This
picture above speaks for itself.
On
August 30th, 1995 I delivered my 2nd healthy, happy child and baby boy.
He weighed 5 lbs, 13 oz, and was 5 weeks early. I named him Zachary Micheal
Wylie. Then, my husband at the time and I decided we only wanted
2 children, and now that we had them, I'd get my tubes tied. So that same
day, I had a tubal ligation performed. Zach was the apple of our eye. A
very happy child!
His big brother Alex thought Zach was the neatest thing ever! He showed his little brother off to everybody! They were best friends. Unseperatable! My family was complete. Then it happened. Next, you will read my story of the worse night in my life.
Zachary Micheal Wylie!! Here, he is 4 months old. He looks so goofy with his eyes crossed HA HA!
“Zach’s not breathing! Mom, Dad, HELP! Zach’s not breathing!” I never thought I’d be saying those words April 27th, 1996. The day started out very much like every day. I played with my two little boys in the morning and got ready for work in the afternoon. Alex, my oldest son, was pushing little Zach in his walker while I got dressed. Zachary seemed pretty tired so I decided to lay him down for a nap around 1:00 p.m. He quickly fell asleep, and I finished getting ready. Alex sat and put my work boots on and said, “Mommy, now I can go to work with you because I got boots like you!” Smiling, I told him he had to stay home with Mom Mom and Pop Pop (My parents) and that I would come home while he was sleeping.
3:00 p.m. came around and I had to get to work. The 3:30 p.m. to 1:30 am shift at Angus was wearing me down, but until my husband at the time finished his last couple of weeks in the Army, I had to work these hours so we could pay our bills. I hated not getting to spend as much time that I wanted to with my boys, but my parents were good babysitters, and had fun with the kids. I never had to worry about them when I was gone. I gave Alex a kiss goodbye, and told him to be good. He said he would and ran to go play. Zach was still napping, so I bent down and gave him a kiss and whispered, “You be good too. Remember Mommy loves you, and I will see you when I get home.” I never knew that would be the last thing I said to him while he was still alive.
My lunch break was at 9:00p.m., and I called home to see how things were going. My mom said Zach laid down about ah hour ago, and Alex was getting ready to go to bed in a few minutes. Both the boys were really good for her, and Zach was very tired so fell asleep quick. She mentioned that Zach was so tired, that he was almost in a daze. I got of the phone and went back to work.I clocked out of work and went home at 1:30 a.m. As usual, I was pretty tired. I sat and relaxed on the couch for a few minutes before I called my husband in Texas. That was the only time I had peace and quite. Everybody was asleep since it was 2:00 a.m. My husband at the time had 24-hour duty that night, so I knew he would be up. We talked about 45 minutes, and he kept telling me not to tell him all the things Zach could do now. Alex, Zach and I moved up here to South Dakota the beginning of March 1996, so I could get things set up for when my husband got out of the Army. Zach was only 6 months old when we moved here, and at the time could only roll over. Now at 7 months, 27 days old, he ws crawling, pulling himself up, walking around furniture, and saying “Mama”. My husband was so excited to see all of this. The last thing we talked about on the phone that night was making sure we kept caught up on the children’s life insurance policies.
After I hung up the phone, I layed all the things out I would use in the morning for Alex and Zach. Their clothes, made more formula for Zach, got cereal ready for Alex ect…
Christmas for Zach and Alex. (1995) Zachary don't look that happy, but Alex is sure haveing a blast! Those two were honestly best friends!
It was about 3:15 a.m. when I finally went up to bed. I had to pass the room Zach slept in to go to my room, so I always checked him first. He usually kicked the blankets off, so I would have to cover him up again all the time. For some reason I turned the light on to check him this night. I usually didn’t turn it on because Zach was a light sleeper, and didn’t want to wake him. But something MADE me turn it on. As I looked in on him, he was lying on his belly with half of him covered, and the other half not. I put my hand on his back to make sure he was breathing like I always have done with both of my boys. I coulnd’t feel his little chest moving. I shook him a little thinking that would make him squirm… No response. Starting to panic, I quick picked him up and turned him over…. BLUE!!!! I ran down stairs with him in my arms screaming as loud as I could, “Zach’s not breathing! Mom, Dad HELP! Zach’s not breathing!” My parents ran out of their bedroom, and my mom grabbed Zach and started CPR as I called 911. My father started panicking and just ran around in circles.
