TONY DANZA:
WHAT'S HE GOOD FOR?

THIS WEEK: TONY VS. JEFFREY JONES

Sometimes I just go to Yahoo! or AltaVista and type in my name and see what comes up. The other day I decided to spice things up a bit and look for someone else - and who else but Tony Danza? To my surprise (and dismay), there were but a few crappy webpages devoted to this fine thespian and great citizen of the world. Instantly I knew this deplorable situation had to be fixed immediately. I mean, what if poor Tony were to look himself up on AltaVista? Everybody needs to think they're somebody important, even Tony Danza. That's why this page is here.

There are all sorts of crappy pages out there comparing celebrities at various things and they all pretty much suck. Each one has some gimmick, like "Battle of the TV Judges" or "Mr. T vs. Anybody", so I decided that this page would keep away from such tripe and provide you, the internet viewer, with only the finest analysis of Tony Danza as a human being. And so, every week or so, I'll match Tony Danza up with another celebrity to see how he rates at performing a variety of tasks. Let me warn you, I won't hold any punches when it comes to evaluating Tony or his competitors. America deserves an honest look at Tony Danza and his worth to contemporary society. I hope that this page will serve not only as mindless entertainment for the masses, but also as a foundation upon which an objective look at the concepts of self-worth and sitcom actors can be built. I am proud to be your humble guide on this great journey of discovery and exploration.

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So just who created this wackiness? Click here to find out.