Momma told you not to cum!

LIFESTYLES OF THE DRUGGED AND HOMELESS

1. ED THE CREEP
2. HURTIN'
3. LINGERIE DREAMS
4. TOKYO
5. READY TO DROP
6. DANCIN' QUEEN
7. BE NICE DON'T BE MEAN
8. PRO CHOICE (LIFE IS MURDER)
9. VIETNAMBLA
10. MEXICO
11. SPEEDO
12. PRINT YOUR OWN DAMN SINGLE COVERS
13. TOBY THE NEUTER
14. WET MY BED BOO BOO
15. LOVE IS LIKE OXYGEN
16. PRETTY FLOWERS
17. FUCKEMOS SMOKE CIGARETTES
+3 EXCITING BONUS TRACKS

FUCKEMOS Can Kill You

1. THE SCREAMS OF THE WILD WOMEN
2. DO YOU WANNA DANCE?
3. I CAN'T SMELL JOSEPPI
4. 2 PUNK 2 FUCK
5. WORK
6. 80 GAY SAILORS
7. BERLIN .45
8. YOUR LIES
9. FUCK EMOS
10. PUTRID HUMAN WASTE
11. PEDOPHILE
12. OPUS RUSS
13. FUCK EMOS PLAY AT PARTIES

Re-released cover looks like this:

HI, WHAT STUPID BAND ARE YOU IN?

now titled "Black Helicopters"

1. BLACK HELICOPTERS
2. FRANK'S BICYCLE
3. ROCKSTAR
4. MY FACE YOUR BUTT
5. BARF BABY
6. THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND
7. PLEASE POLICE ME
8. BE NICE DON'T BE MEAN
9. TURN TO STONE
10. WHALE
11. I GOTTA GO
12. PUSSIES RIDE IN PLANES
13. WHITE SUNSHINE

Re-released cover looks like this:

1. CELEBRATION
2. LOVE 40
3. WIMPY BAND
4. LESLIE ANN
5. SMOKE
6. WHO IS MY SHMAN
7. VAGUE & MYSTERIOUS
8. NEW MEXICO
9. BIRDIES
10. BLADDER CONTROL
11. WOOLLY MAMMOTH
12. BIRDIES (REPRISE)

SINGLES & 45'S

FUCK EMOS/Chaindrive split 45 ("Let's Get It On" / "Berlin .45")

FUCK EMOS "Conspiracy" 45 (single sided) 1500 pressed ("Conspirscy" + "Mexico")

FUCK EMOS/Motards split 45 ("The Eastern Side" / "The Cavity")




FUCK EMOS/Cherubs split 45 on Trance Sydnicate Records ("Do You Wanna Dance?" / "Candy")

FUCK EMOS/Cherubs split 45 "CREAM CHEESE" on Unclean Records
("Shooo Fly / DYAWANNADANC")

THE BEGINNING OF THE END AGAIN Various Artists CD FUCKEMOS - "Shoofly" The Fuckemos cover this Cherubs classic from a split single released in July 1994. Multi-layered sludge that weaves about with the dark, carnival abandon of a teenage drunk driver who can't get laid.

I think they're on this too, even though it's not listed on the front.

Track Listing
1. Beating Around the Bush (Chapstik)
2. Back in Black (Upper Crust)
3. High Voltage (Electric Frankenstein)
4. Rocker (REO Speedealer)
5. Whole Lotta Rosie (Ironboss)
6. Downpayment Blues (Zeke)
7. Big Balls (The Dwarves)
8. Dog Eat Dog (Chrome Cranks)
9. Dirty Deeds (Honky)
10. Rock and Roll Singer (Supersuckers)
11. Girl's Got Rhythm (Lollipop)
12. Riff Raff (Voltage)
13. Thunderstruck (Fuckemos)

The Fuck Emos Biographys

Tales From Planet Rohypnol

 

by Kelly Petrash
 
 

Once upon a time there was a band called Warthog. Ed played guitar, Joseppi played bass, and Rusty played drums and sang. They were a very special band. In fact, they were so special that they were the first band ever to play at the Cavity Club, some three years ago. Then, Rusty quit playing drums so he could sing full time (eventually picking up keyboards and trombone), and was replaced with Cheezy Sean Pea. One day, Rusty got kicked out of Emo's by a big bad bouncer. That was the day Warthog became the Fuck Emos.
 
 

"Glad to meet you - you're dynomite. We are evil, but we're bein' nice tonight."

