1. When you need something you cannot afford it , when you can afford something . you do not need it.
2. If you must go to the swimming pool, keep your head above water, and keep your feet on the ground. You may not learn to swim, but at least you will keep your hair dry.
3. If they forecast rain, it will rain. If they forecast sunshine, it will still rain.
4. If you want something you will not get it. If you do not want something you will get it.
5. If you want to hear something , you hear it even if nobody else does.
6. If things are going well, things will change. If things are going badly, things will not change.
7. The closer you stand, the further you will drift.
8. Those who have the most will get more, those who have the least will get less.
9. When you want to speak, they do not want to listen. When you do not want to speak, they want to listen.
10. When you want to be alone, somebody will come. When you want somebody to come, you will be left alone.
11. When you need help, nobody will give it. When you do not need help, everybody will give it.
12. You never miss what you never had; you only miss what you ever had.
13. The more one has the more one has to lose.
14. Those who seek the most, find the least, for seekers are not finders.
15. Sometimes those you think are good are bad, and those you think are bad are good.
16. Those who appear to be the better people, are infact the better actors.
17. Those who shout the loudest, succumb the fastest.
18. If it rains you will not have an umbrella or a hood , if it shines , you will have an umbrella and a hood.
19. Marriage is what leads to divorce.
20. I don't like swimming - it's far to wet.
21. On some matters I am left wing . On some matters I am right wing. But on all I am right.
22. The opposite of heaven is earth.
23. Today's young are tomorrow's old. Today's old are yesterday's young.
24. What is right for me is wrong for you , so many say.
25. Whatever has been will be, for history is revolving.
26. Those who say they have respect, have none.
27. No friends at all, are better then false friends.
28. One person's pleasure, is another's pain.
29. What for one is good, is bad for another.
30. Any proud person who claims to tell the truth about their age is a liar.
31. Naughty children in a playground, are the diminutive version of politicians.
32. Conservationists conserve animals on their walls.
33. Somebody to be liked, is not necessarily to be trusted.
34. When one swings , one swings further then the person already there.
35. If you intend to stay in, weather will be good . If you intend to go out it will be bad.
36. Those who talk the most say the least.
37. If you do not come together then you cannot part.
38. It is not the best who win it is the luckiest.
39. The more you shout the less you listen.
40. Failure is all that is constant.
41. It takes many years to rise but only days to fall.
42. One criticizes what one cannot do.
43. Once given use people turn to abuse.
44. Power is the start of all evil.
45. If you give a little they will take a lot.
46. If there is life after death, we'll find out, if there isn't we won't.
47. One is as old as one feels- where's the telegram from the Queen.
48. If at first you don't succeed , give up.
49. When we do something we are helping. When others do the same they are interfering.
50. A man is as old as the woman he feels- you must stop holding hands with me, Granny.
51. Love and marriage go together like marriage and divorce.
52. Love is the greatest thing- so other people tell me.
53. Only one thing is certain in life - and that is death.
54. Money is the root of all evil- everyone wants to be evil.
55. I am as fit as a fiddle- which has had it's strings broken.
56. I am as old as my tongue- and quite older then my current set of teeth.
57. The time when we are left alone is the time when we most need not to be left alone.
58. As one door shuts , yet another closes.
59. If you only keep what you need, you don't retain anything you want.
60. Whatever you need doing is what nobody wants to do.
61. We need money to afford things but if it wasn't for money we could afford far more.
62. Success will only be enjoyed by our successors and not by us.
63. I am so modest I won't claim modesty as one of my many virtues.
64. The law is an ass-what has an ass done to deserve such an insult.
65. He used to be very rich. Marriage changed that. He reclaimed his wealth-divorce changed that.
66. Today is yesterday's tomorrow. It is also tomorrow's yesterday.
67. A line of rhyme is fine for some time but more then that may bore the cat-if it’s got any sense.
68. School is where one learns what will use in later life-it must be indictments on our schools that people are as they are.
69. Critics are people incapable of doing anything else. If you can't do something, make your name attaching those who can.
70. Even a happy marriage must have an unhappy end-one dies and the other is widowed.
71. You can't make money unless you've already got some.
72. Old age is what will in future be ours.
73. Thinking of the present or future is something that should never be done- one must have something to be happy about.
74. I've never seen anybody who looks like me -thank goodness.
75. When one watches ones watch , it's a comment on the person one is with.
76. I have one devoted admirer- I see him whenever I look in the mirror.
77. I have many hidden talents, they are so hidden I don't know what they are.
78. My writing is the cure for insomnia.
79. I'll sing a song of sixpence. That's all it's worth.
80. I'm retired-fatigued again.
81. If you were the only girl in the world and I the only boy. the world would be in a pretty sad state.
82. Those who feel the least guilt are often the guiltiest.
83. Opportunity only ever knocks when it is too late to welcome.
84. If you never get anywhere , you have nowhere to fall from.
85. All good things come to an end- it's only the bad things that are interminable.
86. Rain is a message from above -stay inside.,Umberalles allow you to go out in this climate even if you don't feel like having your hair washed.
87. Old age and poverty are galloping on and they have stepped up the pace.
88. Having had to do games at school has taught me to appreciate staying at home and watching the TV.
89. 100% of the people I know of my age are celibate, teetotal, vegetarians who can't drive, can't cycle and can't swim- I am the only person I know of my age.
90. Never gamble anything you don't want to lose.
91. Swimming. Retirement and reunions are things that half the people hate.
92. The saddest people are those who cannot do what they most want to do.
93. If you try to balance too much you end up dropping everything.
94. Do what you believe in and believe in what you do.
95. Be yourself - nobody else can be you, and you can be nobody else
96. Sport at school taught me one thing, I hate exercise.
97. Never upset anyone who might be your employer.
98. If someone sends you a message like this, it's obvious you have to do something with it, so do it!
99. An old saying says, 'There's many a good tune played on an old fiddle', maybe true, 'but not when the bow's bent!'
100. If you don't like the above, forget it . If you like it remember I am Sunil Hiranandani.
