specifically addresses your question. However, I am not an attorney. There may be statutes, federal laws, administrative rules, local ordinances, or case law which would apply in your particular situation. You would need to consult an attorney for definitive legal advice." (Minnesota Legislative Refrence Library)

Helix is now considering his options. Can a monster hand puppet hire an attorney? Should Helix try to introduce his own bill in the Legislature that would support the mating of human and puppet monster. Interspecies mating may SOUND like a controversial issue but Helix is sure that he can sway all his opponents to his side with one gentle nuzzle of his horns.

What do you think?

To Mate or Not to Mate?

Should interspecies mating between humans and monster hand puppets be legalized?

Yes - I want to legally be able to mate with Helix.

Yes - Mating with monster hand puppets isn't for me but it should be an option for my friends and family.

No - Interspecies relationships are unnatural.

I'm not sure. More studies need to be done to determine the consequences.

Current Results

Advice to the Furlorn

Originally, Helix intended to use this column to answer YOUR questions. But, clearly, Helix is the one in need of advice
for improving his love life.

Help Helix! Click the link below and tell him what you think he should do to make himself more attractive!

Give Helix Advice

"I wouldn't want to tame such a cute and horny monster. Would just take you like you are." (From another cute and horny monster)

"I would advise you that in order to get a hot date, maybe you could try growing a mustache and pet a cat in public. The women will come running! (or sweaters, whoever gets there first)" (Kari)

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