This
site is not intended for people who can't take a joke. For entertainment
purposes only.
December 2002 Home | Archives | About Us | Disclaimer | Links | Submissions
TOP STORIES
Toronto
Police Deny Criminal Profiling Charges
Toronto–Julian Fantino, Toronto’s chief of police, denied
allegations that his police force was unfairly profiling known criminals.
Neo-Nazi
Group Confused About Who They Hate
Venice, CA—An area Neo-Nazi group,
comprised mainly of single-parent high school drop-outs, became confused
yesterday during a discussion on the list of minority groups who they are
against.
Central
American Children's-Aid Recipients Already Complaining About School
Santa Valencia, Honduras—A report out
of Central America indicates that children receiving charitable donations from
international sponsors, the funds of which go to help pay for an underprivileged
child’s education, already hate school.
Teen
Girl Would be 'Totally Cool' With it if You Were Gay
Orlando, FL–Seventeen-year-old
Stephanie Irwin stated yesterday, in front of a crown of about fifteen high
school students in the cafeteria of Long Street Secondary School, that "If
you told me right now that you were gay, I would be totally cool with
that."
Pseudo-Intellectual
Opinions Affirmed With Vague References
Springfield, MA–Steve Nyman, 31, a
waiter at a local fish and chips shoppe, once again validated his uneducated
opinion with vague, unarguable references Monday, sources reported.
The
Airing of Grievances | The
Feats of Strength
More News
Christina
Aguilera Gets Back to Whore Roots
In an attempt to get back to her roots, pop idol
Christina Aguilera has decided to "be more slutty", which she has done
in her latest music video for the song Dirty. "I just wanna let
everyone know that I haven't forgotten about where I came from," says
Aguilear. "And I'm trying to keep it real with all my whores out there.
Props to y'all."
Area
Dad Could Seriously be on Jeopardy
According to eight-year-old Jeffrey
Hobson, his father, 42-year-old Mark, "could seriously be on
Jeopardy." The declaration came after the older Hobson answered three
consecutive questions while watching ABC's Jeopardy. Mark, a lifelong
truck-driver reportedly responded to his son saying "Yeah, probably, but
it's all politics."
Neil
Young Fan Kills Four in Ohio
Cleveland resident and longtime Neil
Young fan Robbie Charles murdered four people standing outside a local
convenience store. As police handcuffed him, 46-year-old Charles reportedly
stated that he "did it so that Neil [Young] might play at my arraignment,
or maybe even write a song about me."
Tenth-Grader
Blames Low Test Score on Everything Except Not Understanding Material
Blaming his low math test mark on a
fever, staying up too late the night before, and not having a good eraser,
tenth-grade student Jake Lowell refused to accept any responsibility whatsoever
for his poor grade. "I'll tell you what it was," says Lowell, "It
was because I got into an argument with my mom that morning, and I felt
bad."
Local
Black Guy Quite Content With Life
Local resident Richard Jackson, Black,
stated yesterday that his life is quite enjoyable, contrary to popular belief.
"Everything is going well," said Jackson. "I have job, my family
is great, and I do a lot of fun stuff." When asked whether or not he feels
he is the victim of discrimination, Jackson responded "You mean all those
times I've been given free stuff just for being black? Yes."
