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IRC chat transcript from back when Pokebattles used to update:
[19:47] <Mattchu> O.O man, those nazis just keep bombing us… [19:47] <Sir Chargon> HAHA [19:47] <JasonR> maybe you should run or something, Matt o.O;; [19:48] <Mattchu> eh, that would require going outside.. when are you Americans gonna help us out, anyway? o.O; [19:48] <JasonR> eh, isolationism is good [19:48] <CrimsonKing> man, that sucks [19:48] <Lani> sorry,Matt [19:48] * Mattchu looks outside and sees half of his town is missing [19:48] <Kanojo> eep… we can’t do anything, Matt, sorry… New Zealand is too small ^_^; [19:48] *** Mattchu has quit IRC (Ping timeout) [19:48] <JasonR> O.O [19:48] <Kanojo> O.O;;; [19:48] <EricMHE> uh oh… [19:48] <CrimsonKing> sucks to be him [19:49] <Sir Chargon> DAMMIT! HE DIDN’T GET TO SEE THIS PIC I JUST DREW! [19:49] <Lani> Odd.
To be continued... |
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The World's Favorite Pokémon Parody :: Created by Jason Ross :: Original art by Min Kwon |
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Some things never change… Emperor Sloth, in his never-ending quest to take over a world, bites off more than he can chew when he taunts the NARRATOR one time too many in this week’s Red Version battle.
Color key: Narration / Dialogue Battle #165: Slothian Ambitions April 22, 2009 Location: Final Destination (Still No Items) Player: Emperor Sloth [Record: 4-6-2]
The world exists again? Is it Halloween already? NO! Anniversary then? ...PRETTY CLOSE! I thought Beswick was bad, but Kasparov is clearly the worst Webmaster ever. KASPAROV is the WEBMASTER? Yes, I re-read all of the old fanfics and took a peek at some of the future ones. NARRATOR wants to know how ESLOTH keeps GETTING THOSE! Don’t you start with this ESLOTH nonsense. That’s Lord Sloth’s racket. NARRATOR likes the RING of ESLOTH! Just remember Narrator, through sheer determination I will one day take over the world. And when I do, I’ll be deciding your fate. NARRATOR LAUGHS! STORM CLOUDS brew OVERHEAD! LIGHTNING STRIKES all AROUND YOU! All bark and no bite. NARRATOR used BITE! OW. Uhh… all bite and no… cool cars. DA EVOLUTION VAN appeared! That’s not a cool car. RED DOOMPUFF appeared! That’s not a cool car ei—wait, what? RED DOOMPUFF: Sup. … RED DOOMPUFF: … AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! RED DOOMPUFF: Chill out, I’m not what you think. You’re not the Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom that wiped out two thirds of the population of Red Version before escaping to Earth and destroying the server and inadvertently allowing the original Webmaster to be murdered? RED DOOMPUFF: Oh well I am that, but I’ve changed. You’re a lot more well-spoken than you used to be. RED DOOMPUFF: The one on Earth called “Crimson King” showed me how meaningless my life had become. Since Kasparov accidentally brought everyone back to life, I spent my days reading, studying, and— I’ve got to catch you. RED DOOMPUFF: Pardon? With you on my Pokémon team, I’ll be unstoppable! RED DOOMPUFF: Are you serious? Yes. I want to fight. RED DOOMPUFF: *sigh* Very well. RED DOOMPUFF wants to fight! I will send out my most trustworthy Pokémon— myself! Go! ESLOTH! OAK: ESLOTH! If you had learned to treat your Pokémon with TRUST and LOVE, you wouldn’t have to fight all your own battles! Oak, I’m getting really tired of— Enemy RED DOOMPUFF used SNAP IN HALF! LOOK OUT! OAK was SNAPPED in HALF! OAK fainted! That was close. RED DOOMPUFF: Oops. Missed. You’re in trouble now, Doompuff. It’s my turn and there’s nothing you can do about it. RED DOOMPUFF: That’s cool. Go ahead and take your turn, and then I will snap you in half. Is that the only move you have? RED DOOMPUFF: I have POUND but it just isn’t as effective. Alright, for my turn I’ll use my Master Ball. RED DOOMPUFF: ….what? You used MASTER BALL! RED