It started innocently enough, with a craving.

"Fish or fowl?" Iolaus offered, a length of twine dangling from the fingers of each hand. A small hook was tied to the end of one length; a small stone to either end of the other.

They were on their way to visit Iphicles, Hercules' brother and King of Corinth, but they still had several days' worth of journey ahead. Hercules had been unusually quiet and sullen all day, complaining of a headache, and Iolaus was looking to cheer him up by taking an extra turn rounding up dinner.

Frankly, the blonde was starving, thanks in no small part to Hercules' odd refusal to stop at the village they had passed through around mid-day. Iolaus was still puzzling that one over. Herc had seemed willing, if not very enthusiastic, until Iolaus had made a passing comment about how many pretty girls there were in the village. Herc had stopped in his tracks, done an about-face, and stomped right out of the pretty little village filled with pretty not-so-little girls without a backwards glance or a word of explanation, leaving his perplexed partner to trail after him, scratching his head.

"Huh?" Hercules now asked from where he sat wearily, his back against a tree trunk, studying his partner thoughtfully.

"Fish or fowl?" Iolaus dutifully repeated, wriggling the dangling bits of twine seductively.

"Deer."

Iolaus grinned mischievously. "I think you're pretty dear, too, Herc, but let’s decide on dinner before I get hungry enough to start nibblin' on the tassels on the front of your shirt."

"You can nibble on my tassels anytime," the son of Zeus muttered wistfully, averting his eyes and thereby missing the startled expression that darted across the blonde's face.

"Pardon?" Iolaus squawked.

"Deer. Venison. Food," Hercules replied dully, heaving a deep, depressed sigh.

Iolaus frowned. "How am I supposed to bag a deer without a bow and arrow or a spear?" he demanded.

"Forget it, then!" Hercules snapped, "Why bother to ask me what I want if we're going to eat what you decide on, anyway?"

Iolaus flinched at the outburst. 'That must be some killer headache,' he thought with sympathy. Herc never got touchy unless he was in a great deal of pain.

The blonde tucked away his twine into the tiny pockets Herc had added to his vest ages ago. "Okay, Herc," he announced cheerfully, "Deer you want, deer you'll get!"

Herc's mood abruptly changed. "You would go to all that trouble just for me?" he asked softly, eyes moist.

"Hey, if your best pal can't pamper you once in a while, who can? You just sit back now and relax. I'll have dinner in a jif!" Iolaus promised, trotting off into the brush.

"I love you!" Hercules exclaimed.

"Love, you, too, Big Guy!" Iolaus waved, vanishing down the deer trail.

Hercules slumped back against the tree. "But I really love you, Iolaus!" he moaned softly.

Hours later, Iolaus sat across the roaring fire and watched in amazement as Hercules finished his dinner. Iolaus himself had eaten a whole haunch of venison.

Hercules had polished off the entire rest of the deer.

'And this is the guy who can survive off of a handful of nuts for a week!' Iolaus reflected, bemused.

The demi-god tossed the last picked-clean bone on top of the impressive pile, smiled contently, and belched.

"That was good," he commented, "Thank you, Iolaus."

"You're welcome, Herc," the blonde grinned, then stood to gather the bones and drop them into the little gully a few yards away. No use in taking the chance of attracting stray bears. Wiping his hands off on his pants, he returned to his seat across the fire.

"You're the best hunter in Greece," Herc announced casually, trailing a stick through the ashes at the fire's outskirts.

"Thanks," Iolaus replied, glowing a little at the compliment.

"Brave, too. And smart. Smart's important. And funny. Great sense of humor," Hercules went on, "You're a real catch. Anybody would be lucky to have you."

The irrepressible blonde giggled. "You forgot 'handsome beyond measure'," he teased.

"No, I didn't," the demi-god said softly.

Iolaus leaned back against the rock and gazed dreamily up at the night sky. "Don't forget, my romantic prowess is known throughout Greece," he giggled softly

"So I've heard," Herc replied huskily, tracing 'H + I' inside the little heart he had drawn in the ashes. He added some 'x's and 'o's for good measure.

"So, what do you want to do now, Herc?" Iolaus asked.

"Go to bed," Hercules purred.

"Nah, it's too early yet. I'm not a bit sleepy, Herc."

"Who's talking about sleeping?" Hercules crooned.

"Then why do you...?" Iolaus trailed off as he caught his partner's expression. Hercules was looking at the blonde with the same intense hunger with which he had watched the venison roast earlier.

Iolaus blinked. "Herc, are you feelin' okay?"

The demi-god smiled slowly. "Oh, I feel fine," he purred, "Why don't you come over here and feel for yourself?"

"Ahhh...." Iolaus managed intelligently, brain whirling.

"Never mind, I'll come to you," Hercules crooned, following action to word.

The blonde hunter scrambled to his feet and edged away. "Herc?" he whispered.

"Gods, you are gorgeous!" Hercules panted, eyes alight as they trailed slowly down the hunter's body. "Let's cuddle," he suggested, reaching out to lightly stroke Iolaus' jawline.

"Snuggle, you mean?" Iolaus asked hopefully, allowing himself to relax a little. This was familiar territory. Herc just wanted a nice snooze after all.

"Snuggle, cuddle, spoon, fork, twine, braid, whatever you want to call it, I want to do it. With you. Right now. Let's go to bed, Sweetcheeks."

"Sweet---?! Herc, you never call me 'Sweetcheeks'!" Iolaus protested, eyes widening in shock.

"Don't know why not," Hercules purred, edging even closer, "They are."

"Um, Herc, I think maybe I'd better...urrk! Hey, leggo!...I mean, I...ahhh...mmm,"

"You smell good, too," the demi-god murmured into his partner's ear.

Iolaus sighed. "You give great neckrubs, Herc," he said dreamily, head rolling back as the demi-god continued kneading his neck and shoulders.

"Come on, Iolaus, " Hercules urged, taking the blonde's hand and leading him to the thick pile of soft moss and leaves he had collected while Iolaus had been stalking dinner.

"Oh, look, you've got the blankets laid out and everything," the hunter murmured dazedly.

"Mmm-mm," Herc agreed, sinking down and tugging his partner's arm gently, "Let's cuddle, please?"

"Sure," Iolaus agreed dreamily, ignoring the tiny warning sounding in his head. He sank to his knees and sighed again as Hercules encircled his waist with both arms, one hand sliding up under the tattered vest while the other...

"Hey!" Iolaus gasped, jerking away violently enough to break the demi-god's embrace. "Whadaya think you're doin', Herc?!" he asked, scrambling back to his feet.

"Admiring your sweet cheeks!" Hercules positively chirped, making a grab for the blonde's ankle.

Iolaus dodged the grab. "That had nothing to do with my smile!" he objected.

"You have a beautiful smile, too!" Hercules assured him, lunging.

Iolaus ducked, a terrible suspicion forming in his mind. "Herc," he gasped, darting away and doing his best to keep the still roaring fire between them, "Did you take anything for your headache?"

Hercules stopped chasing his partner around the campfire as a puzzled expression crossed his face. "I drank some herbal tea that Asclepius recommended. Why?"

"Bingo!" the blonde exclaimed triumphantly.

"Who the hell is Bingo?" Hercules rumbled.

"Friend of mine. Nice guy, but really pre-occupied with romance, if you get my drift. If you think I'm bad..."

"Why bring him up now?" Hercules all but snarled suspiciously.

Iolaus shrugged. "Just always liked his name. Sound kinda like an expression, y'know? Like 'eureka!'. As in, in this case, that's why you're actin' so weird."

"I am not acting 'weird'!" the demi-god huffed.

"Herc, you're chasing me around the fire like a sex-starved satyr! That's weird! Stop it!"

"Stop running!"

The blonde rolled his eyes. "Herc, don't you get it? Those herbs have made you goofy."

"You think I'm goofy?" Hercules asked, sounding hurt.

"That's not what I..."

"And weird. You said 'weird'," the demi-god choked, turning away. He sank down on the bed, lay down on his side, and drew his knees up to his chin.

"Herc, are you crying?!" Iolaus asked, amazed, as he eased closer.

"No!" Hercules sobbed.

"You are! Herc, why are you crying?" Iolaus bent and lightly touched the demi-god's shoulder.

"Don't touch me! Just leave me alone!" Hercules snapped, jerking his head up to glare at his best friend through red-rimmed eyes.

"Jeez, what kind of herbs did you take?!" Iolaus wondered.

"What do you care? I'm just weird, goofy old Hercules!" the demi-god moaned. He rolled onto his stomach, buried his face in his arms, and began to shake with wracking sobs.

"Herc, I didn't mean...You're not weird or goofy. You know I don't think you're weird!"

"Everybody else does!" came the anguished sob from the depths of the blankets.

"No, they don't! You know better! I never thought you were weird, not even once." Iolaus knelt to gently rub the quaking back with one hand. "I'm sorry, Herc. I didn't mean it."

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't," the blonde insisted softly.

A moment of silence, then...

"Really?"

"Really."

"So you still like me?"

"Of course I do," Iolaus swore fervently.

"Oh." Another moment of silence, then Hercules rolled onto his side to face his partner, and wiped his damp face with the back of his hand. He smiled shyly. "Cuddle?" he asked with timid hopefulness.

"Move over," Iolaus suggested wearily, crawling between the blankets.

Hercules promptly wrapped himself right around Iolaus, face snuggled up tight against the blonde's neck. "This is so nice," he sighed.

Iolaus smiled a trifle wanly and patted Herc's arm. "Try to get some sleep now, okay, Big Guy?"

"Okay," Hercules murmured warmly into his ear.

"And let's both hope like hell you sleep this off!" Iolaus prayed silently as Herc began snoring softly.

Iolaus blinked awake slowly and reluctantly. He could feel a warm armful of demi-god still snuggled up tight against him, but there was no accompanying snore.

"Herc?" he said softly.

“Mmm?," Hercules replied, face nestled against the blonde's shoulder.

Iolaus eyed the blue sky overhead. They had overslept. From the sun's position, it was at least three hours past dawn. Normally, by now Hercules would have awoken him with a shower of cold water and promise of slinging the hunter over his shoulder and bodily carrying him if he didn't get up now.

"How're ya feelin', Herc?" he yawned, stretching a little.

"Mmmm, you feel won'nerful when you do that," Hercules observed sleepily.

Iolaus blinked drowsily, fighting the urge to just snuggled down and go back to sleep. Somehow, this wasn't the expected answer to his question. "No, I meant...I meant...your head!" he remembered triumphantly. "Does your head still hurt?"

"No, but I gotta tinkle," Hercules yawned, stirring and reluctantly releasing the blonde. "Can we cuddle some more after I visit the bush?" he asked hopefully, but the hunter shook his head.

"We're supposed to be in Corinth in a couple of days, 'member? We gotta hustle," Iolaus reminded him, sitting up and absently scratching his stomach.

"Damn," Hercules sighed regretfully and trotted off into the bushes. He returned to find the blankets rolled and ready to go, a still-sleepy Iolaus leaning against the tree. The blonde stretched again, yawned, and scratched his chest, offering, "You want me to round up some breakfast?"

"No, thank you," Hercules answered politely, looking a tad green around the gills. He took one of the blankets from Iolaus and slung it over his shoulder. Turning, he led the way down the path.

"You sure?" Iolaus asked, stifling another yawn as he followed.

"I'm sure. We'll stop at Krakos for an early lunch, all right? My stomach's not doing so well right now."

"Sure." 'Hung over,' Iolaus thought, amused.

A few miles later, Hercules hesitantly asked, "Iolaus, did I do anything....um, unusual last night?"

The hunter grinned at the sky. "Oh, a few things, maybe, why?" He peeked at his partner out of the corner of his eye.

Hercules was blushing. "I tried some herbal tea for my headache," he confessed, "And it, well, it..."

"It didn't agree with you. No problem, Herc."

A few moments silence, then, "At least it worked on my headache."

Iolaus giggled, remembering the previous night's ring-around-the-campfire. "Yeah, you were feelin' no pain, huh?"

Hercules closed his eyes and groaned. "Let's just forget that, please? I promise it won't happen again."

That night, Hercules leered over the fire and cooed "Sweetcheeks, what's the matter?"

"Nothin'," Iolaus lied, eyeing the sizable pile of bones that was all that was left of the biggest boar the blonde had ever bagged. Hercules had even eaten the ears and the tail. "Herc, I thought you weren't gonna drink any more of that tea?"

"What does a little tea have to do with anything?" Hercules asked, feinting left. Iolaus didn't buy it - he dashed left just as Herc dashed right, thereby reversing their relative position across the fire.

"Thought your headache was gone?" Iolaus asked.

"It is," Hercules admitted, taking the direct route and leaping right over the blazing fire at the same moment that Iolaus hopped over the fire as well, so that they once again ended up on opposite sides. "I drank some to settle my stomach."

Iolaus eyed the bonepile again. "Gotta admit, it seems to have helped your appetite," he said, recalling how Hercules had listessly picked at the delicious chicken stew they had ordered for lunch at the village tavern.

"Yeah!" Hercules panted, eyes and nostrils dilated. "Iolaus, why do you keep avoiding me?"

"I am not avoiding you, Herc," the blonde protested, dodging around the pile of bones.

"Yes, you are," the demi-god insisted, jumping over the pile of bones just as Iolaus did the same. "Don't you like me anymore?"

"Of course I do!" the blonde panted back, jumping the fire and wistfully hoping Hercules would wear out soon.

