"For Your Beautiful Human Life"



Any visitor to Japan is awed by Japan's serenity...it's beauty... it's uncanny ability to completely mangle the English language in ways that no native speaker could have ever dreamed of.

Well, the serenity and beauty thing above is an outright lie, but they really do completely screw the English language all to hell. And I have to say that it provides me with no end of amusement. So, I thought I would share a few with all of you.

The following are all REAL examples of "English" in Japan. The actual English which I saw is enclosed in "quotes". Anything else is my commentary.



Drinks
- "Poccari Sweat"<: Sports drink.
- "Calpis":: (say it out loud a few times) What is this made from?
- "I feel Coke": Coca-Cola's ad campaign for Japan.


Signs and Billboards
- "Violence Jack OOff": clothing store for youth
- "Let's Wedding"<: Signs for bridal stores in many train stations
- "Traing":: Japan Railways' slogan. Apparently the correct English verb to use while riding a train.
- "Let's Blue": A department store had a sale on all blue clothing items.
- "Let's Kiosk": a popular stand at train stations selling newspapers and snacks.


Stationary
- "Spanking! By thhe Sea": on a pencil case
- "Flower Pussy": notebook with little cats and flowers on it
- "The Cherry Paraadise. This is a Rare Gift from God": notebook


Candy and Snacks
- "Pocky": Japanese wafer sticks
- "Little Pocky": for the young?
- "Men's Pocky": Because men need their own barnd of wafers
- "Mother Stick": a classic name for any chocolate treat.
- "Chocolate Colloon": a serious contender with the Mother Stick.
- "Pickle Ex Bourbbon Stick Chocolate Lemon Milk": tell me that doesn't whet your appetite.
- "Coming Lemon": It's just a cough drops, ladies. Apparently it soothes the throat.
- "Naturot">: I suppose when you put prunes and raisins in your cookies...
- "Crunky Kids Cruunch Chocolate": This is actually pretty good. Like a Nestle's chocolate bar.
- "Beach Boy muscaat soda": Don't ask...


Toiletries
- "NIPPLESS": They sell these at tanning salons. They are basically little bandaids that you apply onto your nipples so they don't appear erect. Their slogan is nice, too:
"PLEASE PUT ON YOUR BUST. FOR SWIMMING, DANCING, AND T-SHIRT TIME."

- "BODY SOUP": liquid soap for the shower...
- "NUDY": HHair products (gel, shampoo, mousse) brand name


Clothing
- "I'm a bitch so suck my titties": My ex-fiancee came home wearing this half-shirt once. Amazing
- "CHERRY":: OK. Not so bad... but it also had an arrow point down to the crotch of the 12 year old girl wearing this shirt.
- "Elaine":: Again...only funny that it was embroidered on a bowling shirt being worn by some Japanese guy wanting to look tough.
- "HI-SENSIBLE TASSTE DOWN JACKET": And their slogan is classic, too:
"THIS PRODUCT IS MADE FROM REAL DUCK DOWN. DUCK DO WEAR THE LIGHT AND WARM DUCK DOWN"

- "HIPPIES MADE TOO KEEP ASSHOLES": I have no explanation for this T-shirt.
- "FUTURE F.A.G."<: worn by an 8 year old boy riding on the train.


Japanese Musical Band Names
- "Thee Michelle GGun Elephant"
- "HIDE with Spreaad Beaver"
- "Sound Masturbattion"
- "Bathtub Shitterrs"
- "Flying Testiclee"


My new T-shirt! (05/13/2000)

You have to check this out! I got this messed up shirt in Harajuku and I can't wait to wear it in America.

Web Sites (01/21/2003)
Hilarious Japlish on this web site for Farting Fetishes!
Excerpt below, but click on the photo to jump to the site for lots more laughs.

Apperance strong Farter 2 girls.. Everytime farts in her house,sometimes her mother get angry for her farting... but she said..Farting is it can't helped.. we fart we fart everytime,everyplace... good!!!

If you have any comments, questions, or suggestions, please email me at: blandmc@hotmail.com