Coming soon to a fan fiction page near you in 1998…

Geary: Hidy ho! This is Geary the frog! Come and watch our new movie with Splatter-wumpus playing Miss Piggy…

Splatter: WHAT?! I ain’t playing no pig in some twisted fan fiction! You’ll just have to find someone else!

Geary: But Splat-

Mystie: Oh Geeeaaarrryyy!!!

Geary: Yes Mystie, dear?

Mystie: I am here and ready for fame starring in my new leading role as the beautiful Miss Mystie!

Geary: Oh lordy…

Sassy: ME ANIMAL!! AGH! EEP!! PEPE!! PEPE!! AGH! GOGGLE! MOOOM!!

Mystie: Ahhhh!! Geary, Geary! Save me!

Lavender: It’s just Sassy…

Mystie: Shut up…

Geary: Now Mystie, come here and I’ll give you a hug.

Mystie: Yea!

(Lavender pulls out a white duck)

Lavender: Don’t worry, dear. I know you’re really Darkwing, I’ll save you!

The Muppetless Movie, coming soon.

Soon to come from Schizo Studios in 1998….

Lavender: Sassy, I don’t think we’re in St. Canard anymore.

Mystie: You squashed my sister with your house! You’ll pay for killing Zebeckras like that!! I’ll get you my pretty, and you’re little skunk, too.

Geary: Oh, if I only had a brain, la dee dee dee dee dee dah…

Lavender: I’m off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Odd! He really is a wiz of a- Mmmm… Cheez-Whiz.

Mystie: I get to play with the flying monkeys!! Woo-hoo!! Flying monkeys!!

Geary: Oh lordy. Typical goofballettes.

The Wizard of Odd. Mmmm… iodine…

Now available on Mystie’s Fan Fiction page, a story of

a young princess and her sad life story with 7 dweebs.

Splatter: Some day my sanity will come…

Geary: Don’t you mean your prince will come?

Splatter: No.

Geary: Don’t worry Splatter-wumpus! You’re prince is here to save you so we can live happily ever after!

Mystie: But Geary! I thought you were mine.

Geary: Um…

Mystie: Fess up, fan boy.

Sassy: Beep! I am the evil carrot from the other side of my own bottle of glue. Please save the trees from over the left side of my pants.

Splatter White, now available.

Zebeckras in Wonderland

Zebeckras in Wonderland,

How do you get to Wonderland?

Over your head and through a can,

Or just beyond reality.

When pots go rolling by,

We all smoke and get real high,

And our brains will all fry

Where normals cannot see,

Where can we be?

Where do socks go,

When they fly away on brooms?

They must go somewhere,

And I’m gonna go real soon!

Zebeckras in Wonderland,

Where is the html of Wonderland?

Over the thrills of Darkwing bare,

His underwear.

Our story begins as our very own Zebeckras was sitting around in her usual t-shirt and jeans attire. She was bored out of her mind listening to her sister Kasumi who was trying to teach her a new lesson.

Kasumi: So that was how they cured all disease, saved the Earth, accomplished world peace, and made billions of people happy, all before supper! And then the almighty Darkwing Duck Cult high priestesses said...

Zebeckras: *whispers* Oh please shoot me...

*bang*

Zebeckras: AGGGHHHHH!! I have been slain! Slain! Cut down in the prime of life! I am whoa! Whoa is whooaaa!!

Kasumi: Oh, Zebeckras, you're fine.

Zebeckras: I am? Oh, I am. I knew that...

Kasumi: *sigh* Zebeckras, you need to pay more attention to your studies.

Ranma: Meow!

Zebeckras: Okay, now who's STUPID idea was it to make Ranma my cat?

Ranma: Meow... puurrrr...

Zebeckras: What a stupid thing to do.

Ranma jumps on Zebbie's lap and starts licking her face.

Ranma: MEOW!

Zebeckras: ICK! Oh yuck! I wouldn't even let Dan... er, never mind... Zebeckras pats Ranma on the head. He purs a lot. Zebbie lays on the grass and starts daydreaming.

Zebeckras: This world is so mundane. Now in my world, everything would be really weird and insane. My world would be really beefy.

P-chan comes out of nowhere carrying a map. He stops and unfair the map

to look at it.

P-chan: Oh my goodness! I'm lost! I'm lost!

Zebeckras: P-chan! Oh P-chan!!

P-chan: No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm lost! I'm lost! I'm lost!

P-chan looks at his map and glances around frantically. Quickly he spots a plot hole and jumps into it.

Zebeckras: P-chan! Where are you going? P-CHHAAAANN!!

Zebeckras looks down the plot hole and then falls in. Since Zeb never wears a dress, she has nothing to act as a sort of parachute. She just keeps falling and falling and falling... Finally she falls on her head in a lit fireplace.

Zebeckras: AGH! OUCH! OW OW OW! HOT!

Quackerjack: Hahahaha!

Zebeckras: Who's that (looks around)

Quackerjack: Hahahaha!!

Zebeckras: A door? Why is that door laughing?!

