Breton Culture Test
How to Be a Breton
What follows is an adaptation of
Mark
Rosenfelder's culture tests. It tries
to encapsulate the modern Breton culture. Breton society having
undergone massive changes (especially in the way it defines itself)
during the last thirty years, many of these may not be accepted by
some Bretons, notably old folks and die-hard leftists. Most of them
will definitely be considered as "cultural" and quite sutbornly
defended as such.
If you are
Breton
- You are familiar with
Alan Stivell, Ar re
Yaouank, Tri Yann, Denez Prigent, Gilles Servat, Dan ar
Braz.
- You know how soccer is
played, of course you call it football, like all normal peoples.
If you are male you can argue intricate points about its rules.
You have heard about american football but generally don't
understand it. You are also interested in bike racing.
- You consider normal to
get five weeks of vacation a year and you shall soon work 35 hours
a week.
- You are catholic. If you
are young or city dweller, you are, however, likely not to care
very much about it. Aside from Mormons and Jeovah's Witnesses,
nobody ever asked you if you believe in God (and you consider them
as somewhat "weird")
- You think of McDonald's, Burger King,
KFC etc. as cheap food.
- You own a telephone and a TV. Your place
is heated in the winter and has its own bathroom. You do your
laundry in a machine. You don't kill your own food. You don't have
a dirt floor. You eat at a table, sitting on chairs.
Ma'z oc'h
breizhat
- You don't consider insects, dogs, cats,
monkeys, or guinea pigs to be food. Rabbits definitly
are.
- Butter is salt.
- You drink wine, but also cider and
chouchen (mead)
- A bathroom definitely does not have a
toilet in it. Toilets are to be found in Toilettes or
W.C.
(Water Closet).
- A number of utilities used to be state
owned. They have been recently privatized. Unless you work in a
former state company, you are not hostile to this, since it means
lower prices.
- Aside from private and state companies,
there is a number of "mutuelles" (banks, insurance companies)
owned by their clients and "coopératives agricoles" (food
industry) owned by the farmers which supply them. They are often
very large, and the main bank of the country (The Crédit
Mutuel de Bretagne) is a "mutuelle"
- You expect, as a matter of course, that
the phones will work. Getting a new phone is routine.
- The train system is good, even if train
drivers often strike for futile reasons. A small part of the
railway network is privately run : a small inland line that the
S.N.C.F (public railway company) finds unprofitable.
- You need to be 18 to get a drivers
license. You have to take paid lessons and cannot practice on your
own. This makes getting a drivers license very
expensive.
Breton
politics
- You find a multi-party system natural,
and can hardly imagine another fair way to run a country. You have
four major parties and a number of smaller ones. You don't expect
politicians to be particularly efficient, but it is clear they are
not in politics to become rich. They will tend to set aside party
issues when the country's good is at stake (what usually makes
parisian parties quite upset)
- A nationalist is a guy who wants to get
ride of the frenchmen (well the french state in fact). They have
generally nothing against arabs and are often left wingers. A
sizeable part of you agree with the most moderate ones, but you
don't vote for them
- A republican is a guy who is against
Europe and against local autonomies and cultures. You are
definitely not one of them
- One fourth of you (one third if you are
under 35) think that Britanny should set up its own independent
state inside the EU (or even oustide)
- Mac Dos are made to have a lunch in, not
to be bombed
- Socialism is a serious opinion, even if
it it tends towards social-democracy. Communism is an old dream
which turned wrong. There is a number of towns (and villages)
ruled by communists, but that's more a matter of person than of
ideas. Anyway, the communist party is no longer truely communist.
If you are really communist you are more likely to vote for Lutte
Ouvrière ( a revolutionnary troskist party)
- Race is not an issue. If a guy does
integrate well in local society, it does not matter where it comes
from. You are proud of having the only black mayor of France (in a
small village)
- Racism is a criminal offense
- You think most problems could be solved
if only people would put aside their prejudices and work
together.
- You think that the EU is a good thing
(Bruxelle is farther away than Paris)
- You take a strong court system for
granted, even if you don't use it. You know that if you went into
business and had problems with a customer, partner, or supplier,
you could take them to court.
Komzit Brezhoneg
?
- You have learned English at school, but
generally don't speak it very well. You usually speak French, but
may also use Breton at home, especially in rural areas and if you
are midle-aged. You may also speak it if you are urban middle
class, in which case you also read books and journals in it, watch
breton language TV are are far more likely to pass it down to your
children.
- You definitely think that the Breton
language should not be allowed to die out. If you are young enough
you may have learned it from books or even, if you are lucky at
school.
- Schools are public, religious or
associative. If associative, it is a Breton language school
(roughly 5% of the pupils but growing fast).
