Sugar Filled Cavity World
Authors notes: The anti drug video Matt watches is based off a real anti drug video. Also the word Hebi is Japanese for snake.
End notes
In a universe, in some ways like our own and in others…well not all that much like our own existed a country called Wapan. Wapan existed on a large island and in many ways is very similar to the Japan we know of in our world. In this far away mystical country of Wapan lived a high school student named Matt Murdock having recently moved there from Amerikistan with his big sister Celes who recently got a job in Wapan.
Matt was an average looking teenager and as usual it looked to be an average looking day. There was some sort of anti drug video. He was only half paying attention, the video was about some girl who took drugs and was about to eat a hot dog. But it was no longer a hot dog, it had changed, it became some bizarre creature, almost like a rubber version of the Fiji mermaid. The Fiji mermaid, a grotesque hoax where a monkeys torso was stitched to a fishes body.
The creature that was once a hot dog began screaming, the girl dropped the hot dog and stomped on it causing it to scream louder.
“Man this videos really dumb…” he muttered to himself half paying attention. Things went on like this until finally the video was over. Matt bolted from school, he couldn’t wait to get out of there.
On the way home Matt glanced over at the local WcDonalds he always passed on the way home. As dumb as that video had been it got him in the mood for a hot dog, or better yet, a Big Wac!
As he walked into the fast food restaurant he glanced over at the guy preparing burgers, for just split second he thought he saw a six foot tall lizard wielding a bent metallic base ball bat, but as he looked back it was just an ordinary Wapanese teenager.
“Damn video…now I’m seeing things, I’ll feel better after I get something in my stomach. I’ll have one Big Wac!”
Matt sat down with his Big Wac, the greasy artificial filled evolutionary end product of the fast food industry was calling out for him to eat it….yet something was wrong. Well whatever it was that was wrong it could wait until after he ate his Big Wac!” He bit down, but as soon as he did so, an incredibly high pitched scream rang through his head like a shot gun! He dropped his Big Wac. Matt quickly looked around, no one else seemed to have heard the noise, was it just him? He was about to pick his Big Wac back up when suddenly the top bun moved ever so slightly.
“What the hell is this….maybe I should step on it….no in that video when she stepped on it, it just started to scream louder….but no one else could hear it, on the other hand everyone will think I’m some kind of weirdo who likes to step on Big Wacs if I do that….what should I do?” Matt thought to himself.
“Owwww….you bit my tail!” he heard someone say, that sounded like a girls voice.
He peered closer when suddenly the bun moved some more to reveal the head of a girl, she had aqua green colored hair and was really cute looking. Matt took a step back seat moving down the side of his face, what the hell was going on? Everyone was looking at him but that wasn’t important. There was a cute girl in his big wac and he just bit her!
“Hey it’s not nice to bite people , you should apologize!” she said cutely, then the bun moved more revealing her body,, from the neck down she had a body of a snake! Her snake body was a light purple color with a rattle on the end.
Terrified Matt screamed and ran straight into the wall. He stumbled about regaining himself and then bolted from the WcDonalds.
“Hey wait! Where are you going?” she called out.
One of the other customers after having seen Matt’s reaction to the Big Wac said “Maybe we should go to Burger Kong instead….”
When Matt got home he shut the door behind him and began to run to his room. Celes was asleep on the couch with a bottle of sake, which was just as well, he didn’t feel like dealing with his sadist of a sister right now.
“Ok I just need to get some rest….” After watching a lot of TV Matt eventually fell asleep.
“Heeeeeey! Wake up! Ne! Ne! Ne!*”
(* “Ne” is sort of like the Japanese equivalent of saying hey, sense it sounds kind of cute I thought I would have Hebiko say this now and then)
“Nnnngghh…No not the water sis!” Matt instinctively sat bolt straight expecting his sister to dump a bucket of water on his head, which is what she always did to wake him up.
“Water?” asked a cute sounding voice.