Quackerjack: Because! The old, light the fireplace at the end of the plot hole! Works every time!

Zebeckras: HEY! THAT wasn't FUNNY!! (kicks door)

Quackerjack: OUCH! Hey!

Zebeckras: Anyway, have you seen a little lost black piglet?

Quackerjack: Actually, yes. He went through here.

Zebeckras: OOH! Let me through!

Quackerjack: You're too big!

Zebeckras: HEY!!

Quackerjack: I'm only a foot tall!

Zebeckras: Oh, right.

Quackerjack: Why don't you try eating the chocolate winky-doodles on the table?

Zebeckras: Oh. Okay! (takes a bite)

Zebeckras shrinks down, down down.

Zebeckras: Okay, now let me through.

Quackerjack: Can't. I'm locked.

Zebeckras: WHAT?!!

Quackerjack: Did I forget to mention that?

Zebeckras takes out a huge mallet and breaks down the door.

Zebeckras: Much better.

Suddenly, a huge wave swept her into the ocean.

Zebeckras: What the?

Zebeckras spots an empty bottle of coo-coo cola floating and climb into it. She peers her head out and looks around.

Fenton: Ooohhh, a sailor's life is the life for me. Deedle de dum dum dum...

Zebeckras: What a horrible song! I'm stuck in a bottle in the middle of an ocean with some idiot singing flat!! AGH!

The bottle floats and floats with the ocean. The waves become very calm. Soon the bottle washes up on the shore and Zebeckras crawls out.

Zebeckras: WOO-HOO!! Awesome ride!

Fenton: Oh, backward, forward, inward, outward, bottom to the top. Run

and run and run some more and never ever stop!

Zebeckras: What the heck?

Fenton: You there! Run! Run! And keep running! You have to run in a

dorkus game, you know!

Zebeckras: But I HATE running!!

Fenton and a bunch of animals all run around in a circle and run and run and just when you think they should stop, they run some more! Running stupid animals, that’s what they are!

Zebeckras: I'm getting out of here!!

Zebeckras disappears into the woods. She quickly walks away from the spot, which she had washed up upon. She accidentally trips over a stick, to keep her self from falling grabs onto Geary's butt. Zebeckras shrieks in terror and hits Geary really hard.

Geary: OUCH!

Chris: OUCH!

Zebeckras: What strange persons...

Zebeckras stares at the two strange characters before her. She notices the

name tags pinned to their clothes and reads them aloud

Zebeckras: Hmmmm... Tweedle Dumb, and Tweedle Dumber?!

Chris: That is excatickaly correct.

Geary: Yes, exactickaly.

Zebeckras: Well, pleased let me through. I must get by!

Chris: But you haven't introduced yourself yet.

Geary: So we haven't even really met.

Zebeckras: Well my name is Zebeckras, and I'm looking for the black

piglet.

Geary: Don't go, we still have to torture you.

Zebeckras: But I really do need to go...

Chris: If you stay long enough, we can play full contact golf!

Geary: Or strip solitaire!

Chris: And if you stay long enough, we could play in the Jell-o pool!

Zebeckras: I really have to leave.

Geary: Why?

Zebeckras: Because I'm following the black piglet.

Chris: Why?

Zebeckras: Because I'm curious.

Geary: Ohhh, the sisters were curious, too.

Chris: Poor, poor sisters.

Zebeckras: What about sisters?

Geary: Oh you wouldn't be interested

Chris: You're in much too much of a hurry.

Zebeckras: Oh, but I'm not! Tell me!

Geary: Okay! The villain and the do-gooder!

Chris: Or, the story of the Curious Sisters!

Geary: The sun was shining in Agraba, shining with all it's might.

Chris: It did it's very best to make the sand all hot and white.

Geary: And this is just because it was...

Geary&Chris: The middle of the night!

Chris: The villain and do-gooder were walking hand in hand. The desert was wide from side to side, but much to full of sand. "Mozenrath," said the do-gooder, "my brain begins to perk. We'll sweep this clear in half a year, if you don't mind the work."

"The time has come," Mozenrath said, "to talk of other things. Of gloves and eels and harem girls, and what adventure will bring. And why Karnage is just so hot, and whether Iago has wings! Baloo, Balay no work today, let's see what adventure brings!"

Geary: But then Aladdin spotted something moving in the sea. To their

surprise it was two oysters free.

"Why Entropy and Enthalpy!" Mozenrath squealed with glee. "Now sisters,

come and walk with me, the day is clear and bright. A pleasant walk, a

pleasant talk, would be a sheer delight."

Aladdin: "And should we get hungry on the way, we'll stop and have a bite!"

And Auntie Mirage winked her eye and said, "Go right ahead!" she knew this was an annoying time to leave the oyster bed. "The land is nice, take my advice, and go over there," she said.

"Yes, yes! The time has come," the villain said, "to talk of many things. Of gloves and eels and harem girls, and what adventure brings! And why the sea is just so hot, and whether Iago has wings! Baloo balay, come run away, see what adventure brings!"

