AND THE SKY FULL OF STARS...

We set out for the last known location of the Red Sunset, hoping it'll still be there. On the way I stop and examine the collar again. I haven't got the proper tools but I reckon I can rig it so that it's shielded from the control box signal. I also think I know how to remove it safely, so I fasten it back around my neck.

Naturally, I'm not touching Munchies'. If I remove it he'll go wading in when we get back to the ship and we'll all die horribly. And if I don't remove it properly, I'll be stuck in the middle of a snowstorm with a headless Wookie. Better to leave it where it is and free the whole crew in one go.

The ship is still there; a pleasant surprise. They're still loading the skins up, and the rest of the crew are clearing snow away from the landing gear. Everyone looks amazed as we stagger up to the ship, except Rosser, who just stares. Sortik takes us for a little chat with Gecki.

Gecki wants to know just what the hell has happened. He uses the collars to encourage us. This means I have to scream in synch with Munchie, just in case he twigs what's happened. Munchie gives me one of his looks. Sorry dude...

Anyway, eventually Fing takes the ship up, and we make the jump to hyperspace. I discover I can make a cool ping sound from the ECM console. Rosser tells me to shut the fuck up. So I switch it off. Within seconds, the ship judders and we're back in N-Space!

Everyone stares at me. I raise my hands, nothing to do with me guys. Gecki switches on the intercom and screams abuse at Ak-Naa-Kana down in engineering. Then he turns to me, and shouts to get down there and give him a hand.

Me? I'm a bloody computer programmer! I don't know anything about H-Drive tech.

There's a click as three sets of guns are trained on me...

But hey, now seems like a good time to learn.

Down in engineering, Aky is running around spraying fire extinguishers at smouldering pieces of equipment, and swearing like a good 'un. I ask him what the trouble is. The technical explanation is that everything is all fucked up.

Okay, then. We've got a few minutes so I disarm Aky's collar. We survey the wreckage of the H-Drive. A mutual shake of heads. This ship ain't going nowhere. So we have a quiet smoke and think of our next move. Gotta get the rest of the guys off the bridge so I can fix their collars. Then all we need to do is find our weapons, horribly murder the rest of the crew, and then see how many of us can fit into the hypershuttle. What could possibly go wrong?

Fortunately, the decision gets taken out of our hands. There's a bloody great explosion and we get hurled across the room. The intercom crackles into life.

Blivion get the hell up here and get the ECM back online you scum-sucking dog

Sheesh. I suppose a please is out of the question. I peg it back up to the bridge, through the doors, and hurl myself into the swivel chair. Yep, it still looks cool.



ECM back online. The screens show six Phantom fighters closing in. The ships taken a hell of a beating. The ECM is throwing off any further missile attacks, but I don't know how long for. Gecki screams at Munchie and Rosser, and the three of them head off to the gun turrets. Sortik is left to cover us.

Then another brace of shots hits the Sunset. Everyone gets hurled from their seats. The lights flicker on the bridge for a minute, and then every control goes dead. Sortik is lying unconscious on the deck.

Groovy.



Fing picks himself up. No, things are positively ungroovy. If he can't fly the ship, we haven't got more than a few minutes before we spiral into an asteroid field. Assuming of course the pirates don't finish us off. Fing and Condom decide to stay on the bridge and try and get navigation back online. Janso and Sarason will head for the hypershuttle and get it ready. I'll head down to engineering, pick up Aky, and head for the armoury.

Meanwhile, Rosser is shooting the crap out of the incoming pirates. Well give the man a hand. Gecki and Munchie are blasting away to no great effect. Then Munchie's turret takes a glancing hit. The gun goes up in smoke. Munchie makes to run like a bastard but the turret entrance has been fused shut. So he does things the wookie way and batters seven colours of crap out of the door until it gives way.

Back down in engineering. Me & Aky peg it down the corridor and check every last door and locker on the way. Just ships quarters, piles and piles of furs, and little else. Finally, we find a locked compartment. It takes me a good thirty seconds to bust through the security system and we're in.