"Don't you think I'm attractive?" Hercules asked huskily.

"I think you're the best-lookin' guy in Greece," the hunter answered honestly.

"Then why don't you want to play?" the demi-god moaned hungrily.

" 'Cause I don't want us to do something we might regret later," Iolaus explained, ducking around a large tree.

"I won't regret a thing!" Hercules promised.

"Maybe I would?" Iolaus suggested.

"Not if we do it right!" Hercules panted.

Iolaus rolled his eyes skyward, seeking strength, and dashed back towards the fire. "How would we know we were gettin' it right?" he asked, stalling for all he was worth.

"Practice?!" the demi-god suggested eagerly, "Lots and lots and lots of practice?"

Iolaus couldn't help it. He giggled.

"Iolaus, can we please lie down now?" Hercules pleaded. "My back hurts and I think my ankles are swelling."

Iolaus shook his head. "Not yet," he decided, dodging the lunge that accompanied the question.

Iolaus blinked blearily up at the sky and muttered a curse. The sun was shining right in his eyes, being nearly directly overhead.

"Herc, wake up," he mumbled, shoving at the broad shoulder currently blanketing his chest. "We gotta get goin' We've overslept again."

"Mmmm?" Herc inquired, levering himself up a little on his elbows and blinking down at the blonde. "Gods, it can't be time to get up already!" he protested, snuggling back down on his partner's chest and pulling the blanket over his head. "We just got to sleep!"

"Tell me about it," Iolaus yawned, "Didn't think you'd ever wind down last night!" He glanced at the path of newly-packed dirt worn around the campfire, the bonepile, and the tree.

"Unnhhh," Hercules groaned, rolling into a sitting position. He blinked at his partner over his shoulder. "How much wine did I have last night?" he asked.

"Not much. Not enough, if you ask me," the hunter replied, sitting up himself and stretching, arms overhead, fingers interlocked. "Wine makes you sleep and you really weren't sleepy last night. Why?"

"Feels like my bladder's about to burst," Hercules complained, standing. He hesitated, looking down. "Um, did I...?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it."

Twenty minutes later, Iolaus decided they were both fully awake, even if Hercules was doing more meandering than hiking.

"Herc?"

"Isn't the way the sunlight highlights the flower petals beautiful?" Hercules asked, gazing dreamily at the daisies dotting the meadow they were crossing.

"Yeah. Herc, about that tea..."

"Flowers are incredible things, don't you think? So complex, so determined to thrive, and yet so delicate. Just like you."

"Yeah. Anyway, 'bout that t... Hey! I am not 'delicate'!"

"It's so sad," Hercules choked, bending to carefully pick a daisy, "So beautiful and so full of life for such a short while, only to eventually wither away into nothingness." He gazed mournfully at his partner.

Iolaus frowned. "Herc?"

"Shouldn't be allowed to happen," Hercules muttered to himself, still gazing at Iolaus, "Not going to let it happen." He closed his eyes and brushed the daisy against his cheek.

"Herc," Iolaus asked suspiciously, "Did you sneak some of that tea this morning?"

"Not a drop."

"Must be some left in your system," the blonde muttered, watching as a fat tear rolled slowly down Hercules' cheek into the flower. "Listen, Big Guy, do me a favor? No tea today? Maybe we can get to bed at a decent hour."

"No tea today," Hercules promised softly, stroking the daisy against his cheek again as he continued to gaze at Iolaus sadly.

Iolaus was peeved. "I thought you promised no tea today?" he snapped at the demi-god astride him.

"No tea!" Hercules swore defensively, "I'm just in the mood for a good tussle. Let's wrestle, Sunshine!"

"This sun has set, Herc. Get off."

Hercules pouted, but he got off.

Iolaus cautiously sat up. "Herc, I'm pooped. I just want to go to bed, okay?"

"Great!"

The hunter rolled his eyes. "To sleep," he clarified.

"I like sleeping with you, " Hercules assured him eagerly.

"You'll be good?"

"Very good!" the demi-god promised fervently.

Iolaus felt his eyes narrow with suspicion. Hercules returned the hunter's gaze with one of wide-eyed innocence.

The blonde made the demi-god lie down first. He thought about taking his blanket across the camp, but knew from very recent personal experience that a few feet of distance was no deterrent at all. He settled carefully next to Hercules, lying on his back, pillowing his head on his arms.

Hercules smiled hopefully. "Cuddle?"

Iolaus considered the request. "No hands," he warned.

A strange look flitted across the demi-god's face. "No hands?" he echoed.

"No. Hands." Iolaus repeated firmly.

Hercules smiled slowly. "Okay," he agreed, burrowing under the blanket. Very far under the blanket.

The Golden Hunter squawked and shot out of the makeshift bed as if he had been shot from a catapult.

"Herc!" he glared accusingly.

"You said no hands!" Hercules giggled. "C'mon back to bed, Sweetcheeks!"

"Forget it!" Iolaus snarled, thoroughly fed up and not a little frustrated. He viciously kicked the fire out, snatched up his carry-bag and stormed out of the camp.

"Bring the blankets!" he snapped over his shoulder at the disappointed demi-god.

Dawn was breaking as Iolaus wearily kicked at the castle door.

”C'mon, Iphy, open up already," he grumbled sleepily, delivering another kick to the hapless door.

Hercules yawned, slumped against the doorframe. "Five seconds and the damned thing comes off," he rumbled, "One. Two. Thr---"

"Sheesh, what's with you two at this hour?" Jason snarled through the half-open door, running a hand through his rumpled hair.

"Sleep deprivation," Hercules informed him grouchily, pushing past him, dragging Iolaus along by his vest. "Which way is the nearest bed?"

"Empty bed," Iolaus corrected, yawning and slapping at the hand attached to his vest.

"Who cares if it's empty?!" Hercules growled, "At this point, I don't even care if it's a bed. Anyplace to lie down will do." He led the way up the stairs, Iolaus still slapping half-heartedly at his hand.

"You can bunk with me, Hercules, and Iolaus can take the couch," Jason offered as he shut the door and followed the pair.

"Oh, no," Hercules growled, taking a firmer grip on the vest, "Iolaus sleeps with me!"

"He's acting a little weird," Jason grumbled to the hunter.

"You have no idea!" Iolaus groaned back.

"Am not!" Hercules protested, shoving the door to Jason's room open with his shoulder and slinging Iolaus towards the bed.

"Hercomff!" the blonde protest as he stumbled and landed face-first on the mattress.

The demi-god dropped the blankets and carry-sack, stepped over them, and collapsed on top of the covers. With one arm around the hunter's waist, and one leg draped over Iolaus', Hercules went out like a light.

Jason dropped onto the seat of the couch, mouth agape with shock.

"Whoa!" he breathed at last, choking back a chuckle.

"Laugh and I kill you," came the muffled promise as Iolaus managed to twist enough to lift his face out of the mattress. "Some help here would be greatly appreciated," he added sarcastically.

Jason had lost the battle with his own sense of humor. "Help, how?" he managed to choke out among the guffaws.

"Pry him offa me, for starters," the blonde pleaded, still twisting in the unconscious demi-god's embrace.

Still chuckling, Jason rose, went over to the bed, and slid a hand under the arm around the hunter's waist, intending to lift it up. Instead, Hercules tightened his hold and muttered, "Mine."

"Possessive little thing, isn't he?" Jason grunted, tugging harder.

"He's been gettin' grabby lately," Iolaus growled, twisting awkwardly. He looked up to find Jason grinning down at him. "What?"

"Nothing," the former king said innocently. "Hercules, let Iolaus up, please."

"Mine!" Hercules all but growled, startling Jason. The sleeping demi-god turned onto his side, wrapped his other arm around the blonde's waist and hitched his leg higher.

"He won't remember this when he wakes up," Iolaus claimed desperately, shoving at the grasping arms. "Leggo, Herc!"

"My Sweetcheeks," Hercules mumbled into his partner's shoulder, not loosening his grip a bit.

Iolaus sighed, then he had an idea. "Heerrccc, I gotta go!" he whispered urgently into the sleeping hero's ear.

"Mmkahy," Hercules sighed, letting his grip relax enough for Iolaus to wriggle free. Slipping from the bed, the blonde darted for the door, dragging a bewildered Jason with him.

"I thought it was that tea Asclepius suggested for his headache, but after last night I'm not so sure. He swore he didn't drink any of it yesterday."

"And he was still...?" Iphicles asked tentatively.

"Like white on rice," Iolaus answered gloomily.

"Huh?" both the current and former King of Corinth chorused.

"All over me; and rice is something they eat in the East," Iolaus explained.

Jason shrugged. "Maybe he's just been particularly playful?" he suggested, "You know how much he likes horseplaying with you. You two never did out-grow that."

Iolaus chewed his lip thoughtfully. "And he's been eating like a fiend because...?"

"Nerves?" Iphicles suggested, helping himself to a third slice of the cake he and Iolaus were busily devouring.

Jason eyed his successor. That was the second cake, the first having vanished like magic between the combined attentions of the pair. "Maybe it runs in the family?" he asked, grinning.

Iolaus had other things on his mind. "But the mood swings? The crying?"

Iphy slowly put his fork down, frowning. "Mood swings? Increased appetite? Excessive..." he caught the hunter's warning glare, "Err, friendliness? Don't go telling me he's got cravings and swollen ankles, too!"

Iolaus blinked, and shrugged. "Well, yeah. So?"

Iphy stared at him. "Err, guys, doesn't this all sound just a little bit familiar?"

The two former Argonauts exchanged bewildered glances. "Not getting you," Jason confessed.

Iphy rolled his eyes, looking skyward for help. "Come on, guys, think! When your lovely wives were, ahem, expecting a little bundle of joy...?" he prompted.

Jason looked at Iolaus, one brow raised in silent inquiry. Iolaua looked at Jason, shaking his head.

"Iphicles, you're not suggesting that Hercules could be...?" Jason asked.

"You're kiddin', right, Iphy?" Iolaus demanded.

"Well, think about it, guys. Wouldn't be the weirdest thing that ever happened to him."

They thought about it.

“Nah!" they all exclaimed in unison.

“And this all just started?" Jason asked.

Iolaus nodded vigorously. "Right after that last visit from Aphrodite," he elaborated.

"She and my brother still on good terms?" Iphy asked.

Iolaus nodded again. "The best. Out of the whole lot of them, she's the one he's closest to. Now she wants us to start babysittin', can you believe it?! I'm not so sure I'm up to chasin' little winged gods around. Gabby told me all about that time Xena and her got stuck with Baby Bliss!"

"So she wouldn't have zapped Hercules with some sort of annoying-yet-not-dangerous curse?" Iphicles asked wistfully.

Iolaus snorted his answer.

"Maybe there's nothing really the matter and you're just misinterpreting a few odd moments?" Jason asked.

The door to the room slammed open and Hercules staggered inside. “Uunngghh!" he greeted the group, "Gods, I feel like hell!" He dropped onto the bench next to Iphicles with a thud. "Is that honey-cake?" he asked.

Iphicles silently wiped the fork off on his shirt and handed it to Hercules, who took it, pulled the cake plate over, and started listlessly picking at the sweet.

"You're up early," Iolaus ventured, "You've been sleepin' late."

"I woke up all alone," Hercules growled, glaring at him over a forkful of cake.

"I thought you'd sleep better with the whole bed to yourself," Iolaus fibbed.

"No, you didn't," Hercules mumbled miserably, "You didn't want to sleep with me 'cause I'm just a big, ugly, blimp!" Huge salty tears rolled down his cheeks as he viciously assaulted the cake. Around him, three jaws hit the floor.

"Herc?" Iolaus asked softly. Hercules sobbed at the sound of his voice, but didn't look up. The hunter rose, crossed the room, and slipped onto the bench next to his partner. The demi-god scooted away, nearly pushing his brother right off the other end.

"Herc, just listen to yourself," Iolaus said calmly, "The way you've been acting lately, the way you've been eating, there's something wrong-"

"You don't love me anymore!" Hercules wailed, making Iphicles jump, "Just 'cause I gained a little weight and can't lace my pants up!"

Understandably startled, both Iolaus and Iphicles glanced down, confirming the statement. The top laces of the demi-god's pants dangled loosely, the shirt over his abdomen bulging slightly.

"Whoa, I know you've been packing it away lately, but still!" Iolaus exclaimed.

Hercules gasped, twisted, and flung himself into his brother's arms, weeping loudly.

Iolaus rolled his eyes and threw his hand up. Jason caught his eye and indicated with a jerk of his head that the hunter should resume his previous place. With a low growl of frustration, Iolaus did so.

Meanwhile, Iphicles was doing his best to comfort his brother, patting Herc's shoulder and murmuring in his ear as the demi-god snuffled into Iphy's long hair.

"Don't be silly, Hercules. Iolaus still loves you. We all love you."

"Iolaus doesn't," Hercules whimpered, "He thinks I'm ugly."

Iphicles snorted. "No way, bro. You might as well face it, Blondie's got it bad for you."

A tiny giggle choked its way through the sobs. "Does not."

“Does too. You could roll in horse crap and he'd think you were beautiful."

The sobs trailed off, ending in another tiny giggle. "He's the one who ends up covered in crap," Hercules confided in a whisper.

"And you still love him, right? Why would he be any different?"