And so Mozenrath let them out, to play and laugh and sing. But then into the shadow Chateau, he evilly would bring, the unsuspecting oyster girls to dine with them that eve.

Mozenrath: Well now, let me see. Ah, a loaf of bread is what we really need.

Aladdin: Well how about, some pepper, salt and Jet-Dri, eh?

Mozenrath: Ah, yes, splendid. Very good, indeed. And now, Chaos dears, we can begin the feed.

Chaos Oysters: Feed?!

Mozenrath: The time has come my little friends, to talk of food and things!

-Meanwhile, in the kitchen-

Aladdin: Some pepper corn, mustard seed, and other seasonings. We'll mix them all together in a sauce that's fit for kings! Baloo balay we'll eat today, that's what adventure brings!! *whistles*

Mozenrath: I weep for you... I... *hic* oh, excuse me, I sympathize, for I've enjoyed your company all too much.

Aladdin: Little Chaos? Chaos Oysters?

Geary: But sadly there came none.

Chris: And the reason for that was...

Geary&Chris: They'd been eaten, everyone.

Chris: Mozenrath smiled nervously, and said, "the time has come!" And out the door and down the beach he ran away from, Aladdin chasing angrily for.

Geary&Chris: That's what adventure brrrinnngggsss!!! The End.

Zebeckras: That was a very pathetic story.

Chris: Yes, and there's no point to it.

Zebeckras: Yes, no point at all. Well, now I really must be going...

Geary: No! Another story!! This one is called Splatter White and-

Zebeckras: No more!!! PLEASE!! No more!!

Zebbie runs into the forest covering her ears and screaming her head off. She slows down and walks on a path wondering where it leads to. Eventually, she comes to the end of a forest and sees a light. She looks around and spots a cozy little cottage not too far away. She walks to the cottage gate and ponders to herself.

Zebeckras: I wonder who lives here...

P-chan: Akane! Oh Akane! Where is that girl... Akane!

Zebeckras: Excuse me, I-

P-chan: Why Akane! Where have you been! Go and get my umbrella! Go go go! I'm lost! Get my umbrella!

Zebeckras: But I'm not Aka-

P-chan: GOOO!! Get my umbrella!!

Zebeckras: Yikes, I suppose I'll be taking orders from Ranma next.

Zebeckras walks into the house and up to the black piglet's room. She begins to search through his things.

Zebeckras: Now if I were a piglet, where would I keep my umbrella?

She spots a box that reads "eat me" and opens it up in curiosity. She spots chocolate winky doodles inside.

Zebeckras: Mmmm.... chocolate. Yum!

She takes a bite and grow to a gargantuan size. That's what happens when you eat too many sweets. ;)

P-chan: AHHHHH!!! There's a monster in my house! A giant! AHHHHH!!!

Zebeckras: Oh lordy.

P-chan: Help! There's a monster in my house, Gizmo.

Zebeckras: Gizmo?

Gizmo: Well now, little Gizmo buddy, it couldn't be that bad... ACK! A MONSTER!!!

P-chan: Told you. Now get rid of it!!

Gizmo: Hmmm... to get rid of it we need a... a... a lizard with a paintbrush! Oh Camille!

Camille: Yes?

Gizmo: I need you.

Camille: Well, I'm $15 the first hour, $5 for each additional hour...

Gizmo: No! No like that! I need you to help me out.

Camille: Of your pants?

Gizmo: NO! I need you to get-

Camille: Some Reddi-Wip to cover you in? I always keep a can handy!

Gizmo: AGH! Okaay... um, paint a ladder, get that other girl out, and I'll meet you upstairs.

Camille: Want me to wrestle around with her in a bikini first?

Gizmo: NO! Just get her out!!

Camille: Okay, okay. Lemme just figure out how to get this darn paintbrush to work!

Camille proceeds to splash paint all over trying to figure out exactly how the paintbrush works. She tries to draw a ladder, but instead winds up drawing a rocket, which then ignites and sends Camille flying into space.

Gizmo: Welp, there goes Camille…

P-chan: Poor Camille…

Zebeckras- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

P-chan: Well, now what?

Gizmo: We’ll burn the house down!

P-chan: Um, okay… WAIT! No! Um…

Gizmo: We’ll burn the house all down, down into the ground!

Zebeckras: But you’ll burn me, too!

P-chan: So?

Zebeckras: You can’t kill me!

Gizmo: And why is that?

Zebeckras: Because… because… I’m speshil!!

Gizmo: How so?

Zebeckras: Well… I’m a very rare breed of… me!

P-chan: Kill her anyway.

Zebeckras: You can’t! I’m the last of the very rare breed of Me! I’ll become extinct!

At this moment, a huge group of animal rights activists storm into the scene. They carry huge signs and hold them high up bravely shouting things like, "Save Zebeckras!" They form a wall around P-chan’s house. They rant and rave, determined to set the Zebeckras free!

P-chan: what are you doing?

Activists: Let Zebeckras free, the rare breed of Me!

Gizmo: Well how do you plan on doing this?!

Activists: Let Zebeckras free, the rare breed of Me!