- You think that you deserve a Breton
language TV. It is just a shame that the French state denied it to
you so long a time, thus obliging you to set up one on your
own
- You are a Celt. You don't exactly know
what a Celt is but it has something to do with playing bagpipe.
Welshmen, Irishmen, Cornishmen, Scotts, Asturians and Galicians
are Celts, Frenchmen are not.
- A bagpipe is called a biniou. It is a
dancing instrument.
- If you are young, or even not so young,
you may go to "fest noz", night parties where you indulge in group
dancing while hearing to bagpipe music. This kind of party,
created some thirty years ago, is quite popular (especially among
young peoples)
- You are proud of your music festivals,
especially the FIL (and you know what it is), and of the fact they
draw hundreds of thousands of peoples without getting any aid from
Paris.
- If you are born after 1970, you may bear
a specific breton first name. That's considered quite normal and
not particularly nationalistic. Only a fool (or a bad commercial
producer) would name his child Loïc.
- You put a BZH insign on your car to show
everybody where you are from
- An income tax rate of 50% is high, but
you think that people who earn a lot of money should pay high
taxes.
- School is free through high school (at
least for state and associative schools). University isn't,
despite claims of the contrary. You expect the state to help you
pay for university, if your parents can't.
- University is (normally, and excluding
graduate study) four years long.
- Mustard comes in glasses that can be
reused as drinking glasses. Shaving cream comes in cans. Milk
comes in cardboard boxes or (rarely) bottles.
- The date comes first: 5/5/45.
- The decimal point is a comma. Certainly
not a dot.
- A billion is a million times a million.
A thousand times a million is a milliard.
Degemer vat e
Breizh
- World War II was a really nasty period.
The nazi occupied the country and behaved very badly. If you are
old enough, you may be asked whether you were wrong or right at
this time (wrong being nazi collaborator). If you were wrong,
you'd better run fast. You are proud of the fact that the whole
population of a small breton island took their boats to London in
1940 while most Frenchmen were cheering Petain
- Your country has a long history and was
several times invaded by foreign conquerors. 38% of the youth
seems to think it is still the case.
- You expect marriages to be made for
love, not arranged by third parties. You marry at city hall, with
a nice ceremony and speech from the civil servant who marries you.
After that, you may also have a church wedding, but this has no
legal status. A man gets only one wife at a time, and vice versa.
Homosexual weddings are still forbidden, but homosexual couples
can enter a contract that gives them all the legal duties and
rights of a wedded couple, except for the right of adoption.
Often, you have already lived together for a longer time before
marriage, but you usually wed before you have kids.
- If a man has sex with another man, he is
an homosexual, but that's all right for him.
- You use the informal tu only with persons
you know well or with fellow students. If speaking Breton, you
will most often use the formal c'hwi, especially with
women, but if you are young, in which case to conform to french
habits
- If you are a man, you give you whole
salary to your wife the day you get it. If she is kind, she'll
give you a bit back to buy cigarettes. If you are an old rural
farmer, it is possible you don't know how to sign a check (that's
your wife's business)
- A woman is a superior being, you should
better to obey. The best known traditional breton heroine had the
dubious habit to have a lover a night before throwing him down the
cliff at morning. Her name could be translated as "the good
sorceress"
Breton Way of
life
- If you're a woman, going topless at the
beach is not uncommon
- A pricy hotel room has a private bath, a
cheap one has a bathroom in the corridor.
- All foreign movies are dubbed, excepted
in some "cultural" programms, where they can be subtitled. Breton
language programms are subtitled
- You seriously expect to deal with the
administration without having to give a bribe.
- If a politician has been cheating on his
wife, that's his own business
- Credit cards are accepted in many shops.
You generally have one, but still prefer to use checks
- A company can't fire everybody it wants
to, albeit the restriction are less than they used to
be.
- You don't eat very much bacon, and if
you do, it's as part of an omelet.
- Labor Day is the first of May and it is
an holyday
Erika sweet
Erika
- You count on excellent medical
treatment. You know you're not going to die of cholera or other
Third World diseases. You expect very strong measures to be taken
to save very ill babies or people in their eighties. You think
dying at 65 would be a tragedy. You take it for granted that
health care insurance is universal, and even grant illegal
immigrants the right to basic medical assistance.
- You went over French and European
history at school, but not over American or Chinese one
- You expect the military to make war, not
get involved in politics. Having successfully led a military
operation is not an advantage in a political career, at the
contrary : a high ranking officer is always suspected by a
sizeable part of the population to be some kind of nationalist
rightist, not very scrupulous about human right, not the kind of
guy you would put at the head of a state. You used to have
conscription, but now it's an all-volunteer force. You have never
heard of the names of the heads of the services.
- You're used to a wide variety of choices
for almost anything you buy.
- You use the metric system.
- You may be a farmer, or even a
fisher.
