-Project A-ko Special-
Fanfic #4 
301 lines

Project: B-ko!
by Warpzone

  I may have been wrong when I said it was impossible to parodize Project 
A-ko. It seems to me that this issue makes fun of Project A-ko directly, while 
most of the other stories simply mock Anime in general. Actually, more than 
anything, this issue pokes fun at itself. Most of the jokes here are the 
results of the little logic problems that would result from A-ko and B-ko 
suddenly swapping roles. (I'm not spoiling anything, am I? I thought the 
title was a dead giveaway.)

..................  
 -Project: B-ko-
..................  

  Rinnnnnnggg!

  B-ko brought her hand down on the ringing alarm clock. She was still half-
asleep, so she hit it a little harder than she meant to, sending it through
the dresser, through the two stories of the house, into the ground, and deep
into the earth's mantle before it finally came to a halt.

  "Good riddance" she yawned, getting out of bed and stretching the kinks out
of her back. "I need a bigger bed!" she realized. B-ko then opened her closet 
and got out her school clothes.

...................  
  
  B-ko dashed down the stairs. She didn't even have time for breakfast, or
she'd be late for school. Again.

  "Bye Dad!" she called as she left. "Bye Mom! Bye Dad! Bye Dad! Bye Dad!"

  "Just a minute, B-ko!" Her mom stopped her before she could reach the door.  
"I think that skirt's a little short for you. Don't you, Clark?"

  "Don't blame me," B-ko said, "I just put on what was in my closet. Honestly,
mom, it's like you shop for a sixteen year old!"

  B-ko waited until the four diffrent but equally plausible versions of 
her father began arguing over whether or not it was too short, then quietly 
slipped out the door while they were fighting. She met her friend C-ko 
comming up the street to walk to school with her.

  "Hi, B-ko!" C-ko grinned. "Before I forget, I just wanted to thank you for 
walking me to school every day even though A-ko always attacks you. You're my
best friend!"

  B-ko suddenly turned and took hold of C-ko's shoulders. She kneeled down
so they were facing each other. "I'm sorry... Could you please say that to me
one more time?"

  C-ko giggled. "Sure. You're my best friend!"

  B-ko closed her eyes and sighed with gratification. "THANK YOU!"

  The two of them continued on to Garviton High School. As usual, A-ko was
waiting for them outside the school.

  "Aw geez," B-ko groaned, "What did you do to the Akigiyama-23?" The mecha
suit had been cut apart and poorly welded back together to fit A-ko's smaller
body.

  "Sorry," A-ko whispered, "I tried my best not to damage it. Would you rather
I had just worn it untailored?"

  "No, I guess not..." B-ko shuddered, remembering when her father had tried 
that once. IN FRONT OF ALL HER FRIENDS! "Let's just get back to the script..."

  "Okay." A-ko's voice hardened. "You won't defeat me this time, B-ko! Today
I will finally destroy you, and C-ko will be *my* friend! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

  "Of course, A-ko." C-ko said. Then she turned to B-ko. "See you at lunch,
B-ko! Try and remember your fastest time today. It could be a new record!"

  B-ko waved and A-ko snarled as C-ko skipped off to class.  

  "Now!" A-ko shouted, "Feel the wrath of... AKIGIYAMA SQUAD!"

  In response to the shout, B... I mean, A-ko's clique burst through a brick 
wall. Three of them took up formation behind A-ko.

  "Mari!" B-ko whispered, "You're supposed to be on A-ko's side today!"

  "Whoops! I forgot. Sorry!" Mari left B-ko and took up her position with the 
rest of A-ko's possy.
  
  Asa stepped forward to face B-ko. All five of them were wearing variations   
of the completely-overused-in-my-fanfics Akigiyama suit. Asa's was a bright 
blue color.

  "Akigiyama Freeze!" She shouted, and fired ice beams from the guns on her 
arms. B-ko ducked, but a bit of her trailing hair still got frozen. The chunk
of ice hit her on the head as it came down.

  "Ha!" Asa said as B-ko staggered. "Got you with my first shot!" Her smug
attitude was quickly replaced with a nice dream as B-ko swung her head towards 
Asa, smacking her in the head with the ball of ice. She slid gracefully to the 
ground, unconscious. B-ko crushed the ice ball with two fingers and waited for 
the next attack.

  "My turn!" Ine shouted, and stepped forward in a red suit. She cried out 
"Akigiyama Napalm," and a large cannon on her arm began shooting a flaming
red liquid, like molten lava, at B-ko. B-ko dodged, and Ine splashed a little 
more Napalm around before firing two large missles from her shoulder cannons.