- "Be Nice, Don't Be Mean"
 
 

Today, the Fuck Emos have come a long way from their Cavity days - a trip that several bass players didn't endure ("some quitting for health reasons, some getting kicked out for health reasons," says Rusty) until Mike Belyea took the position. Now, they've been asked to open for the Melvins at Electric Lounge, only there seem to be a few snags. Drummer Sean shows me a large red swelling on his hand. "See that?" he asks. Yeah, what is that? "That's the bone all stuck out - it's broken." Are you still gonna play tonight? "Oh yeah, of course."

 So what doesn't kill or maim a Fuck Emo only seems to make them stronger. That night they plow through a set complete with strobes, Rusty's signature Satan-on-Rohypnol vocals, and party favors for the crowd; in this case a large collection of empty porn video boxes that will be continuously batted around until the majority of them end up back on stage, leaving the band knee-deep in porn. Tiny tokens of encouragement in pill form are passed up to the stage where an already hood-eyed Rusty laments, "Someone's gonna have to carry me out of here. You [management] guys aren't gonna kick me out after we quit playing are you? No, you wouldn't do that - you guys like us."

 As does the crowd. Over the past three years, the Fuck Emos have built a following of very loyal and enthusiastic fans. "I first saw them play at this party," says Rise Records' Craig Koon. "And it was the most amazing thing. There's Russell, cool as a cucumber, singing songs about pedophilia and extreme violence while the people in the audience are going nuts, singing along with every word. That's when I thought `this is genius,' and decided to put out the record." That CD, Fuck Emos Can Kill You was put together from two self-released tapes Fuck Emos I and II that had been circulating around town for some time. As for why the band began to gather a following, Rusty can only guess. "People are evil, but they like to sing along to our songs, so that's cool." If reasons for a band's appeal somehow escapes its members, then it stands to reason one must take the question to the people.

TOP FIVE REASONS WHY PEOPLE LIKE FUCK EMOS:

1) "They can take more pills than me and still play."

 2) "Sean's tattoos."

 3) "They are all bigger freaks than I could ever hope to be."

 4) "Those crazy vocals."

 5) "They rock!"
 
 

Following the release of Fuck Emos Can Kill You , other releases followed: a split single with Chaindrive on 6-inch Doylie, a second full-length CD Lifestyles of the Drugged and Homeless on Lindsey Kuhn's No Lie Music, and most recently a split single with the Motards on local label Little Deputy Records. Following the single's release, the two bands embarked on a Midwest tour and return two weeks later "broke, because all of our money was stolen, but no arrests." All releases contain a particular sound that has neither evolved nor devolved over time, but is distinct nonetheless: It's the drone and punch of heavy metal riffs broken up by bursts of trombone - basically metal made by those who take too many pills for those who take too many pills about those who take too many pills. Backed by a solid beat, the Fuck Emos will continue to play to those who heed their call, and their numbers here in town and elsewhere are growing....

 So, after they saved the princess from the ivory tower, the Fuck Emos played and played. They played in kingdoms near and far. As for Rusty, after their tour he went off on a short journey to his parent's village. Ed also takes a pilgrimage for the summer months to the Western Coastal area. Mike's health for the present is still robust and healthy. Sean has recently passed a kidney stone that was ailing him. And they all lived happily ever after... Until their next
gig, that is. n

---

 

NEWS!!!Apparantly, the editers of the highly respected HUSTLER magazine felt that the FUCK EMOS were just a bit too much for them to print their interview. What's the world cuming to!?!?
Here is the last minute disapproval letter:

>...
>well, first of all, you have the distinction of having only the second
>article to be shitcanned by the executives upstairs. the first being an
>article on bestiality, yours being an interview with the fuckemos. i guess
>there was just one too many drug references for their liking (which happens
>to be only one, if they catch it, and in your case they did). usually we
>just try and sneak these things by them, but they've been fixating on our
>distribution numbers of late and lay blame on sex and drug references for
>our problems. and, in most cases, this is the case. but alas, they caught
>this one before the issue went to press. alas, alas, we do not offer a kill
>fee. in fact, the only thing you can take to bed with you tonight is the
>knowledge that you had an article that was too naughty for a larry flynt
>publication. go figure.
>...
>i think i sent you some mags. didn't you receive them yet?
>...
>oh, so in the future, if you still want to work with big highlights
>magazine, try and tone down the overt drug and sex stuff, one or two are
>okay, but anymore than that and i gotta start whacking the shit out of your
>interviews with my delete key. sorry.
>...
>speaking of sex articles, that would probably include the piece on mopper
>uppers. also, we don't do fiction pieces. strictly non-fiction, legit
>interviews and stories. no fantasy, only reality. (sounds like a bad
>tagline for something...)
>...
>sean

---

There's an article in Thorazine on the FUCKEMOS, but I don't have it. Anyone wanna send it to me so I can put it up? I'll be your best friend....