Yay! It's our stuff. I grab my needlegun and Munchies' Bowcaster. Fuck it, the toolkit's too heavy, it'll have to stay. I glance around at the rest of the stuff. I chuck a laser pistol and rifle to Aky. What else? Well, there's Fing's copy of Sullustian Space Sluts and Condom's Trianii Reader's Digest. Well whaddayaknow? An intellectual!

I load up a new clip and snap the safety catch off the needlgun.

Let's kick some arse!

I turn around and nearly drop the needler. Aky is carrying a very large gun. In fact it's not really a gun at all. It's a piece of field artillery. It's bigger than he is! He shrugs. Just security you know?.

I click on the nearest wall intercom. Guys, we've got our stuff! Get the hell off the bridge and head for the shuttle.

There's a crackle of static. A voice says I heard that.... Rosser's voice.

Oh fuck!

Meanwhile, Munchie has had to smash his way through two sets of interior walls. He's managed to break his arm in two places in the process. He's very very pissed off...

There's an explosion from deep within the ship. The hull finally ruptures. Shit. Pressurise suits and switch to respirators. We run like bastards towards the shuttle bay. We run into Janso and Sarason heading in the opposite direction. I look further down the corridor and see why.

Gecki and Rosser are tanking towards us, armed to the teeth. But what really bothers us is Rosser himself. He's laughing like a bastard. And he isn't wearing an atmospheric suit...

Oh shit! He ain't even human!

Aky opens up with his field artillery. Gecki goes down. I empty the needlegun at Rosser. They bounce off. He grins horribly.

Aky fires at Rosser. It slows him up a bit. He grins horribly...

Run Away!!!!

We head back up towards the bridge. Fing and Condom are running the other way. What we gonna do guys?

Right, Rosser's between us and the hypershuttle. So head for the sublight landing craft. There's a burst of fire from behind us. Rosser again. We run like bastards. Except Condom. He heads back towards the bridge...

We arrive at the landing craft bay. Munchie's beaten us to it. He looks rough as hell and extremely pissed off. Everyone piles in. We're in luck, there's enough residual power to open the bay doors. Fing takes us out. As we leave, we see the hyperspace shuttle leave and blink out of N-space. Adios Rosser then.



As we're leaving the ship we see one of the airlocks blow. Someone in an atmospheric suit shoots out. Could be Condom, could be Sortik. Do we help him out? I say it's too risky. Aky and Sarason agree. Munchie, Janso and Fing say we pick him up. Fing's piloting so we ain't really got a choice. We open our airlock and manouver into position...

There's a hiss as the airlock door opens. Every gun trains on the figure that steps through. It takes it's helmet off. It's the Trianii. Sighs of relief all round. Almost.

OK guys. Let's get these collars off...

Enter the Aardvark

First the bad news. We're stuck on the outer reaches of the Etti-Cygnus system. Nearest planet is Lur, way out of the range of a sublight craft. Even if we could make it, it's about the last planet in the universe I want to see right now. So we're lost in a big way.

Then Janso hits us with the really bad news. Life support indicates there's not enough air in here to support seven lifeforms for more than a few hours...

It takes a moment for this to sink in. Everyone stares at everyone else. A few fingers twitch nervously...

Then reality kicks in. Almost simultaneously we realise that discharging heavy energy weapons in a craft this size is not the greatest idea in the world.

Still, Rester Fing has a plan: there's a single remaining pirate craft on the outer reaches of our scanners. As it's a sublight craft it must be heading for somewhere. So we'll follow it. He tells us to strap ourselves in good and proper, as the course involves heading through the centre of the asteroid field.

Terrific. Our balls are well and truly in the clutches of a being who subscribes to Sullustian Space Sluts. I light a smoke. All sorts of alarms start ringing. Everyone stares at me.

Sorry.

Five minutes later, as the asteroids merrily ping off the sides of the shuttle, I start passing round the cigarettes...

Eventually we clear the field. Sensors indicate a large moon orbiting a planet. The pirate craft is heading straight for it. Getting harder and harder to breath, so we all switch to suit respirators. Problem is, they can't hold much more than an hour's worth of air.

