| Blond Universe Home of the Blonde Joke Just blond jokes and lots of 'em! >>> This is what happens when you drink to much beer! <<< |
| Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint? A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy. Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg? A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money. Q. How does a blonde part their hair? A. By doing the splits. Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg? A. Nothing, they haven't met Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof? A. More leg-room! Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob? A. Because everyone gets a turn. Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball. Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets! Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day? A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear and she can't find her pencil Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A. Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board. Q. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? A. "Way to go team!" Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose? A. FULL Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A. She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A. You get to park in the handicap zone. Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A. Pregnant Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde? A. Butter is difficult to spread. Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? A. Pull the pin and throw it back. Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head? A. A brunette with bad breath Q. What do blondes and cow shit have in common? A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice? A. Cause it said concentrate. Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer? A. The joystick is wet. Q. Why do blondes wear underwear? A. To keep their ankles warm. Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A. "Are you sure it's mine?" Q. Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons? A. Because they have blond boyfriends Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A. Their both empty from the neck up Q. What do you call a blond with a brain? A. A golden retriever Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax? A. It has a stamp on it. Q. How do you light up a blondes eyes? A. Shine a torch in her ear. Q. Why do blondes have square breasts? A. Because they forget to take the tissues out of the boxes. Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A. When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking. Q. Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? A. Toes Go In First. Q. What do you call an eternity? A. Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop. Q. What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common? A. You always hear about them but never see them. Q. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? A. They think their picture is being taken. Q. Why can't Blondes dial 911? A. They can't find the 11 on the phone! Q. What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you? A. Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth! Q. Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks? A. It takes too long to retrain them. Q. How do you drown a Blonde? A. Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool. Q. Why does it take longer to build a Blond snowman as opposed to a regular one? A. You have to hollow out the head. Q. Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? A. It took her a month to realize she could play it at night. Q. What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? A. They drowned in Spring Training. Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? A. Tell her joke on Wednesday. Q: What is the difference between elvis and smart blondes? A: Elvis has been sighted Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound and she weighed 125 lbs. |
| Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back. Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist. Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet? A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline. Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde? A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shower? A: A shower has to be turned on to get wet. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal? A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo." Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? A: Not everybody has been in a limo. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York? A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men. Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS? A: Lipstick. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? A: One. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff. Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her. Q: Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing? A: The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes. Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank? A: Her employer found out she was embezzling. Q: Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank? A: She tied up the safe and blew the guard. Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the fish? A: She tried to drown it. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747? A: Not everyone has been in a 747. Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. Q: What is the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm "sooo" drunk!" Q: Why are there so few blonde pharmacists? A: They have a hard time getting the pill bottles into the typewriter! Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe. Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children? A: Because she heard that one child out of every four born was Chinese. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead? A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it! Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says on the box: "good for up to 20 pounds." Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest tits? A. The blonde; she's 18. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants? A: Pick them up off the floor. Q: Why don't blonds play frisbee? A: It hurts their teeth. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips? A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs. |
| There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach. They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some dicussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set. One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn't be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two. After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight. "What took you so long?" inquired the Redhead. "There were some strong currents out there! But I'm here now! Am I the last?" replied the Brunette. "No. Blondie is still out there somewhere." They decided to wait. Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view. Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde "What took you so long?" "What do you expect? You guy's cheated, replied the idignant blonde, "You used your hands!" There are two blondes and a brunette on an island. One of the blondes finds a bottle and a genie pops out. The genie says he will grant them one wish each... The first blonde says, "I need to get off this island, I wish for a rowboat." With a flash, a rowboat appears and she rushes out into the ocean. The second blonde says, "I need to get off this island, I need jetski" With a flash, a jetski appears and she rushes out into the ocean, soon overtaking the first blonde. The genie looks enquiringly toward the brunette, who with raised eyebrows, smiles and says," Just give me a million dollars, I'll take the bridge." A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?" Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The blonde shouts, "fire!!" A Policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver's license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration. Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment." "Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his cock out. Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!" |
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