---

Pics-N-Shit
Communist flyer
Judas FUCKEMOS Priest
FUCKEMOS cheerleader!!!
ET's a fan
Nixon's a fan
Hitler's gay side
Another flyer
Yet another flyer

Old as hell group photo
Russell the Rockstar
Ed's beer belly
Old as hell live shot
Sean falling asleep in back of the van
Russell with bird and rockstar sunglasses!!!
Russell Halloween '94
Blue Flamingo
ED the Creep
Fuckemos give me a ride
K

---

ED THE CREEP
Tonight, we write, this could be out greatest hit. It sounds, like shit, but thats the way you like it baby. Ressell just took tweenty valium. Mike and Sean are still asleep, oh no. He's heading right this was, it's... Ed the Creep. Ed the Tree, Ed the Tree. Yeah he's a tree, tree. A creepy creepy tree, tree. A creepy creepy tree, tree. He's super creepy oww... Do do do as the end of another show. We got cut off, and they say that we've got to go. Eva has had enough of our shit. Justin's really mad at me.I've been kicked out on the streets, fucked up beyond belief with Ed the Tree...

Hurtin
I said I love you you said eat me. Then you kicked me and you beat me. My blood is dripping from the ceiling. This time you really hurt my feelings. If I say I'm hurtin' If Imy blood is spurtin. If I'm barely clinging on to life. You call me mean names when I'm feelin' down. Club me in the head when I'm on the ground. Shoot me Shock me Stab be with a knife. A spike of your heal is stuck in my back, can't kiss you goodbye with your fist up my ass, you put your cigaarette out on my forehead, that's how I know you really need me. If blah blah I'm hurtin... If my blah blah spurtin, If I'm barely clinging on to life, will you visit my bones wherever they lie. Kiss my fucking ass goodbye. Hurt me one more time before I die.

Vietnambla
Trapped in the Nam with the viet cong never goin' home. Layin' low when the zips are in the wire theres another man dead get a body bad must've caught a frag from the masdirected friendly mortar fire life is hard, hardly livin' when your dyin' unforgiven killin' women and children makin' me a broken soul I gotta bad bad feelin that I'm never ever leavin it's a flashback incoming fire in the hole grunts in the jungle recow patrol lost in the bush in a bombing zone hope I make it back with something for the girls back home three clicks and a claymore trapped in the Nam never goin' home time to rockn'roll lock and load charlies gonna probe the line and the LT. Bought it on the LZ caught in the head when he stumbled on a gook trip wire tunnel rats check the bunker they wuz just here it's a booby trap hit the deck anti-personel mine saw my buddy get wasted both his arms desentedgrated his legs were in the trees and his head was on fire he was seventeen I was nineteen don't know the game but he prayed that he'd make it home a hug then the next thing we know mother fucker blew it screaming out to god I noticed that his guts were hangin' out his side. I tried to help yell medic, think he's had it can't forget the pictures that he'd shown me of his parents and his wife. Just a soldier killed in action he was sent here by his nation he payed the greatest price for his country with his life grunts in the jungle Recon Patrol lost in the bush in a bombing zone point mans hit getto-medibac cheese dick they'll patch him up then hell get a ticket back to the world Landin' on rice paddy choppers taken hits, this is war and I'm stuck in the middle of it. Leeches and snake take a heavy toll the stars shine above as the Nam screams below...

Pretty Flowers
Lets go inside now It smells like rain It such a shame it was a bieutiful day, pretty flowers looks like the storm might be headin' this way we'll light some candles then we can conjure up some evil power I do it all the time so don't be afraid I'll make 'em come then I'll send them away. ain't got no beer so they won't wanna stay, hay let's be bad, I'm glad that you stayed I hope the demons want to come out and play

Be Nice, Don't Be Bean
GLAD TO MEET YOU - YOUR DYNOMITE WE ARE EVIL BUT WE'RE BEIN NICE TONIGH, YEAH SURE WERE FUCKED UP BUT ITS ALRIGHT, LETS BE BUDDIES, LETS NOT FIGHT... SOMETIMES WE MAKE SOME PEOPLE MAD, I THINK OF ALL THE GOOD TIMES WHEN WE MIGHT HAVE BEEN REAL BAD OH YEAH, WERE SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR FLOOR DIDN'T MEAN TO WRITE THAT SICK GRAFFITI ON THE BATHROOM DOOR, SOMETIMES WE MAKE THE SOUNDGUY MAD, HE GETS SO VERY ANGRY AND IT MAKES ME REALLY SAD.... NICE DON'T BE MEAN WHEN YOUR PISSIN' PEOPLE OFF YOU KNOW YOUR ON A LOSIN' TEAM, JUST BE NICE DON'T BE EVIL, DON'T BE MEAN. IT'S REALLY VERY DARD TO HOLD MY FEELINGS BACK YOU SEE i'VE TAKEN MANY PILLS HERE AND i WANT TO KICK YOUR ASS. SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME FEEL REAL GLAD TO WITNESS ALL THE TROUBLE THAT WE CAUSE ...