"That's true," Hercules sniffled, giving his brother a squeeze that made the king's eyes cross. "Thank you, Iphy. You're a good brother." Almost reluctantly, Hercules disengaged himself, and wiped his face with the back of one hand. "Want the rest of the cake?" he offered, snuffling as he pushed the cake back in front of Iphicles, who eyed the damp pile of crumbs dubiously.

"Thank you, Hercules, but I think eggs might be better, don't you? Come on. I'll make you some nice scrambled eggs like Mom used to," he urged, rising and taking Hercules' arm.

"'Kay," Hercules sniffled, letting his brother guide him through the door leading to the kitchen, "I'm getting kind of hungry anyway."

"Kitchen's right at the end of the hall. Catch up in a minute. Gotta tell Jason something, okay?" Iphicles explained, gently pushing Hercules out of the door. As soon as it shut behind the demi-god, the king turned to his companions and hissed, "Get Aesclepius here now!"

"Iphy!" Hercules called.

"I'm coming, Hercules!" Iphicles called back, backing out the door with a final "Now!"

"Does the God of Healing even make housecalls?" Jason worried, watching Iolaus jump up and make a quick circuit of the room. "What are you looking for?"

"Scrap of scroll. Anything we can write on and burn. Seems to work best in summoning Aesclepius," Iolaus explained, rooting through the trash bin in the corner.

"That seems stupid," Jason sighed, patting himself down.

"Herc thinks so, too. Says it causes 'air pollution', whatever that is."

"Ah-ah!" Jason crowed, triumphantly holding up a scrap of scroll, "Let's make some 'air pollution'!"

Iolaus scratched Aesclepius' name onto the scrap, mis-spelling it, as usual, as Aeclipous, and tossed it into the fire. Seconds later, the God of Healing materialized in front of them, scowling and coughing.

"Young man, do you want lung cancer?!" he glowered at the blonde, who grinned back.

"Nope, just you. Hiya, Aesclep! Herc's been feelin' a little under the weather and I was thinkin' you could take a look-see?"

The elderly god ceased glowering, though he still didn't return the hunter's grin. "Under the weather how?" he inquired in a serious, but milder, tone.

"Started with headaches, then cravings, bingeing, upchucking, change in sleeping patterns (and how!), all over aches, bloating, swollen ankles, and really weird mood swings," Iolaus listed, ticking each 'symptom' off on a finger, "Think that's about it."

"Hmm, could be a virus," Aesclepius muttered, scratching his chin thoughtfully, "Or, knowing your diet, it could well be a tapeworm. Demi-gods are usually immune to these sorts of things, but you never know. There are so many variables with that mortal half in the mix, trust me. You were right to call me, Iolaus. Where's the patient now?"

"Making breakfast," Iolaus informed him.

"Guess again," Iphicles groaned from the door, looking a little pale. "The smell of the cooking food mixed with the scents of the metal pots and Hercules started gagging. He's out back, emptying his stomach."

" 'The scents of the pots'?" Iolaus repeated, bewildered. "Metal pots don't have a scent!"

"According to my brother they do, as well as a taste. Before he started gagging he was sucking on a metal mixing spoon because he liked the 'tang'," Iphicles replied, nervously twirling a strand of hair around his finger.

"That's a new one," Jason muttered.

"It may be limited to gods," Aesclepius answered, frowning thoughtfully. "Zeus and Ares nearly drove poor Hephaestus out of his mind when they..." He trailed off to look sharply at Iolaus as he barked, "Did you leave anything out, young man?"

"Not a thing," Iolaus lied, giving the god his best 'wide-eyed innocent' look.

The God of Healing returned the look with one of deep suspicion. "Are you sure?" he persisted.

"Absolutely!" Iolaus swore, crossing his fingers behind his back.

"Hmmm," Aesclepius answered, with the expression of someone who knows he's being lied to, and can't do a thing about it. "I'm going to have that look at Hercules now," he announced, vanishing.

"Iolaus, you forgot 'grabby as hell'," Jason said with a grin.

"Didn't want to embarrass Herc," Iolaus shot back.

"I'll bet," Jason muttered.

"Wonder how long it will take Aesclep..." Iphicles began, when the god reappeared without warning, a glowering Hercules in tow.

"No!" Hercules growled, yanking his arm from the elder god's grasp.

"Yes!" Aesclepius snapped back.

"Oh-oh," Iolaus murmured. This didn't sound good. Swallowing nervously, he asked, "Aesclep, do you know what's gotten into Herc?"

"More like who's gotten into him!" The god snapped, glaring at the blonde mortal accusingly, "Hercules is with godling!"

The room plunged into total silence as nearly every head turned in the same direction.

"Hey!" Iolaus yelped, cringing a tiny bit under the combined scrutiny. "Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"Because you, young man, are the obvious suspect!" Aesclepius growled.

"He didn't do this," Hercules snarled, "We didn't do...that. Not even once." That last was said in tones of bitter disappointment. He collasped into a chair in the corner, one hand cupping his abdomen protectively. Without the table blocking the view, the swelling was now obvious.

"Iolaus?" Aesclepius challenged, tapping his foot.

Iolaus silently shook his head, for once totally speechless as he considered the implications. He felt a little faint.

"See?" Hercules grouched, shifting in the chair, searching for a comfortable position. "Didn't you think I'd remember something like that?"

"As often as the pair of you come down with convenient amnesia?" the god snapped.

The hunter's cheeks turned pink as Hercules snapped right back, "That I'd remember!"

"Um, excuse me, how could this be possible? Hercules is a man - isn't he?" Iphicles asked, his own expression nearly a dazed as the hunter's.

"Iphy!" Hercules gasped, glaring at his brother, who just shrugged helplessly.

"It is a valid question, Hercules," Aesclepius said, "The answer, young man, is that Hercules is a god and normal biology goes out the window when godhood comes in the door. With gods, where there's a will, there's a way. Hercules, did you will this?"

The demi-god started guiltily. "No!" he snapped, flushing.

Iolaus found his voice. "You're kiddin' right, Aesclep?" he asked desperately. "Herc can't be pregnant! And he's not a god! He gave that back!"

The God of Healing frowned at him. "Do you truly think godhood can just be given and taken away like a toy?" he asked in disbelieving tones.

"I am not a god!" Hercules said flatly.

"Yes, you are, whether you like it or not."

Iolaus, Iphicles, and Jason exchanged a round of bewildered looks.

"So, Herc is a god?" Jason asked.

"Yes!" Aesclepuis said.

"No!" Hercules said.

"Oh," Iolaus said.

“But if he's a god, then what exactly did he give back?" Jason asked.

"Special effects. Parlor tricks." Aesclepius replied, waving his hand dismissively.

"I am not a god! Zeus took that away when I chose to return to earth!" Hercules insisted.

"Zeus couldn't take back what was never his to give. Oh, he tried to pull a fast one with that God of Justice nonsense and that poppycock about you having to give up your life here to fulfill your destiny. You and Iolaus are doing just fine as you are. You just need time to mature, and if this is any indication, the process has started," the God of Healing snapped.

"So Herc is a god?" Iolaus asked, looking at his partner with wide eyes. He was used to the notion of Hercules someday, maybe, becoming a god, but the thought that he already was one was...confusing.

"Yes, exactly," Aesclepius nodded his head.

"No!" Hercules snapped at the same instant, shaking his head.

Iolaus took a deep breath and sided with Herc. "If he's a god, then what's he god of?" he challenged.

The elderly god snorted. "As near as I can figure, he's the God of Bringing Iolaus Back From the Dead!"

The tension in the room broke as everybody, even Hercules himself, erupted in shocked giggles.

A ghost of a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth, Hercules said, "Even if I am a god, and I'm not, how would I have gotten...er....like this?"

Aesclepius regarded him for a long moment with a gimlet eye; then he transferred the gaze to Iolaus. He didn't say a word, he just merely raised one eyebrow.

"Hercules blushed and shook his head. "But we didn't!" he protested.

"Ahhh," Iolaus swallowed and tried again, "Ah, if it is what you think it is, would Hercules have had to...ahem, do what you're thinking he did?" he finished, uncomfortably aware that his cheeks were pinking again.

Aesclepius scratched his chin again. "Zeus got with Athena after eating her mother, Thetis," he said thoughtfully, "Have you by any chance been...?"

"No!" Hercules answered quickly, blushing an even brighter red.

Jason made a soft, choking sound of barely contained chuckles.

"Aesclepius, leave Iolaus alone. He had nothing to do with this," Hercules sighed, looking wistfully at the blonde.

"Somebody did," the god pointed out. "Have you been with anyone else?"

Hecules rubbed his bulging tummy absently. "Um, could this have happened from being with a girl?" he asked timidly.

"Hey! When did you get lucky?" Iolaus demanded, "You never mentioned that to me!"

"I don't tell you everything," Hercules replied primly.

The blonde snorted. "You don't have to tell me anything; I can always tell when you've gotten..."

"Iolaus!" Iphy interupted hastily.

"Volunteering waaayyy too much information, Goldilocks," Jason chuckled.

"No," Aesclepius answered Hercules, totally ignoring the byplay, "Unless she was a goddess? A goddess could have transferred an unborn, but she would still require your permission."

"I'm pretty sure she wasn't a goddess," Hercules frowned, absently rubbing his tummy again. "Wonder why Aphrodite never mentioned that?" he muttered to himself.

"Whoa!" Iolaus exclaimed, "When did 'Dite-?"

"Way back," Hercules sighed, shifting again. "Told her Mother had covered all that, but she insisted on going over it again. Claimed Mother left some things out. Think Zeus put her and Cupid up to it."

"Cupid?"

Hercules blushed. "Not important right now," he muttered, pointedly shifting his attention back to Aesclepius and raising his brows questioningly.

The elder god was still frowning. "Since you are the, ahem, 'host', then it must have been a male, which brings us right back to..." he shot another glare at Iolaus, making him squirm, then added, "Unless there's been another male mortal...?

"Gods, no!" Hercules snapped, managing to look embarrassed, insulted, and ticked off all at once.

"Damn straight!" Iolaus practically growled.

Iphicles and Jason exchanged amused smirks.

Aesclepius tapped his foot impatiently. "Hercules, that baby had to come from somewhere. Have you traveled recently?"

The partners exchanged glances and shrugged simultaneously.

"A little," Hercules admitted.

"We get around," Iolaus added.

"Any contact with foreign gods?"

“Sure," they both replied.

"Goddesses?"

"Yeah!" Iolaus answered, dreamy-eyed. He missed the dirty look his partner shot him.

"She wasn't a goddess, Aesclepius," Hercules grouched, "Get off that kick, will you?' He threw the cushion from the chair next to him, clipping the blonde's head. "Snap out of it, Iolaus!"

"Hey!" Iolaus griped, tossing the cushion back. "I was recalling pleasant memories, if you don't mind!"

"Since we've ruled out Iolaus," Aesclepius said firmly, sounding very much like Cheiron breaking up a fight and shooting the blonde another suspicious glance, "It had to a be god or goddess. Any of these new friends ask you for a favor?"

"We didn't say they were friends," Hercules said.

"Mine was!" Iolaus chirped, "She was very friendly!" He giggled, ducking as the cushion flew across the room again.

"No, they didn't," Hercules continued wearily.

"That's one really big favor!" Iolaus pointed out.

"It's been done," Aesclepius replied, stroking his chin thoughtfully, "Still, the recipient must be in accordance or the transfer will fail."

"Excuse?" Hercules said, looking just as confused as everybody else.

"Whoever did this needed your permission," the elder god explained, glaring at Iolaus once more, "Unless..."

"We didn't, damnit!" Hercules growled, getting annoyed with his cousin's refusal to give up on Iolaus.

"Hmmph! Well, I'll tell you what. I'll look into this and see what I can find out. If we can discover the identity of the parent, we can transfer the child back where it belongs. In the meantime, just rest. Mild exercise is fine, but no heavy lifting. I'll check back periodically, and if nothing turns up in a couple of days, we'll discuss delivery options."

"Delivery options?" Hercules echoed in a small voice.

"However it got in there, it will have to come out sooner or later. I suspect sooner."

"Come..." Iphy whispered, trying hard not to picture the possible process.

"Out," Jason finished flatly, wincing a little.

"Oh," Iolaus said softly.

Hercules went white, an amazing sight, given his natural golden glow. In horrified tones, he asked, "When Father gave birth to Athena, didn't you and Hephaestus have to ...?"

"Don't think about that right now," the God of Medicine advised briskly, "Just get yourself some rest, eat healthy, and, if by any chance you and Iolaus should happen to start doing what you both insist you're not doing, don't overdo it. A little show of affection will do the child no harm, but take it easy." He vanished.

"Wonderful," Hercules groaned, closing his eyes.

The silence held until Jason tried a soft chuckle. "Well, your mother always wanted more grandchildren," he noted, "Not sure this is what she had in mind, though." He ducked as Iolaus slung the cushion at his head.

Iphicles sighed, rose, and crossed the room to rest a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. "Can I get you anything?" he asked gently. "Think you can manage some breakfast now?"

Hercules heaved a sigh of his own. "I am a little hungry," he confessed, taking the arm Iphicles was offering and pulling himself up. "Could I maybe take a bath afterwards?"

"Sure. I'll have the tub all ready by the time you finish eating," Iphicles said, gently herding his brother before him out the door. Hercules paused, looking back at his dazed partner.

"Iolaus?"

The blonde managed a strained smile. "In a bit," he answered, "You go on, okay?"