DOOMPUFF was caught! RED DOOMPUFF: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?? I got it from an abandoned Poké Mart. Don’t know what happened to the Cashier. Give a nickname to RED DOOMPUFF? Hmmmmmmmmm… RED DOOMPUFF: DON’T YOU DARE. Nah, I’ll leave it as-is. Should be sufficient to instill terror into the hearts of my opponents. Now then, I must find a suitable victim to test out my new Doompuff on. POLAR BEAR appeared! A… polar bear? What’s a polar bear doing out here? FIND OUT in LOST: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON! Now AVAILABLE on DVD! Still doing ads after all these years, Narrator? NARRATOR needs to put FOOD on the TABLE for its KIDS! You have kids?? YES! It’s really CUTE how they NARRATE their way out of BEDTIME! I think I know all I ever want to know about this. POLAR BEAR is LOOKING at you! That bear looks kind of weird… why is it all squarish, like it has corners? POLAR BEAR was renamed to SQUARE BEAR! Whatever it is, it looks rare. SQUARE BEAR was renamed to RARE BEAR! My suspicions are confirmed! Red Doompuff, go! Get’m, RED DOOMPUFF! Use your SNAP IN HALF attack! RED DOOMPUFF: meh RED DOOMPUFF is loafing around! RED DOOMPUFF went back in its BALL! Hmm. I guess I should have known it would take more badges to control that thing. Enemy RARE BEAR used RARE BEAR STARE! STOP LOOKING AT ME. I’ll have to do this myself, as usual. Go! ESLOTH! OAK HALF #1: ESLOTH! Once again you are by yourself! OAK HALF #2: You need to learn how to treat your Pokémon with— I thought you died. Or fainted, or whatever. OAK HALF #1: ESLOTH! You- You know what, I’m done listening to Oak jokes. I’ll use my SLUDGE attack! You used SLUDGE! Enemy RARE BEAR exploded! What the-? EVOLUMAN, MIDGYOTO, and a STAIRCASE emerge from the BEAR CARCASS! There’s something you don’t see every day. EVOLUMAN: ...this isn’t what it looks like. MIDGYOTO: hehe, lol. THUNDER BADGE fell out of EVOLUMAN’s pocket! Th– the thunder badge! With that, I just might be able to control Doompuff! EVOLUMAN picks up the THUNDER BADGE! EVOLUMAN: Fat chance. I’d sooner— did you say Doompuff? ...And is that my van? I’m afraid I’ll need that badge. And neither you nor your stupid little imp friend will be able to stop me. EVOLUMAN: HAHA. MIDGYOTO: hehe EVOLUMAN: Shut up Midgyoto.
The battle for the THUNDER BADGE continues next Wednesday in an all-new Red Version battle!
>> View/Post Comments on Red Version Battle #165
Color key: Narration / Dialogue Battle #164: Evolution Solution April 14, 2009 Location: Final Destination (No Items) Player: Da Evolution Man [Record: 12-6-1]
I’m back. READERS burst into THUNDROUS APPLAUSE. They ought to. For I carry the THUNDER BADGE. EVOLUMAN holds the THUNDER BADGE above his HEAD! STORM CLOUDS are GATHERING! Now that we have that settled, explain to me why I exist again all of a sudden. PROFESSOR OAK appeared! OAK: I can explain that! OAK: You see, after Red Version was all but completely consumed by The Nothing, the entire multiverse collapsed, as the various Webmastarian factions back on Earth lost their will to sustain their universes. Our creators abandoned us. OAK: But! After many years the Webmasters reunited, and vowed to revive the multiverse. So you are saying… OAK: The multiverse has been revived with TRUST and LOVE! Can you put this into terms that I can understand? OAK: Basically they brought you back with the real life equivalent of the Care Bear Stare. That sounds decidedly unmanly. CARE BEAR appeared! Son of a— CARE BEAR wants to fight! Pikachu, let’s do this thing! PIKACHU has been GONE since JULY 2000! Well that certainly makes me look inept. CARE BEAR used STARE! *wince* … … Is… is it still staring? CARE BEAR is STARING into your VERY SOUL! That is extremely unsettling. Well, since I apparently have been walking around with no Pokémon for 9 years, I’ll see if I can capture this Care Bear myself! Go! EVOLUMAN! I’ll