Zebeckras: Ohhhh, this is silly.

The activists break down P-chan’s house piece by piece. Zebeckras is free. The activists give her a glass of Mountain Dew to drink. She takes it, gulps it down, and shrinks even shorter than she normally is.

P-chan: Oh my goodness goodness! I’m lost, I’m lost, I’m lost!

Zebeckras: Wait! P-chan! Wait for me!

Zebeckras runs into the forest after P-chan and gets her self lost. What appears to be a jungle that she’s walking into, isn’t a jungle at all. It’s a flower garden, and a very beautiful one at that. But since Zebeckras was shrunk so drastically, a little flower garden seemed like a mighty jungle. So she gets lost very easily inside.

Zebeckras: DAMMIT! WHERE THE HELL AM I NOW?!?!

Wendy: Welcome to our garden!

Zebeckras: Oh hello! My name is Zebeckras.

Wendy: Hi! I’m the head Mozekateer.

Zebeckras: Yeah, hi, so did a black piglet come by here?

Wendy: Wanna hear a song?

Zebeckras: No.

Wendy: Too bad. We shall sing "Disney Afternoon"

Mozekateers: All the fan boys and fan femmes get together,

To watch Mozenrath and other toons.

There’s "One Saturday Morning" cartoons,

In the Disney Afternoon.

Mozenrath is being chased down the hillside,

By a bunch of fanfemmes that are loons.

And Launchpad loves Beth Webfoot,

In the Disney Afternoon.

The Disney Afternoon.

There are duck and kitty mutants

That make Mozenrath peeved

And the crazy fan femmes love the very

Tortured life Moze leads.

You can learn a lot of things from the perverts

That draw all of those Splatter nudes.

There’s no wealth or knowledge in Bonkers,

All in the Disney Afternoon.

All in the Disney Afternoon, the Disney Afternoon!

Zebeckras: You can’t learn anything whatsoever,

From the Mozekateers and all those fools.

Moze has no wealth or romance,

All-

Mozekateers: in the Disney Afternoon

LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAA!

*cymbal crash*

Zebeckras: Moze is such a loser!

Mozekateers: WHAT?!?

Wendy: What kind of Mozekateer are you?!?

Zebeckras: I’m not! Moze sucks! He’s such a big loser.

Wendy: AGH! LIAR!

Zebeckras: I AM NOT A MOZEKATEER!

Wendy: Get her girls! Kill her!

Everyone chases Zebeckras out of the flower garden. Then Zebeckras walks farther on.

Lar: AEIOUandsometimesY… AEIOUandsometimesY… AEIOUandsometimesY…

Zebeckras walks up to a caterpilLar, who, at the time, is painting letters and chanting.

Lar: Whooo R U?

Zebeckras: Why, I’m Zebeckras. But I’m not really myself, because I’ve changed so much. But no one else is me, so I am myself, do you see?

Lar: I do not C. Whooo R U?

Zebeckras: I don’t know! If I was me, I would not be so confused, but if I’m not me, who is? Everything is just so confusing you know.

Lar: I do not know.

Zebeckras: Well, I…

Lar: Recite.

Zebeckras: Hm? Oh, um, there once was a man from Venus…

Lar: STOP! I will tell it to you correcitecically. It goes:

How does the little mallard make his ego shine,

Lavender Feline grins cheerfully and eagerly builds his shrine.

How mysteriously he flaps his cape

Saving citizens from evil and rape.

Behind his purple costume he hides,

Then home in the Ratcatcher he rides.

Zebeckras: Well, that sure is some interesting poetry.

Lar: I know. I improoooved it.

Zebeckras: You improved poetry?

Lar: Yes. How do U like it?

Zebeckras: It sounded nice to me.

Lar: U? Whooo R U???

Lar splashes paint around and a lot of it lands on Zebeckras. She becomes furious that her clothes are covered in paint and storms off.

Lar: You there! Wait! Girl! Come back! I have something important to tell you!

After Zebeckras had quickly stormed off she turned around and goes back.

Zebeckras: *sigh* What could he want now?

Zebeckras finds the caterpilLar laying upside down on a large mushroom and painting circles.

Zebeckras: What is it?

Lar: Keep your temper.

Zebeckras: WHAT?! YOU CALLED ME ALL THE WAY BACK HERE TO TELL ME THAT?! Well, you know what you can do? You can just kiss my…

Lar: That’s not all. I want to know, exacitacically, what is your problem?

Zebeckras: I would like to be a little taller.

Lar: Y?

Zebeckras: Well, three inches is a horrible height. Worse than what my normal height is…

Lar: Well I am exacitacically three inches high, and it is a very good height indeed!!

Lar splashes paint all over the place. Zebeckras turns around. When the splattering of paint stops, she looks back and Lar isn’t there. She looks up and there is Lar as a butterfly, flying above her.

Lar: I have a few more helpful hints. One mushroom side will make you grow taller, the other side will make you shorter.

Zebeckras: Ewe, mushrooms. I don’t wanna eat them!

Lar: WELL TOO BAD!