Hercules smiled back. "Not too long?" he asked wistfully, accepting the blonde's nod and allowing Iphicles to lead him to the kitchen, leaving Iolaus alone with Jason.

Jason sat back, crossed his arms, and gazed calmly at Iolaus. "Not hungry?" he inquired.

Iolaus took a deep breath, held it to the count of ten, and let it out slowly. "I didn't know," he answered, meeting Jason's calm gaze with his own hurt and confused one. "Herc never told me...," he shook his head, "Why wouldn't he have told me that something like this could happen?"

Jason thought the question over. "Seems he didn't think it could. He keeps saying he's not really a god, and we all know this sort of thing just doesn't happen to mortal men., or there would be expectant 'fathers' all over Greece."

Iolaus gnawed at a knuckle. "Doesn't make sense, Jas," he muttered, sounding miserable. "Herc covers all the bases. By rights, he should be worrying night and day about the very possibility. And that still doesn't explain why he didn't tell me."

Jason sighed. "Iolaus," he said gently, "You know Herc is shy about some of the ...odder aspects of his heritage. Maybe he was worried that this particular aspect might somehow harm your friendship?"

"That's stupid!" Iolaus protested, looking insulted, "Herc should know better than....Damn, it makes sense, though. When we were little some of the village kids thought he was 'weird' and he's been a little touchy about it ever since."

"He tries hard to fit in," Jason pointed out, remembering their days at the Academy. "Never lords it over you that he's half god, like some people."

"Shy and modest to a fault, that's my Herc," Iolaus agreed with a ghost of a smile. "Y'know, sometimes he tells me bits 'n pieces of his visits to Olympus, but he never makes a big production about it. No 'shining golden halls' or 'noble, handsome gods' crap. To him, they're just family and that's where they live. Nothing to get all that excited about." The ghost blossomed into a full grin of remembrance. "Let me tell you, I wasn't prepared for 'Dite at all the first time I met her! To hear Herc describe her, she's just his vain big sister with a penchant towards practical jokes." He giggled, trying once more to match Hercules' description of his sister with the gorgeous goddess who's very presence made him sillier than a schoolboy with a crush on his teacher.

"If you ask me, I think he's got the right idea," Jason said. "And I hope he is a god, because the gods know, we need one like him. He's fair to mortals and gods both, treats everybody as his equal, and helps anyone who needs it. Didn't Aphrodite once tell you every god owes Hercules a favor or two for helping them?"

"Yeah, but he's called a few of those favors, at least the ones Hades owed. That's how he keeps getting me back here."

"And you, of course, have never done the same. "

"We're friends, Jas."

"That's right. You're his first, and still his best, friend, Iolaus. He probably thinks he told you this years ago. He hasn't been acting like this is some deep, dark secret just getting out. More like 'my life is so weird, and here's yet another example'."

"That's true," Iolaus admitted. "He might still be in shock, though. When this finally hits, he might freak out on us. Gotta watch for that." He sighed and stretched. "At least this answers a couple of questions."

"Such as?" Jason asked.

Iolaus shrugged. "Herc and guys. Some guy gives Herc the eye, and he runs like a rabbit. Always wondered why. Just put it down to just not interested."

"Huh," Jason commented, brows rising silently.

"Not that I've ever...well, you know," Iolaus shrugged again, grinning sheepishly, "Seems like a waste of good time when there are so many pretty girls out there."

" 'Waste of good time'?" Jason echoed slowly, as though trying hard to digest a new concept.

"Nothing wrong with it," the blonde added hastily, mis-reading his friend's reaction and trying furiously to recall any rumors of Jason being romantically involved with another guy. "It's just that, I dunno, Herc seems likely to be prone towards that sort of thing."

"Whoa!" Jason was openly gawking at the blonde hero. "Hercules seems likely to be interested in ---"

"No! Herc's not interested! What I meant was ---"

"And you aren't interested, either?" Jason forged on.

"No! Of course not! Where would you get the idea...Oh, I get it." Iolaus was up and pacing now, helpfully adding gestures to illustrate his intent. "Just 'cause I get passes doesn't mean I have to take folks up on them, okay? Sheesh, you're as bad as Herc! I don't have to sleep with someone just 'cause they ask! I am capable of saying 'no, thanks'!" Catching the former king's smirk, he added, " Y'know, I don't have half as many romances as you and Herc seem to think I do!"

"But you sleep with Hercules?"

"I love Hercules!" Iolaus snapped, then clapped a hand over his mouth as his eyes widened.

"Ah," Jason nodded sagely.

"Jason, no! We've never! We've never even kis-" Iolaus' tirade screeched to a halt, stopped in its tracks by memeory. He blinked, taken aback. "Umm," he stuttered, chewing his lower lip and looking bewildered, "Okay, maybe we have kissed once or twice but..."

"And you were wondering why he was chasing you around the campfire," Jason murmured, bestowing a fond, paternal smile on the blonde, who immediately flushed.

"It's not like that!" he protested, "I love him like a brother!"

Jason snorted. "Iolaus, I really hate to be the one to break this news to you, but you're married."

"What?!"

Jason chuckled and replied, "You. Are. Married. Oh, you may not have gone through with all the ritual exchange of vows and wedding gifts and whatsuch, but, buddy, you are taken. Think about it, Iolaus. What have you and Hercules been doing since you both became, ah, free agents?"

“Helped people," Iolaus replied blankly, "How does that-?"

"Together, Iolaus, together. You fight side by side; you slay monsters together; you face down gods together. You travel together, you eat, sleep, and bathe together. He disappears for a few days and you nearly go out of your mind. You die and he nearly goes out of his. You fight, make up, and follow each other to the ends of the earth. Face it, Blondie, the only thing missing is the making out and, to tell you the truth, Aesclepius wasn't the only one who thought you were doing that, too."

Iolaus sat down with a thump. He was silent for a long moment, as Jason continued to smile gently at him.

"You really thought-?" he whispered.

"Oh, yeah. Since the Academy."

"Since the Academy?! But, surely, Alcmene-?"

"Her, too."

"Iphy? Never mind, I know the answer to that one. Gods."

Iolaus sat down with a thud. After a long moment of silence, he said softly, "Jason, it really isn't...it can't be...he would have said something..." His head shot up and he gazed, wide-eyed, at his old friend. "Has he said something?" the hunter asked.

"Herc? Hell, no! Not that I haven't brought it up on occasion. He just gives me this pained little smile and changes the subject. I always figured he was just being discreet. You know Hercules - doesn't like to talk about such things," the older man replied.

"Yeah, I know," Iolaus answered softly. He went back to examining the floor. Sighing, he went on, "No, Jason. Even if he didn't say anything, he would have done something. I've seen Hercules in love. He may not talk about it much, but he does things to show it. Touching...holding hands..."

"Soaping down the object of his affection at every given opportunity?" Jason chuckled.

The blonde giggled. "That's just a hold-over from when we kids, Jas. Hell, you've bathed with us both."

"He doesn't offer to scrub my back," the ex-king pointed out, smiling, "He doesn't practically drape himself all over me whenever I get within arm's reach, and he sure as hell doesn't 'cuddle' every chance he gets. The last time we had to share a room at an inn, he slept on the floor."

"So you think...?" Iolaus said slowly.

Jason shrugged, still smiling. "Who knows with Herc? No way around it, Iolaus, you're just going to have to out-and-out ask him. But he gave up his godhood to come back to you. That's a pretty damned big sacrifice- right up there with giving up an eternity of happiness in the Elysium Fields."

"That was no sacrifice," Iolaus countered, looking Jason in the eye, "How could I have been happy there knowing Herc still needed me here?" He tilted his head, eyes going distant as he added, "Maybe someday, when Herc isn't needed anymore, we can go to the Fields together. That would be nice. That's what we always pictured when we played 'hero' as kids- going down fighting back-to-back, together." He sighed. " 'Cept I'm mortal an' it's lookin' more an' more like he's not, so I guess one of these days...", he faltered, blinking rapidly, "One day, no more 'friends forever'."

Jason leaned forward to squeeze the hunter's knee, murmuring, "I wouldn't worry too much about that, Iolaus."

Iolaus blinked too-bright eyes. "I'm not afraid of dying, Jas. I just don't want to leave Herc alone. That's the worst thing that could happen to him. He needs someone to look after him, to keep him from losing his way. He can get lost so easily, sometimes."

"'With gods, where there's a will, there's a way'," Jason murmured, quoting the God of Healing, "Between you and Hercules the universe has a hell of a lot of will to deal with, Iolaus. If anybody can find a way to stay together, it will be you two.”

"Iolaus gave a sad little snort. "Maybe I'll just become a god, too. That would do it."

"Don't know if the universe is ready for that," Jason protested. The two friends locked eyes for a minute, then they both burst into laughter.

"You're right," Iolaus gasped, still giggling, "The universe isn't ready for me as a god. Though I wouldn't mind lending 'Dite a hand on occasion."

"I'll bet," Jason chuckled, picturing Iolaus with wings and a bow. It was a hell of a mental image.

”So you think that's why he came back?" Iolaus asked, scrubbing his face with his hands, "'Cause after hearing Aesclep go on, I was wondering if Herc just didn't want to get knocked up by some god. If this thing is so common, maybe they all-?" The hunter shuddered, struck suddenly by a mental image of his own. "Though the thought of a preggers Ares gives me the creeps!"

“Thank you for the nightmares, Iolaus," Jason said, shuddering as well. "No, it was you. He said so. Weren't you listening?"

"Yeah, but...he never even asked what I thought. He just up and announced, 'Bye, Iolaus, going to be a god now! See you around!'. "

"He was depressed and confused and grieving. He had just lost Alcmene."

"So had you! I mean..."

"It's alright, Iolaus, I know what you mean. Who knows, if Zeus had showed up and offered me eternal happiness as a god, I might have taken him up on it, too. It wasn't all that eternal or all that happy, though, now was it? He was a god, what, a week?"

"Not quite," Iolaus grinned, "Maybe Herc's right an' he's not a god, Jas, 'cause I gotta tell you, he sucked at godhood. Absolutely hated it. Hasn't stopped bitchin' about it since. Aesclep's right- Herc does better as a hero here on earth."

"A hero who's probably eating his brother out of house and castle as we speak. If we want to eat today, we better get in there while there's still something left," Jason replied, rising.

They found Iphicles sitting at the kitchen table with a bowl of gruel and a dazed expression. The table before him was strewn with dishes.

Iolaus peeked over his shoulder into the bowl and made a face. "Is there anything else?" he asked.

The King of Corinth gestured vaguely. "Help yourselves, guys. You can have anything in the pantry, but forget about having eggs. There aren't any. Hercules ate them all."

Iolaus helped himself to a wedge from the cheese on the table. "Cheese for breakfast?" he asked, the question slightly muffled.

"Hercules put it in his eggs," Iphicles explained.

Jason nudged the bowl next to the cheese with a fingertip. "Raisins, too?"

Iphicles nodded.

"Honey?" Iolaus asked, dipping finger into the pot and licking it. "For tea?"

"And eggs. And, yes, the dates, and the nuts, and the cold goat-meat, too."

"Gods!" Jason muttered in awe.

"Y'know, that sounds kinda tasty," Iolaus commented, eyeing the table's contents spectulatively, "Are you sure there are no eggs left?"

Jason and Iphicles exchanged horrified glances.

"You might be able to buy some at the market," Iphicles suggested unenthusiastically.

The blonde shrugged, helping himself to another wedge of cheese and a handful of raisins. "Never mind. I'll get something later. Herc takin' his bath?"

"Yes," Iphicles replied, looking a little less green now that the threat of having to watch Iolaus eat a duplicate of Herc's breakfast had passed.

Iolaus grinned. "Great! I'm gonna go scrub his back," he informed them, sauntering out the door, whistling a merry little tune.

The royal bathhouse was warm, humid, and dim, lit mostly by the fire in the corner fireplace and a few candles on a stone shelf near the tub. The atmosphere was soothing and relaxing. A small ribbon of steam escaped as Iolaus entered, closing the door firmly behind him.

Hercules was across the room, submerged chest-deep in hot, scented water. Sniffing appreciatively as he approached, the hunter commented, "Not your usual, but nice."

"Vanilla," Hercules replied, "Found it on the shelf." One hand emerged from the water to indicate another stone shelf, this one closer to the tub and crowded with bottles of bath accessories.

The blonde poked a finger into one of the tiny islands of frothy bubbles floating on the surface of the water and cocked an eyebrow questioningly.

His partner shrugged, wet shoulders glistening in the dim light. "Came with the scent," he sighed, resting his head against the tub's tall side wearily and closing his eyes.

"How're ya feelin'?" Iolaus asked, kneeling on a bench and resting his forearms along the tub's rim, his chin in his fist.

"Achy. Tired. Confused. Royally pissed off at somebody, I just wish I knew who," Hercules sighed.

"So that accounts for it. And here I was admiring your 'expectanct mother glow'," Iolaus replied with wide-eyed innocence. He ducked the the handful of water that came flying his way and retaliated with a classic 'flat-palm slap' to the water before ducking again, but this time not quite quickly enough. The second scooped handful scored a direct hit to his head, producing an outraged sputter.

"You might as well take it off, you know," Hercules chuckled, sounding much less depressed than he been seconds earlier.

"Take what off why?" Iolaus replied warily, peeking over the tub rim from his position on the bench. All Hercules could see was a tumble of golden curls glinting in the candlelight and two bright blue eyes. He smiled.