use my THUNDER BADGE to order to lure the Care Bear into my Poké Ball! OAK: I don’t think you remember anything about how Pokémon work… Oh right, uh… how do you capture Pokémon again? EVOLUMAN opens his INVENTORY! Hmm… THUNDER STONE? What does this do again? CARE BEAR STARE causes you to FUMBLE the THUNDER STONE! No. NOOOO NOT THE THING I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS!! THUNDER STONE bounces across the FLOOR! THUNDER STONE strikes CARE BEAR in the FOREHEAD! Yes!! What? CARE BEAR is evolving! ...oh now I remember. CARE BEAR evolved into POLAR BEAR! POLAR BEAR: Rwaaaaaaar. Shouldn’t it be a lightning bear or something? THERE is NO SUCH THING as a LIGHTNING BEAR! BESIDES, isn’t it INTRIGUING how there’s a POLAR BEAR here for NO APPARENT REASON? Uh… DOESN’T that MAKE you want to TUNE IN every WEEK for NEW BATTLES in the HOPES that this MYSTERY will EVENTUALLY be SOLVED? You know I think a person would have to be pretty stupid to be roped in by such a weak hook. Are we done with inside jokes now? ONLY for the TIME BEING! Fine. I think the only rational course of action is to capture this Polar Bear in a tiny ball and then force it to brutally fight other creatures for the rest of its life. OAK: I’m proud of you, EVOLUMAN! You’re quickly remembering what it takes to be a POKéMON TRAINER! Okay, polar bear. Let’s see how you deal with my… BARE FISTS! EVOLUMAN used BEAR— No. EVOLUMAN used BARE FISTS! POLAR BEAR: RWAAAAAAR. EVOLUMAN’s BEAR FISTS flew INTO the POLAR BEAR’s MOUTH! Uh… The REST OF EVOLUMAN’S BODY followed! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Location: Inside a polar bear
Woah, it’s really roomy in here. OAK: Polar bears are quite large. He’ll slowly digest you over the long winter. You’re in here too, Oak? OAK: I think it’s pretty obvious by now that I’m a figment of your imagination. Well that’s just great. How am I supposed to get out of here? STAIRCASE appeared! In a bear? OAK: Those must be the Care Bear Stairs! They should lead you out of this place! That is the worst thing I’ve ever heard. But I’ll take the stairs. EVOLUMAN goes down the STAIRS!
Location: Polar Bear Interior, Floor B2
This is just stupid. OAK: You must have faith in yourself and your Pokémon! I don’t have any Pokémon and I’m hearing voices in my head. OAK: You must treat your Pokémon with trust and love! GET OUT OF MY HEAD. OAK gets OUT of your HEAD! OAK gets OUT of the POLAR BEAR! Wait, how?? The SAME WAY he got OUT of your HEAD! Great. So now I’m trapped in a polar bear all by myself. I don’t see how things could get any worse. YOU hear RUSTLING sounds from the CORNER! The corner of the polar bear?? ...SURE, why NOT? Fine, I’ll go investigate what it is. SMALL CREATURE IN THE SHADOWS: hehe What the… SMALL CREATURE IN THE SHADOWS: lol Oh no. SMALL CREATURE emerged from the SHADOWS! MIDGYOTO appeared! MIDGYOTO: did u miss me? lololololololololol. AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I thought you were dead!! MIDGYOTO: no im not u son of an onion Okay NOW things can’t get any worse. MIDGYOTO wants to fight! I should stop saying that. MIDGYOTO sent out MIDGYOTO! Go, Polar Bear! POLAR BEAR is ALL AROUND YOU! BESIDES, you never CAUGHT the POLAR BEAR! ...and EVEN if you HAD, NARRATOR would not want to DEAL with the IMPLICATIONS of fighting a BATTLE inside the POKéMON that you’re fighting the BATTLE with! I’m getting really sick of not having a Pokémon. MIDGYOTO: catch me if u can You know what? If you were inside of what was until a few minutes ago a Care Bear, I’m guessing you’re in pretty bad shape. I’ll just toss my Poké Ball and I bet you get caught. EVOLUMAN used POKé BALL! MIDGYOTO: wat u due u son of an onion hehe lol MIDGYOTO was caught! Give a new nickname to MIDGYOTO? Uh… I’d rather not. OAK: CONGRATULATIONS! After 10 years of failure, you’ve finally caught your very own Pokémon! Shut up, Oak.