Lar flies off. Zebeckras pulls a piece off each side. She takes a bite off one piece. Suddenly, she becomes very tall and grows taller than the trees.

Zebeckras: WOW! This is sooo cool! I’m taller than Geary! Yes! Oh cool!

Zebeckras looks at the other piece of the mushroom.

Zebeckras: I really should go back to my normal height. *sigh* Oh well.

Zebeckras shrinks back to her normal height. She walks into the forest. She passes a lot of signs that say things like "this way is right" and "this way is left but it is right too" Soon, she begins to hear singing.

Mirage: ‘Twas Mozey ate a slidey toad,

With Drake and Gizmo in the way.

Amoebas in the water hose,

And Geary is gay.

Zebeckras: Now what could that be?

Mirage: Hello!

Zebeckras turns around to see the Cheshire Cat curled up in a tree.

Zebeckras: MUST you sing like that?! It’s very annoying…

Mirage: All the more reason! Eh hem… Second chorus!

‘Twas Mozey ate a slidey toad

with Drake and Gizmo in the way.

Zebeckras: SHUT UP!

Mirage: No! Amoebas in the water hose,

And Geary is gay!

Zebeckras: Are you quite done?

Mirage: For now.

Zebeckras: Well, could you please tell me how to get-

Mirage: Where?

Zebeckras: I don’t know, maybe somewhere with a good Anime section and free popcorn…

Mirage: Well, I’m off…

Zebeckras: No! Don’t go!

Mirage: Why?

Zebeckras: Where do you recommend I go?

Mirage: Well, there’s always Mad Mystifier…

Zebeckras: Um… no thanks…

Mirage: Well there’s also the March Feline.

Zebeckras: Yes, that sounds better…

Mirage: But she’s mad too…

Zebeckras: Is everyone here mad?!

Mirage: Yes.

Zebeckras: Well, I suppose I’ll go see the March Feline. Maybe she won’t be so mad since it’s not March.

Mirage: Don’t count on it.

Mirage disappears. Zebeckras wandered down the path that led to March Feline’s house. Finally, she got there.

In the front was a large tea table set up. Behind that was a giant statue of Darkwing Duck. Behind that was the wierdest of all, a lavender house with whiskers and large cat ears on top.

Zebeckras: I suppose I should knock…

She went to the door to find there was a doorbell, she pressed it, and instead of the usual "ding dong" there was a lot of meowing, similar to that of a Meow Mix commercial.

Mad Mystifier: It’s no use, because we’re out here, you know.

Zebeckras spun around to see two people at the tea table that weren’t there before.

March Feline: Duhhhh, if we’re out here, why ring the doorbell?

Mad Mystifier: Maybe she’s lost.

March Feline: Another one of those? Weird enough seeing a black piglet running around lost, but now her.

Zebeckras: You saw P-chan?

Mad Mystifier: Who’s P-chan?

Zebeckras: The lost black piglet!

March Feline: What piglet?

Zebeckras: THE ONE YOU SAW!!

Sassy: CHAINSAW?! WHAT CHAINSAW?! AHHH! MUST USE MY NATURAL DEFENSE SYSTEM!

Sassy sprays everyone.

Mad Mystifier: It’s ok, there’s no chainsaws.

March Feline: Sassy… did you have to?!

Zebeckras looks at the skunk popping out of a yellow kettle. Shrugging her shoulders, she sat down at the tea table.

March Feline&Mad Mystifier: NO ROOM!! NO ROOM!!

Zebeckras: There’s PLENTY of room!

Sassy: WAAAH! She’s squashing Spud!!!

Zebeckras jumps up.

Zebeckras: What?!

March Feline: Well, Spud, Sassy’s invisible friend is sitting there. Next to him is Spew, his evil twin.

Mad Mystifier: Look out, he’s a pervert.

March Feline: In the rest of the chairs is Spud’s extended family.

Zebeckras: Okayyy… Why are you having tea anyway?

Mad Mystifier: What’s tea?

March Feline: We’re drinking Mountain Dew and-

Mad Mystifier: eating shrimp and meatball pizza with PEZ for dessert!

Zebeckras: eeeewwwww…

March Feline: Because it’s Spud’s un-birthday!

Zebeckras looks at the empty chair and a large sweat drop appears on the back of her head.

Zebeckras: What’s an un-birthday?

Mad Mystifier: Well, it’s very simple, see, there’s 365 days in a year, no, um, I remember doing the Time Warp, and uh, it’s um, a day that’s not your birthday!

Zebeckras: Oh! Well then it’s my un-birthday too!

March Feline: It is?

Mad Mystifier: It is?!

Mystie&Feline: Well a very merry un-birthday, to you!

Mystie: To you!

Mystie&Feline: A very merry un-birthday to you!

Zebeckras: Who, me?

Feline: Yes you!

Mystie: Now blow the candles out my dear and make a wish come true!

Zebeckras blows out the candles.

Mystie&Feline: A very merry un-birthday to you!

Sassy: Twinkle, twinkle little skunk,

How I love to dance to funk.

Up my tail goes and sprays so high!