PRO CHOICE
THE WHITE DEBBIL WANTS TO PLAY GE GONNA TAKE YOU RIGHTS AWAY FROM YOU... TO DESTROY AN UNBORN FETUS THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAT A PERSON COULD DO... LIKE POKE YOU IN THE EYE OR STAB YOU IN THE BACK THEY FILL THE AIR WITH GERM WARFARE AND SPIKE THE JUNKIES SMACK IT'S NO CHOICE, NO CHOICE, NO CHOICE TINY LITTLE BABY PARTS PILED UP 3 FEET HIGH IN A ROOM SHOVELED IN A BUCKET THEYLL BE HEADED FOR THE DUMPSTER REAL SOON... IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER WHAT THE FUCKIN' CHRISTIANS SAY THE PROBLEMS NOT ABORTION PEOPLE DIE HERE EVERY DAY ANYWAY NO CHOICE PRO CHOICE LIFE IS MURDER CHOICE CHOICE LIFE IS MURDER CHOICE CHOICE KILL A TODDLER

READY TO DROP
yOU LOOK SO YUMMMY WITH THAT BABY IN YOUR TUMMY IT MAY SEEM KINDA FUNNY BUT I THINK YOUR REALLY HOT... I JUST CAN'T STOP YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COULD POP. I GOT A THING FOR YOU CUZ YOUR READY TO DROP DROP IM A PREGNANT WOMAN FIEND I LIKE TO FUCKEM WHEN THEIR BUSTIN AT THE SEAMS I NEED YOUR LOVIN... BUN IN THE OVEN. IN YOUR CONDITION MAMA YOUR THE ONE FOR ME

LINGERIE DREAMS
Black satin nitie. A pair of sexy red panties. The girls are waiting, they're on the couch watching T.V. Look thru the peephole, there are two people I can see... The girl is dancin' the guy is playing with his thing. Lingerie dreams... in a hot summer night... I know I'm gonna be alrightif I see my baby tonight... Transparent teddies, some crotchless edible undies. I wear them daily, they make me feel so wild and free. Look thru the peephole, there are two people one is me.

The Screams
The screams of the wild women echo thru the valley of death, as dawns approaching light reveals the body parts lyin' all around my bed... well you gave me your love and i repped it apart i severed your limbs and i cut out your heart, now i eat the bloody sheets sweaty, sweaty sex sweat runnin down my leg, sweaty, sweaty sex sweat runnin down my head... pussy photos pussy photos... make me really hot the screams!

I Can't Smell Josseppi
I Can't smell josseppi anymore. Have you seen josseppi, cause I can't smell him anymore. I can't smellem' I can't see where the heck is josseppi. I can't seem' I can't smellem' where's josseppi there's no tellin'

Do You wanna Dance
say baby do you wanna ddance tonight... when I saw you from across the dance floor gee it felt so good to be alive, your eyes were lookin into mine and I knew from that moment on that I could take a chance that I could make you mine... the sky is wonderous and blue, the beez are buzzin' round the flowers are in bloom, i feeel like singin' songs to you, together we cna dance forever we can take that chance and start a brabe new world... say baby do you wanna come over 2-nite we could get drunk and if you pass out early i could get me some tonite, yeah

2 Punk to Fuck
this girl came up and started talking to me might be a groupie i don't know well she said that she wanted to hear my demo i said girl meet me backstage after the show she said its late at night and i'm really tired so i said lets go to my place and do some go-fast...whoa... oh, shes the girl for me... well it was later that nite & we went for a drive, i had my haair spiked up really high, they say my haaicut is a thing of the past, and my erections never last 'cuz I'm 2 punk 2 punk 2 fuck i like to party, i like to get down, i like to pogo to the punk rock sound call me a retro say i'm stuck in the past but I'm really nuthin' more than a big fuckin asshole who's 2 punk 2 punk to...

WORK
we must work for 2 more days we must work for 2 more days we can't word for heterosexuals we must work for gays we must wrk, & wrk & wrk for 2 more days, & work & work & work for fucking gays...