"Your vest, Silly, before it gets all wet," Hercules replied mildly.

"Okay," the blonde agreed, slipping off the bench to remove the tattered patchwork vest and hang it next to Hercules' clothes on the pegs by the door. Turning back towards the tub, he said, "I came to see if you wanted your..." The rest was lost in the wave of water that slapped him in the face. With a growl, he dove at the tub, sending a round of vigorous splashes at the demi-god, with responded with gusto.

The water-fight ran out of steam a third of the tub later, when Hercules caught his breath enough to throw his hands in the air, pleading "I give!" before falling back against the tub's side, chuckling.

Giggling, Iolaus collasped against the tub, too, arms danging over the side into the water. "I was going to offer to scrub your back, but after that you can scrub your own!" he teased, sending a tiny, playful splash the demi-god's way.

"I could use a back rubbing more," Hercules hinted.

"You got it, Big Guy," Iolaus answered agreeably, moving around the tub to kneel (and drip) on the bench, so he could comfortably lean over the side.

"Gods, that feels good," Hercules crooned, stretching luxuriantly.

"That's the idea," Iolaus noted softly, contuing to knead his patner's shoulders as he wondered whether this might not be a good time to bring up Jason's theory. "You're really achy, huh?"

"Oh, yes," Hercules sighed, shifting slightly, 'Lower, please?"

"Not around the ribs," Iolaus warned, leaning further over the tub, "You're too ticklish and Iphy'll have my head on a pike if you drown laughing in this thing."

Hercules smiled slowly, tilting his head backwards to peek at his partner through his now-wet bangs. "You're tickling me now," he murmured, tweaking the damp, blonde curl caressing his shoulder as Iolaus leaned over him.

Iolaus twitched as the demi-god leaned back into his arms. Oh, yeah, maybe this was the time. Leaning a little closr, he murmured, "Herc, have you given any thought to...?”

"How this could have happened?" Hercules groaned, slumping down a little. "I don't know how! I really didn't...I mean I wouldn't, unless....oh, this is so embarrassing!" He turned pink.

Iolaus gave him a quick squeeze. "Herc, somebody did this to you, somehow, and when I find out who it was I'm gonna break their damned fool necks," he growled protectivly, meaning every word.

The demi-god's mouth quirked. "And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes our warm and fuzzy moment," he muttered, nestling back into Iolaus' arms.

Iolaus said teasingly, "Okay, I'll congratulate them on the cute little whatever and then I'll break their necks. But what I meant was, have you given any thought..."

"About 'delivery options'?," the demi-god asked, face scrunching. "I'd really rather not, thank you." He shivered in the hunter's embrace.

"No, about..."

"Names?" Hercules asked, perking up, happy to be diverted to a more pleasant subject. "It's little early, isn't it? But I was thinking...Charity, maybe? Or Hope? Hope is nice, don't you think?"

"Hope is nice, but I'm not talkin' 'bout names-"

"Oh!" Hercules blushed bright red. "I promise I won't chase you through the castle after supper tonight," he swore.

"Too bad. Place this big, might be fun, like playing hide & seek when we were kids. But that's not..."

"I swear I didn't even know this could happen! Aphrodite never mentioned a word of this..." Hercules babbled on.

"Gods, are you gonna let me finish a sentence sometime today? " Iolaus growled fondly in his ear, "Or have you decided you're the God of Untimely Interuptions?"

"Ooops. Sorry. You were saying?"

'Not what I was going to,' Iolaus decided, tucking away Jason's theory for later discussion. Instead, he asked, "Have you decided what to do with the baby when it gets here?"

Hercules grew very still, and then he said in a very soft voice, "Keep it?" Taking a quick breath, he added hastily, "I know, can't be done. It would mean me giving up traveling, and you would have to find a new partner, and..."

"I think it's a wonderful idea, if it's what you really want," Iolaus interupted, giving him another fond squeeze.

Hercules twisted in his embrace to look him in the face. "Okay," he said, "Who are you and what have you done with my Iolaus?"

Iolaus giggled and impulsively kissed the tip of the demi-god's nose. "You're cute when your trying to be sarcastic," he commented, smirking. "You'd make a great Mommy, Big Guy."

"And you'd make a great father," Hercules said softly, one hand coming out of the water to cup the blonde's jaw. Gazing searchingly into his partner's eyes, he murmered, "Iolaus, you need a wash. Why not come on in?"

Iolaus gazed dreamily back, strangely entranced. "Yeah, I think I will," he murmured, as he leaned down and....

Jason flung the bathhouse door open with a cheery, "You two didn't drown in there, did you?" He blinked at the frozen tableau in front of him. Hercules was staring at him like a startled fawn and Iolaus wore an inscrutable expression that strongly reminded the former king of a blue-eyed Asian temple cat he had once recieved from an Eastern Ambassador. The King and the cat had existed for years in a state of mutual antagonism until a visiting princess had taken a shine to the cranky creature and Jason had been able to foist the beast off on her. Iolaus was now gazing at him with the exact same 'when you least expect it, I'll get you for this' expression that had made life a living hell.

"Bad time?" Jason asked with a strained smile. "Never mind me! Have fun!" He backed out quickly, slamming the door shut.

The partners just looked at each other for a long moment, then Iolaus muttered, "You are the God of Untimely Interuptions'!" and they both burst out laughing.

"Gve me a hand up, please?" Hercules gasped at last, grasping the side of the tub with both hands and carefully rising to his feet to feel for the inside steps.

Iolaus took his forearm in a warrior's grip and, with his other hand bracing Hercules' elbow, helped the demi-god to manuever himself out of the tub. Hercules moved a little clumsily, unused to the extra bulk around his middle.

Once he was out, Iolaus unfolded the towel from the bench and helped him dry, rubbing his back briskly and gently patting the bulge.

"Hmm, Herc, is it me or....?" he asked, frowning.

"It seems to have grown," Hercules confirmed, rubbing the underside of his abdomen carefully, "I have the feeling this is going to be a short preg....Preg...Oh, Gods, Iolaus, I'm pregnant?!" He unconciously grabbed the blonde's arm tightly enough to make him wince.

'Yep, that's the sound of the other boot dropping,' Iolaus thought wryly, even as Hercules saw the wince and released his arm with a muttered, "Sorry!"

The hunter wrapped the towel loosely around his parnter's waist and gently pushed him down onto the bench. Hercules was breathing in quick, shallow gasps, eyes growing wider by the second.

"Herc, calm down, it's going to be okay," Iolaus murmured, rubbing those broad shoulder soothingly.

"Calm down?!" Hercules all but shrieked, with an expression that clearly revealed that he thought the blonde had lost his mind. "I'm pregnant! I've got a person inside me and you're telling me to 'calm down'?!" Hercules gasped, staring at his partner.

"Herc..."

"Damnit, this isn't too many beers at the tavern, Iolaus. This thing's alive! Oh, gods, I've got a person inside me! What am I going to do?!"

"I know, I know," Iolaus tried murmuring soothingly. The demi-god was clearly well on his way towards a full-scale panic attack, never a sight to bring joy to the hunter's heart, "It'll be okay, Herc-"

"No, you don't know!" Hercules cried, and this time it was a shriek, one that combined horror, fear, confusion, and anger all into one tone, "It's not 'okay', damnit!" He leaped to his feet, shrieking, "I've got a parasite in me!"

"Oh boy," Iolaus muttered, as Hercules' eyes started glazing over. Long experience had taught the blonde hero that was never a good sign. Give the demi-god a few more minutes, and he could well work himself into such a frenzy that he would bring the roof down on both their heads. Iolaus tried to head him off again.

"It's not a parasite, Herc, it's a baby...ah..." he trailed off uncertainly as it occured to him that Aesclepius had been rather vague on this point. Hercules picked up on the hesitation immediately.

"A baby what?!" he demanded, clutching at the towel that was threatening to rip into shreds at any moment.

"A baby Herc?" Iolaus offered faintly and watched the paranoia flare into life in the depths of Hercules' eyes.

"Oh, gods, you don't know what, do you?!" Hercules wailed, staring at his bulging abdomen with undisguised horror, "Gods, Iolaus, I could be carrying some kind of monster! Have you ever seen what some of those foreign gods look like?!"

Iolaus stood and took the demi-god by both arms. "Herc, calm down, I'm sure..."

Hercules yanked his arms away to hug himself as he moaned, "Or a giant spider! I could have a giant spider inside me! Oh, gods!"

The blonde hunter leaped onto the bench to get out of the path of the panicked demi-god as Hercules paced restlessly. "Herc, I'm sure it's nothing like that. Why don't we give Aesclep a call and...?"

"Get it out of me?" Hercules exclaimed eagerly, "Yes!"

"No, I meant-"

"AESCLEPIUS!" Hercules bellowed as Iolaus clapped his hands over his ears.

"What is it now?" the God of Healing groused, appearing before them with a pestle in one hand and a mortar in the other. He continued grinding herbs as he glanced at Hercules expectantly.

"Get it out?" Hercules pleaded, "Just make it go away, please?"

The elder god blinked and set aside the mortar to gently clasp the demi-god's wrist with one hand while he laid the other, palm flat, against Hercules' forehead. "You seem all right," he muttered, "No fever, pulse normal. Why have you suddenly decided to end the pregnancy?"

Iolaus frowned as he hopped of the bench and asked, "You can do that? Just take it out? You didn't mention that before."

"I didn't think that was an option Hercules would consider. You do realize this will kill the child?" Aesclepius asked briskly.

Hercules stilled. "It will?" he whispered.

"Even unborn gods need time to develop. If we could determine the identiy of the mother, she might accept it back, but since we haven't..." The god shrugged.

"Couldn't you....?" Hercules asked, but Aesclepius firmly shook his head 'no'.

"You are young, Hercules, and you possess a powerful life-force. Not everyone can 'host' like this, and I don't intend to even try. I can end the pregnancy if you really wish it, but why now? What has changed your mind?" Aesclepius asked patiently.

"He's afraid it's a monster," Iolaus explained.

Aesclepius frowned thoughtfully and lightly patted the bulge through the valiant towel. "Seems normal enough," he said, "Two arms, two legs, one head, four eyes..."

"Four eyes!" Hercules gasped, his own widening.

The older god's mouth quirked. "Wanted to see if you were paying attention," he admitted, "But, Hercules, you should have been able to tell all this for yourself."

"How?" Iolaus asked curiously, peering at Aesclepius from around Hercules back.

Wordlessly, Aesclepius took Hercules' hand and placed it palm-down on the bulge. "Now, close your eyes and concentrate on the child," he instructed.

"What?!" Iolaus asked, wondering if the God of Healing was putting them on, "How is that supposed to-?"

"Yes, he does ask a lot of questions, doesn't he?" Hercules chuckled.

"Herc, who are you talkin' to?" the blonde asked, glancing around. When Hercules started talking to thin air, it usually was a sign that one or more of his relatives was about.

"Our daughter," the demi-god answered, smiling dreamily and gazing at his partner with dewy eyes, "She's very fond of you."

Iolaus blinked up at him. "Our what?" he whispered.

"Daughter?" Aesclepius supplied, patting Hercules' tummy thoughtfully, "Hmm, I couldn't tell the gender of the child. Is she speaking to you, Hercules?"

The demi-god tilted his head slightly, eyes glazing over with his typical listening-to-things-nobody-else-hears expression. "Yes," he affirmed, gaze focusing back on the blonde, "But she won't be much help, I'm afraid. She thinks Iolaus is her father and I'm her mother."

"Understandable," Aesclepius shrugged, scratching his chin and regarding the hero narrowly. "Precocious little thing. I've know a few gods who could talk shortly after being born, but this is the first one to talk before birth. She developing quickly. The, er, symptoms started three days ago?"

"Four," Ioalus answered, looking frankly flumoxed, "Herc, that kid is talking to you?"

"Hm-hm," Hercules replied, still wearing that dewy-eyed, blissed-out expression.

"Well, I suspect you are about five to six months along, so this child came to you about five days ago or so. Anything unusual happen about five days ago?" Aesclepius asked.

"Not that I can think of," Hercules replied, reaching for his partner's hand. "Here, Iolaus, you try," he urged, guiding the hand, palm down, to his tummy.

"Herc, this is silly. I can't..." the blonde blinked with surprise, then slowly smiled. "Hello?" he whispered, and then his eyes widened as he exclaimed, "Gods, I can hear her! She's got such a little voice!" He tilted his head in unconcious imitation of his partner. "I can kinda see her, too. Up here," he tapped the side of his head, "She's very tiny, but she's not a monster, Herc. She's a little bitty person."

"Our little bitty person," Hercules sighed, placing a hand over the hunter's. He looked at the elder god. "What happens to her if we can't find the mother?" he asked, absently stroking the back of Iolaus' hand.

"If you insist on ending the preganancy now, then she will most probably die. She's still too small to survive on her own," Aesclepius answered him, folding his arms.

"And if I don't?"

"She hasn't taken up permanent residence in there, Hercules. In about four days or so she will be ready to enter this world. After that? We try to find somebody who will care for her. Ares is always looking for new assistants, so he might be interested."

"Couldn't she just stay with us?" Hercules asked wistfully.

"She's godly, Hercules. While she is developing quickly now, she might remain a child for years or even decades. She needs someone who is willing to look after her and take responsibility for her well-being."