Like rain falling from the sky.

Zebeckras: Oh that was interesting…

March Feline: So, what information did you come here for?

Mad Mystifier: Yes, tell us the whole story. Start at the beginning, and when you get to the end, stop, see?

Zebeckras: Well, it all started when I was sitting with Ranma…

March Feline: Verrrry interesting…

Mad Mystifier: Who’s Ranma?!? *drools*

Zebeckras: Ranma is my cat. Anyway, there was this little black piglet that I… you know… S-A-W…

March Feline: Dew?

Mad Mystifier: Do?! What? Who’d she do?

Zebeckras: NO ONE! I was just saying that there was this little black piglet that I saw…

Sassy: CHAINSAW?! AGH! NO! EEP! EEP! SUCK STENCH!

Sassy sprays everyone.

Sassy: Now look what you’ve made me do.

Zebeckras: Well I didn’t really think-

March Feline: That’s the point. If you don’t think then you shouldn’t… uh… if you don’t think… then… ummm… mmmm… Darkwing…

Zebeckras: Can I have some Mountain Dew?

March Feline: NO!

Mad Mystifier: They’re after my Mountain Dew. They’re all after it. THEM! They’re trying to get my goodies, but I won’t let them, I’m onto their plot, I know what they’re up to… hehehehehehehe…

March Feline: If you can’t have Mountain Dew you can at least make weird conversation!

Zebeckras: Okay, well-

Mad Mystifier: I have an idea! Let’s change the subject! *smacks Feline on the head*

March Feline: Why is Geary like a happy thought?

Zebeckras: Stoopid questions?

March Feline: EINT! Wrong answer!

Mad Mystifier: Because they’re both GAY!

March Feline: BINGO!

All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Zebeckras: Okay, okay, no more jokes. This is neither the time or the place.

March Feline: The place! The place! Who’s got the place?!

P-chan: No, no, no, no place, no place! I’m lost! I’m very, very lost!

Mad Mystifier grabs P-chan’s map.

Mad Mystifier: Well, no wonder you’re lost! This map is full of lines and markings. We need to fix it!

Mystifier and Feline dash off and return wearing nurse outfits and looking insane.

March Feline: Hurry! Our patient is dying! Get me the Cheez-Whiz!

Mad Mystifier: Here it is!

Mystifier and Feline coat the map in Cheez-Whiz.

P-chan: SQEEL!

Mad Mystifier: That wasn’t strong enough! We need some Reddi-Whip, chocolate sauce, and Jet Dri!

They coat the map with more goop thoroughly. It begins to smell really bad. Then Mystifier stands on the table and begins to tap dance on the map and make it perforated.

March Feline: Much better now!

P-chan: Noooo! My map!

Zebeckras: Hmmmmm…

Zebeckras steals Sassy’s yellow kettle and pours hot water into it. She looks at P-chan and grins evilly. P-chan looks over at her and quickly runs away very scared.

Zebeckras: Here, piggy, piggy, piggy! Come to Zebbie!

Zebeckras runs off after P-chan carrying the yellow kettle and swinging it around. Little hearts pop out of her eyes and she screams loudly and frantically.

Zebeckras: I’ve got you!

Zebeckras splashed P-chan with the water and he changes into a naked Ryouga.

Ryouga: Oh no!

Zebeckras: Darling!!!

Ryouga: AAAAAHHH!!!

Zebeckras chased Ryouga through the woods, screaming.

Ryouga: Oh no! A dead end!

Ryouga and Zebeckras stop at a stone wall, Ryouga has no where to go.

Zebeckras: (drooling) I’ve got you now, Darling…

Then it began to rain. Ryouga turned back into P-chan and trotted off.

Zebeckras: Nooooo! Why?! Why me?! Why now?!

Mirage: HA HA!

Zebeckras: What the…

Zebeckras looked up to see the Cheshire Cat in a tree above her, holding an odd looking machine.

Mirage: What? Was making it rain the wrong thing to do?

Zebeckras: What’s that?!

Mirage: Geary’s weather machine. I took it when Moze and Karnage were over and busy with him…

Zebeckras: Ewe… wait, YOU made it rain?

Mirage: Yep! Annoying, huh?

Zebeckras: Why you…

Zebeckras throws a rock at Mirage.

Mirage: Why don’t you take it up with the queen?

Zebeckras: A queen?

Mirage: Don’t you know the queen? Oh! You MUST meet the queen!

Zebeckras: How do I find her?

Mirage: Some go this way, some go that way, but… I like the shortcut!

Mirage took out a belt with a rainbow on it, and pressed a button. A rainbow came out of it and went over the stone wall.

Zebeckras: Isn’t that Rainbow Brite’s?

Mirage: Yeah, I like Rainbow Brite, she’s so nice, she’s annoying!

Zebeckras walks over the rainbow and ended up in a maze of white roses.

Splatter: I’m painting the roses black

Yes, painting the roses black

The roses are white

To the queen’s delight

I’ll coat them all in gak

By painting the roses black

Yes, painting the roses black

Zebeckras: Oh pardon me

But hee hee hee

Why must you paint them black?