Berlin .45
germany, ww2 the battles almost over, the nazis R thru... down in the bunker, w\blondie the dog the fuhrers mad and he might try suicide... oh no they'll never take him alive, the russians better hurry if they want to capture hitler in time.. it was the end of so much pain, down in the bunker lie the charred remains of adolf, blondie and eba vraun... some people say they got away and bought a house in south america....

Your Lies
mothers, tell your children, children tell your friends... that we're not one of those pussy ass & dipshit trendy fuck alternative bands... I ain't got time or desire in my miserable life to think about lovin' u i'm still sittin in the gutter where you left me cryin' and now I can't fuck like I used to... you told me that you'd callbut you were lyin' so you could be with that other band... your lies.... I was drink, ddrink, drinkin'at the club on a saturday night.... i gazed upon the stage, oh man it was a pitiful sight... it was one of those pussy ass and dipshit trendy fuck alternative bands, we're screamin', cuz were steamin' u pissed us off, we gonna look for a show somewhere else... u fuckface... u'r lies...

FUCK EMOS
I took a but to the other side of town it kinda sux, but its the way i get around can't find no pot.. though I've searched high and low, and I can't sleep so baby please don't go... cuz I'm a ... FUCK... EMO... fuck... 2001 if u don't like the fuckemos get the heck out of here, if u don't we're gonna kick your ass and ddrink all your been & the police won't do a thing while we are beating on you cuz they're a bunch of pussies who're afraid of the fuckemos too...

Putrid Human Waste
enter this forbidden place the wretched stench that foul taste... playground for the demon slaves who eat the putrid human waste, the torture lasts for endless days inverted crosses mark the graves, souls once lost can now be found, benaeath the black unhallowed ground ooh noo. ooh yeah well i was lost in this eternal maze the torch of hades lights the way, a victim of your sheltered past, the time has come to breathe you last.. the putrid waste has now  replace the hope for humans to escape, as angels sing in satan praise all men are doomed as hell is raised.. ho no.. oh yea... man made the bed in which we lie, our only recourse is to die, another lesson we now learn but it's too late for now we burn...

Pedophille
I know theres somethin' about you baby, I think you got what I need... ya wanna go for a ride in my car, I've got a strong urge to speed... I picked you up in a parking lot, when you were only 4 years old. I showed you places you'd never been. told you stories that your mother never told luvin' you may be a crime... I'll take the risk of doin' time. pre-pubescent luv defiled... pedophile. do you like candy get into my car and I'll make you the star of my movie... come to my house and i'll give you a twinkie...

OPUS RUSS
I wake to the mornigh can't help but cry. I miss you so much I wonder why. feel so alone cuz your not by my side, so far away, but in my mind your still alive... i want to be happy again god knows I've tried. the emptiness tears me apart emotions i can't hide. i feel so alone cuz your not by my side i loved you so much... so why'd you have to go and die!!!

click to see:
(will open in new window)

I Gotta Go
Love 40
Whale

Kool, here's new lyrics for new album, even though you aint heard it yet:

THE BRILLIANT LYRICS BOOK ……………

SOMETHING STINKY THIS WAY COMES

ITS LIKE A BAD SONG THAT NEVER ENDS , A HOTT TUB WITH SOME GOOD FRIENDS ,A LOVE CONNECTION WHO’S NO FUN ON THE DATE ,I’D APOLOGIZE BUTT ITS MUCH TOO LATE………………PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY SOMETHING STINKY THIS WAY COMES…………….PARTY PARTY PARTY ………………………………

TOSS’T SALAD

CUZ BABY ITS BEEN HOURS SINCE I TOSSED A SALAD ,MAYBE ITS BEEN HOURS SINCE I TOSSED A SALAD , THE MURDERERS AND RAPISTS LIKE A TONGUE THAT’S PHALIC WHEN THEIR DOING 99 YEARS TO LIFE

AMPUTEEN lyrical content courtesy of ed

I’m sick of your face I’m sick of making love, I’m sick of this trailer I’m sick of your stumps…can’;t drive a caR CAN’T FLY A PLANE , CAN’T RUN A MARATHON WITHOUT NO LEGS……….SWINGIN IN THE HOT TUB FLOATIN’ ON YOUR HOTT STUMPS layin’ on the carpet AMPUteen……

I know something that you might ..just like to do.

I know something that you just might like to do…..AIRSHOW (they are coming)…AIRSHOW (they’ll be bombing)..AIRSHOW ..AIRSHOW

I KNOW SOMETHING that you might judt like to do

KLEPTO MANIAC