“Ah….” Matt made eye contact with what was on his bed. It was the same snake girl from yesterday, except now she was the size of a small boa! “Arrrgghh…..STAY AWAY!” Matt backed against the wall.
“Matt keep it down in there, or else!” he heard his sister shout.
“you better keep away from me!” Matt whispered reaching for a nearby lamp which was nearly knocked from the table by his fumbling hands but he caught it before it could fall.
The snake girl was looking at him with a confused look on her face “What are you doing?”
“What the hell kind of question is that? It’s perfectly obvious what I’m doing!”
“Well never mind that. I think I should introduce myself, my names Hebiko. I’m a magical girl who came to your world to defend it from all sorts of bad evil!”
“Uhhh….”
“Yes, I’m the elite of my class….I only go up against really hard core bad guys! I fight guys who sweat blood and eat punks like you for breakfast!” She said trying to look intimidating and failing horribly.
“But you’re a snake….”
“Uhhhh….no I’m not I’m just not maturing very fast so I’m kind of flat.” Hebiko said looking embarrassed.
“Bullshit, you’re a snake with a girls head! How the hell are you some kind of sailor moon wannabe when you’re a snake?”
Hebiko’s eyes began to tear up “Your mean! All the others at magical country made fun of me because of that! Waaaah!”
“Don’t make me come in there Matt!”
“Ok! I’m sorry, just shut up!” He said covering her mouth until she stopped crying.
“You shouldn’t put your hand by my mouth you know, my venom is 10000 times more toxic then that of a black mamba and it’s corrosive enough to eat through steel!”
“Right….I’m sure it is….”
“Anyway like I was saying I only fight hard core bad guys, not some sissy monsters like your sailor moose or whatever her name is. You have no idea what sorts of things around here, Yakuza, tentacle monsters, cursed video tapes, giant lizards with baseball bats! I’m here to take em all down! Just because I have no legs they underestimate me, but I’ll show them , hard work can pay off even more then being a genius! I’ll show them that even someone with no legs can become a great ninja!”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I mean become a great magical girl!”
“Listen, I don’t think there are any yakuza around here, and there’s certainly no real hentai monsters or cursed video tapes. And why are you even telling this to me?”
“You’re my side kick!”
“What?”
“Well before I left magical country the wise old women with the all seeing eyeball told me that the first person capable of seeing me would become my side kick and that’s you.”
“Oh no I’m not! “
“Oh yes you are!”
“Anyway , why were you on my Big Wac?”
“Well it’s like this , when I arrived in Wapan my magical senses immediately picked up the presence of evil. So I went to investigate. There was this guy who had bought a dog, but it really wasn’t a dog, it was a giant Fexican rat! And as I suspected……it had the taste for human flesh!”
“So how does this relate to you getting in my Big Wac?”
“Well the guy who had the rat was at the WcDonalds. I thought if I posed as a Big Wac I could lure the killer rat out of hiding and destroy it….say….it’s been awhile since we left that WcDonalds….oh no the killer rat probably ate him by now! Waaaah! I’m a failure! We have to go save him!”
“We?!? Why should I go with you?”
“If you don’t I’ll start crying until you do go with me!”
“Ok, ok!” Hebiko then shrunk back down to the size of a garter snake and jumped onto Matts shoulder. Matt quietly snuck out of the house careful to avoid waking up his sister.
When they got outside it was dark the moon clouded over partially. “Ok follow me, I’ll lead the way to where he is!” Hebiko jumped to the ground and began to slither away growing to the size of a small boa again so that Matt could keep track of her easier. After following her all over town they began to walk down a dark alley. “Be careful! Anything can happen in a dark alley…..” something moved behind a garbage can and Hebiko motioned for him to stop walking.
“Is that the rat?”
“No, it doesn’t smell like a rat, maybe it’s a cannibal or a Chupacabra….” A small cat moved out from behind the garbage can.
“Kitty!” Hebiko tried to go over and pet it, but the cat freaked out and ran away. "Why do cats always run away from me?”