"She's got it," Iolaus said firmly, giving the bulge a fond little pat. "She's stayin'. Somebody wanted Herc to have her so bad? Well, good, we got her now, an' we're keepin' her. Ares or those other nutcases aren't gettin' their hands on our little girl!"

Aesclepius smiled, wondering if the heroes realized what had just happened. 'It' had become 'her', and she was no longer just a problem to be dealt with; now she was a helpless innocent who needed love and protection from two people who had those very qualities ingrained in their souls. The god of Healing still didn't approve of whomever had tricked Hercules into this, however they had done it, but he had to admit they had chosen well.

Hercules was smiling tentatively at his partner. "Are you certain about this?" he asked softly, hope quavering in his voice.

Iolaus grinned up at him and gave his tummy another pat. "Gotta admit, Big guy, when you kept tellin' me you wanted kids again someday, I kinda figured you'd go about it the old-fashioned way," he teased, "But I'm willing to give this a shot if you are."

"Iolaus, I...I...You're wonderful, you know that?" he gushed.

"And that's my cue to leave you two alone," Aesclepius muttered, snatching up his mortar and pestle and vanishing.

"Now, just what did he think we were gonna do, huh?" Iolaus wondered.

"Beats me," the demi-god answered distractedly, "Oh, Gods, Iolaus, what have I gotten us into? What if I can't do this? How am I going to protect this child when I couldn't protect Deianeira and our children? Oh, gods, this is a mistake..."

"Herc..."

"There's Hera, and Ares, and..." Hercules babbled on merrily, pacing anxiously all the while and totally ignoring his partner's bemused expression.

Iolaus just shook his head in wonder, assumed his favorite cross-legged position on the bench, and just watched as Hercules talked himself out of, and right back into, assuming responsibilty for the baby goddess.

"So, given all the possible options, I guess we are the best chance she has?" Hercules smiled tentively, looking to his partner for support.

Iolaus nodded, but the mischievous little part of his brain made him add, "Those middle-of-the-night feedings are gonna be really interesting, huh, Herc?"

The demi-god's face crumpled. "Oh, gods, how am I supposed to feed her? Why didn't I think of that? Stupid! Because Deianeira did all feeding, that's why..."

The blonde hunter leapt to his feet and clapped a hand over his partner's mouth, halting the self-recriminations. "Herc, babies can drink goat's milk, and there are always wet-nurses," He smiled soothingly. "We'll work this out, okay, Big Guy? We can do this. Believe me?"

"Yes," Hercules said softly, melting under the influence of that smile.

Gently Iolaus suggested, "Don't you think you should be gettin' some clothes on, before Jason gets back or you catch a cold?"

"Forget Jason," the demi-god answereed with a distracted expression, "I've got to visit the privy again." He pulled the loose shirt Iphicles had provided over his head with a weary sigh, and mumbled, "Somebody really should build a bath-house with a privy attached. It would save a lot of time and...distress."

"Ewww!" Iolaus commented, as he sat once more to pull off his boots, "Herc, that's a disgusting idea!"

"What are you doing?" the demi-god demanded, frowning as he pulled on his pants, dropping the wet towel on the bench next to his partner.

"Gonna take that bath, Big Guy," the blonde giggled as he shucked off his own pants and breechcloth and slipped into the tub in one fluid motion. "No use letting all this nice, warm, fragrant water go to waste," he commented playfully, ducking beneath the water, surfacing, and smiling at Hercules through his wet curls. "Scrub my back?" he invited.

Hercules brightened, immediately leaving off trying to lace up his pants to start towards the tub, only to come to an abrupt halt halfway across the room as a look of distress flickered across his face. "Have to pass, see you later!" he promised as he hurried out the door, Iolaus' giggles trailing along behind him.

The rest of that day passed uneventfully, as Iphicles entertained a small delegation from the city of Nephriam, which was seeking an alliance with the much more powerful Corinth as a way of staving off the raiding attacks from nearer Sparta that were threatening to escalate. The delegation had arrived the day before, and Iphicles thought their request reasonable enough to ask Hercules, Iolaus, and Jason to hear out the delegation and give their opinions. Hercules rallied around enough to play dutiful brother, though he seemed distracted during the talks, his gaze frequently wandering towards Iolaus. Then he would start guiltily, and turn his attention back to Prince Cylus.

Jason and Iolaus listened carefully, asked questions, and gave the matter serious thought. After talking it over with Hercules after the noon meal, they all came to the mutual conclusion that while Nephriam would obviously reap the most immediate benefits from the proposed alliance, Corinth would benefit as well, with increased trade with the farmers tilling the rich valley soil around Nephriam providing more variety and better quality produce and livestock for the city-dwellers of Corinth. Iolaus made a mental note to herd Hercules in the general direction of Nephrim some day, as it sounded a lot like the village of Thebes, where he and Hercules had grown up, and which they both still thought of as 'home'.

They had a short meeting with Iphicles just before they all headed towards the main hall for dinner. Nodding, Iphicles told them that their opinions tallied with what he and his court advisors had decided. The alliance would be forged, and a meeting with representatives from Sparta arranged as quickly as possible, before the little skirmishes and raiding parties on Nephriam escalated into a full-scale war the tiny city-state couldn't possibly hope to win.

Eyeing the even-quieter-than-usual Hercules, Iphicles had let his brotherly instincts over-ride the responsibilities of a king. "You don't have to stay for this, Hercules. You could go back home with Jason," he offered, hoping guiltily that his brother would insist on staying anyway. It was selfish, but he saw Hercules so infrequently, and he was worried about the bizzare pregnancy. In his heart, he knew he would be happier right now if Hercules would stay close by, where he could keep a brotherly eye on him, even though he knew perfectly well that Iolaus could be trusted to keep Hercules safe.

Hercules cast a quick, questioning look his partner's way, and Iphicles knew they were carrying on another of those 'silent conversations' they had mastered in childhood, never realising, even now, that most other people couldn't follow their exchanges.

"Iphy, would you mind if we stayed?" Hercules had asked softly.

The demi-god seemed delighted with Iphicles' obvious relief when the king had replied with a hearty, 'No!"

Iolaus provided the entertainment during the evening meal. The hunter's recollections of his shared adventures with Hercules were so compelling that, of all the delegation, only the visiting Prince, from his vantage point at the head of the table next to Iphicles, seemed to notice the truly remarkable amount of food Hercules was consuming. He smiled to himself, amused at this first-hand confirmation of the bard's tales of the demi-god's impressive appetite, thinking that it accounted for the slight pudginess he had noticed earlier. Even demi-gods were bound to gain unwanted weight eating like that on a regular basis. Noting the way Hercules was gazing at Iolaus, the Prince allowed himself the barest flicker of wonder if certain other stories held true as well. After all, the depth of their friendship was as legendary as their adventures.

After dinner, the group retired to the guest hall to enjoy the formal entertainment. Hercules by-passed the rugs and cushions to settle carefully on one of the reclining couches. The full shirt disguised the growing bulge at his middle, but he was learning there were limitations to his new, if temporary, figure. Iolaus snagged a couple of cushions and rug, making himself a comfy nest by Hercules' couch, close enough so he could lean back and rest his head against the demi-god's knees.

The entertainment started with a jester, drawing a small wince from Iolaus that only Hercules noticed. From there it progressed to a middling bard recounting a few of Xena's less memorable adventures (Hercules letting out a soft sigh of relief when his name wasn't mentioned) to an above average juggling/acrobat team to a very good bard who regaled the group with some adventures of Bellephon and his magical steed, Pegaseus.

At this point, the partners exchanged a quick glance and twin smirks blossomed and were just as quickly, and politely, smothered. Jason, who was passing by on his way back from answering the call of nature, stooped and muttered, "Problems with Bellephon?"

"Nope!" Iolaus chirped, giggling behind his hand at some secret joke.

"I like Bellephon," Hercules whispered with a put-upon expression, "It's that damned horse I can't stand."

"Herc and Peg didn't exactly see eye-to-eye," Iolaus snickered mysteriously.

Jason looked to Hercules for an explanation, but received only a watery smile and a half-hearted shrug in return. Making a mental note to quiz them later, he returned to his seat near Iphicles, who was in quiet conversation with the Prince.

"You brother certainly possesses a healthy appetite,"the Prince commented, "Any cook in my city would be pleased by such an appreciation of a meal."

Since 'he's eating for two' struck Iphicles as a response liable to raise more questions than it answered, he settled for, "He's been trying to broaden his diet recently. Too much rabbit." 'Whatever the hell that means,' he cringed mentally.

Before he could stop himself, the Prince added, "He and Iolaus seem exceptionally close." He regretted the comment immediately.

Having been appraised of the 'our daughter' situation earlier by a starry-eyed Hercules, Iphicles proved that speaking before thinking could happen to anybody by replying, "You have no idea!"

Maybe it was the wine.

"Oh," said the Prince quietly, as he silently resolved not to mention Hercules anymore that evening, no matter what.

The female bard was followed by a group of dancing girls, complete with their own female flutest. The dancers wore skimpy, transparent draping skirts, tiny band tops, and lots of tinkling jewelry. Compared to the flutest, they were vastly overdressed. She wore a multi-hued waist sash, dangling copper earring, a smile and nothing else.

Iolaus grinned widely, snuggled back firmly against Hercules' legs, and reached backwards to nudge the demi-god's shin with an elbow.

"Finally, some real entertainment!" he whispered, settling down to throughly enjoy the show.

Expression darkening, Hercules glared across the room and mouthed, "Slaves?"

Iphicles answered him with a firm shake of his head. Producing a dinar, the king flipped it onto the floor in front of the now seated flutest.

"For favor from the goddess," he explained, and she nodded in acceptance.

"May sweet Aphrodite grace all here," she murmured with a small smile and a quick peek in Iolaus' direction. The she settled down into the large cushion she was seated on and began to play.

"Mmmm," Iolaus sighed appreciatively a few moments later, unconsciously shifting closer to the couch and the gentle, teasing touch of Hercules' fingertips as the demi-god tickled the fine curls on the back of his neck. The tickling fingers danced downwards to lightly rub the juncture of neck and shoulders for a brief moment before moving back up to caress his neck. Then Hercules began to gently play with his earring, teasing the earlobe. The demi-god went back to stroking the back of Iolaus' neck in a manner the hunter found oddly pleasurable - and distracting. When one of the dancing girls made the blonde jump by trailing a wispy veil across his chest, Iolaus realized that his attention had been totally focused elsewhere.

Across the room, the visiting Prince covertly watched this secondary performance while determinedly smothering a snicker. Hercules' attention seemed riveted to the dancing girls the whole while, his expression as blank as a statue, as his fingers continued to play through his friend's golden curls. Iolaus, too, was looking in the general direction of the performers, but his glaze was noticably glassy and distracted. Silently, the Prince placed a bet with himself while trying not to notice the dirty looks Iphicles was shooting in his brother's direction. A few moments later, the Prince won his bet.

As the dancers gracefully bowed to Iphicles and filed out to make room for the next set of entertainers, Hercules awkwardly rose to his feet, made his apologies, and retired. Iolaus padded after him, saluting his host on the way out.

"What the hell is that?" Iolaus growled, pointing.

"Extra bed," Hercules replied in a tiny voice.

Iolaus rolled his eyes. "I can see that, Big Guy, but what's it doin' here?"

"So you can sleep without worry," Hercules explained timidly, "I asked Iphy to have it brought in while we were eating."

"Hell, Herc, I'm not worried and you're not sleepin' alone," Iolaus stated flatly. Marching across the room, he dumped his vest on the new bed, then perched on the edge to pull off his boots. Standing, he he yanked his belts out of the loops and wriggled free of his pants, dropping them onto the bed. Then he climbed into the original bed, folded himelf into a cross-legged sitting position in the center, and smiled at Hercules.

"Gonna get undressed, fella?" Iolaus asked with a smile, "Need help with those boots, maybe?"

Hercules shook himself out of his trance, smiled sweetly in return, and walked over to carefully place the little oil lamp on the table by the bed.

"If you don't mind," he replied, pushing the hunter's clothes aside to sit on the edge of the spare bed.

"Not a bit," Iolaus answered cheerfully, hopping off the other bed to kneel and deftly unlace one of Herc's boots.

"Thank you," Hercules said gratefully, absently folding the patched vest, "Bending is becoming a...challenge," he confessed, putting aside the vest and reaching for the hunter's black leather pants.

The blonde giggled from the vincinity of his kneecaps as he eased the demi-god's boots off. "Yeah, looked like you were having problems at dinner. Unlace your pants and I'll help with them, too," he offered, smiling up at Hercules.

Working together, they got Hercules into a suitable state of undress for bed.

"You need an undershirt?" Iolaus asked as Hercules carefully eased his new-found bulk into the bed, "Your chest cold or anything?"

"No, I think I'll be fine," the demi-god replied, shifting and nestling beneath the quilts, wriggling into a comfy position.

"You usually wear your undershirt," Iolaus worried, sliding into the bed next to him, "You warm enough without it?"

"It's in the laundry," Hercules explained with a yawn, "Cuddle and keep me warm?"

"Sure," Iolaus replied, snuggling up against the demi-god while he silently added, 'Okay, here we go, then.'

Hercules nestled happily against his back, head pillowed on the blonde's shoulder. "This is so nice," he murmured warmly into the blonde hunter's ear, close enough for Iolaus feel the soft brush of his lips and breath.

'Now, Iolaus,' the hunter told himself. Now was the best time to discuss their relationship. They were relaxed and alone; nobody would overhear and possibly embarrass the demi-god. Aloud, he said softly, "Herc, Jason has this theory..."

