This free script provided by
JavaScript Kit
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX>
10. YOU ARE GUARANTEED TO GET AT LEAST A LITTLE SOMETHING IN THE SACK.
9. IF YOU GET TIRED, YOU CAN WAIT 10 MINUTES AND GO AT IT AGAIN.
8. THE UGLIER YOU LOOK, THE EASIER IT IS TO GET SOME.
7. YOU DON'T HAVE TO COMPLIMENT THE PERSON WHO GIVES YOU SOME.
6. IT'S O.K. WHEN THE PERSON YOU'RE WITH FANTASIZES YOU'RE SOMEONE
ELSE....BECAUSE YOU ARE.
5. FORTY YEARS FROM NOW, YOU'LL STILL ENJOY CANDY.
4. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU GET, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR.
3. IT'S DOESN'T MATTER IF THE KIDS HEAR YOU MOANING AND GROANING.
2. LESS GUILT THE MORNING AFTER.
AND THE #1 REASON WHY TRICK AND TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX...
1. YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!!!
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He
doesn't
know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to
a
costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will
cover
your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a
pirate.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden
leg
and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives
another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your
wooden
leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his
wooden
leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another
nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a
note,which reads:
Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over
your
bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
http://www.luvin.com/funone/monster
A professor at the University of Arkansas is giving a lecture on
the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people
here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe
in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this
seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a
ghost?"
3 students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further,
have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One student way in the back raises his hand.
The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a
step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving
this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your
experience."
The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to
make his way up to the podium. As he ambles slowly toward the
podium the professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to
have sex with a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost?!? Shit..... From way back there
I thought you said "goats."
Just in time for Halloween!
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of
tests, the last of which had left his system upset. Upon
making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom he decided the
latest was another and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea
and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed
sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was just walking by the hospital when the sheets
landed on him.
He started yelling, cursing, and
swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a
tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there staring down at
the sheets, a security guard who had watched the whole incident
walked up and asked, "What the hell was that all
about?"
Still staring down at the sheets at his feet, the drunk replied:
"I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!"
Halloween
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got
a terrible
headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being
a devoted
husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take
some
aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time
being spoiled
by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The
wife, after
sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and as it
was still
early, she decided to go the party. In as much as her husband did
not know
what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by
watching her
husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She
joined the party
and soon spotted her husband cavorting around
on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and
copping a
little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled
up to him and
being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high
and dry and
devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let
him go as
far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally,
he whispered
a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went
to one of
the cars and had a good time. Just before unmasking at midnight,
she slipped
away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed,
wondering what
kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was
sitting up
reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He
said, "Oh,
the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're
not
there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied,
I'll tell you, I never
even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown
and some
other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But you're
not going to believe what
happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...