  B-ko jumped up onto the roof of the school gym, and the heat-seeking missles 
immediately locked onto the flaming napalm. "Darn..." Ine managed to say, just
before being blasted. It remains unknown what part of Japan she eventually
landed in.

  Ume now stepped forward. Her suit was a dark blue-purple, with lots of 
little wires and blades and crystal orbs visible. It was obviously very high-
tech. "You will not defeat me so easily, B-ko!" Ume crossed her arms and 
began charging up the suit's weapon systems. "Akigiyama Reverse Double Beta 
Lighning Buster Lampshade Gravity Control Beams!" By the time she had finished
calling out the name of the attack, however, B-ko had walked all the way up to 
Ume. B-ko flicked her with one finger, sending her crashing through the school
and out the other side before she had a chance to push the one tiny button 
needed to activate the Akigiyama Reverse... edited for length... Beams. A-ko 
winced as all the expensive bits of the suit shattered.

  "Mari!" she commanded, "Attack B-ko!"

  "Oh yeah." Mari turned toward B-ko, but didn't make the first move. Instead,
she simply stood her ground. "I've got a surprise for you, B-ko!" she shouted.
"Doors to doom: OPEN!" She pressed two metal plates at her breasts, and the
panels slid back with a click. (It does too make sense. See the anime "The 
Guiver: Bio-Booster Armour"...) B-ko gasped in shock and abject terror at the 
sight of what was revealed.

  "Mari!" A-ko shouted from behind, "We moved those guns, REMEMBER!?"

  Mari looked up and realized A-ko was right. There they were, mounted on her 
shoulders. "Gomen!" she cringed, and quickly slid the metal plates closed 
again. The dammage was done, however, and B-ko was still too stunned to move.

  While B-ko tried to recover from the traumatic experience, Mari was quick 
to capitalize on her opponent's hesitation. "Akigiyama Bombs!" she shouted, 
and two basketball-sized golden orbs dropped from the lobbers on her 
shoulders. They bounced once with a clank, then settled on the ground.

  "MARI! YOU'RE SUPPOSED LEAN FORWARD WHEN YOU FIRE!"

  Mari screamed in SD terror, and tried to run. She got less than one step 
before her bombs went off, producing what appeared to be an atomic bomb blast,
only much smaller, and not nearly as deadly. (It is a well-known but not-well-
documented fact that every explosion ever in any anime has always looked like
a nuclear mushroom cloud.) Mari tumbled to the ground, covered in soot.

  "Grrrr... That's it! I'll destroy you myself, B-so-ko!" A-ko felt vindicated
at returning the nasty insult from three issues ago.

  But it didn't work so well with the names reversed. "What's a Besoko?" B-ko
asked, confused.

  "Oh, SHUT UP!" A-ko raised her arm. "Akigiyama Missles!"

  Nothing happened.

  "Akigiyama Missles!" she repeated. Still nothing. "AKIGIYAMA MISSLES!"

  Angrily, she turned to B-ko. "That IS the correct command, isn't it!?"

  B-ko snickered. "It's not voice-activated! I just say that when I fire 
'cause it makes me look cool! Pull the trigger under the palm..."

  "Where? Oh, I see it. Thanks." A-ko smiled at B-ko. "AKIGIYAMA MISSLES!"

  Three tiny buzzing missles shot out of A-ko's launcher. B-ko prepared to 
dodge, but they suddenly turned in midair, and flew back at A-ko. A-ko 
managed to counter them with three more missles, and they exploded just in 
time to keep from hitting her.

  "Sorry!" B-ko gasped, "I forgot. They're still programed to home in on you! 
Here, let me see if I can..."

  "You go to class!" A-ko snapped. "If you have my strength, that means I've
got your brains! I'll fix it myself!"

  B-ko looked at her watch. "Yikes! I'd better hurry!" She ran into the 
building as A-ko started fiddling with the Akigiyama Missle launcher.

...................  
  
  "B-ko! You're late!"

  "Gomen." B-ko said, squeezing into A-ko's desk uncomfortably, "A-ko and her 
friends slowed me down with robots again this morning. Did I miss anything 
important?"
      
  Miss Ayumi dropped her chalk. "A-ko slowed you down with WHAT?"

  "Robots. It happens every morning right outside the window... surely you 
must have noticed by now?"