Everyone is looking at me in a funny way. I check the oxygen meter on the suit...I'm going to die in 17 minutes...

Fing tells us the pirate craft is landing at a complex of buildings somewhere on the moon's equator. No worries, he's followed at a safe distance, and they can't possibly have picked us up.

DAKADAKADAKADAKA! Or maybe they have. A series of explosions jolt the inside of the craft. Life support breathes it's last. The N-Drive has gone. Fing says there's enough residual power for an emergency landing. We brace ourselves. Everyone stares at each other, just in case someone breaks down and has a little cry! But everyone takes it like a man...

Fing gets us down. A crash, a few bounces, loads of stuff falls off the shuttle, but, hey, everyone's still got the full complement of limbs. I check the air supply. 10 minutes left. I blow the hatch and peg it outside.







There's a complex of buildings about 500 metres away. Time for plan A. I run like a bastard. I've gone about 10 metres before three gun turrets swivel in my direction. Everyone else piles out of the craft behind me and stops dead. A microsecond later, everyone heads for the nearest big rock.

The guns open up. The rocks don't last long. So everyone runs forward, screaming like bastards. We reach the entrance hatch. It takes a minute or two to crack the lock. Then I'm in, and not a moment too soon, I'm all out of air. I look around. Fuck. Six pirate dudes all aiming right at me...

The guys pile in after me. Pirate dudes all firing. Laser weapon guys open up. Munchie and Condom charge forward. From the corner of my eye I see Aky flicking his shotgun to auto, and aiming...



Oh shit. Heavy projectile weapon in zero-g. Hit the Deck!!!!

Aky fires. Hit by the recoil, his body describes a graceful backwards arc in the air. The shotgun spirals through the room, discharging constantly. Several pirate dudes go down. As indeed does Condom...

Silence. The smoke starts to clear. Everyone stares at Aky. Then we back away a little. Janso runs forward and breaks out the med-kit. Hey, Condom's full of holes, har har!! Eventually we slap him around. Tough luck man. These pirates must be bad dudes eh??

Close the airlock door and re-pressurise. Air at last. We split up to explore the base. This means that Aky, Sarason and Munchie go pirate hunting. The rest of us just try and stay out of trouble...

Exploration is uneventful. Every so often we here Munchie roaring away. This is typically followed by an unidentified voice crying No Please Have Mercy, and then a long silence, only punctuated by the rythymic BOOM BOOM of an autoshotgun repeat firing...



Janso finds a med-lab. He suggests we can bring any injured pirates here after we secure the base. I don't think this is going to be necessary. They've got a reasonable laboratory here. Decent tools, sound enough computer equipment. Also access to the base's main gunnery systems. There's some shit-kicking weaponry just waiting to be trained on anything that should wander into our airspace...hmmm, this could well repay further investigation.

Suddenly we here Condom screaming like a ... like a ... well a big cat type thingy. Me and Janso tank it in the direction of his voice. We skid round a corner and come to a stop...

A landing bay. With a ship. Not a good one, but a ship nonetheless. It's been sprayed in a pukey, fungoid, manky orange colour. Hence the name. The Aardvark. The Saffron Aardvark...

But the Trianii's attention is focused on the entrance hatch. Silhouetted in the hatch, in a cloud of cryogenic steam, lit only by dim interior lights, is a figure. It slowly descends the steps.



Condom opens fire with his laser pistol. Now I know nothing can move faster than a laser bolt. But the bolts scarcely reach this guy before harmlessly refracting away into the bay walls! The figure stands motionless. A lightsabre in his hands...

Jedi Knight! Oh shit, the Boy Scouts are here...

He speaks : My name is Plisken...Geek Plisken

A Jedi Knight. The three of us stand there, awestruck in the presence of such a being. Condom drops his laser pistol to the floor. He moves forward to the foot of the steps. Perhaps the first one of his race to encounter a Jedi in generations...what a moment for him! He raises his hand, and speaks...

Would you like a game of cards?

Back to the SPACEMASTER page