“Oh this is stupid, you have no clue do you?”
“Shhhh! He’s nearby in that warehouse!”
“Probably just another cat…..”
Hebiko slithered over to the warehouse door and peered through a crack in it. The man who had the rat earlier was there and he looked pretty worried, a bunch of other men were there as well. He was a balding man short man. Next to him was an animal kennel, something stirred inside. The man he was talking to was wearing a white suit and had a patch over his left eye.
Inside the warehouse
“You expect us to look in that dogs butt for the diamonds? Not only were you late with your payment, but you fed them to a dog!”
“Please I’m very sorry! It’s just that I’m really paranoid about getting caught! In any case it’s only a day late, why does it matter?”
“You don’t get it you sniveling punk! Those diamonds aren’t for the Kiryu clan, recently all the yakuza clans were united under one boss. He demands a cut of all our profits each month otherwise we get punished. And without those diamonds we’ll come up short. And since it’s one day passed the deadline….well we can only hope he’ll be more forgiving then we are.”
“B-but…” the man with an eye patch used lightning reflexes slashed across the balding mans throat, a jet stream of red blood shot out of it staining his white suit red. In his right hand he held a stiletto knife.
“I hate dead beats. Now cut that dog open!”
outside the warehouse
Matt ran over to Hebiko who was by the door “Shhh! There’s a bunch of Yakuza in there! There’s a lot of them so we got to…”
“Oh for crying out loud, there are no yakuza in there, and I’m going to prove it!” Matt threw the door open. “See no….hey you guys aren’t Yakuza are you?” All of them pulled out guns and katanas. Matt always had trouble thinking of excuses under pressure but he had to try “Hey listen guys….I’m just a figment of your imagination, this is all just a dream which you all were unfortunate enough to experience now if you excuse me I’ll just shut this door…” The man with an eye patch hurled another stiletto knife right into Matts foot before he could move any further.
“A bad dream…..your not to slick are you?”
“Arrrrgghhh….you stabbed my fucking foot!”
“Yeah I guess I did, now what business do you have with the Kiryu clan?” Before Matt could do anything else two more Yakuza grabbed him and strung him up and hung him by a hook from the ceiling. Matt didn’t know what had happened to Hebiko, she had just vanished , hopefully she wouldn’t leave him here.
“I don’t know nothing about you guys! And my foot hurts! I think my sock is wet…I hate wet socks!” Matt glanced around the room, he was completely surrounded. Most of them looked like your typical thugs, but for some reason there was also a girl wearing a tiger striped bikini with green hair, and she was carrying an AK-47.
“Well, in case you don’t know , I am Ryo Kiryu of the Kiryu clan. I’m famous among the underworld for my skill with these things!” Like a magician playing a card trick he flicked his hand and four stiletto knives came out, one held between each finger.
“Wow, you know I saw this anime one time where there was this girl who could do that, and it turned out that even though she was skinny she was actually really fat and was hiding all those knives in her fat….but damn….that’d probably hurt….your not doing that are you?”
“Oh no I’m saying stupid things again….I always do that under pressure….” Matt thought to himself as he noticed Ryo start to get an angry look on his face.
“Are you making fun of me you punk? That’s it your dead!” He was about to through them when something moved lightning fast cracking like a whip knocking Ryo from his feet.
Suddenly smoke began to pour into the room. Rising out of the smoke was Hebiko, but she was much larger now, she was human sized. “Evil men who quiver like ravens in the darkness, I Hebiko the magical defender of Wapan shall teach you the true meaning of Justice! In the name of the moose, I shall punish you!”
It was then that Matt noticed Hebiko was wearing something that looked like the sort of mask a dominatrix might wear along with bunny ears, also the smoke was coming from several cherry bombs. How she lit them with no hands was beyond Matt, but she was a magical girl so she could do things like that, but that mask….there was no accounting for taste, but Matt wasn’t about to complain if she could get him out of here.