During all the commotion, Alex had awoken, came down stairs, grabbed a bag of chips off the table, and sat on the couch and watched. He remembers everything from that night.My parents lived in the country, and a mile from the highway, so I was told to wait by the highway, so the ambulance could know exactly where to go. It seemed like I sat there for hours, but in reality was only about 10 minutes. I sat in this car and screamed for my son. I realized that no one could hear me, so I stopped. The silence was the worse, so I just started screaming again! The ambulance came, along with the sheriff, and I pointed what way to go to the house. The Sheriff told me to get in with him, and he would drive me to the hospital. I wanted to go in the ambulance but was told I would just be in the way. My father came along with me, and my mother stayed with Alex till the neighbor was able to come and take them.
Zach in the bath. He loved to splash! Usually, I'M the one that got wetter than he did!
The ride to the hospital only takes 15 min, but it seemed like hours that night. I begged the Sheriff to drive faster. I remember my Dad started getting sick in the back seat, and I tried to tell him everything was going to be ok. I guess I was trying to convince myself too. I hear other parents that lost a child say that they knew in their hearts that their child was already gone, but for me I was the opposite. I thought for SURE that Zach was fine. He had to be!
When we got there, we were escorted to the waiting room. I tried calling my brother and his wife. All I got was the answering machine. I remember SCREAMING in the machine for them to wake up and answer the phone! I thought they were still just sleeping. I called back and screamed some more. I guess my Mom had called them right away after we left, and my brother and his wife showed up a few minutes later. When the Doctor finally came out, he showed us to a private room, shook my hand, and said so quickly and bluntly, “I’m sorry, but we could not save your little boy.”
I don’t remember much after that, just bits and pieces. I remember just screaming, and my father yelling at the Doctor, “No! You fix him! He’s not dead, you get back in there and fix him!” My brother was trying to hold me, but I kept pushing him away and kept screaming.I do remember when I finally had the chance to go see Zach. A nurse took me in the Emergency room, and to where Zach was. He had these IV’s in him, a tube in his mouth, only his diaper on, and just so blue. I was afraid to hold him, worried I would hurt him. I wish more than anything that I would have held him. I remember Zach’s eyes were open a little, and I asked the Doctor to close them for me. He tried, but still, Zach’s eyes were still partly open. I told the Doctor I didn’t want any of the other family members to come back to see Zach. I didn’t want their last memories of my son to be so gruesome. I came out of the room, and saw the nurses tending to my father. He was going in to shock and had collapsed.
After the police asked all their questions, and the nurses received the information on how to contact my husband, the preacher drove my parents and I back to the house. I don’t really remember my Mother and other son even showing up at the hospital. I was just hoping it was all a bad dream, and I was going to wake up from it. It never happened though.
My husband flew home that day, and we did everything we had to do in a daze. The autopsy reported the death as a SIDS death. That just made everything harder because we will never know why our child died. We miss him so much, but the only thing we could do is live with what has happened.
Here is Alex (Zach's big brother), Zachary and their father on Christmas 1995. This is the only Christmas that we got to celebrate with little Zachary. It was the best! I miss him more than anyone will ever know.
Since then, the boy’s father and I have divorced, and have no contact. I now focus my life on Alex, and not take one day for granted with him. He may be a little on the spoiled side, but that’s fine with me. I never want to regret not giving him something just in case that anything ever happens to him too. I know first hand that a child’s life can be taken at any moment. I miss my son.
I have
since remarried, and my husband and I have recently just raised the money
for a tubal reversal, and I had that done May 20th of 1999.
He has no children of his own. I'm really scared to have another child
but obsess over it also. I'm so excited, but not sure how I will react
when I see the positive on a pregnancy test again. I have not dealt with
Zach's death well at all. There is no one here in South Dakota to really
talk to and everyone is afraid to mention Zach. So I deal with it myself.
The pain for me has not lessened any. Some days I barely make it through.
But the Lord is helping me every step of the way. I know he's now in the
Lords hands.
Zach
the day we buried him. He looked so peaceful. If I could only turn back
time.
To
see another site for Zach, you can go to:
Zach's
Memorial Page!
And to see some other Angels... Click the Poo Picture below!