- Erika is not a girl but an oil tanker,
and you have a lot of bad feelings about it.
- You are generally environementally
sensitive and think you should be allowed oil free beaches. You
think that the French government was very bad at handling the last
tanker wreckage.
What? They give Joost
Swarte to kids?
- Comics typically appear as hardbound
books (albums). Comics sometimes but not always appear first in
specialized comics magazines. All newspapers and most magazines
carry at least one comic, too. Comics are mainly Belgian and
French in origin, a few of them may be Breton too (the best known
being L'Ankou). You consider comics to be somewhat inferior to
"real" litterature, but not that much
- The peoples who appear on the most
popular talk shows are mostly entertainers and politicians.
Authors are seen on TV too, to promote their books.
- You drive on the right side of the road.
You stop at red lights even if nobody's around. If you're a
pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will
fearlessly cross the street in front of them.
- You consider the Volkswagen Beetle to be
a small to medium sized car.
- The police are armed, but not with
submachine guns.
- If a woman is plumper than the average,
it doesn't improve her looks.
- The biggest meal of the day is in the
evening.
- The nationality people most often make
jokes about is the Belgians.
- There's parts of the city you where you
walk carefully at night.
- You feel that the government is a bit
out of touch with the citizens, sometimes.
- You wouldn't expect both inflation and
unemployment to be very high (say, over 15%) at the same time.
This may however happen.
- You don't care very much what family
someone comes from, unless if this "someone" wants to marry you
daughter.
- The normal thing, when a couple dies, is
for their estate to be divided equally between their
children.
- You think of opera and ballet as
somewhat elite entertainments. It's likely you don't see that many
plays, either.
Nedeleg
Laouen
- Christmas is in the winter. Unless
you're Muslim or Jewish, you spend it with your family, and put up
a tree. Presents are given at December 25th.
- The Catholic Church used to be very
powerfull, but it is all gone now. The Church has been separated
from the State in 1905 and at this time this provoked lot of bad
feelings. Now you thing it is a good thing even if you go on
putting your childs in christian schools.
- You know the capitals of Europe, but you
know the leaders only for the larger countries. The only US state
you can pinpoint is probably California.
- You are familiar with Lucky Luke,
Asterix, Gaston Lagaffe and Tintin, but you aren't familiar with
Spiderman, Sailor Moon, Mafalda, Ralph König or Judge Dredd,
although all these comics have been translated into
French.
- You've left a message at the
beep.
- Taxis are generally operated by locals,
who tend to drive a bit too fast.
- Unemployment benefits are your right,
you've paid for them after all, and of course people who don't
have any money should get welfare-- should they starve or what?
But you also think that there are a lot of people cheating the
system.
- If you want to be a doctor, you need to
get a doctorat first.
- There aren't that many lawyers, and you
will need them only if you go to court, not for a business
deal.
The trouble
with the neighbors
- You consider yourself as a French
citizen, but not that much. Frenchmen would be nice peoples didn't
they feel obliged to impose their way of life to everybody in
sight.
- You may have some bad feelings about
Germans among elerly peoples, but it is dwindling away. After all,
they have changed now.
- Corsicans
- The USA provides most of your
entertainment, as well as technical innovation. They are sometimes
annoying trying to impose their ways to everybody in sight, but
they have nice pipebands
- Japan is a faraway country that produces
cars, video recorders and bad cartoons. Unless you are a manga
fan, you think of japanese movies as children stuff.
- The Englishmen are an old-fashioned
people whose cows have had serious mental problems. Welshmen,
Scotts and Cornishmen are not English but fellow Celts, even if
their pipebands are not as great as yours.
Oceanic
climate
- If you are a rural, you probably have an
hunting rifle. If you live in town, you probably never thought
about buying a weapon. You thing thar firearm should be strictly
controled by the state.
- You think it normal that any woman who
wants to can get an abortion, and that sex education and
contraceptives are freely available. It's nothing out of the
ordinary to see naked breasts on TV and in
advertisements.
- You have never heard of
Creationism.
- You think development aid is a Good
Thing. Sending money for arms isn't. You think human rights should
be most important in foreign aid decisions.
- Journalists may write about everything
but usually avoid the private life of public people. They only
talk about private life (I'm not talking about the gutter press
here) when people choose to make their private life
public.
- Changing your name is very difficult. It
takes a lot of paperwork, you need to convince the authorities
that you have a good reason to change your name.
- If male, you are uncircumcised, unless
you are Muslim or Jewish.
- You were born in a hospital or at home
(these are about equally likely) and were delivered by a midwife,
general practitioner or gynecologist. Unless she had a cesarean,
your mother did not take anesthesia during the delivery. Your
father was most likely present at your birth.
- It rains only two times a year : one
time six months and one time five months.
- Winter storms are not
uncommon.