“What the hell is that?”
“Who cares shoot it!”
The yakuza all began to shoot, but lightning fast Hebiko avoided the bullets seemingly vanishing.
“She’s gone….”
“she was using dried ice to make
her entrance, she can’t be that good…”
“Don’t let your guard down, that creature wasn’t human!” Ryo said standing up “That thing might be like Mr. H, we can’t afford to underestimate it!”
One of the Yakuza made a gurgling noise and shot off his gun a couple times. It soon became clear what had happened to him, a long metallic spike had gone through the back of his head and came out his mouth, the spike was coming out of the end of the rattle on Hebiko’s tail. The bikini girl with the Ak-47 let loose a hail of hot lead , but Hebiko hurled his body at her with such force it knocked her over, the Ak-47 dropping to the floor. Three of them ran at Hebiko which opened her mouth and a greenish blast of some mysterious fluid engulfed the three of them, they began to malt right where they stood.
Ryo hurled dozens of stiletto knives at Hebiko, her tail moved with the speed and grace of Lee-Mu Bais sword parrying all the knives. Ryo drew his katana and charged her, Hebiko’s forked tong came out of her mouth changing shape and elongating into a blade. She parried Ryo’s strike and swept his legs out from under him with her tail. She hit him with such force that both his ankles shattered from the blow.
Ryo pulled a gun out but before he could fire, Hebiko’s cute little mouth opened and she bit down on his neck sinking her fangs into him. There was a crack as she snapped Ryo’s Spinal cord and she hurled his limp form across the room where he impacted on the wall. The remaining thugs were too terrified to fight and made a run for it.
One of them tried to grab the doggy kennel but knocked it over causing the door to burst open. The huge rat came out and looked around the room, it’s four beady red eyes focusing on the nearest Yakuza who drew his gun. But before he could fire the rat leapt at him digging its fangs into his throat. It turned to look at Matt still dangling from the ceiling and leapt at him, but before it could make contact it was skewered on the end of Hebikos tail. With a flick of her tail the limp body of the giant rat hit the wall and fell to the floor with a sickening thud. She flicked her tail a few more times to get some of the blood off it.
“Matt, are you ok? Your foot's all bloody! I was so worried, but I needed to get that cherry bombs to make my entrance! If I knew they were going to do that I would have saved you earlier.”
She nipped the chain, her venom melting it in an instant and Matt fell to the floor. Normally Matt would probably be pissed off at this but he was too terrified to say anything. Just seeing Hebiko fight like that had made him wet his pants.
“We need to get your foot cleaned up!” Hebiko slithered over to take a look at it.
“Don’t come near me!” Matt scrambled backwards.
“But your foot is hurt, Hebiko is worried…”
“You’re a monster, you’ll kill me!”
Then some thing he wasn’t expecting happened. Hebiko burst into tears “B-but I fought so hard to save you…and…and…Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!” Hebiko tried to wipe her tears as she cried with her tail but it wasn’t working very well.
Matt didn’t know what to do , as much as he was terrified of the snake girl he didn’t like to see girls cry either. “ok, ok I take it back just calm down!”
“Matt!” almost like in Calvin & Hobbs where Hobbs always shoots out the door knocking Calvin off his feet Hebiko shot into the air like a bullet smashing into Matt. And began to cuddle against him.
“Stop! Stop that!”
“Sorry…..but you’re not mad at me are you?” Hebiko looked with worry all over her face.
“Lets just get out of her ok?” the bodies of the dead yakuza were making him sick, he’d never seen anyone get melted before.
Meanwhile
Mr. H in an almost robotic motion picked up his glass of whine, he swished it around watching the red liquid inside move about. A broad smile spread across his face revealing a full set of gold teeth. “So the head of the Kiryu clan was killed eh? I never liked him anyway….” He squeezed the whine glass causing it to explode, he opened his hand and tiny bits of glass fell to the floor.
Next time:
Sister from hell!