This is something that has been bugging me for years, and after it happened to a friend of mine recently, the discussion came up, so decided to ask around and get opinions from all of you:
Back when I was young(er)(ahem!)the host/hostess for a bridal shower were always the bride's friends or co-workers. Bride's family (mom, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, etc) DID NOT host a party for the bride (cousins, maybe, if they were also part of the bride's friends' group)but the bride's family were always invited as guests.
Showers were held, usually at the host/hostess' home, and never, EVER, solicited contributions of money to help defray expenses.
A theme was chosen (after consulting the bride as to what items she might want to receive (or needed) as gifts- linens, kitchen, lingerie, etc. and all invited guests would bring what they (the guest/giver) would consider an appropriate gift, depending on their financial means.
Nowadays I am surprised to see that even the bride's mom, aunts or grandmothers will host a shower for her daughter, niece, granddaughter, often in a big restaurant or club, ask for a certain set amount of money as a contribution to defray expenses, or ask for money to buy one big gift among everyone.
Also, if you were invited to a shower, you were ALWAYS invited to the wedding. We have noticed that, in some circles, you might be invited to a shower, but due to financial concerns (maybe the bride's family is shelling out more for the wedding than they can afford) you might not be invited to the wedding, or you might be invited to the ceremony at the church, but not for the reception at the LA DEE DA Country Club.
Until just fairly recent, I had never heard of printing on the wedding invitation that the bride and groom were requesting monetary gifts, (since Susie and John already had all the appliances and gadgets they needed)
In my opinion, this is WAY out of line!
What is your opinion about all of the above?. Have you experienced something like this that just threw you for a loop?
Am I out of date? Is this the way things are done now?
Have any of you experienced any of these situations? And what do you think about it?