Splatter: Well, these roses are so mundane. I mean, plain white roses? That is just so bourgeois. And now I will go back, to painting the roses black!

Zebeckras: Well, can I help you?

Splatter: No! This is my artistic endeavor! It is painted precisely to my intricate vision!

Zebeckras: Oh, ok.

Kenny walked into the scene.

Zebeckras: What the heck?!

P-chan runs frantically around the garden and stomps over Kenny, killing him instantly.

Splatter: Oh my God! It killed Kenny! You bastard!

P-chan runs into an outdoor shower, then turns back into Ryouga. He puts on a thong that matches his bandanna and walks out looking ravishing!

Zebeckras: Wowzers! Is it hot in here, or is it me?

Ryouga: Actually, dear, it is hot in here. We’re in the middle of a heat wave! Well, actually, the heat wave has been going on for months now.

Zebeckras: Why is that?

Ryouga: It’s from all the heat radiating off the queen’s head.

Zebeckras: I am sweating an awful lot…

Ryouga: Well, you can change over there behind that screen.

Zebeckras walks over behind the screen and looks at all the clothes. She decides to put on a black tank top and shorts, baring her P-chan tattoo. All the sudden Morgana and Darkwing come back from shopping. Ryouga blows in his horn.

Ryouga: Announcing her Royal Majesty, the Queen of Hearts!

Drums roll and people cheer. The queen rides in on a yak, and floats over to Zebeckras.

Morgana: And who, or what, are you?!?!

Zebeckras: I am Zebeckras.

Darkwing: What’s your name?

Zebeckras: Zebeckras.

Morgana: Then what are you?

Zebeckras: A Zebeckras. My name is also Zebeckras.

Morgana: Do you play croquet?

Zebeckras: Nooooooo…

Morgana: THEN LET THE GAME BEGIN!!!

All the TDA Tarot Cards form little tunnels aligned on the playing ground for the croquet game. Ryouga brings in a case with mallets and croquet balls.

Morgana: What do you think you’re doing?!

Ryouga: Setting up for croquet like you said.

Morgana: You morons! Not here! Over in the pool!

Darkwing: Yeah, you idiots! She wants to play water croquet!

Morgana hops onto a rubber inner-tube with a duck face on it that is floating in the Olympic sized pool. Zebeckras follows, and hops onto an inner-tube with a bunny head. They both shove off holding their croquet mallets high!

Nefferbeth: Me and my big mouth.

Dark Horse: This is all YOUR fault.

Voice from above: Shuttup. You said you wanted to be in the story! And there weren’t many parts left, so you get stuck as the mallets!

Nefferbeth: *grumble* Nate would never do this to me.

A big bolt of lightning comes down and burns Neffie and DH to a crisp.

Zebeckras: Ewwwwwww!!! I’d hate to see who the croquet balls are…

Rescue Rangers: Help us! Help us! Please!

Zebeckras: *blink* Ooookay…

Mirage: Hidy ho everybody! *gasp* A POOL!

Zebeckras: Oh no!

Morgana: Who are you talking to?

Zebeckras: A cat.

Morgana: A cat? Where?

Mirage: Over here, pouring Jell-o into the pool.

‘Twas Mozey ate a slidey toad

with Drake and Gizmo in the way

amoebas in the water hose

and Geary is gay!

Morgana: Don’t turn my pool into pudding!

Mirage: No, it’s Jell-o, it’s bouncy and wiggly, that’s jell-o.

Morgana: You turned my pool into pudding!

Mirage: No, it’s jell-o!

March Feline: Ah! Jell-o!

Mad Mystifier: Swimming time!

Mystie and Feline dive into the jello pool. March Feline is wearing a lavender bikini, and Mad Mystifier is wearing a pink swimsuit with a tutu. A hole appears in the jell-o that seems to come out of nowhere.

Morgana: What is that?

March Feline: Hm? Oh, that’s just Spud.

Mad Mystifier: He just dived in. Spud is invisdible.

Morgana: Look at this! Now my pool is pudding!

Zebeckras: Actually, it’s jell-o…

Morgana: I’ve had enough of this! I’m going to turn you into a yak!

March Feline: No! No! Zebeckras is our friend!

Morgana: All the more reason to turn her into a yak! Isn’t that right, Darkwing?

Morgana looks down at Darkwing, who is staring at March Feline and drooling.

Morgana: ISN’T THAT RIGHT, DARKWING?!

Darkwing: Hm? Oh, well, um…

March Feline: Oh pleeeeeeease? Pleeeeease? With sugar on top?

Morgana: No.

March Feline: Waaaaaaaaaaah!

Mad Mystifier: See what you’ve done? You’re making her cry.

March Feline: WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Darkwing: Don’t you think that she should at least have a trial?

Morgana: Oh fine.

Darkwing walked over to March Feline and puts his arm around her shoulder.

Darkwing: See, it’s going to be okay.

March Feline: *sniff* Thanks, how can I repay you?