"Does he?" Hercules murmured, snuggling closer and not sounding the least bit interested.

"It's kinda silly, really. You'll laugh," Iolaus faltered, and swallowed, screwing up his courage to go on.

"Silly," Hercules murmured fondly.

"Yeah. Anyway, Jason thinks...and this is Jason's idea, mind you...."

"'Night, Sunshine," Hercules sighed softly into his ear.

"'Night, Herc. Oh! Wait, Herc, Jason's idea...." Iolaus trailed off as the soft snore floated into the night air and he felt a tiny trickle of warmth on his bare skin. Hercules was sound asleep.

Iolaus laid quietly for a few moments, going from feeling vaguely disappointed to simply enjoying the sound and feel of his partner asleep. Dropping his hand, he gently touched the demi-god's bulging tummy, sensing the unborn baby goddess sleeping peacefully within. Smiling, and strangely content, Iolaus finally fell into a soft and pleasant sleep.

Sometime later, Iolaus awoke with a start. He stayed perfectly still and quiet for a long moment, senses sharply alert in the darkness, wondering what had woken him.

Then it happened again. Hercules' stomach rippled and trembled against his side.

"Oh!" Iolaus exclaimed softly.

"She woke you, too, huh?" Hercules whispered in the dark, shifting a little closer.

"The baby's kicking?" Iolaus asked, smiling as he carefully slid his hand down to stroke the trembling bulge, "Oh, wow!"

"Oh, wow is right," Hercules said with a small grimace, "She's one strong little kicker. I think I'm carrying another Xena in here."

"She been at it while?" Iolaus asked, still stroking his friend's stomach soothingly.

"Couple of minutes," Hercules confessed, smiling with relief as he added, "Okay, she's happy now you're awake, too."

"Yeah, feels like she's settlin' down," Iolaus observed, "Wanna try to get back to sleep?"

"Well," Hercules murmured slowly, snuggling even closer, "Since you're awake already..."

Iolaus sighed as Hercules' lips brushed the sensitive spot just under his left ear as the demi-god murmured, "We don't have to go right back to sleep..."

"That's true," Iolaus agreed dreamily, thinking, 'Now would be a good time to talk about...'

Then Hercules brushed his lower lip lightly, and Iolaus couldn't think at all for a heartbeat. And when he could, his only thought was,'Who needs to talk?' as he responded by kissing Hercules just behind his ear, then again just under his jaw.

The demi-god shivered, gave a tiny moan, and arced his throat against those warm lips, offering the blonde easier access.

'Oh, yeah, forget talking,' Iolaus thought hazily as he went for that sensitive spot under Herc's jaw again. Hercules shivered, and gently nuzzled his throat before whispering, "Do me a really big favor?"

Iolaus giggled softly, murmuring, "Don't know if I'd call it really big."

"This could get you in big trouble with Iphy," Hercules warned, between sighs.

"He'll deal," Iolaus muttered, frankly not giving a damn what Iphy thought of the matter. Then Hercules warmly whispered his request into the startled hunter's ear, and Iolaus giggled.

"You naughty little demi-god, you!" Iolaus teased, before doing just what Hercules had asked.

Iphicles cracked open the door and peeked inside cautiously. It was late in the morning, yet neither of the heroes had stirred from the room. All morning long he had been hearing snatches of gossip all over the castle concerning late-night activity and giggling coming from this room to echo throughout the quiet castle.

They lay in a jumble of twisted quilts, peacefully curled together in the center of the bed. Nothing new there; Iolaus was notoriously prone to nightmares, and hardly a night went by that he didn't do battle with his blankets.

Iphicles eased closer, peering at the snoring tangle. His eyes narrowed as he noted strange smears decorating the quilts and sheets. He leaned closer. As he did so, the toe of his boot nudged something hidden under the bed. Bending, he fished it out, and stared at the object a long moment before erupting.

"You ate the lemon tart!" he hissed accusingly at the jumble of limbs.

Iolaus stirred, lifting his face from the back of Hercules' neck to mumble, eyes closed, "Shush, you'll wake Herc," before snuggling back down against his partner.

"You ate the lemon tart! Those were meant for the guests, Iolaus! Now we'll be one short! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get lemons this time of year?" Iphy demanded, waving the emply tart-pan over the bed.

"More than one short," Iolaus giggled sleeply.

The King of Corionth made a choking noise in the back of his throat. He practically dove under the bed, and emerged with several more pans.

"Six?!" he bellowed, "You ate all six?! Gods, Iolaus, each of these served six people!"

"Shush!" Iolaus admonished, freeing one hand to waggle a finger in Iphy's face, "Herc was hungry!"

Iphicles snarled and kicked the bed. The vibrations sent a bottle rolling out from beneath and he scooped it up, waving it in front of Iolaus' bleary eyes.

Iolaus smiled charmingly. "White wine goes great with lemon tart," he giggled, "Put Herc out like that!" He snapped his fingers.

Iphicles stared suspiciously as Iolaus gazed back, the very picture of sleepy innocence. Silently, Herc's brother reached down and delicately removed a chunk of lemon tart from the hunter's golden curls. One eyebrow rose questioningly.

"Gets messy, eating in the dark," Iolaus explained, batting his lashes.

Iphicles reached over him to pick another chunk off his sleeping brother's chest. It was one of many.

"Very messy," Iolaus giggled, licking some stray lemon tart off his own chin and from the corners of his mouth.

Hercules' peacefully sleeping features were also decorated with yellow smears and bits of tart crust. The sleeping demi-god stirred slightly, making a soft, complaining noise in his throat, and vaguely shaking one arm as though annoyed. Another pan dropped out of the bed and hit the rug with a muffled metallic clang.

"The custard, too?" Iphy asked in a deadly calm tone.

"He's eating for two!" Iolaus replied defensively, feeling around under the jumbled quilts. A look of truimph crossed his face as he pulled out yet another pan and handed it to the King.

"Both of them. Of course," Iphicles groaned. Squinting, he added, "Dare I ask the fate of the honey-cake?"

Iolaus just giggled, snuggling comfortably against Hercules' back.

"Did you two eat everything in the pantry?" Iphicles asked in despair, mentally picturing bare shelves and a castle full of hungry guests.

"Nope!" Iolaus replied, tucking the quilts carefully around Hercules' bare torso, "Left you the baklava. Herc hates the stuff!" He burrowed back down, tucking his chin into the back of the demi-god's neck. Hercules made a soft, pleased sound in his sleep.

Eyelids drooping, Iolaus mumbled, "Wake us for lunch?"

"Naturally," Iphicles sighed, shaking his head and mentally making a shopping list.

"Thanks," Iolaus murmered, the 's' lengthening into a soft snore.

Muttering imprecations against little brothers with huge appetites and their locust-like best friends, the King of Corinth gathered up as many of the empty pans as he could carry and left, pulling the door quietly shut behind him.

Hercules stirred, cracked one eye, and muttered to himself, "Thought I heard Iphy. Guess not," before the eye slid shut once more. With a happy little sigh, he snuggled back against his partner and dozed off.

Mid-day saw the appearence of the heroes in the nearly empty dining-hall which Jason was occupying in lonely spendor, since the heroes mid-night raid had prompted Iphicles to take the visiting prince on a tour of Corinth, complete with lunch at one of the better restaurants.

"About time, you two got up," he groused with a fond, step-fatherly smile.

"'Morning, Jason," Hercules yawned, carefully lowering himself into a chair. The shirt Iphicles had provided the day before was no longer loose enough to hide his perplexing condition, the baby having gained significant ground overnight.

Jason continued to smile, but made no comment on their freshly-scrubbed appearances. Iphicles had informed him of the fate of the day's desserts earlier, using a few rather un-brotherly words. It had been Jason who suggested the trip to the tavern, while he himself stayed behind to keep a watchful eye out. The former king wasn't quite sure what he would do if some vengeful god or another decided to try to take advantage of Hercules' 'indisposition', but he wasn't letting his old friend and step-son go down without a fight. Of course, the god in question would have to go through Iolaus first. And Iphicles. And most of the city of Corinth.

Whistling cheerfully, the blonde hunter placed two fully loaded platters in front of Hercules from the buffet that Iphicles had thoughtfully had sent over from the tavern. Jason watched with an amused half-smile as the demi-god dumped varous condiments into his scrambled eggs, and shared a forkful of the results with an appreciative Iolaus. Pregnancy had made Hercules a lot less picky about his food.

Hercules noticed they were the focus of Jason's attentions just as he was feeding Iolaus a second forkful of eggs. "Have you ever tried this?" he asked politely, scooping up another forkful of the concoction and offering it to the former king across the table.

"I'm fine, Hercules," Jason chuckled, waving the offering away. It went to Iolaus instead. "How's little nameless this morning?"

Hercules' glow kicked into high as Iolaus let loose with one of his own high-beam grins.

"We've been disussin' names," Iolaus said eagerly, "Herc likes 'Hope' or 'Charity', but I've always liked 'Megeara'. What do ya think, Jas?"

"They're both nice," Jason answered, warming up to the topic, "But I've always liked 'Circe' or 'Sybil' myself."

"The goddess Cybele or the oracle Sybil?" Iolaus asked around a mouthful of Hercules-improved eggs.

"There's a goddess Sybil?" Jason asked, intrigued.

"Oh, yeah, Jas. You never heard of Cybele? Spelled with a 'C'? She's the goddess of guys who really like other guys."

"Wait a minute," Jason objected, eyes narrowing as he thought that one over, "You're telling me the patron god of men who are...er, who like other men is a girl?"

Hercules nodded. "Why is something of a mystery," he confessed, putting down his fork to reach for the toast, "There are several stories, but nobody seems to really know for sure. But she does a good job of looking out for her worshipers. Lately Cupid's been getting most of the attention, but I haven't heard anything about Cybele 'retiring' like Helios and Selene; and she's certainly not giving up any of her temples."

"Her priests are all men who 'cannot be tempted by women'," Iolaus volunteered helpfully with a noticable smirk as he picked up his own fork and started helping himself to Hercules' breakfast.

Jason frowned. "Does that mean what I think it does?" he asked with an leary expression.

"Yep!" Iolaus giggled, "Lost it, every one!"

"She has some trouble finding priests," Hercules admitted, looking a little uncomfortable himself at the thought.

"Forget 'Sybil'," Jason decided, "'Circe' is still-"

"The woman who turns men into pigs?"

Hercules groaned faintly, muttering under his breath, "Been there, done that." He pushed his generious serving of bacon onto Iolaus' plate without further comment.

"Charity's nice," Jason decided, helping himself to some of the bacon.

"I still think I like 'Hope' a little bit better," Hercules commented, reaching for the olive oil, "But 'Meg's' nice, too."

Aesclepius appeared without fanfare next to the hero's chair, looking a little frazzled. "How are the patients today?" he asked, checking Hercules' pulse while appraising the contents of the table critically.

Peeking up at him through his bangs, Hercules answered with sweet sarcasm, "Still pregnant."

The elder god transferred his attention to the younger. "So I see," he commented dryly, noting Hercules' distinctly convex profile.

"Any luck finding the happy son-to-be mom or dad?" Iolaus asked.

"Don't you think I would have mentioned that if I had?" Aesclepius snapped, dropping Hercules' wrist and snagging an apple from the fruit basket as he dropped into the empty chair next to the demi-god.

"You doin' okay, Aesclep?" Iolaus asked, frowning slightly, "You're lookin' a little down."

"Just a disagreement with Zeus," the god of Healing confessed with a sigh.

"Brought somebody else back from the dead?" Hercules asked with a smile as Jason and Iolaus' jaws dropped. "Hades carrying on about his paperwork again?"

"Your father doesn't like it," Asclepius grouched, "but that doesn't mean I can help doing it. He acts like I do these things just to annoy him." Cupping his chin in his palm, he added, "Zeus is threatening to make me mortal again."

"Huh?" Iolaus exclaimed, "How come Zeus can take away your godhood, but you claim he can't take Herc's?"

"I am not a god!" Hercules objected.

"Gods, like people, are unique, Iolaus," Aesclepius tried to explain, "Some are born 'godly', like Baby Bliss and the child Hercules is carrying. Usually, both parents are gods, but I've seen 'gods' born to mortal/god unions, too. some of us demi-gods can 'make' godhood, with a little help; and some never do. Myself, if Zeus 'demotes' me, I'll still be the God of Healing. It's my providence, my birthright. Zeus can't take that away from me, no matter what."

"But, he could make you mortal!" Hercules pointed out, gesturing with his fork, "He had Ares 'take my strength' and make me mortal when I married Serena."

"Stupid, that," Aesclepius muttered.

"He took away my demi-godhood then, and he took away my godhood when I decided not to be the god of Justice!" Hercules claimed truimphantly.

A sly smile curled the elder god's lips. "Ah, but you aren't a mortal now, are you, son?" he noted softly.

Hercules blinked. "But...ah..."

Aesclepius chuckled softly. "I really am amazed at what some people are willing to believe," he commented to Jason, "Do you know, the old goat's got them all bamboozled? The only ones not buying this nonsense are Hades and myself." He rolled his eyes, and added in a louder tone, "He's even got them convinced that if they heal the dying without getting the consent of every other god in the Pantheon, they will lose their own godhood!"

There was a loud roll of thunder from the cloudless sky, and a jagged bolt of lightening flashed outside.