  Miss Ayumi frowned at her. "That's the stupidest excuse I've ever heard!
How do you kids come up with these stories!? First, C-ko insists that that
poor bum who's always hanging out in front in front of the school is an alien,
now this! What's next!? Superman and Wonder Woman!?"

  B-ko was surprised at this reaction. "But it's true!" she insisted. She 
looked around at the other students. Many of them were blushing, fidgeting, 
sweating, or otherwise looking nervous.

  Eventually somebody had to say it. "Um... Teach..." A boy in the back of 
the room slowly raised his hand. He took a deep breath, then bluted out "It's
the truth. We've whitnessed over 200 battles from this room, most of them 
involving A-ko and/or B-ko." The rest of the class began to slowly nod in 
agreement.

  Miss Ayumi fell back in her chair, stunned at this revelation. That was
why her class always had so much trouble paying attention for the first half-
hour every morning. That was why her students had scored so high on the 
"Mecha-Design and Battle Tactics: What Not To Do" portion of the SAT's. That
explained the occasional holes in the school building, and the metal wreakage 
she found on the campus lawn every afternoon. All the peices fit.

  "Okay," she sighed, "go get a pass."

  As B-ko tried to to get out of the desk, another student, inspired by B-ko's
revelation, stood up bravely. "I, too, have a secret to reveal!" he said,  
mustering up his courage. He nervously tugged at his bandana, waiting to be 
called on.

  "What is it, Ryuoga?" Miss Ayumi asked. She hoped her students wouldn't 
waste the whole class period by admitting secret powers and hidden agendas; 
they were already behind in the day's lesson.

  "Whenever I get hit with cold..." He stopped to see A-ko outside, aiming 
at the window. Miss Ayumi saw her, too. Of course, something or other blocked 
her view, but now that she was on to the plot, she continued to stare until it 
moved, and she actually saw A-ko shatter the window with missles.

  "It really IS A-ko!" she gasped, then fainted.

  Ryuoga blurted "Neverminditsnotimportant," and ran for the door with the 
rest of his classmates. Anime climax battles, they believed, were best 
treated as a spectator sport.

  "B-KO!" an enraged A-ko shouted, "Why did you have to go and TELL HER!? That
was the best running gag in the entire series, and you ruined it!"

  "Well, EXCUSE ME! At least I don't go blasting school property right in 
front of the TEACHER! And that blue mask really contrasts painfully with your
red hair!"

  "Oh, you're one to talk about costumes, Miss Short-Skirt! You should have 
gotten up earlier and let the hem down on that skirt if you knew you were
going to wear it!"

  "Yeah, like I could ever get up early in YOUR stupid life! I bet I can't 
even SEW with your skills, anyway..."

  "SHUT UP!" A-ko screamed, "Your life's no picnic, either! Do you have any 
idea how bad a morning I had at Daitokuji Enterprises!? None of the security 
robots recognized me, and when your alarm clock went off, I ended up smashing 
a vial of acid by mistake!" She gestured at her bandaged hand. "Why on earth
would you be recharging a battery next to your bed, anyway!?"

  As the two of them continued to complain about each other's life, C-ko
crawled out from under a desk.

  "Great!" C-ko said, and B-ko and A-ko both suddenly turned to face her. "I
was hoping this would happen! Now that you've seen how much trouble you cause
each other, you can BOTH be my friends! No more constant fighting!" She seemed
quite pleased with herself. "Maybe we could take a vacation in the desert 
together or something..."

  A-ko and B-ko looked at each other. "Nah," they both said, and A-ko fired 
at B-ko. B-ko punched the missles out of the air, and grabbed the arm with 
the missle launcher on it. The two of them struggled, and soon it was pointed 
right at A-ko's face.

  A-ko sneered at her, carefully guarding the launch button. "You don't really
think I'm stupid enough to shoot myself in the face, do you!?"

  B-ko mearly smiled back. "B-ko: Akigiyama Missles, FIRE!" For some reason I 
still haven't figured out, the weapon obeyed her, and blasted A-ko in the
face at point-blank, shattering the faceplate.

  "Darn," A-ko said before falling unconsious, "Why didn't I ever think of 
doing that...?"

  "Well," B-ko said, "I guess this is the end of the fanfic..."

  "Not quite yet," C-ko reminded her, "there's still one more thing to do..."

  "Oh, do we have to?" B-ko complained, "It always looks so stupid when A-ko 
does that..." 

  Still grumbling under her breath, B-ko fixed her face into a goofy SD grin  
and giggled with C-ko until the fanfic ended.

THE END