Darkwing: Well…

Morgana: DARK!!!

Darkwing: Yes, Morg?

Morgana: If we’re going to have a trial, let’s get it over with!

Everyone goes into court room.

Morgana: First witness.

March Feline walks up to the stand.

March Feline: Well, um, I was…

Darkwing: Don’t be nervous.

March Feline: I was talking to my Auntie Mirage.

Morgana: Do you have any other witnesses?

Darkwing: I saw her! She was standing to the side wearing a little bikini. You looked really cute, too.

March Feline: Well thank you. That’s so sweet…

Darkwing: It’s true.

Morgana: Stop flirting!! Next witness!!

Sassy walks up to the stand.

Morgana: Just tell us what you saw.

Sassy: SAW?! CHAINSAW!!

Sassy sprays everywhere and runs out the door.

Zebeckras: This is so stupid.

Morgana: THAT’S IT!!! YAK!!

Darkwing: One more witness!

Mad Mystifier: I don’t know anything, I’m stupid.

Morgana: You must know something.

Mad Mystifier: Well… hmmm… I think I know something. I think I know about how March Feline and the king are making out in the corner.

Morgana: WHAT?! Stop it!!

Zebeckras: Look! It’s the Cheshire Cat!!

Mirage: Hello! I wonder if Morgana has legs, don’t you?

Zebeckras: Kinda…

Mirage pulls up the queen’s dress to reveal…

Zebeckras: FROG LEGS!!!

Morgana: WHAT?! THAT’S IT!! A YAK!! RIGHT NOW!!

Morgana starts to chase after Zebeckras with her tarot cards following her. Then a bunch of fuzzy little anime animals in lacey underwear and chase after her, too.

Zebeckras: Our mission is clear. Sterilize imperfections. Sterilize. Sterilize. We are a nomad. They wander without purpose and merge.

Morgana: Come on!! Get her!! Slice her head in half!!

Meanwhile in the castle…

Lavender: Oh my king!!

Darkwing: Mmm… Lavender, call me Darkwing.

Lavender: Oh Darkwing! Crown me!!

Back at the chase…

Zebeckras: Help!!! Someone get me OUTTA HERE!

Clouds start raining glitter. Ballroom music plays gently in the background. A pink cloud of smoke appears, and then clears. Aviatrix stands in the mist and glitter wearing a soft pink gown and holding a spatula.

Zebeckras: WOOWW!! Who are you?

Avi: I am Avi, the good witch of the North. I’m here to grant your wish, Zebeckras.

Zebeckras: You’re gonna make Ryouga fall in love with me?

Avi: No, I’m going to help you get home.

Zebeckras: Footsies…

Avi: Pardon?

Zebeckras: Um, your dress has footsies…

Morgana: GET HER!!

Avi: Quick Zebeckras! You need to get home!!

Zebeckras: How?

Avi: Here, put on these ruby footsies and click them together while repeating, "There’s no place like Canada."

Zebeckras: *click* There’s no place like Canada. *click* There’s no place like Canada. *click*

Dan: Zebeckras? What are you talking about?

Zebeckras: Dan? Where am I?

Dan: It’s okay, you’re here with me.

Zebeckras: Oh Dan, I feel so safe with you.

Dan: You’ll feel much better later once I have my Canadian Mountie outfit on.

Zebeckras: Oh Dan!!

THE END

Credits

Alice- Zebeckras

Alice's sister- Kasumi

Diana (Alice's cat)- Ranma

White Rabbit- P-chan

Door- Quackerjack (who better to play a knob?)

Dodo- Fenton

Tweedle Dumb- Chris

Tweedle Dumber- Geary

Walrus- Mozenrath

Carpenter- Aladdin

Oysters- Chaos Sisters

Oyster Mother- Mirage

Bill (the lizard)- Camille

Flowers- Mozekateers

The Rose- Head Mozekateer (Wendy)

Caterpillar- Lar

Cheshire Cat- Mirage

March Feline- Lavender Feline

Mad Mystifier- Mystie

Skunk (Mouse in movie)- Sassy

Spud- Spud

Spew- Spew

Spud’s extended family- Spud’s extended family

Splatter (painting card in movie)- Splatter Phoenix

Kenny- Kenny

Playing Cards- TDA tarot Cards

Croquet balls- Rescue Rangers

Queen of Hearts- Morgana

King of Hearts- Darkwing Duck

Good Witch of the North- Aviatrix

Disclaimer

All Disney characters are owned by a guy who is now frozen in time like Han Solo.

All "real" people are owned by themselves. Please do not copy or distribute them, without permission.

Kenny is owned by those people that do South Park.

Rumiko Takahashi is a cool person from whom we borrowed a few characters and ideas but only "with the most respect," but we wouldn’t go making them gay or anything.

The story and plot is owned by the Schizos (Mystie and Lavender) and if you try to take it, we’ll TELL YOUR MOMMY ON YOU!

These songs, and other TERRIFIC parodies, are available from Schizo studios! If you are interested, please mail us at MystieMei@aol.com or ryosato@magicgirl.com  for further information.