>> View/Post Comments on Red Version Battle #164
Color key: Narration / Dialogue Battle #163: Decapitation 2004 October 31, 2004 Location: House on the Hill Player: Lord Sleuth [No Record]
What a fine, cool evening this is. EERIE BREEZE rustles nearby TREES in OMINOUS WAY! It’s a good thing I’m not a fictional character, or I’d suspect that was foreshadowing. LIGHTING STRIKES in the DISTANCE! Well, I better get this investigation over with so I can get back home. Let’s see… I think this is the place. HOUSE ON THE HILL appeared! Yep, fits the description alright. DOORS have STICKERS on them! Well now, that’s odd… DOOR ON THE LEFT: Kerry/Edwards 2004 Uh oh. DOOR ON THE RIGHT: Bush/Cheney 2004 Oh sweet merciful Doompuff… what kind of satanic house is this?? DON’T be ALARMED! JUST BECAUSE this is HALLOWEEN and you’re INVESTIGATING a HOUSE ON THE HILL in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT that has BUSH and KERRY BUMPER STICKERS on it doesn’t MEAN that you’re GOING to DIE! You know what, screw this investigation. I’m going home. RAIN begins to POUR! Oh hell, I better seek shelter. Sleuths are weak to water attacks. LORD SLEUTH entered HOUSE ON THE HILL! Whew. Well, there doesn’t seem anything too ominous about this place other than John Kerry standing in the Foyer. JOHN KERRY: Hello. Wait, what are you doing here? JOHN KERRY: This house is in Florida. It’s a very important swing state. I’m just doing some campaigning here. But… this is just an abandoned House on the Hill. What’s the point of campaigning here? JOHN KERRY: Let’s just say this election is complicated. JOHN KERRY: Want to have a look around? Sure. I’m investigating a murder that was said to have taken place here last night… you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you? JOHN KERRY: I know that if we had stricter gun control, that murder wouldn’t have happened. Actually no gunshots were heard… witnesses heard a chainsaw whirring to life and horrible screams. JOHN KERRY: Still. Gun control. JOHN KERRY holds up THUMB as he MAKES HIS POINT! ...you’re going to kill me, aren’t you. JOHN KERRY: No, I have no interest at all in killing you. Oh, okay… wait, why are you wearing flip flops? JOHN KERRY: No reason. Uhh, let’s take a look upstairs. LORD SLEUTH and JOHN KERRY walk UPSTAIRS and into a STRANGE ROOM! Strange room…? I don’t see anything strange about it. JOHN KERRY: Well, the walls do seem to be bleeding. Well sure, but it’s not like the blood is green or anything. JOHN KERRY: I change my mind, I suddenly want to kill you. Crap, I knew it. LORD SLEUTH runs OUT of the ROOM and BOLTS the DOOR! SICKENING THUDS are HEARD from the OTHER SIDE! Whew, that was close. I guess I know who the murderer was n— who are you? GEORGE W. BUSH: Hello. Oh great, the other one. GEORGE W. BUSH: Hand over your weapons of mass destruction and we’ll get along fine. Will we get along fine if I don’t have any weapons of mass destruction at all? GEORGE W. BUSH: Yes of course, just let me strip search you to make sure you’re telling the truth. Uhh I’m really not into that. GEORGE W. BUSH: Well then. These disarmings I’m gonna have to do with or without your Internets. ...what the hell did you just say? GEORGE W. BUSH whips out a SCYTHE! SWEET MERCIFUL KASPAROV! I’m taking my chances with the other lunatic! LORD SLEUTH used RETREAT! LORD SLEUTH is back in the ROOM with the BLOOD dripping down the WALLS! Huh… I wonder where Kerry went. JOHN KERRY: Hello. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! JOHN KERRY: Relax, I’m not going to kill you. Damn it, make up your mind. I’m tired of your flip-flops. JOHN KERRY: You prefer Bush, who’s perfectly clear on his intent to rip you limb from limb? I’m not voting in your stupid election. I just want to get out of here alive. JOHN KERRY: You don’t understand. We’ve calculated that the entire election will come down to one voter in Florida. That voter is you, Lord Sleuth. I’m still not voting. You’re both insane. JOHN KERRY: In that case you’re out of luck, because I want to kill you now. DAMMIT! LORD SLEUTH dives for DOOR THAT HE DOESN’T KNOW WHERE IT GOES! FLOOR gives WAY! Uh oh. LORD SLEUTH tumbles DOWN for what SEEMS like an ETERNITY! LORD SLEUTH lands in MURKY LAKE! Whew… at least I’m far away from those two maniacs for the time being… but where am I? CORSPE OF AL GORE floats BY! That can’t be a good sign… YOU take 1HP of DAMAGE! I better get out of this water before I faint. JOHN KERRY appeared! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! JOHN KERRY: Hello. What is wrong with you?? JOHN KERRY: Hop in, I’ve got a swift boat. Fan-frickin’-tastic. LORD SLEUTH hopped in the SWIFT BOAT! Where will this take us? JOHN KERRY: From here we’ll float back into the Foyer. How is that possible? Isn’t the Foyer above us? JOHN KERRY: Look, it’s a haunted house. It doesn’t have to make sense. FOYER appeared! JOHN KERRY: Here we are. Well, thanks Mr. Kerry. I hope you don’t mind if I run like hell now. JOHN KERRY: Oh I mind. It’s about time I decapitate you. NOT THIS TIME! LORD SLEUTH used HIDDEN DAGGER! JOHN KERRY was STABBED in the HEART! DIE YOU FREAK! JOHN KERRY: Hello. … JOHN KERRY: I believe you stabbed me in the heart. Uh… JOHN KERRY reaches INTO its CHEST and PULL OUT the STABBED HEART! It’s… it’s… purple… JOHN KERRY: That’s right. I have three purple hearts. Why did you stab one of them? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!! LORD SLEUTH runs FRANTICALLY toward the FRONT DOOR! FRONT DOOR is BLOCKED by GEORGE W. BUSH! PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL!! GEORGE W. BUSH: Only God Almighty can do that, and only if you oppose gay marriage. JOHN KERRY: Oh will you get off the God kick you bloated bag of— GEORGE W. BUSH: Why don’t you go back to Vietnam and serve the rest of your term you sniveling little— JOHN KERRY: What, do you think we’ll find weapons of mass destruction there too you lying sack of— AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! LORD SLEUTH used SECRET DAGGER! LORD SLEUTH slit its WRISTS! GEORGE W. BUSH: Now see what you’ve done?? You killed the swing voter! JOHN KERRY: So Florida’s an exact tie? GEORGE W. BUSH: Only if the votes are counted correctly… heh heh… JOHN KERRY: Hey, wanna go trick or treating for more votes? GEORGE W. BUSH: Sure.
JOHN KERRY and GEORGE W. BUSH go TRICK-OR-TREATING!
JOHN KERRY and GEORGE W. BUSH reach YOUR HOUSE!
DOORBELL used RING!
WHOEVER WINS . . . YOU L O S E . . .
Happy Halloween!
Color key: Narration / Dialogue Battle #162: Dark City October 11, 2004 Location: Red Gotham City Player: ZuBatman [No Record] Parodies: Batman, Superman, Megaman, Aquaman
Look out boy wonder, evil approaches! ZUROBIN: I thought we discussed you not calling me that. And we will discuss it again. For now though, let us prowl the streets in the hope of preventing a crime. ZUROBIN: Or if necessary, for me to create a crime so you can then prevent it. That’s what I keep you around for, boy wonder. ZUROBIN: Look, it’s bad enough my name is ZuRobin. What does my name even mean? Quiet, boy wonder! I hear footsteps in the night! ZUROBIN: I sure hope it’s not another evil pedestrian daring to use a sidewalk! It could be the ZuJoker! ZUROBIN: ZuJoker? Now that just doesn’t make any sense at— PEDESTRIAN appeared! PEDESTRIAN catches GLIMPSE of BLACK CAPED FIGURE IN MENACING BATTLE STANCE! PEDESTRIAN SCREAMS and RUNS AWAY! Ah, another crime prevented. Criminals always flee in my presence. ZUROBIN: So do innocent people. You know, Superman wears a blue costume and red underwear so civilians don’t cower in terror when he appears. ...you speak of ZuSuperman? ZUROBIN: No, just… Superman. Not everything starts with Zu. I think it’s time for you to get back in your Poké Ball. ZUROBIN: No!! I’m never going back there!! Must I show you my Thunder Badge again? ZUROBIN: Please don’t make me go back in that horrid thing! It’s inhumane! You don’t make the rules, boy wonder. I do. That’s why I’m called ZuBatman. ZUROBIN: At least clean out all the filth and— Return! ZUROBIN! ZUROBIN: Nooooooo! That should keep him quiet for awhile. ZUROBIN: *muffled screams* Pipe down in there. Now, to store the ZuBatpokéball on my ZuBat Utility belt and continue on my way. WAY is BLOCKED! Here now, what is this? SOMETHING is BLOCKING the WAY! What could this be? YOU have NO WAY of PROCEEDING until the WAY is UNBLOCKED! ...you’re not gonna help me out with this one, are you Narrator. Bad COMMAND or FILE NAME! Damn Narrator has lost its mind again. Very well, I shall ask. You there! What’s your name? BRICK WALL: … Oh fine, now I look like I’m crazy. LORD SLEUTH: That seems a logical deduction. You! Who goes there! Identify yourself! LORD SLEUTH: <—– Well, that… was clear. What are you doing out at so late an hour? LORD SLEUTH: Oh nothing, just solving mysteries. Okay… carry on then. LORD SLEUTH: I did hear there was a crime in progress by the Rattata cages at the Zoo. Maybe you should go check it out. Why, thank you. I will investigate immediately. ZUBATMAN used FLY! ZUBATMAN flew away! LORD SLEUTH: That was close… ZuBatman nearly discovered our nefarious plot. BRICK WALL: Did you see that?? The Narrator tried to tell him by being all mysterious about my description! I tell you the Narrator is up to something… something non-evil. STORM DRAIN: Silence, both of you. If our plan is to succeed, we must not turn on each other nor shall we lose trust in the Narrator. SUPERVILLAIN: I just can’t believe Zubatman thought I was a pedestrian. What an idiot.