Aesclepius smiled and bit into the apple he had been absently rolling along the table top.

"Y'know, I'm beginning to understand why you get migraines," Iolaus told Hercules.

"But," Hercules said determinely, proving that he had inherted some of Zeus' stubborness, "If a mortal eats of one of Hestia's apples-"

"Like both these gentlemen have?" the god asked quietly, taking another bite from his own apple.

"Or," Hercules forged on, "Drinks ambrosia, then he or she becomes immortal."

Aesclepius chuckled again. "Give it up, son," he advised, "You were born a god and that's that. Speaking of birth, have you decided how you want to go about bringing our new little goddess into the world?"

"As painlessly as possible," Hercules replied immediately.

"Hey, how could Herc be born a god if Alcmene was mortal?" Iolaus asked, too curious to keep quiet now that the question had occured to him.

"Aphrodite's mother wasn't a god, either," Aesclepius replied.

"Forgive me, but I think I've lost track of this conversation," Jason sighed, "Are we back on the 'is he or isn't he a god?' discussion, or have we moved on to 'is he or isn't he giving birth' one?"

"A bit of both," Aesclepius replied, looking meaningfully at the demi-god.

"Wasn't Aphrodite born of foam?" Hercules asked in a surprised tone.

The God of Healing choked and snorted so hard that bits of chewed apple sprayed the tabletop. Hercules immediately began wiping them up with his napkin.

"Aphrodite was not 'born of foam', even if she did arrive in a seashell!" Aesclepius chuckled, "Though I won't deny that 'foam' had something to do with it, but, as you well know, your father is not above employing a bit of deception in his seductions."

The room grew very still. Iolaus cut his eyes sideways to find Hercules sporting his 'frozen' expression, the one where he could be mistaken for a particulary well-sculpted statue at first glance. The blonde hero wondered if Aesclepius realized what a sensitive spot he had just stomped on. Had he done that on purpose? 'Employing deception' sounded like a typical godly euphemism for what amounted, in Iolaus' book, to 'rape'. The hunter had never quite understood how Alcmene had forgiven Zeus for masquerading as her beloved husband. Pretending to be a woman's husband just to get into her bed was about as low as you could get, a truth that had come back to haunt Iolaus the time he had been forced to wed Niobe while posing as Orestes. The same nagging sense of 'wrongness' had been one of the two major factors in his decision not to remain with Niobe after Orestes' murder.

The other major factor was currently gazing blandly at the God of Healing while, at the same time, he turned his fork into a free-form sculpture.

Jason, at the head of the table, flicked his troubled gaze to the hunter's equally troubled one, questioningly. Iolaus answered with the tiniest bewildered raise of his eyebrows.

"Oh," Hercules said simply after a long moment, "I didn't know."

"Do you think less of her now that you do?" Aesclepius asked, studying Hercules carefully.

Hercules blinked with surprise. "Why would I?" he asked, clearly bewildered, "It's hardly her fault. She's still, well, her."

Jason and Iolaus exchanged glances again, each clearly seeing the other's relief. Aesclepius had done it on purpose. Hercules had somehow been tricked, just like his mother had been, and the elder god had been probing to discover if Hercules harbored any resentment towards the child he carried.

The corners of the hunter's mouth turned in a tiny smile. He could have answered that one. Hercules, too, had long ago forgiven Zeus.

Aesclepius smiled. "No reason, Hercules. But you will have to be delivered of that baby soon, somehow. And that's going to be a problem, obviously. If you were a normal god, you might be able to assume a form of pure energy long enough to give birth. That's how Ares was able to 'remove' your godhood, by the way. All he really did was extract a portion of that energy and weaken you enough for you to pass for mortal for a time."

"I was mortal!" Hercules insisted.

"Hercules, mortals cannot take a severe beating, and yet be fully healed only hours later, yet that is exactly what happened after Serena's death. you were too upset at the time to question it, but that was your unique form of godhood reassurting itself." Aesclepius sat back, folding his arms across his chest and regarded Hercules thoughtfully, "You aren't an earth-god, but you seem to be an earth-bound one. You've really been giving your father head-aches, young man."

Hercules sighed, too, and rubbed his stomach absently. "So, what you're saying is that I'm a god trapped in mortal form?" he asked skeptically.

"By your own chosing. Or maybe not," Asclepius frowned.

"But mortal men don't become pregnant," Iolaus pointed out.

Aesclepius unfolded one arm to rub his forehead. "Like I said, headaches. At least I'm fairly certain this child was not originally Hercules'."

"Losing me now," Hercules complained mildly, surveying the table for any stray scraps. Except for a few uneatten pieces of fruit, it was bare of food.

"She's adapting to you. It seems to be a natural part of the process when one of these transfers occurs," the god explained, a half-smile quirking his lips as he added, "That's why poor, gentle Cupid is stuck carting around that silly bow. Comes from the time he spent with Ares."

"Huh?" the assembled heros chorused.

"Don't tell me..." Iolaus pleaded, harboring anasty feeling the unthinkable was about to be confirmed.

"Ares?!" Hercules squeaked, voice rising to a note Iolaus hadn't heard in years.

This time Aesclepius did smile. "What, you thought you were the first? Oh, that's right, you knew about Zeus. Now, that one was...a tad unusual. Cheer up, boy, at least you don't have to worry about Hera interfering with the delivery, like your mother and Aphrodite did."

"Aphrodite? How could Hera 'interfer' with Aphrodite?" Iolaus asked his partner. He always had a hard time picturing the two goddesses together, perhaps due to Aphrodite's undisguised dislike of her 'step-mother', 'Old Horse-face'.

"When Aphrodite went into labor with Cupid, she was visting earth and Hera somehow blocked her ability to return to Olympus. That why 'Dite had him in her temple in north-fork, and that's why they have that Flower Festival we went to a few years back," Hercules explained, sounding distracted as he had a epiphany. Eyes widening, he asked Aesclepius, "Is that why Ares was, um, 'hosting' Cupid? To hide him from Hera?"

"That, and to protect Aphrodite. She might be Zeus' favorite daughter, but he wasn't happy about that pregnancy. He really has a grudge against poor Cupid's father, and you know how stubborn your father can be. As for Hera, well, when she was...troubled, she hated Aphrodite just as much as she hated you, and for the same stupid reason. As though either of you, or any of your siblings, for that matter, ever had any control over Zeus' doings. He's always been the most headstrong of the gods. Ares takes after him for that."

" 'Disturbed'?" Hercules echoed a touch bitterly, "Is that what it called on Olympus?"

"Hercules, she was disturbed. And now she's gone, deep in Tartarus, and we've got more immediate concerns to worry about," Aesclepius said kindly.

"But why pick on Aphrodite, if Apollo, and Artemis, and all those others weren't Hera's children either?" Iolaus asked, strangely concerned about the pretty, frivolous, yet sweet goddess of Love.

"She was the first," Aesclepius said, "And Hera never forgave her for that. It is strange, though, that Ares is so fond of her."

"Well he's still her brother, isn't he?" Jason asked softly, gazing thoughtfully at his stepson. He was beginning to understand his reluctance to discuss his extended divine family.

"Her brother, and the only child of both Hera and Zeus," Aesclepius replied, "Iolaus is right; all the others are products of Zeus'...wandering eye."

"Except Hephaestus," Hercules corrected, "Zeus isn't his father, but Hera is his mother."

"Except Hephaestus," Aesclepius agreed.

"Heph and 'Dite aren't brother and sister? I always thought they were," Iolaus commented thoughtfully.

"Me, too," Jason admitted, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms across his abdomen with a sigh.

"What?!" Hercules exclaimed, staring at them in undisguised horror, "Ewww, guys! That's ...sick!" He looked queasy at the very thought.

"But not unknown among gods and kings," the God of Healing said with a chuckle, "Simmer down, boy, your Iolaus meant no harm. Anyway, to get back to the subject, which I'm trying mightily to do, I may add, that nasty trick of Hera's worked out for the best in the end. Aphrodite got to experience giving birth like a mortal, Cupid turned out just fine, the folks of North-folk get to claim a god was born in their town, and I got 'pregnancy and delivery' tacked onto my list of providences just in case an emergency like this came along. And that, boys, brings us back to your little bundle of joy, who is due to make her appearance in a few days. Are you ready for the big day, Hercules?"

"No," Hercules sighed, propping his chin in his palm, elbow on the table, "I haven't knitted even one pair of booties yet, I've got baby clothes to make, we can't settle on a name, Iphy hasn't gotten the cradle out of storage, and Iolaus wants us to find a craftman who can make a 'cradleboard' so we can carry the baby with us when we travel." He sat back, rubbing his tummy absently, since leaning forward was too uncomfortable.

"Ah, Big Guy, I don't think baby clothes was what Aesclep's talkin' about," Iolaus said, smiling fondly.

"Oh, yeah, 'delivery options'," Hercules groaned, making a face.

"One thing's for sure," Iolaus murmured, still smiling at Hercules as he gave the bulge a friendly little rub, "'Dite's gonna hafta find herself another babysitter. We're gonna be busy!"

Aesclepius blinked and stared at them disbelievingly. "Aphrodite asked you to babysit?" he asked slowly.

"Well, she asked Herc, but I figured I'd get roped into helping," Iolaus confessed with a giggle.

With deadly calmness, Aesclepius asked, "And when, precisely, did she happen to make this request?"

"About five days ago," Hercules said, "Why?"

"And you have neglected to mention this before now because-?"

"Not important?"

Iolaus shrugged, "Other things on our minds?"

"Zeus give me patience," the elder god muttered, rubbing his forehead with both hands, "I know they don't mean to do it, but sometimes..." Glancing up a the perplexed expressions surrounding him, he pointed at the partners and snapped, "You two stay right here!" With that, he vanished.

"Wonder what that was about?' Hercules asked, frowning worriedly.

"Who knows?' Iolaus shrugged, "I just like that he doesn't half-blind you when he comes and goes like the other gods."

"Aesclepius always says 'special effects' are a waste of time and energy," Hercules noted, snagging a orange from the fruitbowl.

There was a bright burst of light at the far end of the table, and Ares appeared. Hercules promptly dropped the orange to shoot to his feet. "What are you doing here?" he growled, moving protectivly in front of Iolaus, who immediately pushed in front of Hercules in turn.

Ares just looked at them for a beat, then he burst into laughter.

The heroes exchanged a round of startled glances, and Hercules snapped, "Something funny?"

Ares gasped, scraped at the tears of mirth rolling down his face with the back of one hand, composed himself for second, opened his mouth to reply, and- roared again. He had been clinging to the table edge with both hands for support. Now he slowly sank to his knees, howling with laughter all the while.

Aesclepius reappeared, took in the scene at a glance, muttered, "I thought so," and vanished again.

"Oh, gods, it's a good thing I can't soil myself!" Ares gasped, slapping the table with his palm.

"Glad you find this so damned amusing," Iolaus growled, glaring at the quaking god.

"Really!" Ares gasped, "You two get more precious by the year!"

"Oh, for gods' sakes...," Iolaus snarled, rolling his eyes.

Still chuckling, Ares levered himself back to his feet. Leering at the hunter, he snickered and asked, "Looking forward to fatherhood, Blondie?"

"Screw you," Iolaus snarled, pushing protectively in front of Hercules once more.

"From the looks of things..." Ares sneered.

"Ares!" Hercules interrupted hurriedly, "What do you want?"

"Why, to wish the expectant mommy all the best!" the dark god said innocently, batting his lashes. He snagged a chair, and dropped into it, swinging his feet onto the table and crossing his ankles.

"Go 'way, jerk-off," Iolaus growled, glaring at him.

Ares snickered, wiping his face. "Haven't been doing much of that lately, huh, Sunshine?"

"Don't call him 'Sunshine'!" Hercules fussed, sinking gratefully back down into his chair as it became apparent Ares wasn't in 'attack mode'.

"Sure thing, Little Brother. How about I call him 'Sweetcheeks' instead?" Ares grinned.

"Ares, what do you want?" Hercules asked wearily.

"I'm not your 'Sweetcheeks'!" Iolaus grumbled, settling back down next to Herc and shifting his chair protectively closer to the demi-god.

"Oh, I can see that," Ares purred, "I think everybody can tell just whose 'Sweetcheeks' you are."

Iolaus snarled wordlessly, Hercules sighed, and Jason felt a headache coming on.

Ares chuckled at their reactions and asked conversationally, "Picked a name yet?"

Hercules brightened. "What do you think of Hope or Charity?" he asked eagerly, then added, "Or maybe Harmony. Harmony's nice, isn't it?' He turned to Iolaus and Jason, who just blinked at him.

"Damned sight better than 'Discord' or 'Strife'," Ares commented.

Iolaus and Jason stared at him, surprised. He shrugged. "Gotta call it something. Harmony is nice, Little Brother. I like Harmony."

Hercules blinked, a little startled by the dark god's friendliness.

Ares smiled pleasantly at them all, for all the world like an old friend who's stopped by for a short visit.

"Um, Ares," Hercules started, then stopped, not sure what to say. He frowned, wondering why he wasn't more worried- a pleasant Ares was usually an Ares about to stick it to everyone present, but he wasn't picking up any 'danger signals' at all from his half-brother. Ares was acting 'weird', and Hercules couldn't figure out what he might be up to.

Ares sighed, smile fading. "You do know it's not really yours?" he asked with surprising gentleness.

"How the hell do you...you didn't,