Note: This journal runs from the first entry to the last (kinda backwards...*S*
I decided to quit smoking last Thursday, August 6th, 1998.
I went out and bought some patches to wear, stocked up
on LifeSavers and Dum Dum's (lollipops)and
warned my loved ones to beware!

From smoking 2 packs (40 cigarettes)per day since the
age of 16 (34 years ago), I am now smoking between
4-8 per day. This is the hardest thing I have ever
tried to do in my entire life.

If you're a smoker, I hope these pages inspire you as
they have me. If you're not a smoker, I hope you will
surround me with positive vibes and your love and support!

Well, this hasn't been one of my better days so far.
I've already had about 6 cigarettes and it's only Noon.
It's amazing the excuses I can come up with!
Right now I'm blaming it on stress,because
the doctor did a biopsy on my mother's lip
and we're waiting for the results.
She's been a smoker for over 60 years!
Gosh, I hope it's not cancer of the lip!

And of course, I haven't changed my patch yet so I
figure I didn't have any nicotine in my body right now.
Feeble excuses, aren't they?
Will write more later!

June 16, 2000
Well, I've made it for about 1 month, smoking 4 cigarettes or less per day!
But, now I've got a good excuse to start smoking again..
...JUST FOR THIS WEEKEND.
My daughter is getting married, the whole family smokes
and they will all be there for the entire weekend, setting up
for the wedding and the rehearsal, etc. etc.
Not to mention the STRESS of spending the weekend around
my ex-husband and his wife!!!!
I told myself it would just be for this weekend.
 

July 8, 2000
Well, it wasn't just for the weekend after all.
I'm back to smoking about a pack a day again.
The doctor says I have STAGE THREE emphysema.
I never even knew I had stage one and two!!!!
He says if I quit smoking my lungs won't get any worse,
but they will still never get any better.
In order to be on oxygen, your oxygenated blood count
would be 55 or less. Mine is 74, so I'm still lucky.
I'm going to drag out the patches and Zyban again!
Good News!!! Hurrah! I found out that my insurance company
will pay for the majority of my PATCHES and I only have a
$10 deductible on the Wellbutrin (which is the generic for Zyban).
This is UNLIMITED!!!!
So no matter how long it takes me to quit, I can stay on the
drugs and patches until I'm really through smoking!!!!
Oh yes, I still smoke with both the patches and the pills but
not very much and I discovered that I really didn't have the
urge to smoke hardly at all.

October 4, 2000 
Remember the biopsy my mom had in 1998?
Well, although they said it wasn't cancer of the lip back then
but now it's turned into cancer.
They are going to have to remove about 1/3 of her upper lip.
It's because of all her years of smoking.
She came through the surgery fine but she can't wear her
dentures right now because of the sutures inside her mouth.
And of course, the first thing she did when I picked her up
and got her into my car was light a cigarette.
Even though the doctor told her not to smoke because it would
slow down the healing of her incision.

November 16, 2000
Well, I quit putting the patches on, thinking that I would be
able to control my smoking without them, and of course
every day I started smoking just a little bit more.
So today I've decided to get serious again!
Wouldn't you think I'd have more will power than those stupid
little sticks???? I'm so ashamed of myself.
I'm only smoking about 6-7 per day but I know my pattern.
I'm sneaking around so my husband doesn't know I'm still
smoking.....
yeah, like he can't smell it in my hair or on my breath or on my clothes!
Who am I kidding???

Today is the Great American Smokeout. I sent email cards to
each of my three children that encourage them to quit smoking today.
My daughter has recently quit smoking because she and her new
husband are planning on starting their family soon.
You know, back in the 60's and early 70's when I had my children,
they didn't worry about pregnant women smoking.
I have to admit that I did quit (at my 1st husband's insistance..
..he was a real power monger/dictator....)
and my baby weighed 8lb. and he was 3 weeks early.
I started smoking again and smoked with my second and third
babies and they weighed 6lb.13oz. and 7 lb.1/2 oz....so the
logic about having smaller babies if you smoke sure was proven to be true.
I've made a special page with those "Quit Smoking" cards for you to see.
I'm going to make it this time!!!!!

Well, it's June 26, 2001.
For over a year now, I've managed to consistently cut down my smoking
to 10 cigarettes or less per day.
I guess it's time to try to cut down to just 5.
This cutting down is working the best for me.
I don't feel denied but it's definitely
taking much longer to quit.
 

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