ZUBATMAN arrived at the ZOO! Ahh, the ZuZoo… it’s good to know that even unusable Pokémon can still be captured for profit. RATTATA appeared! Ah ha! You— oh I see, the Rattata Cages. How delicious. RATTATA appears frightened! RATTATA tried to run away! No escape! Yes, there is no escape for you Rattata… I know of your crimes. RATTATA used COWER! RATTATA COWERS in a CORNER! Get’m, ZUROBIN! Go! ZUROBIN! ZUROBIN: Freedom! Fresh air! ZuRobin, I need you to squash that Rattata. ZUROBIN: ...you’re kidding, right? It’s an evildoer. ZUROBIN: It’s already in a cage. And you will be too, if you don’t do as I say. ZUROBIN: I refuse to do something so inhumane. Sigh… alright, a little help here Narrator? Why should NARRATOR go OUT ON A LIMB for YOU? Because you still owe me from that thing in the place. NARRATOR says FINE, but THIS makes us EVEN! RATTATA was renamed EVIL RATTATA! Now, get’m ZuRobin! Holy red text, ZuBatman! It’s an evil Rattata! Kill it. It’s worth three XP, easy. ZUROBIN raises FOOT in PREPARATION of SQUASH attack! BOOMERANG intercepted FOOT! Attack missed! ZUROBIN: What the hell?? What the Flame Version?? POKé MAN: Halt, evildoers! Poké Man?? I thought you were dead! POKé MAN: Hardly! You think being snapped in half by Doompuff could stop me? I thought being snapped in half by Doompuff could stop just about anyone. POKé MAN: That shows how little you know! Now, cease your scheming and come with me to the authorities! What authorities? The S.W.A.T. Jennys? POKé MAN: They’ll do. I like their blue hair. I thought their hair was green. ZUROBIN: I was sure it was blonde— wait, was that a boomerang? POKé MAN: You’d carry around a boomerang too if you had faced Doompuff and been snapped in half. I’d carry around a freakin’ Gatling gun if I’d faced Doompuff and been snapped in half. VOICE: HALT, evil doers! What the-? AQUA MAN appeared! Aqua Man?? What on earth is the point of your existence?? AQUA MAN: I can speak with water Pokémon! … AQUA MAN: Also I can change my text to aqua at will! Oooh… DA EVOLUTION MAN appeared! … POKé MAN: … AQUA MAN: … EVOLUMAN: ...hey… EVOLUMAN: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Spit it out. EVOLUMAN: I’m the only MAN around here! Now I know you’re dead. EVOLUMAN: Nope. I was in Aqua Version for awhile but it got swallowed by The Nothing. I barely made it out alive. How’d you get out? There are no portals in Red anymore. EVOLUMAN: No, but there are portals in Aqua. They’re just one way. That’s the dumbest thing I ever h— EVIL RATTATA snapped POKé MAN in HALF! POKé MAN: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrsuuughhghhhhhhh not again! Holy crap he snaps in half easy. What is he, perforated or something? EVOLUMAN ran away! AQUA MAN ran away! MEGA MAN… appeared? MEGA MAN ran away! POKé MAN’s TORSO ran away! ZUROBIN ran away! Well, since everyone else is leaving… EVIL RATTATA begins to DRINK the BLOOD OF POKé MAN! What? EVIL RATTATA is evolving! ! RUNNING!! ZUBATMAN ran away! EVIL RATTATA evolved into POKé MAN! POKé MAN: Told you I can’t be killed so easily… muaahahahaa.
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #162
Poké Battles and all original content © 1999-2009 ChronoWeb Publishing
~ Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate… leads to fear. INFINITE LOOP. ~ |
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Red Version Battle Archives
Battles #1-5 The Classics April 14, 1999 - May 12, 1999 Battles #6-10 The Evolution Chronicles May 19, 1999 - June 16, 1999 Battles #11-15 The New Trainers June 23, 1999 - July 21, 1999 Battles #16-20 Ultimate Rivalry July 28, 1999 - August 25, 1999 Battles #21-25 Trouble Brewing September 1, 1999 - September 29, 1999 Battles #26-30 Villains and Warriors October 6, 1999 - November 3, 1999 Battles #31-35 Slothian Takeover November 10, 1999 - December 8, 1999 Battles #36-40 The Fall of Sloth December 15, 1999 - January 12, 2000 Battles #41-45 A New Age January 19, 2000 - February 16, 2000 Battles #46-50 Grip of Death February 23, 2000 - March 22, 2000 Battles #51-55 Minor Wars March 29, 2000 - April 26, 2000 Battles #56-60 Doompuff’s Rampage May 3, 2000 - May 31, 2000 Battles #61-65 Crossover Crisis June 7, 2000 - July 6, 2000 Battles #66-70 Hidden Identities July 12, 2000 - August 10, 2000 Battles #71-75 Narrator’s Breakdown August 16, 2000 - September 13, 2000 Battles #76-80 Ominous Omens September 20, 2000 - October 18, 2000 Battles #81-85 Final Adventures October 25, 2000 - November 22, 2000 Battles #86-90 The Saga Concludes November 29, 2000 - December 27, 2000 Battles #91-95 A New World January 3, 2001 - January 31, 2001 Battles #96-100 Good & Evil February 7, 2001 - March 7, 2001 Battles #101-105 Homecoming March 14, 2001 - April 14, 2001 Battles #106-110 Rising Tensions April 22, 2001 - May 23, 2001 Battles #111-115 The Dusk Before May 31, 2001 - June 24, 2001 Battles #116-120 The Dawn July 24, 2001 - September 8, 2001 Battles #121-125 Infiltration Battles #126-130 Valkyrie Gambit October 31, 2001 - December 7, 2001 Battles #131-135 Infinite Justice December 13, 2001 - February 25, 2002 Battles #136-140 Fair Verona March 17, 2002 - April 10, 2002 Battles #141-145 Retrocession April 11, 2002 - April 17, 2002 Battles #146-150 Evil Roots April 18, 2002 - August 22, 2002 Battles #151-155 Nightmares October 31, 2002 - October 31, 2003 Battles #156-160 Power Shift November 11, 2003 - April 28, 2004
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~ S I T E N E W S ~
10th Anniversary. Ten years ago, in an era when Windows 98 ruled the Earth with an iron fist and the iPod was but a whimsical fantasy in the minds of madmen, the Poké Battle was born.
Herein lie the tales of the tortured souls of the Red Version universe. Ruled by a merciless NARRATOR and overseen by a shadowy Webmaster, they fight for their very survival in a world that wants to see them die in hilarious ways. Will they escape with their sanity? Read on... [April 22, 2009 · Red Version] |
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General Poké Battles Records
Adam Deadmarsh: 1-2-0 127, 131, 137 Almighty One: 2-1-0 116, 150, 151 Anakin Skywalker: 0-1-0 148 AOL: 1-0-0 2 Bank Robber: 0-1-0 47 Ben Affleck: 1-1-0 157, 160 Beto Chávez: 5-0-0 64, 75, 78, 86, 87 Bill “That Science Guy” Nye: 1-0-0 161 Blue Wizard: 0-3-0 24, 28, 50 Bob “That Guy” Smith: 6-11-0 2, 3, T1, 14, R4, 34, 38, 56, 77, 106, 108, 109, 113, 126, 161 Butch Urrh: 2-5-1 1, 53, 77, 105, 106, 108, 143, 152 Captain Pete: 1-2-0 11, 59, 155 Cashier: 2-2-0 3, 14, 20, R4 Chad Lawson: 2-1-0 103, 124, 142 Chessboard: 0-1-0 12 Chester: 3-4-1 98, 99, 107, 111, 113, 114, 121, 125 Chuck Woolery: 0-1-0 T4 Crazy Stan: 1-1-1 95, 96, 100 Crono: 2-1-0 13, 141, 147 Da Camera Man: 2-2-0 94, 97, 108, 139 Da Evolution Man: 12-7-1 4, 7, 9, T1, R1, R3, 19, 22, T3, 31, 38, T4, 43, 44, 66, 68, 76, 164 Da Revolution Man: 3-3-1 66, 68, 84, 117, 122, 124, 129 Darth Vader: 1-1-1 5, 6, 148 DDR Machine: 1-0-0 122 Death: 7-2-1 27, 28, T3, 36, 45, 48, 49, 82, 126 Dr. Joy: 0-1-0 73 Emperor: 0-1-0 10 Emperor Sloth: 4-6-2 23, 30, 32, 34, 36, 37, T4, 52, 53, 63, 64, 144 Eric, MHE: 1-0-0 88 Expired Milk: 0-1-0 141 Garry Kasparov: 1-2-1 12, T2, 117, 153 Giglipuff: 0-1-0 158 Gray Davis: 0-1-0 102 Green Valkyrie: 4-4-0 39, 40, T4, 79, 134, 140 Hack Kor: 4-2-0 110, 112, 134, 135, 140, 144 Immortus: 3-3-0 71, 74, 75, 127, 129 Innkeeper: 1-0-0 132 Iraqi Information Minister: 1-0-0 153 James: 7-10-0 8, 9, 15, 16, R2, R3, 20, 21, T2, 36, 51, 57, 78, 83, 133, 146, 157 Jeeves: 0-1-0 145 Jessie: 4-2-0 R2, R3, 20, 36, 51, 146 Joe: 0-1-0 29 John Movius: 8-1-0 101, 105, 112, 114, 115, 123, 125, 128, 136 Larry: 0-1-0 25 Lavos: 0-1-0 13 Life: 0-1-0 27 Little Mac: 0-2-0 155, 156 Lord of Land: 0-0-1 107 Lord Sleuth: 0-1-0 163 Lord Sloth: 3-6-0 23, T3, 46, 62, 79, 86, 130, 149 Luke Skywalker: 4-3-3 5, 6, 10, T1, 26, 36, 38, 100, 159, 160 Matt Beswick: 0-1-0 151 Mega-Adam: 0-1-0 91 Merriam-Webster Dictionary: 1-0-0 143 Mewtwo: 1-2-0 32, 52, 58 Midgyo: 3-2-0 50, 55, 101, 123, 150 Missing No.: 0-1-0 152 Nerra-Torr: 2-2-0 72, 76, 135, 138 Nostradamus: 1-0-0 121 Owl: 1-0-0 131 Parker Bros.: 0-1-0 128 PC: 0-1-0 7 Pikachu: 12-3-0 4, 7, 8, 9, T1, R1, R3, T2, T3, 37, 38, 67, 83 Pirate: 0-1-0 11 Poké Man: 6-5-2 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, T2, 31, 47, 60, 61, 69, 162 Polar Bear: 1-0-0 164 Professor Oak: 1-1-0 16, 116 Queen: 1-0-0 117 Rab: 4-5-0 41, 42, 44, 48, 49, 60, 70, 71, 145 Ratatta: 1-0-0 25 Red Doompuff: 7-0-0 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63 Red Dwarf: 1-0-0 138 Red Warrior: 1-2-0 24, 30. 40 Salesman: 0-1-1 43, 45 Seto Kaiba: 1-0-0 149 Shoe Gorilla: 0-1-0 118 Smiling Patrons: 0-1-0 132 Sock Monkey: 1-0-0 118 Soda Popinski: 1-0-0 156 Storm Drain: 0-1-0 18 Squirtle: 0-1-0 29 Supervillain: 1-3-2 17, 18, 19, 20, 22, 55 Team Rocket Grunt: 0-1-0 133 Tree: 1-1-0 26, 56 Tree (World 2): 1-0-0 91 Trick-or-treater: 1-2-0 82, 132 Ultra-Eve: 0-1-0 142 Warren the Cult Leader: 2-2-0 92, 93, 104, 108, 111, 115 X-BOX: 2-0-0 137, 139 Yellow Archer: 1-3-0 39, 40, 130, 136 Yor Mahm: 1-0-0 158 Zubatman: 0-1-0 162 |